Day Four, Night
Alexandria Tarsus, District 1, 15
"I seriously can't believe they've given us a stupid book," I said as we threw ourselves onto a comfortable sofa. The warmth of a nearby fire hit us, illuminating our space comfortably. Well, for me it was pretty uncomfortable, considering I got a more clear glimpse of Nate's wound in the light: it was deep, and the blood that leaked from it was way more dark than I think blood was supposed to be. I seriously hoped sponsors came to us soon before anything awful happened.
"We haven't read the book," Nate reassured me as we threw ourselves down. I saw relief cross his face now he no longer had to exert his weight onto the ground. Looked like his injury was hurting him more than he let on. I tried smiling at him, but couldn't help but regard him suspiciously. I still couldn't help but wonder what secret he was hiding from me. "Open it."
"It's going to be the same stupid language that all the other books are in," I grumbled, flipping through the first page. "And voila, we have a page scribbled with gobbledegook," I squinted at the page, confused. "But the word voila is actually in here."
"An English word?" Nate said, looking at the page. "Maybe there is hope!"
Yeah. You better hope there is, considering your leg looked as if it needed to become a stub and I didn't know what to think of you.
Damn Lexie. Stop it with the borderline aggressive thoughts. "If I have to spend all night reading through this, I will. The Gamemakers aren't sending an extremely deadly mutt and a puzzle out there for a book which is as useless as any other," I tried to reassure myself, flicking the next page. "C'mon, Gamemakers, Luster, just give me something."
I paused when I looked at the next page - there weren't many words. But words were dotted around, almost listed, with the pronunciation of them in brackets beside them. Underneath said words were illustrations of hand movements. It seemed really odd, actually. Nate seemed to think something was strange about it too, because he yanked it off my lap and glanced at me.
"What the..." He paused. "What's that?"
"A sign language dictionary?" I joked.
"I think you're supposed to act it out," Nate eventually concluded after a pause. I turned to him and snorted.
"Look, Nate, I'm a very open minded girl," I grinned, dragging the book back into my own lap and closing it over. "Karma, god, chi, potions, ghosts, aliens... I'm kind of open to that. I'm open to a lot of stuff. What I'm not open to is waving your hands and making a rabbit conjure itself out of a hat," I rolled my eyes. "As much as I'd like to believe it, magic isn't real."
"You never know..."
I rolled my eyes, blowing a strand of hair which suddenly obstructed my vision to the side. "Don't try that with me. I used to say you never know until I realised that bad stuff happens, now I do know," as if we were playing tug of war, I dragged the book back onto my lap. "Now I know magic belongs in fairytale books with the happily ever afters and Prince Charmings."
"Hey, you've met your Prince Charming," Nate teased.
I slapped his knee and he chuckled, but my mind was on someone else, someone I barely had time to think about while I spent days lamenting the loss of my life and family. Matthias, the guy who I'd always shared a turbulent relationship with. We'd been flirting and arguing for years, and I kind of assumed that we would naturally get together one day. I always knew deep inside that Matthias was my Prince Charming. But that wasn't to be considering the Games had decided that the end of my story was near, unless I survived by some miracle. I missed him terribly.
"What's up?" Nate asked, detecting something. He was always on tenterhooks now he needed my complete trust.
"Nothing," I said, hoarsely. I don't think it convinced Nate... Maybe he knew that when a girl said nothing was up, that meant everything was collapsing around us.
"Look," he tugged the book away from me again, turning it back to the page that it was previously on. "I agree with you that magic and voodoo doesn't exist, but this is the Gamemakers we're talking about. In the Games before last they threw in 'magical' gems, but those gems were just technological pinnacles. What if this is also a technological pinnacle, a gimmick the Gamemakers have created to help us win?"
"I'm doubtful," I said.
"Just try it."
"Why don't you, if you're so assured that these stupid words are going to save our lives."
Nate pursed his lips, which must have been some weird tribal way of accepting the challenge. He inspected one of the words and the pronunciation for a few seconds, and I almost smirked when I noticed he was waving his hand forward in a very specific manner, ensuring that he was following the instructions that were given to him. Eventually, he decided to try his luck:
"Explosion," he said, emphasising the ending of the word in a way that made it different to the English pronunciation.
I almost jumped back at the unexpected effect: a coffee table which was only metres ahead seemed to just combust. There was no clear source of the destruction, but it happened. One second it was there, and the next it jumped apart into thousands of broken pieces while a bone-jumping noise and smoke seeped the spot where it once was. I couldn't help but looked terrified while smoulders slowly choked themselves into wisps of smoke.
"What the..." I stood up, not quite believing my eyes. Nate glanced at me, surprised himself.
"How about you try the next one..." He said, unsurely.
Carlie Compton, District 10, 17
"Why does he do it?" Jared asked as I stroked his horse's head. I glanced at him.
"Do what?"
"Control every aspect of your life," Jared said. "Tell you how to dress, how to act, what to love, what to do with yourself in the future, who you even marry for Panem's sake! Nobody should control your life to that extent." He sighed and grabbed me by my waist. He'd been the ranch hand for almost a year now, and my dad had no idea that we were having an affair. I glanced around, trying to ensure that my dad wasn't looking, before submitting completely. I let his arms imprison my waist as his lips brushed against my neck. "It's not normal, and more importantly it's not fair."
"It's just the way things have to be," I said, my words paining me. "You know that I..." I turned around, my hand brushing his jaw, feeling the light shadow of stubble that crept across it. "You know that I love you," it was the first time I said it. It was painful and liberating, all at the same time. "But what we love isn't always what has to be."
"I know that we can't always get what we want," Jared said, grabbing my hands. It wasn't windy often in District Ten, but the field was now blessed with a light breeze. "And your dad needs to learn that. You can't always be Carlie Compton, daddy's precious little belle, the most desired socialite in District Ten." I glared at him. "You should marry people because you love them, not because you're part of some grand business deal."
"I..." He was right, but he just didn't understand. "I will marry Devon. That's how it's supposed to be," pulling away, I grabbed the horse's reigns and led it further into the field. Sometimes it would stop to graze. "That doesn't mean we can't do what we want. Wedding rings don't mean nothin'," I reminded him. "He'll probably see a girl he loves behind my back, and I'll see you behind his back, the only time we talk is the time we decide we want a child to pass the ranch too," that was how my grandparent's relationship worked. I didn't think it was right though - it made my father cold, gave him a loveless childhood. He was relieved to find the girl he was to marry was the girl of his dreams, but I didn't have that liberty.
"That doesn't sound good..." Jared trailed off, before jumping. "Hey - fox!"
The fox tried to creep through the bushes. Pesky foxes were always good at sneaking through forests, getting into our pen and eating whatever animals that it could. Fortunately, I was quick, and before it ran away I raised the pistol, which was heavier than it looked. I swiftly aimed at the fox and fired, the sound of the bullet cracking through the air while the corpse of the fox slumped down, disappearing beneath towering corn.
"Good shot," Jared said.
"I've always been a good shot," I told him, tucking the pistol away. In the ranch, even the women were expected to have a gun on them at all times. It was good for keeping away pests and even better for self defence. The Capitol didn't like its citizenry to have hold of guns, which was understandable really, but farmers and Peacekeepers were always the exception. "You have to be, when you live here." I turned around and looked at him seriously. "You need to get your butt and that horse out of here, anyway," I smiled. "It's way past your shift. Don't want daddy getting suspicious now, do we?"
"No," he concluded, swooping down and pecking my lips. I retaliated, forgetting social convention, self regulation... Everytime our lips met I could just spent those seconds forgetting everything. When he pulled away, he saddled the horse and gave me a quick smile. "Smart, kind, funny, beautiful, practical and a good shot? You could be so much better, Carlie. You could be so much better than someone's wife. You could be so much better than a profit machine for your dad. You could be so much better than background decoration. You're not some canvas to be painted on, to look, feel and act how someone else wants you to look. Because you are the artist - you're the person who controls her own life, who paints the scene that you want." I smiled up at him, wishing I had an ounce of his naivety.
He only had to smack the horse once, and it rushed away whilst neighing. I felt its speed caress my face, messing my hair a little bit as Jared sped away into the distance. I watched after him, wondering what his words meant. Jared was raised in a different part of District Ten, he said some things that I just didn't understand. What did he mean when he compared me to a canvas? He was just so weird and wonderful, he was an alien that brought new and exciting things into my dull, small town life. And I loved that. I loved him.
I hated dirt, but underneath the rotting vegetables there had to be something. I whimpered as I felt the earth bury itself underneath my fingernails, continuing to claw deeper and deeper into the earth until I finally withdrew earth filled roots. Tears streamed down my face as my stomach growled desperately. I hadn't ate since I'd had that soup with Sebastian and Trojan. If I was still in that alliance, I'd have cooked chicken and enjoyed that. But I had nothing. I only had bits of root underneath the soil which I forced into my mouth, desperately eating even though it tasted disgusting.
I hated the Three boy. Whenever I thought of his stupid, smug face, and that knowing look that always seemed to hang in his eyes, I felt absolutely disgusted. I may have been alive, and I guess I was grateful for that, but my main chance of winning was doing what I was trained to do: manipulating stupid boys with dicks for brains and making sure that they got me to the finale before I killed them myself. Now I was looking around an empty, abandoned courtyard, desperately trying to find the slightest vestige of food. I didn't think I would survive the night, so how could I ever hope to get the revenge I craved?
I tried to hold in a scowl as I felt the taste of soil flare around my tongue. For some reason, I didn't think that those roots were very nutritious, and I had to stop myself from gagging so that I didn't spew what little nutrition I had onto the floor in front of me. I stood up, trying to keep my mind off Sebastian. I wanted to kill him too. But a part of me knew that in a way I deserved this. He cared for me, he was probably willing to put his life on the line for me, and I just planned to kill him. When I thought about it, his anger was justified...
But no. I wasn't a bad person. The Capitol were, though I wouldn't dare say that out loud. I was doing what had to be done to get home, to see my dad, my mother, Jared...
I had been thinking of him ever since I'd been kicked out of the alliance. I had lost my biggest strategy, but now I had time to think of other things. The cold night bit into my hands and I moved to the nearest stone bench, flopping down onto it and trying to insulate my cold, soily hands underneath the folds of the dress. I missed Jared so much, he occupied my every thought. He brought excitement and motivation into my life. I had him to thank for that.
The Games weren't a good thing but... In a way, I prayed that in my life I'd have the opportunity to be the Jared and the Games was the answer I was given that made me regret my prayer. If I did win the Hunger Games, I would be rich. I could make a life of my own and fund my father's ranch into prosperity without having to marry for it. I could be the person I wanted to be. I could tell Devon that I hated him and marry Jared. Maybe Jared and I could even settle down and live the life of my dreams, with happiness and maybe even children...
Too bad that there was an extremely slim chance of that happening, and now my safety net was torn from me the chances had become ten times slimmer. I wiped away the cold tears that formed in my eyes, praying that I could get out of these Games.
Almost slipping into another daydream, I stood up shakily, looking through the glass windows which showed the corridor leading to this eerie courtyard. I was paranoid that there was someone watching me, and for a second that seems to be the case. It's a shadowed figure, and I wasn't sure if it was a tribute, but it dashed away before I could say anything. In this arena, you always felt a pair of eyes on you, always heard a whisper in the quietness... The scary thing was you didn't quite know when the monsters that hid in the shadows, forever concealed, would leap out.
I turned around, jumping when I saw a flash of silver falling from the sky. I almost stumbled over the bench because I thought it was a mutt or something. But then I saw it was a sponsor gift and for the first time since the Games had started I felt something that was similar to happiness and gratitude. As I watched the package fall to the ground, I rushed over to it. I hadn't expected a sponsor gift - I didn't know I had the sponsors. Maybe Geonova had managed to save well and had used some of the spare chance left over from Auroch's sponsors, who knew.
The sponsor gift was weirdly shaped, and as I desperately tore the packaging away I hoped that it would be food. But it wasn't food... It was a bow and a few arrows. My gut lurched with hunger and disappointment as I raised it. I didn't even know how to use a bow and arrow! But... It was a crossbow. I slung the arrow into some kind of chamber, knowing that crossbows didn't require application, you just slotted it in and pressed a button, or that was how this weapon worked anyway. I raised it, squinting a little and then suddenly grinning while I pressed a button. A speedy arrow smashed through the glass panes, sending the glass caving to the floor. Paranoid, I waited to see if I had attracted any attention for ten minutes, but nothing came.
This was everything I needed - it was way better than food because I could use it to hunt. Unlike bullets, arrows were reusable. Geonova must have also known that I was a good shot, which was why he sent me this. I could use it as a weapon and maybe even get the revenge I craved. I walked into the stone corridor of the Palace, retrieving the arrow I had shot moments ago and inspecting it with a grin. I hadn't received much, but I was a resourceful, smart girl. This was all I needed to build myself up and become the competitor I hoped to be.
And this time I didn't depend on somebody else. The only person I could rely on to win these Games was myself. Suddenly I knew what Jared meant when he told me I wasn't a canvas, but a person who had her own strengths and skills. I was not the canvas, but I was the artist. But this time, I wouldn't create my art with paint, I would have to create it with blood.
Caecilius Norton, Interviewer:
"You're late," I said, walking into the hotel lobby as Jynx waited around. Her eyes were set on a television.
"Had to go to the hospital," she said dismissively.
"Why?"
"I have no reason to answer that."
"Well, we've gone over our scheduled time so it looks as if our interview will have to continue tomorrow as well," I told her promptly, readying my notepad. "And you're in no position to protest considering we signed a contrast agreement," she turned around angrily, but I just gave her my most dazzling smile. "Sorry Jynx, but here in the civil Capitol, we follow our rules and obligations," her eyes flickered back to the television. "Are you ready?"
"You didn't tell me the Gamemakers were planning to fuck my tribute over," Jynx hissed.
"I'm just an interviewer!" I smiled sweetly. "How was I to know? I hope she's okay. Lorelei was always a nice girl."
"Want to know something?" Jynx turned around and stood on her toes, towering over me a little bit. She was a tall girl anyway, but in her heels she easily pushed over the six foot marker. "People used to always see me as the mean interviewer because I was honest with my intentions. You don't give a shit about any of the tributes, and we all know it no matter how convincing your act is." She turned around, folding her arms. "If you're really that concerned though, she's fine. Seems like the Careers don't really care that she's pregnant..." Jynx paused. "Well, that is a shock. I don't know how I didn't notice."
"But she's fine?"
"Baby or no baby, Lorelei is a big girl," Jynx turned around. "I'd be more worried about the crazy Five guy. Turns out he got sucked down some sewage system, but his strange little ally managed to save him. The Nine girl and Eleven girl are also being attacked by creepy doll mutts as we speak, wonder if they'll make it out..." Jynx inspected her nails. "So what floor are we at?"
"Floor Two."
"Great," Jynx smiled. "So we'll carry on with this interview," before I could continue talking, she thrust a bag in my chest. I clumsily managed to grasp it before it fell. "You can carry this for me."
"Well, we can start the interview now," I said, trying to hold the bag and scribble into my notebook as I tried to keep up with Jynx's amazingly fast pace. "So we finished last interview with winning your first game. What did you do between that are the infamous sixth Quarter Quell?"
"Nothing really, I like a simple life," Jynx said, moving towards an elevator. She seemed to light a cigarette in a split second, slipping it between her lips.
"No smoking allowed here."
"What will they do if I disobey?" Jynx challenged me, exhaling in my face. I tried hard not to cough. I'd moisturised today, I hope the fumes didn't affect my skin negatively. Not that it had affected Jynx badly - plastic surgery may have helped, but for a woman in her forties she had definitely aged pretty well. I think she noticed I was staring right into her face, as she turned away and pressed a finger onto a button which would summon the elevator.
"You didn't do anything between your Games and the sixth Quarter Quell?"
"Moved my family into a nice house, enjoyed money and men, partied a little bit, realised that my life was done with," Jynx told me. "I also mentored, but I didn't find that fun at all. My sister trained; Styx planned to be the next big Blackthorne Victor," she laughed in sync with a beep that indicated the arrival of the elevator. As the doors slid open, she walked straight in and leaned against the wall. "And you know what, I was fine with that. If she was put into her own Games, I knew Styx would most probably win. She was a tough girl... My attitude changed when the President announced the Quarter Quell twist."
"As a reminder to the rebels that we are one, that brothers and sisters on both sides were lost in the Dark Days as a consequence of their actions, those entering the Hunger Games would bring a sibling with them into the Games. The age and gender of the sibling does not matter. Children who do not have any siblings are excluded from the Reaping pool."
"You remembered?" Jynx smirked. "You are a Hunger Games nerd."
"Wouldn't have the job if I wasn't."
"Lets be honest... You got the job because of your..." Jynx seized me by the jaw, tilting my head in different angles so she could observe me. "Assets." She released me and continued talking. "The year my sister wanted to volunteer happened to be the year siblings had to go in too. I thought that there was some kind of loopholes, that Victors were excluded, but even then I couldn't be sure. I begged Styx to not volunteer. If we were both to go in, at least one of us would die. I tried to convince her I won the Games, that we could enjoy my wealth collectively, that this didn't have to happen. But she didn't care about that. She just wanted to win to keep the Blackthorne legacy going strong."
The elevator doors slid open and she threw her cigarette to the metallic floor, moving out into a well-decorated corridor. I followed her meekly, asking questions on my way:
"So you found yourself catapulted into the Games?"
"Yes... It was one of the worst moments of my life, and I've had a pretty shitty life," she told me as I made my way to our hotel room. After getting my fingerprint tested, the doors slid open and we went inside. The large, glamorous hotel room had everything: a balcony, a grand piano, an assortment of bedrooms. Jynx, as simple as ever, moved onto a stool near the kitchen counter, taking advantage of the free alcohol. Come to think of it, that girl did drink a lot. I made a note of it for the published interview. "I knew that no matter what was going to happen I wasn't getting a good deal. One in forty-eight went out of that arena alone... Those chances were enough to make me shudder. There were more Careers, and they looked tougher than ever. There were men in their thirties entering the Games..." She looked at the contents of her drink, swirling it around. "And toddlers."
"You weren't the only Victor in the Games too, were you?"
"No. The Victor of the One-Hundredth and Sixtieth Games was there, Glossius," she said. "I'd never met a more dangerous Career pack, even to this day no-one seemed as brutal as them. Styx, always hot-headed, clashed with them all the time, and they were already weary of me, especially the District Fours," she took a large drink. "So we were both kicked out of the pack."
"Bet that pissed you off..."
"Guess so, but it was better with just me and Styx anyway. We were sisters, we had to look out for each other," Jynx told me. "She got a score of eleven, and I got another twelve. The Careers got slightly slimmer scores, from eight to tens, bar two people: Glossius and the Two boy, Colossus."
"Weighing four-hundred pounds, Colossus is the heaviest Hunger Games tribute of all time."
"And every little bit of it muscle..." Jynx sighed. "From the very beginning I knew I was going to endure an intense Quarter Quell. When I was separated from Styx on the day of the Bloodbath, that reality felt even worse. We weren't put in a glass tube. We were put in a cold, dark creepy corridor. Told we had to run to a ladder at the end of it within sixty seconds. If we didn't get there we would forfeit our opportunity to participate."
"Die."
"Yeah. I ran, hearing seconds count down as I sped to the ladder and climbed it as quick as possible. I was the first one out onto the Cornucopia, which was in the middle of a large, metallic room. I managed to grab a load of supplies as the next fastest kids and Careers managed to get out of the ladders. Chaos erupted around me as kids poured out from different tunnels. And then I heard it... An explosion that shoot the ground from underneath. I knew that was what we were running from, and I thought Styx was caught up in it. It was chaos, and there was enough blood happening on the first floor. I saw a boy kill his own step-brother. Looked as if they had some family tension at home.
I grabbed supplies, searching around frantically for Styx. I was sick to my stomach, terrified she was dead. She was killing the nineteen year old sister of the Five girl when I saw her, as alive and as vibrant as ever. The Four boy charged towards her but I flung a knife into his gut and killed him. We had enough supplies to survive, so I just grabbed her and we charged through another metallic corridor. Everything seemed to be made out of metal. At the time, I had no idea what the Gamemakers were trying to replicate. Bar the occasional flicker of dying neon green, there was barely any light. We eventually managed to find our way into a comfortable looking room. It was stark white and completely empty, bar a sign on the walls that told us the room was radiation proof."
"And then you knew the arena was a decaying nuclear factory?"
"No. But I knew enough to know that the arena was poisoned. Unless you were in a 'nuclear proof' room you'd get radiation poisoning. You'd die."
"Nasty way to go, as we found out later in the Games," I smiled. "And you'd already beat a big chunk of the competition. How many people died in the Bloodbath again?"
"I think it was seventeen. Some died in the explosion, some were murdered on the first floor. It was pretty brutal, but at least we were alive.
Day Two wasn't exactly merciful. Usually it's a day where tributes get a break, but despite the large Bloodbath, there were still a load of us. So the Gamemakers didn't give up. Styx and I explored so that we could find useful things, even if we had to expose ourselves to more radiation. As soon as we checked out what seemed to be a nuclear reactor, we were forced to hide behind machinery when we heard approaching voices. The Careers were convinced that they heard someone, and they grabbed the District Nine boy from a hidden ledge. He looked distraught, but his sister was dead. He tried to run, but they grabbed him and threw him into a vat of nuclear waste.
It was one-hundred seconds before he died. I counted. One hundred seconds of being poisoned, burnt, drowned, all at once...
The Careers set up camp, which was shitty - meant we had to linger around longer, being exposed to more background radiation. But Styx pointed out how we could sneak out and maybe kill a bunch of them, so getting them when they were at their most vulnerable seemed advantageous. Night crept in and the Careers weren't all asleep, they were smart enough to keep look out. But we saw four kids sneak up to them: two Three tributes, who weren't siblings and must have lost their siblings, followed by two brothers from District Five.
I knew they had no chance. The Victor's brother leapt up and stabbed one of the Three's - a young girl - right in the neck. Chaos suddenly melted in when Styx leapt in to fight, and I was forced to jump in with her as Careers flew awake and into action. I decapitated Glossius' brother. I wanted to kill the three live Four tributes too, but it was too late when they were all getting up. With the tiny Three boy and the Five brothers, Styx and I ran. They led us to another safe zone, free from radiation. On the bright side the Careers had no idea they were being poisoned slowly.
Styx followed her Career instinct, lunging for the kids that we had ran off with. But I stopped her. I knew about the Three boy, Rayd. He actually managed to get a high score because he was an expert on nuclear radiation. I knew we had to be his ally. As tiny as he was, with him by our side we could destroy the Careers and make it to victory. So despite being with irrelevant District kids, we stayed around.
The next day when Styx and I woke up we didn't feel good. Lets just say there were certain bodily fluids that... Didn't function right. The radiation geek told us it was an effect of background radiation but if we isolate ourselves from it we should perk up, though we had already figured that out. He had one of those weird devices, ones that could measure radiation," Jynx told me. My wrist ached as I desperately scribbled notes. "He estimated it'd take five days for the stuff to kill someone, including the Careers. The Five brothers were overjoyed, knowing that they could win. Ever the realist, I reminded them that only one of us was going to win."
"And you knew they had no chance."
"Sadly, I knew that," she sighed. "Shame. They were nice kids. Even I liked them. Anyway, the rest of Day Three was boring. We just sat around bored and ill. The Five kids were sweet, though. They thought I was cool because I'd won the Games, bless."
"Boring? But Christa killed Cornya! Then Cornya's brother, Bear, killed Christa! It was a fascinating day! Not to mention the Careers finding and hunting Tressia-"
"I don't know their names. I don't know their stories," Jynx poured more drink into her glass, filling it to the brim. "Kind of sad really, because they died for me to live."
"The entertainment of the Hunger Games comes with a... price."
She ignored me. "We were still ill the next day, but knew we had to find some kind of protective suiting or first-aid if we wanted to give ourselves a chance. Eventually we found what seemed to be a medical room. Styx and I were attacked by a rotting corpse which had spiked protruding from its body, but we defeated it relatively easy. After managing to gather medical supplies, we found food left in what seemed to be a deserted canteen. We were starving, but Rayd told us that it could have been affected by radiation. Knowing that we probably couldn't eat it, we abandoned it.
Our day became more fruitful afterwards: a kid died, and we found a room filled with radiation suits. There were sixteen of them, and six tributes were smart enough to have found and taken them. Knowing we were now safe, we took five suits for ourselves and burned the rest of them to make sure that any of the remaining, suit less tributes would find themselves dying at the wraith of the arena. The Five brothers weren't happy that we had to do that, but I reminded them that it was the only way we had a chance in hell of surviving.
The fifth day came. We expected everybody to die, to at least succumb to the radiation poisoning. We hoped that it would whittle down to the Final Eight or the Final Twelve, but that wasn't the case. A bunch of tributes died, including the One girl and her sister, but everybody else survived. We had no idea how that even happened. A bunch of kids found radiation suits, but how were the others alive? To make matters worse we also ran out of food on the fifth day, meaning that we were out and would succumb to hunger unless we went out and found food ourselves.
On the bright side, the next day we'd lost the effects of radiation poisoning. Which meant that hunting tributes and finding food would be easy. The Five brothers were scared at the prospect of hunting, but Styx and I were perfectly happy to let them stand on the sidelines while we did all the killing. A couple of hours later we found ourselves in some kind of laboratory, which a promising balcony a floor up. The Five brothers weren't stupid, but they weren't attentive kids either. When they walked underneath the large balcony, I saw two kids up ahead trying to pour some kind of radioactive waste on them. I shouldn't have put my life at risk, but I rushed ahead and shoved them away before they were killed. By that point, Styx was furious. She desperately tried to find that stairwell leading up to the balcony where those kids had almost killed us. Unfortunately for them, she eventually corners them at the edge of said balcony."
"And she was in danger?"
"When we caught up we were met with the Eight girl and the Nine boy, both of them had lost their siblings. The Eight boy was obviously driven mad by the arena. He had some kind of gun, he aimed it at Styx and claimed it fired something radioactive off. While he held us off, his ally seemed to find some kind of emergency ladder. She tried convincing him to descend it, but he was so unstable he just turned on her. He snapped," Jynx paused. "I've been betrayed before. I've betrayed people before. I know that it has to be done but the way it was done..."
Her glass shook in her hands. By now she was visibly descending into drunkenness.
"Is everything okay?" I asked, noting how disturbed and pale she looked. Looked like the memories were about to hit.
"I'm not weak," she snapped back at me. "But he shot her in the legs. It was some kind of radiation gun, because it wasn't like a bullet. There was a flash and suddenly her leg was hanging off strings of muscle and she was screaming in pain. She turned on him just as quickly, it was almost an animal instinct. Before he could finish her off, she grabbed his face and impaled it into a railing, over and over again until there was just red mush everywhere. She tried to go down the ladder, but it was obvious she was weak. I knew she had to be finished off, but before I stepped in to end it quickly Styx just jumped in there.
And for some reason she was furious. She grabbed the radiation like gun and shot the stuff into the girl's face over and over again. She screamed in agony. The Five kids and Rayd looked terrified as we watched her skin melt around her skull, until there was nothing but blackened flesh. Once done, Styx shoved the corpse down the balcony and I was left trying to keep my cool. Because I'd never seen Styx like that. Careers were trained to kill, but we're not psychopaths," Jynx fumbled for another cigarette. "The majority of us aren't, anyway. Maybe I am. I think what scared me the most was that I saw myself in Styx's actions. I remembered what I did to Grace, only a year or two before. I kind of saw... me.
We burnt the radiation suits the Eight and Nine allies had acquired, soaking it in radioactive waste. Rayd wasn't very fond of Styx after what had happened, but the Five kids, bless them, still trusted us. Still, Styx's actions seemed so cruel and unnecessary, and now we had the suspicion of an ally. Furthermore, the useful weapon we could've acquired was lost of its ammo and ceased to function. I tried to scold my sister, but it wasn't easy. She saw me kill in my Games... Sometimes brutally. Any attempt to reason with her ended in her calling me a hypocrite. She was cold and distant."
"Do you wish that the cold and distance you faced with Styx in her last days was resolved?"
"Do I have to fucking answer that?" Jynx glared at me.
"Right, sorry," I said, knowing I hit a sensitive area. "So, onto day seven, an interesting day by any means..."
"Oh yeah. A week into the Games," Jynx tried to collect her memories. "I remember we found some kind of room. It didn't even have a ceiling. It was amazing, seeing the sky after being isolated in some weird nuclear factory for so long. But the most intimidating things were the extremely large rockets. Rayd seemed terrified when he saw them. Told us that they were nuclear weapons," she scowled. "I didn't really believe him. We know what nuclear weapons did, because rumour has it they caused the collapse of civilisation once. It only took one nuclear weapon to wipe District Thirteen out of existence. Well, they lied to us and said that."
"Hm," was all I said. Jynx was trusted by the Capitol, especially considering she was a District citizen, but she wasn't important enough to know the whole truth about District Thirteen. It was out anyway, now that the Capitol were at war with them. Not that it felt as if we were at war: the Capitol still got luxuries, and the required cuts needed to fund the war only made the poor poorer. Furthermore, District Thirteen had no chance of invading the Capitol, even though it had managed to strike District Twelve.
"Rayd began working on them, believed that he could potentially use them to win us the Games. By us, we knew he meant himself, but it would be an asset," Jynx told me. "So it was our job to keep watch and make sure we was protected so he could do his own thing. Styx and I found our way into a deserted corridor. All the rooms were empty... Except..."
"The radiation free room."
"Yeah, you remember," she sighed, looking around for another drink. She eventually gave us. Her speech was getting slightly more slurred. "As soon as we opened it, the previous Victor, Glossius, came out of nowhere. He smashed my face into a wall until Styx kicked him away. He was one of the toughest competitors in this whole thing, if not the toughest. I think I could've taken him on my own, but it was hard to predict. Could Styx and I even take him together? She told me to get Rayd and the Five kids and run, though. I tried to protest... I... I thought I'd lost my sister... But it was the best way.
I ran down a corridor, bumping into the Five kids. We eventually reached Rayd. I could hear Styx's screams from far away and knew something bad was happening. I wanted to go back and fight with her... But I didn't know how that would work out. I knew there were more important things I had to do..." Jynx paused in thought. "So I collected the Five kids and Rayd. When we heard Glossius' heavy footsteps, that's when we knew he was coming. We ran out a room and down numerous corridors. Somehow we found ourselves onto some kind of thin, metallic crossing. That was when it went wrong for the alliance. It was unstable."
"What happened next?" I asked her.
"You know what happens next," she told me. "Do I really have to say it?"
"We all want to hear it," I smiled. "From your perspective."
"The metallic ledge was connected to a more stable, concrete one. The ledge croaked and threatened to give way. I managed to jump to safety, saving the younger of the Five boys with me. Rayd and the older Five kid, Marka, grabbed onto the edge, screaming for their lives as the metallic floor fell from underneath them. To our horror, we watched it plummet down some kind of endless tunnel. Timmus grabbed onto Marka, trying to save his life. He begged me to help save him. But Rayd was crying for help and I just... I thought I'd lost my sister," she said to me desperately. On cue, an Avox appeared with more alcohol. I consolingly passed it to her. "I liked the Fives more. They liked me more. But I saved Rayd because he knew exactly how this arena functioned. He knew how to beat it." She sighed. "Marka fell. And to make it even worse, his heavier weight brought his little brother down with him. I had to watch them fall into nothingness... It was... Shitty.
Rayd didn't know that I felt remorse though. I kept a stone cold face as I threw him back into the room we came from, jumping back in with him. Another cannon fired. I thought I was going to have to face Glossius. Rayd was angry and I didn't know why. He kept shouting at me."
"But there was a happy ending..."
"I guess," Jynx smiled. "I thought Styx was dead. But then she came stumbling towards us. She was covered in blood. She'd been beaten and stabbed. She asked where the Fives were, but she didn't need an answer. I just remember letting go of my stoicism. I remembered clutching her and crying. The relief of my sister surviving did admittedly destroy any negativity I had felt. It was nice to just hold her close and know that despite everything I had her with me.
The next day was, thankfully, uneventful. Two people died, but we weren't there to witness it. Styx was really badly hurt... Glossius stabbed her twice in the side. She could barely move," her voice cracked. "So that was pretty difficult. And then there was Rayd who was cold and distant. He worked on the nuclear weapons, but when I tried to talk to him he would just shut me down. He'd call me selfish for only saving him to keep me alive. He'd ask why I didn't save the Five kids. And then he was angry because he'd lost his nine year old sister, only days ago. It was clear there were tensions in the group. And I had no idea what was happening elsewhere. Why wasn't Glossius with the Careers? All of the District One kids were alive. I knew that there were things happening in the arena that would affect us, and not knowing what they were made me feel pretty powerless."
I finished writing the sentence that came from her lips. My wrists throbbed from the writing at this stage. I prompted her with a nod.
"The next day Rayd seemed distant. I knew he wasn't happy with me... But... I didn't know he'd betray us," Jynx sighed. "The next day we were attacked by mutts. They seemed like radioactive creatures, primate like with extremely sharp teeth and abnormally large hands. Styx was too injured to fight them, and Rayd was weak. I let them rush off while I picked them off like flies, one by one. But when I returned..." Her purple lips trembled at the memory. "Styx was weakly trying to fight Rayd as he shoved what looked like one of those radioactive tubes into her wounds. I don't know much about radiation, but I knew he was trying to hurt her..." She growled. "The kid barely had time to turn around before I snapped his neck like a toothpick. Styx said as soon as they were alone, he turned. He knew she was weakened. She was pale and sweaty. I didn't know what to do, considering our own nuclear expert turned on us... We were alone again, which was good in theory but I felt fucking isolated. I cried for the first time since the Games started. I had no idea what to do. Styx's wounds also became enflamed, and she needed sleeping pills just to be comfortable.
She didn't get better the next day. She'd lost her appetite, she was sweaty and pale. I knew I had to act fast to get her to win... Or to allow myself to win. I wasn't decided on if I placed my own life above my sisters'. But I knew one of us had to get out alive. I worked out the panel connected to the nuclear weapons Rayd was working on: one press of a button would detonate them. After I'd worked the panel out, two voices called me."
"This is one of my favourite moments," I smiled chirpily.
"Yeah? Enjoy it," Jynx snorted sarcastically. "When I followed the voices, they had Styx. The identical twins from District Nine were there. They held a knife to her throat. They tried to convince me that if I killed myself, they'd spare my sick, dying sister. I knew it was bullshit. I tried throwing a knife at them, but they dodged. Styx couldn't even walk, let alone fight, though she crawled out of the way. They were gymnastics champions," she told me. "Didn't find that out until the Victory tour... But they were good fighters, athletic, and they worked together like two cogs in a well-functioning machine. But I still overpowered them. I ducked one of their kicks, watching it fly behind me and knock the other to the ground. Then I did an uppercut. They were both rid of, it was a piece of cake," Jynx paused. "I wanted them to suffer for trying to hurt my sister. Rayd had it easy. While knocked out, I tied them up onto each of the nuclear weapons and waited patiently for them to wake up." Jynx laughed drunkenly. "When they did, I made sure to taunt them. Told them their deaths would be explosive and would certainly make sure the ratings skyrocketed."
I laughed at the pun. Dark humour was definitely Jynx's forté.
"And then with a press of a button I watched them get shut off into the air. Nuclear weapons are very big. The flames from the weapon filled up a whole chamber beneath us, and I watched the thing jet off into the sky. The surrounding forcefield must have been very powerful, because it didn't shatter. I remember the explosion in the air above. I couldn't hear their screams over the defining sound of the rockets. Fallout fell everywhere, and I didn't find out until after the Games that it was poisonous.
But the day after I killed them, I had an idea. The fallout was like burning rain, meaning I dragged Styx away from the chamber where the weapons were and into a much more stable one. We still had our radioactive suits on, but it felt better to be safe than sorry. But... I knew Styx would be dead now, if I wasn't alive. And it took us ages just to get her away from the large weapon chamber. I kind of knew whose life I prioritised more..." She gulped down a strong glass of spirit in one, resisting the urge to cry. She looked out of the window, down at the Capitol streets below. Her face rested into numbness. "I knew Styx wouldn't win and she'd suffer. I didn't want to tell her what I had to do. I spent the day going over all our memories, good and bad. I told her I loved her as much as I could. Then I gave her soup, laced with enough sleeping pills to make someone overdose. Her eyes closed and... It was a while before her cannon fired. I liked to think it was painless," I didn't want to tell her overdoses were a painful process. Knowing that this was one of the things Jynx was most famous for - killing her own sister - I probed further:
"People were appalled that you spent the day telling your sister you loved her before you killed her. They saw it as emotional manipulation, to reassure her you weren't going to hurt her before you did."
"Well those people can screw themselves," Jynx pouted, trying not to sound angry. Her grip tightened on the glass, sending light cracks dancing around it.
"So it was totally... Out of love?"
Jynx froze. "I wish I could answer that."
"Right, okay..." I cleared my throat. "Do carry on."
"Burning Styx's clothing, watching her body be collected. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I didn't even want to think about how my mum felt... But I wanted to get home to her. I hope she knew why I did what I did. I just felt so empty. I wandered around the arena feeling depressed and alone, knowing only a couple of days ago the allies I had collected were all alive and well. I thought the Gamemakers would give me a break, but as soon as I saw the Four tributes down the corridor, I knew that wasn't going to be the case. I assumed they didn't see me, and rushed down multiple corridors, passing through rooms with flashing computer screens. I eventually found myself in a comfortable looking room with red lighting. The screen kept flickering, showing security images of my own face. And I could see it on the screen.
They were here. Each looming over a doorway. The live Careers: three District Four tributes and Colossus, with his little, tiny brother standing meekly behind him. They gloated about how we were in the final eight now. One of the Career girls, Amara, taunted me saying that eighth was a pretty crappy placing, considering I'd won a Games before. I remembered just feeling so angry and furious. I also thought I would die," Jynx confessed, turning to face me again. "I evaded all their attacks, and kicked and slashed at them, but they were working together to defeat me. And there were so many of them. Colossus was also way stronger than I was, even if I was more skilled, it was hard to defeat them.
Then everything became even more chaotic - the two other live District kids, the Eight girl and the middle aged brother of the Nine girl, they ran in. The final eight were reunited, and all of us were pretty tough considering we made it this far. The Eight girl swung her katana around wildly. The old Nine guy grabbed one of the Four boy's necks, snapping it like a toothpick. Amara, the Four girl, took revenge by carving his ally's throat out. I retaliated by taking advantage of the chaos and decapitating her brother as she chased the Eight boy away."
"So it was you vs Colossus... The match we waited for."
"And he kicked my ass," Jynx huffed. "He was ridiculously strong - I could barely react before he launched me into a wall, kicked me to the ground, threw me over his head with one hand. He pinned me the ground by my neck, obviously getting off from watching me get pummelled. It was honestly so terrifying an experience it felt almost out of body. But I knew I was going to survive."
"Why?"
"Because I saw his little brother, a kid who would've only been around ten or eleven, lift the axe," Jynx smiled lightly. "I would've fought out of his grip, otherwise. But I played helpless and watched as the kid smashed it into his brother's skull. And there I was... Saved." She finished her drink, but curiously didn't refill it. She shoved the drink, watching it smash on the floor. "He explained his brother was trying to kill him. He knew his brother was a 'bad person.' Like me, he knew he did what he had to do."
"So you related to him?"
"Yeah," she sighed, laughing drunkenly. "Who would've thought it? I was nineteen, but he was the person in the arena I felt most related to. I helped him get away from the hellhole where this whole battle took place, where four bodies all lay slumped. When I was sure we didn't have to fight the Four girl he confided to me. He cried, and I comforted him. But I knew we couldn't be allies. As soon as he fell asleep I left him. Spent the whole day moping alone to myself, waiting for the finale."
"And you got a finale?"
"Yeah..." Jynx smiled. "A cliche one. I woke up and the factory was collapsing around me. I got up, running away from the destruction as everything crashed and burned around me. I managed to avoid the destruction for a long time, but as usual it went to shit when I got to the railings. They fell from under me, and I would've fallen... Possibly to my death, but a hand grasped mine. It was Colossus' brother, Max. I... I owe that kid everything, he should've just let me fall," Jynx smiled lightly. "He almost fell from my weight, but the split second he saved me was enough for me to get myself back onto solid floor. Even after I abandoned him, he helped me when I needed it," Jynx smiled to herself sadly. "I wouldn't have done that. I don't know anyway who's that kind. But he did it. And I wanted to thank him for it."
"But you didn't have the time..."
"No, because a dart slipped through his neck and cut his jugular," Jynx said bluntly. "And he fell onto my lap, choking in his own blood. I looked up and the Four bitch, Amara, was smirking at me. She told me that dart was a gift from her. She told me I'd suffer for killing her brother. It wasn't the time for revenge, though, because the ceilings and walls started to crack. I leapt up, running in the same direction Amara was. I considered sending a knife or two at her. We passed the Nine guy, who was crushed under a large chunk of rubble. He was alive, looking at us glassily as we rushed past him.
We eventually reached a weird room - it was cylindrical, surrounded by vats that shot out acid. But this was where the Gamemakers wanted us to be. We jumped onto higher platforms. The Nine guy's cannon fired as acid formed an ocean around us. This was the confrontation they wanted. But we know it didn't end quite how they wanted... I looked into the bitch's eyes and she reached for a single knife, holding it out pathetically and waving it at me."
"And then she told you she knew you were stronger than she was," I snapped the notepad bluntly, my hand throbbing. "She jumped into a puddle of acid and that concluded the Games."
Jynx looked up at me. "Didn't you ask for my feelings? To hear it from my point of view?"
"I know how you feel," I reached over, grabbing her hands. I looked into her eyes, which were wild and intoxicated. "You don't have to be ashamed, for what happened to your sister. She'll understand."
Jynx hiccoughed. "Th-Thank you..."
I pushed her close to me, smiling dazzlingly. "You're a mystery to me Jynx... A wonderful, beautiful mystery."
Before she could talk, I pushed her closer and let my lips collide with mine. It was only brief, our lips brushing against each other. But I pulled away, biting into her bottom lip as I withdrew and giving her a mischievous glance. As I predicted, she wanted more. She forced herself back towards me and the passion began.
Magnus Carmine, District 5, 17
I jolted into consciousness. As soon as I knew I wasn't dreaming I forced my body upwards, coughing and spluttering out water and observing the surrounding field. I could barely remember what had happened, though I remembered my last thoughts were panicked. I was supposed to be dead. My body ached, my lungs were desperate for oxygen and I felt burning water seep out of my nostrils.
I glanced around the surrounding area. I was by some kind of reservoir, it was very shallow and closely attached to it were extremely large pipes that gushed out murky looking water. Judging by my drenched clothes, I had come from that reservoir. But I wasn't lying there, I was lying in the mounds of long grass and staring up into the sky. I watched a butterfly dance ahead and when I finally had energy to move I leaned up, though I only found myself extremely shocked.
"Leda!" I said, shocked.
She looked unhurt. Her hair was in a neat position, and she was wearing an extremely beautiful, neat golden dress. As soon as I acknowledged her she threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
"I'm so glad you're alive," she said.
"I'm..." I paused, patting her head as she withdrew. I thought I'd lost her. "I'm just glad you're okay. What happened?" I looked around, trying to remember how I got here. All I remembered was water. "I just remember... I just remember drowning, feeling lost, hopeless, but peaceful..."
"You blacked out," Leda told me, almost glaring at me. There was definitely some kind of resentment in her eye as she adjusted her satchel, keeping her sickle blade close. "We need medication, Magnus, we know that this is only getting worse," I opened my mouth to argue, but I knew she was right. "I don't know how screwed up you are, but while we were in that bathroom, you saw that the giant bathtub had a passageway underneath that led through the water system. I tried to stop you, but you just looked at me emptily. You kept on walking. It put me in danger, but I followed you. There was so much water and you were swept away, swept out here. You're lucky I was strong enough to follow you out and save your ass."
I paused. I didn't say anything, but I noticed neither Leda's dress or hair seemed remotely damp. And though my memories were fuzzy, only blurs of the past, I knew I didn't just wander into some giant water system. No. I remember being caught up in an ocean of water in the bathroom. I remembered it throwing me around, I remember feeling totally helpless but fully conscious.
"I'm glad you managed to save me," I admitted. I felt hungry, but didn't complain even though Leda was hoarding a satchel of food to herself. "When we came into this arena, I kind of presumed I'd be doing the saving."
"You'd do wrong to underestimate me," Leda said, cryptically. Her words sent chills down my spine. Leda's default setting was rude, but she was opening up to me. I'd grown to see her as someone kind, funny and enjoyable. But now she only seemed cold and weary. I guess if her story is true and I did black out it would only be natural to be cautious and suspicious... But...
That isn't what I remember.
"We need to get medication," I said to her.
"We will, we'll do it tomorrow."
"But-"
"Look, tomorrow, okay," Leda snapped at me as I tried to stand up further. She looked down at me, more upset than angry. I relaxed slightly and she looked at me brokenly: "You're right, Magnus. I am the weak one. But you've forced me to be stronger, okay? Because of you, I've become somebody completely different," she started pacing manically. "I am supposed to be the one who was rescued, but you and I both know that didn't happen," she glared at me. "And now I pick up the pieces, time and time again. I've wandered through pipes filled with water, almost died so many times, for what? Just to save you?"
"Okay," I said, understanding her frustration. I threw my hands up in defeat, hoping she'd cool down. "It's cool. I'm fine, anyway," I felt a little too fine. I hadn't taken anything in almost a week. "We'll wait until tomorrow."
Leda smiled at me, relieved. "Thanks Magnus. I knew you'd understand," carefully holding her skirt to ensure it didn't get dirty as she sat down, Leda looked directly in my eyes and smiled. "I know where we can find some medication tomorrow, and we'll find it." She lay down, her feet resting on the damp grass beneath. "We're in the Palace gardens, there's a maze not far from here and I know that it's where our object of choice is. So we'll sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a very big day for us."
Hadley Allard, District 7, 16
I stood on the stool, peering out of the window. I lived quite close to my District sector's market, and I could see the people as they passed. They had no idea of the isolation I currently felt. A bunch of popular girls passed, gossiping and giggling carelessly. Children played with worn out balls, kicking them to and away from each other. A couple who happily held hands sat on a rock, watching the market's hustle and bustle as they passed. I squinted to get a glimpse of the stalls and the crowds of people surrounding it. There were so many people. I wonder how they were feeling. Some of them would be poor, hoping to get food for their family. One or two would be carefree. Some would be falling in love, and nursing a broken heart.
I always stopped to ponder how these people felt. And yet I wondered if anybody stopped to think about me. In school I had lots of friends... Surely they still remembered me? Did they even reflect on my existence for a second? When they ran off, marrying early or getting jobs as quickly as possible, did they even look back in the past and miss me? Maybe... But the past was meaningless now. Maybe my existence would be wiped out. I always thought about them, but who honestly thought about me? I made sure the pull the curtains back into place so nobody could see what I knew I had to do.
Still on the stool, when I turned back I saw the noose. I'd managed to craft it and tie it to the curtain rail. I hoped it would hold. I didn't see what the point of life was anymore. I was bright, but I kind of just gave up on school. I had no friends. There was no chance of a romantic relationship or a family life ahead, because who would want to ever love me? Maybe it would be best if I just...
Carelessly, as if it were only a necklace, I let the noose rest on my neck, feeling it rub against my skin. I knew I wanted this, and yet I was still trembling and sweating. The feel of the noose around my neck made me feel extremely anxious. I wanted this. I kept repeating it in my head again: I want this, I want this, I want this.
Then why else would I feel so scared? Why was the thought of my lifeless body swinging around like a pendulum feeling with sickness. Was I terrified of the pain I'd feel when my neck would snap? Of the mere seconds of extreme agony as I floated around in the void, choking and becoming the nothingness which I already felt?
I looked up, gasping when the doorknob twisted. Somebody tried to barge into the room, but they failed. When I locked my door, I locked it for this reason.
"Hadley, dinner is ready. Your favourite," my mum said, cheerfully. She sighed, mumbling something about a locked door as she moved away.
"Coming!" I said tentatively. But I knew I wouldn't...
I must have stood around for another minute. The sounds of cheerful squealing could be heard outside my window, following the sound of birdsong almost melodically. I wasn't nothing. My mind almost resisted the thought, but I knew I definitely wasn't nothing. My mother was downstairs, serving my dinner. My father was probably washing the leftover pots and pans reluctantly, telling my mother about his stressful day at work. It felt as if I was nothing, but I had two people that loved me and waited for me downstairs.
If I were to die, my father wouldn't have anybody to play chess with, my mother wouldn't have anybody to gossip to. I knew that I would leave a void if I were to leave. A very small void - only two people would miss me. But as long as somebody cared, I was special. As long as I was special, I mattered. If I mattered to two people, I couldn't betray their love like this... Even if it was hard, I had to fight for my life, even if every thought nagged at me and told me I wasn't worthy of it.
I hopped off the stool, but I didn't have the noose around my neck. Instead of suspending and choking, my feet touched the ground and I rushed to the door. I unlocked it, preparing an artificial smile for my mother as I made my way down the stairs.
"What's the meaning of life?" Darius asked me, genuinely curious.
I paused, blinking. I hadn't really been tuning in on his and Mirane's mildly flirtatious conversation. Still trying to shake past memories away, I looked up to Darius and smiled. "I'm no magician, I surely couldn't tell you that."
"You surely must have an idea," he smiled. "Everyone has a theory..."
"Not me..."
"Why is this even debated?" Mirane looked at us both, as confident as ever despite her usual silent face. "I already know the answer to the meaning of life."
"Oh, go on then," Darius said, grabbing one of the many apples we collected from the courtyard and taking a bite into it. I only just noticed how chilly it was, and made sure to rub my hands over the lit fire. The cold had rendered them pink and numb.
"Well, we all know that there's nothing out there but the stars and stuff," Mirane said. "We were the by-product of some complicated biological mechanism. I don't know how we got here, but we're just like every other animal." Mirane smiled. "We're just... Organic machines, of a sort. We all like to think we're profound and complicated, but underneath it all, there's only one thing we really want: Power."
"Power?" Darius said skeptically.
"What else do people live for?" Mirane challenged. "Wars have been fought, governments formed, civilisations have risen and crumble. We all fight. We all want more. The same way computers can be programmed towards achieving specific goals, we're programmed to crave more and more and more. Sometimes it's too much for us, but it's advantageous biologically for us to grab every little thing we can. That need for power is alive in our brains and even though we might not think it, it's in control of every conscious decision that we make. That's the reason we exist, to survive and thrive."
"So you mean like The Will to Power?" I said. "Nietzsche?"
"If he or she said what I just said, yes, that's what I mean," Mirane smirked.
"What if..." Darius paused. Mirane glanced at him, almost daring him to challenge her ideas. He didn't look like he enjoyed doing so, but he persisted: "What if we're more than just animals? I mean, animals have this will to survive and get as much as they can and they're just..." He paused. "There's something different about them. Don't get me wrong, I had a pet cat, and I loved her," he smiled. "But she doesn't think like a human does. I don't think we're quite the same as any other animal. For some reason, we're quite different. I think that there's nothing telling us what to live for so there's not really an answer to the question. But as we live, we all have different reasons to live. Might be our friends, might be our job..."
"That's a very boring answer," Mirane protested.
"Why?" Darius smirked at her. "Does it make too much sense." He laughed when she slapped his wrist.
"So you're talking about Existentialism?"
"Is there a term for every idea in the history of man?" Mirane rolled her eyes.
"A lot of people have lived before us, chances our very few of our thoughts are original," I shrugged. "But I've never seen a term to describe our reason to be being... Love..." I glanced at both Darius and Mirane, who looked at me questioningly. "I used to think about the meaning of life," mainly because I desperately sought a meaning to life, a motivation to be, but I omitted that detail. "I would read book after book," some banned, but once again, that was best unsaid. "I guess I really wanted an answer. And people through history have said what you said, and people have probably said what I'm going to say, but I haven't read it..." I paused.
"Well tell us," Darius said.
"Mirane is right when she said everything is biological, when it comes down it it's just... a process," I said. "But we're human. We're different, you're right when you say that Darius," I smiled at him, withdrawing my hands away from the fire now they felt warm. "All of our motivations are different, we're all different. But there's one thing that holds us together. It's the drive that makes us wake up every single day. It's the reason we're here, it's motivated the rise and fall of every single person we know."
"Pizza?"
"No..." I glared at Mirane. "Love."
Mirane raised an eyebrow, turning to Darius. "Are you hearing the same hippie thing I am?"
"I mean it," I laughed a little. "Everything we do just comes down to the fact we love someone... something. I think love can be extremely healthy, it makes us happy, it makes us secure, it makes us feel as if we're worth something. Love can be directed towards anything. Friends... Children..." I paused, my heart hurting as I said the words. "Parents. Even more abstract thing like an ideology, or a goal. But we all hold a love for something deep inside, no matter how much we try to hide it. The fact we're all driven by power makes sense, but nobody kills themselves over a loss of power. They kill themselves because they feel as if everything they love is gone... Believe me, I know." I sighed. "It can be good, but it can be bad. It can make us strong and weak. And it's all one single emotion tied to a rush of chemicals in our head. But it's every inch of who we are."
"Yeah..." Darius paused, turning to Mirane and giving her a smile. Her gaze was distant though. She stared into the flames. "Maybe you're right."
I knew I was right. Only six months ago I saw no purpose to life. But one day I thought about my parents and about how much they meant to me, and I knew that even if the odds were stacked against me I was going to do everything I could to get myself home. Because of love.
Tear Nikuya, District 9, 16
Live dolls. Live fucking dolls. And an animate teddy bear with a cleaver to make everything seem even more dramatic.
It turned out that we weren't in a single nursery. The whole floor seemed like one dedicated to royal, spoilt brats. Every room was pink or blue, depending on the sex of the baby occupying it I guessed. There were always eery drawings pinned to the wall. Creepy toys like dolls and clowns peered at us from every view possible. Like every other room, they were tidy and didn't seem abandoned, though it was like the previous occupants had disappeared out of nowhere. Crayons would be left beside blank or half drawn sheets of paper as if they were expecting their owner to return. Toys would be left messily in some rooms. Beds looked as if they'd been slept in recently.
But we weren't alone. Barely an hour after we had almost been blown up by a Jack in the Box some dolls had come alive and attacked us. They seemed to possess sharp weapons, and some of them had took a good jab at me. I walked, the pain blurring my senses as I tried to hold all our supplies together.
"You did good," I said to Willow as we checked inside another bedroom. I wasn't lying: she'd used that hatchet of hers well. I didn't want to admit it, but I could've lost that fight without her.
"I did what I had to," she said. "Why don't you give me some of your supplies? They got you right through the ribs..."
"I'm fine," I lied.
Willow seemed to think I wasn't up to task though. She peered into the nearest room, looking out for any signs of traps. I saw her shove open drawers thoroughly. As I clung onto the doorway, she seemed to scour every inch of the room really well. She still seemed nervous, but I guess it seemed sufficient enough. At the start of the Games we walked through the corridors relatively carefree. Now we had to ensure that any room wasn't filled with mutts or rigged with traps. The Gamemakers seriously wanted blood, because it had been a while since Luke died.
She held onto me under my armpit, leading me to an extremely large, pink and frilly bed. She lay me down onto it and glanced at my wound. I tried to protest, but she touched it. Pain flared up inside me.
"Not deadly at all, don't think it got an artery or anything..." It was weird listening to a little kid use any form of medical terminology. She shouldn't even know how to bandage cuts, never mind whether a wound was deadly. "We should try and disinfect it as soon as possible, but you're not going to die. You're just going to be in a lot of pain tonight, and quite sore the next few days."
"Told you I'd be fine," I smiled up at her. She smiled back unsurely.
"I think the Gamemakers have given up trying to kill us for now," she said. She let her hatchet rest at the bedside, next to a gaslamp. I budged over, making a squeeze so that she could fit onto the bed. She was pretty small, so it wasn't a tight fit. "Maybe we'll be able to get some sleep... And we won't have to worry until tomorrow..."
"They won't keep trying," I reassured her. I couldn't be quite sure, though.
"I hope so."
"Lets just sleep," I told her, closing my eyes shut. Silence buzzed around my ears for a whole hour as the pain in my shoulder began to dull and I felt myself relax. I was stirring into unconsciousness when Willow drifted me awake:
"Tear?"
"Yeah?" I woke up almost immediately, expecting danger.
"Can you sleep?"
"No," I lied.
"Me neither," Willow sat up and giggled. "I don't know why we're trying."
Trust me, kid. I certainly wasn't trying. "Just count sheep-"
"We both know that doesn't work," she glared at me.
"This isn't District Eleven," I tried to keep my patience in check. She was kind of like an annoying little sister. Not that I had a little sister ever. I was used to being the youngest in my family. "What do you want? Milk and cookies? To be tucked in?"
I didn't mean to sound so stern. I was tired and grouchy, and as soon as the words slipped out regret filled me and replaced the silence. Willow's face immediately set, sadness etching across it. I think I also realised that I'd reminded Willow that these were the Games. These were different. Willow was mature and smart enough to act sensibly, but she still kind of acted like we were on a dangerous mission. It was almost as if she didn't know that everyone around us bar one person would be dead within the next few weeks.
Willow rolled away from me. "I didn't ever get tucked in anyway. Or get milk and cookies."
Guilt harpooned in me again. I guess I presumed that every kid in the world would have received the love, affection and adoration I'd gotten from my dad. But that wasn't always the case. I relaxed slightly, feeling bad as I noticed Willow stare out of the doorway distantly. I wasn't used to calming people, but I wasn't being fair. I was tired and scared and I just didn't know what to do.
I tentatively reached out, stroking through Willow's hair, hoping it would comfort her.
"When I couldn't sleep, my dad would read me bedtime stories," I told her. She turned around and I tried to give her my most apologetic smile.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I always loved them... There was one in particular I liked, about a baker who was visited by a Wizard..."
"Really?" Willow smiled a little. "Can I hear it?"
I paused. I didn't like this. Telling bedtime stories to someone who had barely scraped their teens? I wasn't a maternal person, but I wasn't someone who was so cold and distant either. And I already knew the consequences of getting close to my allies. I wanted to keep Willow at a reasonable distance so I could move on properly when her time had come. But I knew she came from a household where affection was an alien concept. I guess it wouldn't hurt to give her the affection and motherhood she'd lacked in her childhood... Right?
Screw it. I couldn't just be a bad person, even if I wanted to be.
"Yeah," I smiled, starting the story: "Once upon a time there was a baker who was known to have made the nicest bread in all the land..."
I am so sorry for the late updates! And exams still aren't over, though they're very close to ending :) Lets just hope things get back to normal from here on! With editing included!
I'm also really sorry for the massive Jynx POV's - we all know she has a lot of history, so yeah, I'm kind of exploring her a lot this story, same with Iopian. There is a purpose to this, but obviously that purpose is something you're going to have to find out later :)
Anyway, please review! I know a lot of you are busy, but lately I've noticed some of the people who haven't been reviewing have been reviewing other people's stories but not reviewing mine. I don't know, I guess it's a little disheartening, but even if you submitted a tribute to this story and dislike it/the direction it's going, I'd rather you just told me instead of giving me no pointer at all.
Anyway, see you all next time, whenever that will be :)
~Toxic