Chapter 45: Family Affairs
It had taken nearly 3 hours to convince Trunks to get out of bed and start doing something to make sure he could get revenge on whatever the monster was that destroyed his world.
Even while the child was was on his way to Goku's, sitting in the front seat of his past mother's car, all he could think of was his final moments in the future. 'Mom...Videl...I won't let that happen to you again.' He swore to himself his power unintentionally spiking as he clenched his fist. Nearly everyone who had ever been important to him's faces flashed through his mind. Their faces were followed by the sight of their bodies, or in some cases what he imagined the monster had made them look like.
"Hey calm down Trunks, we're almost there." Lime whispered in the distracted Youth's ear causing him to flinch slightly. Both of them trying to avoid waking Videl who had fallen asleep beside Lime in the backseat at some point.
"Yeah you're right sorry." Trunks mumbled quietly before falling silent again. Trying to keep his mind on what he had to do, instead of what he failed to do before.
20 minutes later they had arrived. The landscape surrounding them had already been completely destroyed. Craters dotted the landscape, with Goku half-buried at the bottom of one of them.
"Hey, Piccolo! Are you just going to leave Goku in there?" Bulma shouted up to the floating Piccolo after noticing Goku on the decent and running over to the crater's edge.
"He'll get up when he gets up, it would be a waste of my time to take him to get healed when he could wake up and teleport there faster than I can get him there." Piccolo calmly explained before attempting to block the Blue haired woman out so he could continue his hours long meditation.
Bulma was shocked by Piccolo's attitude for a moment before shaking her head and walking back to Trunks. Even after all this time Piccolo still unnerved her.
"Lime take good care of Trunks ok?" Bulma asked before saying goodbye to all three of them and taking flight once more. She still wasn't sure how to act around Trunks, so she kept her goodbye as friendly as she could before leaving, not wanting to make things more awkward than they would already be.
"So Mr. Uh...Piccolo, what sort of training should we start with?" Lime nervously asked.
Piccolo looked irritated for a moment for suddenly splitting himself in two, uneven halves. "You can start by showing me the full extent of your strength." His weaker clone calmly stated. "This body currently has 1/10th of my total power. It should be enough to keep you three busy and not slow my own training down too much." Piccolo's clone continued before popping his neck. "Alright, show me what you've got." He ordered, not noticing the looks of complete shock on the three human's faces.
When none of the 3 fighters made any movement towards him, he decided to take the same strategy he had with his previous human students. So he immediately took the initiative.
Before anyone could react, Piccolo phased out. An instant later he appeared in front of Trunks an instant later, his fist embedding itself in the demi-Saiyan's stomach.
Spittal rained out of Trunks' mouth his eyes wide in shock. He wasn't even aware that his body had bent inwards and was launched backwards.
Neither Lime or Videl could move for a moment. Shocked at the event that had just unfolded in front of them as they watched Trunks rocket away faster than either of them could fly.
Piccolo's eyes suddenly focused on Lime. In an instant, the Namekian warrior had vanished again.
Lime started to pull her Kaioken aura around her, but before she could finish her power up; her arm was violently pulled forward as Piccolo appeared in front of her. She had no time to react as she was hurled high into the air, chased by a large mouth beam.
'Shit!' She thought to herself as the blast enveloped her, resulting in a massive explosion.
Piccolo had just turned to face Videl and end his preliminary 'test' early to resume training at his full power; when the small girl behind him surprised him yet again.
"Solar Flare!" Videl shouted as the brilliant light blinded the Namekian warrior.
The shock of being blinded actually caused Piccolo to lose focus for just an instant, forgetting to reach out with his Kisense to compensate for his lack of sight.
In that moment of confusion a loud thump echoed over the landscape as Videl's fist slammed into Piccolo's face.
The Namekian warrior's head barely turned.
"Oww!" Videl suddenly shouted as she grabbed her throbbing fist and dropped back to the ground, her grasp of her Kaioken aura temporarily vanishing. As tears formed in the corner of her eyes, she had never punched anything as hard as Piccolo's face before.
The spots slowly began to shrink in Piccolo's vision as he looked down the Videl. A genuine smile spreading across his face. 'That's the second time this girl has impressed me.' Piccolo thought to himself as he scanned through Kami's memories of Videl saving him and the Earth from Garlic Jr's underhanded tricks. "Good job kid." Piccolo said with a nod of approval. "It appears you have the right mentality for a warrior." He continued his rare praise. "But…" His voice trailed off. "You should've pressed your advantage." His lips twisting into a dark smirk before delivering a 'soft' chop to Videl's rib cage.
The child's body bent painfully sideways before being sent sprawling a short distance away.
One last thump sounded across the landscape as Lime's unconscious body hit the ground, finally returning from her trip to the stratosphere.
With the test over the two Piccolo clones merged once more to continue his training.
(1 week later)
Piccolo's fist slammed into Goku's cheek sending the Super Saiyan warrior falling back to Earth. His fall narrowly missing a second Piccolo clone who was taking on Chi Chi, Trunks, and Lime at the same time.
A third clone, even weaker than the others, sparred with Videl one on one. Although Videl and Lime had trained together some, Piccolo was taking over Videl's training more and more by the day.
Piccolo had to admit the girl was showing as much promise as he had hoped. Her power was growing slowly but surely. In three years he had little doubt she would be a force to be reckoned with if she kept up the pace she was going now.
Videl wasn't the only pleasant surprise from the last week though. The boy from the future's power was growing impressively fast for a human. Every time he'd take a beating he'd come back even harder than before. Even after his body should've collapsed he was relentless, forcing his broken body up for another round. Trying to land another hit, block another strike, whatever he could to exert his body past its limits. Piccolo was only too ready to help encourage such an attitude. It was the type of determination it would seem they would need in a few years time.
As he was thinking this, Piccolo launched Trunks away with a powerful blow to the left cheek. The boy skid across the surface for just a second before flaring his aura violently. He was able to not just stop his momentum, but also kick up a sizable debris cloud attempting to hide his movements.
Such a trick had no effect on Piccolo even if he had to appreciate the child's creativity.
Trunks appeared behind Piccolo, his leg already swinging a low kick aimed at the back of the Namekian's knee.
Before he could connect through a sharp crack rang out as Piccolo's elbow smashed into Trunks' nose, shattering it and embedding the child in a sizable crater.
Trunks hit the ground hard, his hands trying to stop the agony radiating from the center of his face.
"That's enough for now, go get Dende to heal you up and report back on the double." Piccolo ordered before turning to deal with the resurgent Chi Chi.
"No!" Trunks yelled, seemingly enraged at the mere thought of leaving the battle unfinished. He completely caught Piccolo off guard as the as he rushed him from behind.
Piccolo was suddenly trapped for the first time in the training exercise, Chi Chi's blows were raining down on him full speed, he didn't have time to deal with Trunks' attack from behind.
Trunks' attack connected, as he unleashed a vicious axe-handle to the back of Piccolo's head.
An instant later Chi Chi landed an uppercut, completing a powerful one-two blow that actually dazed the Namekian warrior for an instant.
Neither fighter hesitated and continued to pummel away at the staggered, former guardian.
Piccolo's hands were just a second behind reality as he struggled to catch up to the bombardment raining down on him.
A blow crashed into his temple, followed by his chin, staggering Piccolo once more. To make matters worse for him, Lime finally rejoined the offensive with a powerful blow to Piccolo's stomach.
Finally, Piccolo couldn't take it anymore. He needed to get some breathing space to compose himself. Out of instinct, he unleashed a massive wave of energy in all directions.
Lime, Trunks, and Chi Chi were all immediately swept away in the explosion.
The wall of energy continued along its path even enveloping Videl, and Piccolo's own weaker clone, before fading out.
A moment later Goku descended to the ground. "Wow, you sure went overboard don't you think?" The Saiyan warrior said taunting his rival playfully.
"Hn. Yes, I think I might've" the middle-tiered clone admitted.
"Oh well, shall we resume?" The most powerful of the Piccolo's asked as he re-merged with the middle-tiered clone.
"Sure." Goku replied before flaring his aura and colliding with Piccolo once again.
(2 months after the Android Warning)
"Lord Cooler we are coming up on planet Frost." Salza said with a bow as his leader watched through the heavily tinted window as his home world slowly stretched out before him.
Planet Frost was among the most extreme planets inhabited in the entire galaxy. The super-sized Terran planet, the ancient withered core of a gas giant that had ventured too close to its host star and had much of its atmosphere stripped away. Not only had a massive gravitational pull; but also orbited its star in a mere 3 standard-day orbit. It's close proximity to its star held the planet tidally locked. so that one side was doom to roast away under the intense heat, and the other to freeze solid, never seeing a single ray of light. The only reason life evolved on such a hostile world to begin with was the fact there was a temperate ring all around the planet, trapped in eternal twilight.
For millions of years, the lifeforms of Frost were trapped in the narrow band of life ringing the world of death. Only the strong survived, as fights over limited resources such as food or water became more and more fierce. Eventually many of the inhabitants were forced further into the sun facing side or into the eternal darkness in a bid to survive. Their own life energy or Ki, drawn upon subconsciously, was the only protection they had against the harsh elements.
Over the eons, the creatures, banished to the frigid wasteland or the sun-scorched desert, powers grew with each passing generation. Allowing them to be able to migrate back into the temperate zones and force the species currently there to adapt, flee to the wastelands themselves, or go extinct.
Over and over the cycle repeated itself until a new species arose capable of surviving incredible hot, or cold. It's power beyond that of any creature that had dwelt on the planet before. Better yet, the creature had developed the ability to think.
This development only accelerated the cycle. Within a few hundred generations, the inhabitants of planet Frost were among the strongest in the galaxy, just as Cooler's ancestors emerged from the deepest of the frigid wastelands. Within a year, the entire planet had been theirs.
Within two generations, the world undeniably was theirs. Subdued by following the wisdom of a long lost matriarch. "Keep your allies beneath you, and your rivals in your bloodline." Whether raw strength or brutal intellect it didn't matter, It was added to the family's gene pool all the same. By the time space travel was invented there were no species in the galaxy capable of withstanding the might of the Demons of Planet Frost.
The legendary monsters of old whose stories had haunted the galaxy for millennia were quickly dismissed and forgotten beneath the Frost Demon rise. The legendary Super Saiyans were nothing but overgrown apes, trapped on some red mudball. The mighty warriors of Hera had been extinct for a full thousand years before the Frost Demons rise, destroyed by their own brutish stupidity. And the legendary Super Namekians had been proven to be nothing more than pacifists on a half dead planet. More interested in farming and keeping their planet hidden than refining their somewhat impressive magical capabilities, let alone challenging for control of the galaxy.
Cooler chuckled to himself as he finished his retelling of the glory his family's history to himself. A sense of pride welled up within him every time he remembered it. How long had he longed to add to that glory. To take it to heights that would leave even the greatest accomplishments of his ancestors, even his father's triumphs, as nothing more than a footnote in history.
'Now is my chance. I will take my throne, dispose of my brother's governor, son and begin my rule.' He thought with a hungry glint to his eye. His viewport glowing red as his ship hit the planet's atmosphere.
Crowds of his subjects lined the streets of the capital, fighting to get a glimpse of their apparent new king.
Cooler walked slowly through the streets, letting them all take in his royal visage, as he made his way towards his family's traditional home.
The guards at the gates quickly stood aside with a deep bow as he made he way through, his armored squadron right on his heels.
Within a few minutes, he came before the throne only those charged with ruling planet Frost were allowed to sit upon.
Currently a small imp like creature sat in his seat, his nephew Kuriza, in his first form.
"Well hello Uncle, what brings you to my hallowed home." Kuriza said with a mischievous glint.
Cooler barely felt required to respond to the waste of space his father had allowed Frieza to conceive as a sign of his victory over the third place finisher in his decades-long game.
Though he looked infantile still, Kuriza would be considered an adult to most lesser species life spans. Nearly 2 decades old. He would need many more decades to hope to be a threat to Cooler. Many more than Cooler intended to give him.
"As I am sure you are well aware, with my Father and your father's untimely demise, I am now the sole ruler of our people. And have come to celebrate my coronation." Cooler replied with a smug grin and the snarl the formed on Kuriza's face for an instant.
"Now, now Cooler don't you think you are rushing things." A sophisticated voice rang out from behind.
Cooler's smirk fell to a frown. He recognized the voice immediately as Frieza's mother.
He turned to face his father's favorite widow with a look of disdain. "Ah...Chill, I thought I smelled something pungent in the air." Cooler didn't bother to hide his disdain towards the mother of his greatest rival. She was among the 10 strongest of his species there was no doubt about that. Especially after she had been able to dispatch his own mother in a battle a few decades ago. She could easily prove a threat if he was to take her too lightly. As long as he kept his power towards his maximum though, she would be powerless to stop him. He was the greatest genetic wonder his species had ever known and she was just a mere noble.
Chill's face twitched, revealing her rage for just a moment before regaining control. She hadn't lived for over 300 years by giving into her anger over every insult. "My, you are confident in yourself today aren't you?" Chill taunted briefly before continuing. "I am only here to inform you of the council's ruling."
Cooler's eyebrow piqued in curiosity. "And what ruling would that be?"
"The ruling on whether or not you will be confirmed as the next king of Frost that is." Chill said with a smirk.
"There was doubt that I would assume the throne that is rightfully mine?" Cooler asked his tone outwardly showing amusement.
"Well it is debatable whether the throne is truly yours as things stand." Chill's mischievous look told Cooler she had a plan.
"You see, you've yet to complete the final two requirements to properly claim the throne. You've neither finished off your last challenger to be named crowned Prince. Nor were you able to kill your father in combat. Without those two key pieces, I am afraid your claim cannot be truly confirmed." She finished. Proving Her knowledge of the ancient traditions was at least on par with Cooler's own.
Cooler was silent for a moment as he weighed his options. He could either hunt down this 'Super Saiyan' that had managed to defeat his father and brother, obviously in their suppressed forms. Or he could start a bloody civil war against the leaders of each of the families that voted against him. The first option would undoubtedly be the longer option, forcing him to hunt down a lone overgrown simian, and giving Chill time to try and come up with some new scheme to usurp control.
The second option would be the harder of the two although he could crush any single creature currently alive in the galaxy one on one, he would likely be facing off against at least half of the next 50 strongest fighters, if not all of them. It would clean out all of his enemies in one fell swoop, but greatly diminish the potential blood pool for his heirs.
Finally Cooler decided on a course of action. "Kuriza inform the council I will slay the threat and restore my father's honor." He ordered. In the same instant his hand lashed out a large purple blast already formed. Before Chill could react the blast enveloped her, sending her flying out if the castle through the roof. Cooler was right on her heels.
"How dare you!" Chill shouted her purple aura surrounding her after she was finally able to regain control over herself. "Do you think you can get away with this? killing me is a declaration of war against the council!" She shouted desperately trying to regain her composure.
"Don't worry I am not declaring war on the council, that would simply weaken the people I will soon rule. No you could say i am just completing the conditions you just pointed out for me to rule." Cooler calmly stated as he unleashed more of his full power in full view of the hundreds gathering on the city streets below.
"By attacking a prominent member of the council? You're more delusional than i thought." She declared to Cooler's amusement.
"No, of killing my greatest remaining rival to become the Crowned Prince of course." Cooler sneered before launching himself forward at three fourths of his full power.
Chill barely had time for her son's half brother's words to register with her before he chest exploded in firefly agony.
The entire capital city below shook with the force of the impact as Cooler sent Chill flying back, a clear indent in her chest were her ribs had been shattered.
Chill was so stunned by the pain that she was unable to slow herself as she shot across the sky, at speeds faster than a meteor.
Several more seconds passed before Chill was finally able to slow her travel. Her eyes darted back and forth across the sky looking for Cooler. She didn't even notice she was already over the newest of the suburbs of the otherwise ancient city.
"Looking for me?" Cooler's voice sounded in her ear.
Chill's tail lashed out trying to take Cooler by surprise. It could only cut through his after image.
Before this fact had a chance to register with her, her world went black.
Cooler had appeared above her and delivered a full powered ax-handle to the top of her skull.
The slowly gathering crowd below the pair let out screams of terror as their auras flashed trying to get out of the way of the inevitable explosion when Chill's body crashed into the ground.
A boom echoed out a second later, but much quieter than many had expected. Quickly the crowd looked to see what had happened.
Cooler stood in the middle of a small indent on the ground, one arm extended upwards. Chill's broken body lay limply on top of it, an occasional twitch on her upper body the only sign she was still alive.
Casually Cooler tossed her body to the ground an unsatisfied look on his face as he stared at the broken figure beneath him. "As much as I would like to say this was nothing more than just business, I cannot dismiss the fact I hoped I would get some personal satisfaction over this." Cooler stated calmly to the unconscious body in front of him. Loudly enough to show that he didn't care who overheard him. "And unfortunately I am not satisfied." Cooler quietly admitted. He had hated his brother and to a certain degree his father as well. But it was that hatred that had helped drive him to be the best. Even though the universe was now at his fingertips, part of him felt as if it was a hollow victory without a truly impressive victory securing his throne.
Cooler flicked his wrist vaporizing what was left of Chill before calming taking back to the air. Heading back to his ship, at that moment deep in a corner of his mind he hoped this 'Super Saiyan' was more on par with the legends of old than the overgrown monkey he expected to find when he arrived wherever his father and brother had met their ends.
Above the swirling clouds of Cooler planet 69, Turles felt a familiar thrill. He was about to take his biggest step yet to fulfilling the destiny he had been born for.
"You ready boys, today is the day the legend of our lives begin. Today we set the galaxy aflame with our war against the Planet Trade." Turles declared before immediately being met with a loud cheer.
'Let's get this party started' he thought to himself as he began pushing the ship down into the swirling atmosphere. His eyes burning with the same fire he wished to spread across the cosmos.
Hey everyone, I was kinda surprised I managed to get this chapter done as fast as I did. Since it was done, I grinded through today and got the editing done as well so you wouldn't have to wait as long.
It has come to my attention that my use of commas needed major work, I attempted to pay extra attention to that this chapter, additionally I got a new editing tool called grammerly to see if that helped with the process any.
One final point before getting to the reviews, I'm not sure if I made it clear enough in the chapter or not, but the reason Piccolo believes that Trunks is human, is because other than Bulma and Yamcha, know one else knows that Vegeta is Trunks' father.
Huge thank you to everyone who reviewed this chapter, there were more than I was expecting. I think that might've helped with me getting this chapter done as fast as I did as well, so keep those reviews coming ;).
Reviews:
RKF22 - Nice 80000 rage for Gohan maybe see super sayian soon
Hey thanks for the review :) I do have a plan in place for Gohan's ascension. Technically it is about halfway through currently but it is still a little ways off. I think everyone will be pleased with its results though.
roddypiperfan84 - If Gohan kills Turles, after killing Cooler, he will unleash the power of Super Saiyan 4, return to Earth with Raditz for a family reunion and kill Cell, after he spits out Android 18, and prevent Goku's death before he can wish Bardock and Gine back to life.
Wow, there is a lot of excitement in this review lol :). I unfortunately have to plead the fifth for now on whether you are right or not ;).
Jhotenko - It's cute how Turles thinks he's close to Frieza's power.
I know he's not close to getting there yet, but I'm wondering if Gohan's rage boost will let him spill over into ssj even if his base power isn't there yet. Also, depending on whether you have his rage multiplying or adding to his power, Turles won't stand a chance against Gohan if/when he transforms.
Something tells me Cooler is going to be more concerned with Turles destroying his resort planet than avenging his family. Which really doesn't bode well for Gohan and Raditz, they are so very much not ready for that fight.
Dr. Wheelo? Really? As evil geniuses go he's an idiot. I guess might have some useful Ideas that Gero could use... Alright I'm game. You've managed to make a bunch of D-list cannon good guys useful. (D-list only in power, I loved the original DB so I'm a fan of guys like Namu and Bora.) Let's see you make Wheelo into something other than a joke.
Thanks for the review. I figured that Turles' knowledge of Frieza and his family's true power level would be at best around the same as Vegeta's. So he might be in for a rude awakening at some point.
Gohan's rage boost would be very useful to helping him spill over into a Super Saiyan state. It would take a perfect storm for it to happen though. You're right Turles would be totally outmatched against Gohan the way things look now, and it would be even worse when Gohan get's stronger. Overall Gohan and Turles have an ok relationship, sort of like how Gohan and Raditz's relationship was during the begining, minus Gohan constantly trying to kill him. Gohan isn't overly interested in harming Turles, he simply wanted to finally get his revenge against Pyros for all the shit he's done.
Cooler is going to have a tough choice to make, his pride is being challenged on 2 fronts, the 'council's' slap to his face by temporarily denying his throne is a huge insult to him. But someone attacking one of his worlds, let along his own personal world is nearly as large of an insult, and further hurts his claims to his throne. It shows the galaxy as a whole isn't respecting him as much as he believes he should be respected.
Yes Dr. Wheelo and his assistant with the annoying name are no where near smart enough villains to be threats on their own at this point. But as underlings to arguably one of the most dangerous minds in the universe they could easily be major players. I am glad that you have enjoyed Nam, king Chappa, and Bora still having roles at this point, they were some of my favorites in DB too.
anonymous - Could not review the last chapter so sorry for that
So the last chapter focused on the back story of the future and how our heroes will prepare
I think both goku anr picollo will be much stronger than they were in canon seeing as they have found almost equals in terms of fighting power and technique meaning they can go all out without anyone holding them back
So the next year everyone killed by kold and army would be brought back
And maybe the year after either gohan could be brought back seeing as goku can't go for searching him or turles and company will come to earth for plantine the seed as raditz may tell him how lush green a planet earth was with plenty of natural resources
So pyros got his ass handed out to gohans rage and momentarily he was even stronger than turles was
Lets see what turles adventure to cooler's planet get him into
Update soon
Hey no problem on no review last chapter, just glad you did on this chapter :). Goku and Piccolo will be without a doubt stronger than they were in canon. They are actually able to train against someone close to their own maximum, giving them a huge advantage over the canon warriors.
Next year everyone killed by Cold and his men will have to be wished back first due to the year time-limit on mass-wish-backs. The year after that the Namekian elder has to be wished back reviving the Namekian dragon balls, then after 4 months the namekian dragon balls can be used, presumably to wish back Chiaotzu who is still stranded on king Kai's planet. Since in a previous chapter Goku and Chi Chi decided to make the Earth safe for Gohan to come back to them before wishing him back to Earth, since it appeared he was still alive in the future timeline where ever he was, the Namekians would likely just go to their new planet, and then leave the last wish unused.
Pyros made himself a very dangerious enemy, one who is going to be gunning for his head for awhile. Turles also now has reason to be wary of Gohan as well since his power is growing at an unexpectedly high rate, even for a Saiyan.
Simgr101 - turles going to try and fuck with cooler eh this is going to turn out so well for him im sure.
if cooler knows how to sense powers and use instant transmission in your fic at this stage i can only imagine this.
turles: HEHEHEHEHE
cooler transports behind turles: hey hows it going.
turles: hey im just fucking up that smug bastard cooler's resort world. hell never see it coming
cooler: neat
turles: i know ri... oh
Thanks for the review :). Yeah I mean Cooler won't exactly be happy about Turles messing with his planet, but he is going to have a decision to make on which item on his ever growing to-do list needs to come first. I'm not sure where the Cooler having IT is from though, I guess I will need to re-watch the movie because I didn't think he knew that technique, just that he is insanely fast. He does know how to sense power levels though.
super mystic gohan - I really like to to say impress with your chapter I cant fought you on spelling mistake because there wasn't any. also you rushed this im surprised im glad gohan getting stronger he going to end up abit ermm having mental issues when he older that's for sure but I cant wait to see how that plans out when he a full on teenager. also the fight with piccolo and goku was funny glad piccolo happy in beating goku I cant wait to see how much stronger he gets in himself hoppfully stronger than his cannon part. also was interesting I wanna how much off a differences now this time line will be to lime timeline aha by the way great chapter I really enjoyed keep up the good work
Thanks for the continued support :). I'm glad it seems like my spelling mistakes are improving some, I have been trying to do better on that. I'm also glad it didn't seemed too rushed. You're right, Gohan's upbringing isn't exactly the healthiest for a young psche, but so far it isn't too different than the childhood of any thousand of other Saiyan warriors. He just has the added complication of knowing there is such a thing as right and wrong.
I'm glad you enjoyed the Goku vs Piccolo fight. I felt like Piccolo was over-due for a real win. Though I am sure Vegeta's already limited patience is running low at this point.
Goku, Piccolo, and Vegeta will all be stronger than their canon counterparts, that much was decided as soon as the Cold fight happened. The differences between Lime's timeline are already piling up, letting Dr. Gero listen into that conversation sort of opened up pandora's box for everyone.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well ;)
fangurlsrule - Not bad. I like it so far
Thanks for the review, I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)
Luke -Hmmm, Turles antagonising Cooler...should be tons of fun! I just hope that Cooler isn't actually there...that could be a big problem. His Armored Squadron though, that would be neat!
This story is in my favorites and I often check in on it. The long delays between chapters are fine, since Perfection needs time!
As always, thank you for sharing your excellent story with your fans!
Thanks for the review :). Turles is just the kind of ass, at least in my mind, that would jump on an opportunity to poke the bear so to speak. He's going to have his hands full with the door his actions will open though.
It means a lot to me that you are enjoying the story so much! I hope I can continue to make a story that is up to your expectations :).
ChronoMitsurugi (Chapter 13, 32, 38) - (13) ...wait...*grin* Goku cranked it to
*puts sunglasses on* ...eleven *YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!*
Thanks for the review. Yup he is really getting a hang of his Kaioken at that point (At least I think that is what this review was about, sorry if I misunderstood)
(32) - I'm a little put off by all the more "mature" talk.
I like to keep my entertainment and my porn separate. So this last chapter is definitely one of my least favorite.
Ok at it sucks. Especially since we had to hear about strippers everywhere and Pyro with his harem in the palace and all that crap. Real buzz kills all around.
Then I thought Veggie and Naptime might show up and waste Horny and his gay power rangers to save Raditz and Gohan but nope.
31/32 decent chapters. That's a 97% approval rating for this fic for ME so far. Keep up the great work.
P.S. Goku is still a dumbass. Not even a funny one like Team Four Star's abridged version. Just a plain moron. Chichi is seriously badass though. As soon as you kill off Yamcha, Vegeta, Goku and Krillian we can get some Gohan's Angels (Charlie's Angels) going on here with Chichi, Bulma and Android 18.
...yeah I know its just wishful thinking.
Sorry the more mature material in that chapter is definitely more of the exception than the rule. I was attempting to show how much of an ass Pyros really is. Also the mentioning of the strippers was sort of just how I had imagined a large rebel camp would behave, based on how such groups act on Earth.
I'm glad you enjoyed the other 31 chapters up to this point though. Yeah I am trying to keep Goku as close to how I remember him in the show as possible, he isn't the smartest knife in the drawer though, at least when things don't involve fighting.
I am also glad you are enjoying Chi Chi's role so far. I felt like she was definitely one of the more under-utilized characters in the show and have tried hard to rectify this issue.
As for your final point, that would be an interesting un-expected twist lol.
(38) -
Finally giving Vegeta the closure he has sought for over 20 years. He has avenged his torture, his has avenged his people, he has avenged his father.
Bravo.
I still think DBZ should have gone with the Planet Trade Organization being an overarching series with king Cold as the final boss. Maybe Cell was created by the scientist from all over the vast universe spanning empire after Cooler failed to avenge Frieza. And in the end it take the combined might of SSJ Goku, SSJ Vegeta, and SSJ Gohan to finally stop king Cold. Also NO Super Saiyan 2 form. Maybe Super Piccolo, Raditz, Nappa and Tien could be the ones to finish off Cell.
Makes a hell of a lot more sense than Dr. Gero making all those androids where each and every fucking one of them is stronger than Frieza. Yeah I call bullshit.
My rants over. Keep up the great work.
I'm glad we see eye to eye on the injustice Toriama did to Vegeta. Finishing Frieza off always should've been Vegeta's role after Goku failed to finish him the first time.
Your suggestion about the Planet Trade being an over-arcing enemy actually is a really, really good story idea. Just had to tempt me with it didn't you lol. I'm kind of disappointed I didn't think of it, to be honest. Thanks again for all the reviews, I enjoyed reading though them :).
wheathermangohanssj4 - Okay interesting chapter, the Piccolo Goku fight was fun.
I don't much care for the Gohan in this story...Gohan in this is crossing the line too much and is learning well the wrong lession you don't have to kill things to get stronger...in fact it seems that the space traveling to plat the tree is time wasted on getting stronger.
I am looking forward to what the teamup of Gero and Wheelo will do, the bio warrors were decently strong.
I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I felt like Piccolo was over-due for a win of some sort, and what better way then finally completing the objective he was born for :).
Again I am sorry you are not fond of how Gohan has ended up so far. I do have a plan for him, and I am trying to keep as true to my original vision for the story as I can. I think it will be a great ride, then again I am kinda biased towards it.
The planting the tree does provide for a different time frame for Gohan and company's rise in power. The fact they are growing in strength this way will have an interesting effect in the future.
The Gero-Wheelo team up will definitely be a fun one. You specifically inspired it with one of our earlier discussions so I hope you enjoy its results :).
The Forgotten Phoenix -I will say that the premise of this story intrigued me. Stories like this interest me. However, I found that the structure and grammar of the first chapter broke my immersion constantly. Since it is the first chapter, I figured it wouldn't be fair to critique you on work done years ago. So I skipped ahead. I saw improvement in your current chapter but it is still very raw in my opinion.
This review is purely on grammar, flow and structure. The technical side of writing. I won't comment on the characters or the plot.
The most obvious thing I noticed is that you misuse commas. It's fair enough. Commas are hard to get right and I would be a liar to say I always do them right as well. But especially in the middle half of your story, I could consistently rely on one misused comma per paragraph. I will give you some examples.
"Just as the last of the blue liquid drained away he pushed the door open, the first thing he noticed was his Uncle similarly exiting the second nearby healing tank, an equally confused look on his face."
First of all, this is a run-on sentence. A comma should not be used to separate "open" and "the." The actions on each side of the comma are completely different. One describes pushing the door open and the other Gohan's observation of his uncle and neither are related to each other. The way you've constructed the sentence would mean changing that comma to a period.
You also constructed the part about Gohan remarking about his uncle clumsily. Apart of it is the adverbs. Similarly was poorly placed in the phrase. Another part is the unnecessary wording. For example, you use two adjectives for the healing tank practically on top of one another. It's makes the sentence very clumsy.
Here's how I would construct the sentence for example.
"Just as the last of the blue liquid drained away, he pushed the door open. The first thing he noticed was his uncle exiting a second healing tank placed nearby, looking as confused as he was."
Here's two more examples. There are plenty more but they should serve to reinforce my point.
Example 1:
"It only took a few minutes for both of the still slightly disoriented Saiyan warriors to join the rest of Turles' crew as the leader waited expectantly looking out over the abundant jungles surrounding them, he could practically feel the power that would soon be flowing through his veins already."
For one, that comma is misplaced. Should be a period. Number two it would probably should be advised to chop off words that make the sentence disjointed. Once again, I'll give you an example of how I'd construct this sentence. Also it is fine to use a comma after a verb with an 'ing' ending if the subject (I.E Turles in the case of the example) is doing two things at once (in this case waiting and looking around).
"It only took a few minutes for the Saiyans to join the rest of Turles' crew. The leader waited expectantly, looking out over the abundant jungles that surrounded him."
Example 2:
"It wasn't until his musing had passed and he had stood up to return to his ship that he noticed how light his body felt, as if it was made of nothing more than air, it was then that Turles noticed that he had just eaten all eight Tree of Might fruits in one sitting."
Ok, the errors in this passage are similar to the ones that I've noted before. I will give you an example of something more 'correct' per se and leave you to analyse what I did different. If you struggle, feel free to PM and I'll try to help.
"It wasn't until his musing had passed that he noticed how light his body felt. It hit him as he stood up to return to his ship. He felt like he was made of nothing but air. It was then that Turles noticed that he had just eaten all eight of the Tree of Might's fruits in one sitting."
These are just a few examples. They weren't even the ones that originally got to me. I'm not saying this to belittle you. There was a time where I made far more egregious errors, but it's important to understand your flaws. I hope you take some time to think over what I said. Hopefully anyway.
Best of luck.
I'm glad the premise of the story intrigued you; sorry the grammatical issues ended up being such a distraction to you throughout it. I do try my best to eliminate them as much as I can but I can definitely say grammar isn't my strong suite. Thank you for pointing out those issues though, if no one points out where I am consistently making mistakes I will likely never notice them.
I had a beta reader for awhileabout a year ago, so some of the middle chapters might be better grammatically, I always seemed to keep them busy with all of my mistakes. The beta reader kind of disappeared at some point though so the quality of the chapters (grammatically) did regress again for awhile.
I put an increase emphasis on trying to eliminate the run on sentences, and the sentence fragments (kinda amazing I manage to have so many of both of those in the same story) so I hope this chapter is at least somewhat improved. I also ran the chapter through a new editing tool called grammerly to kind of see whether that would help solve the issue. It seemed to point out a lot of places I should've added commas, but not many where I should remove commas. I'm not sure if that is just an issue with the programs' programming, or if that means I caught most of the run on sentences.
Thanks again for alerting me to this issue, I will continue to try and improve on it in the future :).
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed, I hope to have another chapter up before too long, I'm just not sure when since the GRE is still a few weeks away.