A/N: Hello! I know I haven't updated in ages... I have no excuse. I'm sorry.
Thank you ever so much for supporting me despite my being a terrible person as of late as far as updating is concerned.
Please enjoy in any case. Oh and I own nothing, all credit to J K Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended.
Reviews always welcome.
LILY'S P.O.V
1978 – HOGWARTS GRADUATION HAS PASSED
ON THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS HOME
"I can't believe it's all over," Alice says as we watch the towers of the castle we know so well drift out of sight.
"I know," I breathe against the cold glass, leaning against it, watching the sloping hills and flowers go by.
"What are we going to do now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well school's over…"
"So? We've still got a war to fight, people to marry, children to have… I think we've got a lot to do Alice."
"Urgh, I still don't have a date for the wedding, do you?"
"Actually, yes. 26th July," I reply.
"But that's really soon!" Mar exclaims.
"I know but with the war on we didn't want anything fancy. The wedding's going to be a small affair, just you two and the Marauders are invited. Of course my sister refused to come and what with both of our parents dead…"
"Bless James, his parents were lovely old souls," Alice sighs.
"They were the kindest and bravest people I ever met," I murmur.
"I know this doesn't make much of a difference to how much their death hurts both you and James, but at least they died from old age and not from murder."
"I suppose you're right. Have you two seen Wormy recently?" I ask eager to change the subject.
"No, oddly, but on other news, you know that map the Marauders have?" Mar asks, leaning forwards.
"The Marauders Map, yes."
"Well I heard that it got confiscated."
"How?"
"I dunno, Sirius blames Wormy for not using it right or something. Wormy said he was taken by surprise."
"But the whole point of the map is that you can see where people are so you don't get surprised!"
"That's what Sirius said," Mar grins.
"Jesus Christ, what was Wormy even doing with the map on his own?"
"I don't know, according to Sirius, Wormy's been doing a lot of his own business with the map and," she lowers her voice to a faint whisper, "James's cloak."
"Wormy never does business on his own," I frown.
"I told Sirius he was being paranoid, I mean Wormy's got a girlfriend for the first time in the history of ever, shouldn't he be allowed to sneak off with her?"
"But what if he's not meeting Clearwater?"
"Merlin, Lily! You need to stop assuming everyone's an enemy."
"I don't assume anything. I never said Wormy was conspiring against us, all I'm saying is that this is a little fishy."
"Or maybe he's having harmless fun with his girlfriend."
"Or maybe not."
"Look, there is nothing fishy going on Lily. You're safe, James is safe, and we're all safe. If Wormy planned to kill us, he would have done it by now."
"I don't think Wormy could kill anyone," Alice snorts.
"You're probably right, Alice," I decide to drop the subject.
"Sirius and I haven't found a date yet," Marlene says to break the silence.
"Why not? Aren't you eager to start a family and everything right away?"
"Well yes and no. To be honest, I think we're both putting this off as long as we can."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I just want to get this war over with and I'm not sure I even want marriage yet."
"Fair enough, what about you Alice?"
"Well, Remus is nice," she blushes, "but neither of us really wants to get married or be together forever. He and I aren't really compatible."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know, as little as possible as far as this marriage and baby law is concerned."
We sit in yet another silence. I miss James, he went earlier to sort out something with the Marauders, something about seeing Dumbledore. I think James intends to give Dumbledore the cloak. He said Dumbledore was interested in it and both of us trust Dumbledore full-heartedly. He'll take good care of it, especially as James suspects it could be one of the Hallows. But Hallows aren't any of our business, not whilst this war is on.
James has told me a lot about the tales of the Three Brothers and the Hallows but neither of us wants to actually find the Hallows. Instead, we want to make sure that nobody ever comes across them, especially Voldemort. Seeing as we may have one in our possession it seems to me that the wisest thing we can do is to entrust its care and protection to Dumbledore. Anyway, Hallows may not even exist but just in case, James thinks we should start planning ahead.
Talking of which, I've still got a lot to do for the wedding, including James' Wedding present. I've decided on this old watch I found in an antiques shop and I've charmed it so that you can hide things inside it. That way, if James ever gets captured, there is little to no chance of the captors finding the hidden objects. I thought it was a good idea in any case, practical and it looks pretty impressive.
JAMES' P.O.V
AT THE POTTER MANSION
WITH THE MARAUDERS
"What have you got planned for your wedding, Prongs?" Padfoot asks as we lounge lazily in my garden.
"Something small."
"Really? I've never known you to downplay these sorts of things."
"Oh yeah? What about you and McKinnon?"
"Who knows? Maybe we won't get married."
"But you have to," Wormtail says.
"Not if the Ministry falls."
"You want the Ministry to fall?" Moony asks incredulously.
"Of course not! I'm just saying that after the war, I don't think the Marriage Law will still stand."
"I think you're foolish," Moony says.
"Oh really?" Padfoot stand up and crosses his arms, "And what about you and Alice?"
"Well," Moony says uncomfortably, "I don't know! She's nice and all but I don't love her."
"Unlucky, mate. For me, I can't imagine anybody else but Marlene McKinnon," Padfoot says, absentmindedly rubbing his engagement ring.
"If you love her so much, then why can't you marry her?" Moony asks.
"Would you get off my case? Maybe I think marriage wouldn't be good for us, at least not yet. We're still young, what if marriage kills the buzz?"
"The 'buzz'?" Moony cocks his head to the side.
"Yeah, the attraction. What if we end up like my parents, always at each other's throats?"
"But you're not your parents," Moony says.
"I know that! But what happens if I repeat their mistakes?"
"Can we shut up about parents please? Padfoot, you're an idiot. If you want to wait a few years then I'm sure we'll find a way but I don't think you can just lose attraction for the girl you've loved for so long by marrying her," I say.
"But still," Padfoot protests, "can you really see me as a husband?"
"Come to think of it, no," the idea of it is ridiculous.
"Exactly, I'm not a husband kind of guy and she's not a wife kind of girl."
"So you're just not going to get married?"
"I don't know! I'm confused and indecisive at the moment. Can't we just get Prong's wedding over with then kill some Death Eaters?"
"Sounds like a plan."
"What are you getting Evans as a wedding present?" Padfoot asks.
"Well the mansion is awfully big what with you inheriting 12 Grimmauld Place and my parents dead and the war on, we don't have any guests, it's just too empty and although the mansion is beautiful, it's in my best interest to move away. The mansion will be the first place the Death Eaters will visit and too many people know where it is. So, I've made a few arrangements and I'm giving Lily Potter's Cottage, I can't tell you where it is exactly but it's very peaceful and homely."
"You're giving Evans a cottage?" Padfoot's mouth drops open.
"Well we'll both be living in it. I just thought it would be a good place to raise a child and it's in an obscure location."
"Merlin's beard, that place must be worth a fortune."
"Not really, I've inherited it from my parents. It's been in the family for eons."
"And here I was expecting you to say something like jewels or gold…" Padfoot mutters.
"You know Lily doesn't care about that sort of stuff."
"Merlin, Prongs, she's one expensive bird."
"Not the most expensive," I wink at him.
"Oh yeah, that girl from France, part Veela?"
"Loretta, yes and she wasn't entirely French."
"No she was a gold digger."
"Okay I get it, I screwed up on that one but Lily's not like that."
"I know, I know. I think Lily's the only girlfriend of yours I ever liked."
"I should hope so."
Moony smiles at mine and Padfoot's exchange.
"What?" Padfoot demands, seeing Moony.
"Nothing, it's just sad seeing you two be so normal. Like nothing's changed at all in seven years."
"Nothing's changed," Padfoot frowns.
But the thing is that it has. Everything has changed. And everybody knows it, it's just how long we can keep up the pretence that it hasn't.
SEVERUS' P.O.V
MALFOY MANOR
I sit on Narcissa's sofa in her new house, well Malfoy's house. It's all new to me, I'm so used to the Black Family Manor that this new change of scenery is almost unpleasant. Narcissa comes down the stairs and into the living room, beaming.
"Hello Severus," she says, "it's been so long."
I look at her and take in everything that has changed. Her hair is longer, her face is elegant, she has the air of a married woman but the thing that has changed the most is her stomach. She is pregnant.
"You're pregnant," I say bluntly.
Her hand rises to rest on her stomach and she moves it in small circles.
"Yes," she smiles.
"Is it a girl or a boy?"
"I don't know, Lucius thinks it's a boy."
"What do you think?"
"I think he's right."
"So Draco then?"
"Yes, Draco Lucius Malfoy," Narcissa sits down next to me.
I think of all the things I want to tell Narcissa: that I'm stuck and need help, that I'm terrified, that I've found something the Dark Lord wants, that I don't know if I can do it, that I've missed her, that I'm broken inside. But nothing of the sort comes out of my mouth. True and honest words rarely come out of my mouth, if any words are spoken at all. Instead I say:
"Lily is getting married."
Narcissa's smile falls and is replaced by concern. Merlin, she already looks like a mother –protective and looking out for the vulnerable. Her hand touches my shoulder, I shudder in surprise.
"I'm sorry," she says.
And then she cries. Probably because she wants to do something about it but knows she can't, probably because what I've said is so brutally sharp and chillingly cold, probably because I look pathetic, probably because she feels fragile, probably because I look lost, probably because she can read emotions and knows how stupidly depressed I feel.
And that's all I need. Her tears are proof of the last person I have who cares and suddenly she is very precious to me. Not in any sort of romantic way, but in a strong sort of friendship way. I put my arm around her and we sit in the deafening silence, drowning in the fearlessness of the world and its people.
And after a while, I am human. And after yet more of a while, I forgive Lily for everything and hope she forgives me too.
LILY'S P.O.V
THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING
James is away, he's sorting out something for the wedding. He wouldn't let me come. He said it's a surprise. For the first time in five months, I dream about Severus. The first few dreams are the same as the one's I had almost a year ago. It feels like it was yesterday.
I am slammed into a post, my blindfold and gag are taken off but the binds which restrict my body stay, binding me to the post. Severus is shaking, completely terrified. He starts to sweat but stops virtually immediately when Bellatrix and Malfoy come into sight.
Bellatrix cackles madly, the sound though an echo feels so real.
"Aren't you excited, Mudblood? We've got something rather special tonight, haven't we Snape?" she croons.
Bellatrix steps back, allowing Severus to step forward.
"I'm afraid you won't be under my wand, Mudblood. Snape has offered to practice some of his new spells on you."
I look at Severus with pure abhorrence. I remember the defiance.
"Livoremplena."
The bruises appear all over my arms. My back curls in pain. The pain is only temporary. I hear Bellatrix's warped screeches.
"Mordeo!"
Stings are everywhere, the piercing pain putting the blurry and hazy image into focus. Bellatrix is absolutely delighted and she runs forward, investigating my body. She laughs. I have almost no fight left in me.
"Perfect! The Dark Lord will be pleased!" Bellatrix strides back to Severus.
"Wait," Lucius says. "This is Snape we're talking about, I'll bet he has an even worse spell up his sleeve, worse than petty stinging curses and bruising charms."
I wait a few moments. A worse spell? Whatever happened to the boy from Spinner's End?
"Go on, Snape! Do your worst!"
He looks down at some paper in his hands. He looks into my eyes, full of apologies and excuses. I meet his eyes, my last energy sent into staring him down. I have no sympathy for him, I do not care anymore. He will not break me. Not now, not ever.
"Sectumsempra!"
The minute he says it, I collapse as far as my binds allow me to. I scream.
Then the dream changes and I'm alone. Then I am not alone and I watch Tuney and I on the swings, Severus at the fringes.
The dream changes again and I see Severus and I walking along the Hogwarts corridors.
I see Severus in the next five dreams. I see his terrors and all the secrets he tried so hard to hide. I see the boy I knew and the boy who changed. I see my friend and my greatest nightmare. I see the vengeful boy and the broken boy. I see my biggest hope and my biggest regret. And I forgive him. I forgive them all.