The Witcher: Part XXX
Wilde Hunt
Previously, on The Witcher:
Geralt sealed away Atlantis once again. But Oscar Wilde had a startling revelation:
He was being chased by pirates -
The Wilde Hunt!
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
"Let's go let's go let's go!" shouted Oscar Wilde with unparalleled urgency.
"Dude, we can fight the stupid pirates," said Geralt.
"They're going to kill me! Flee! Get away!" screamed Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde ran beneath decks, and ran back up a few seconds later with a motor.
He attached to the back of the ship, and filled it up with petrol. He pulled the lever on it, and it whirred into life, increasing the speed of the Geralady Feudalism by about 0.2%.
"Come on guys, use your magic and stuff to get us to go faster!" screamed Oscar Wilde. The fleet on the horizon was quickly closing on them.
"We can take them," said Iorverth confidently.
"You can't defeat the Wilde Hunt!" said Oscar Wilde in utter and absolute fear. He grabbed the swords of Geralt and Iorverth and ran to the front of the ship, and pointed them out in front of him to make the ship more aerodynamic.
"Have you never seen Eredin?" said Oscar Wilde. "He's the scariest guy in the world!"
"Stop panicking loser," said Ciri.
"Ready the cannons!" said Oscar Wilde, running to the starboard side, and aiming guns at the approaching fleet. He fired cannonballs at them, the booms echoing throughout the air.
One of the Wilde Hunt ships was beginning to get quite close.
Geralt walked up to Oscar Wilde, grabbed him, and chucked him away from the cannons.
"We won't be sinking any ships today," said Geralt, while Lady Feudalism blushed slightly. "Let's work out our differences peacefully!" he shouted to the Wilde Hunt pirate ship.
The pirates grabbed planks, and chucked them over to the Geralady Feudalism. And they boarded, whilst Oscar Wilde ran and hid in a cupboard below deck.
Several pirates came across, one of which looked considerably more menacing than the others. He wore a tricorn hat, an eyepatch, and had a pegleg.
"I be Captain of the Hunt, Eredin," said the pirate. "Where be that dirty bilge-rat Oscar Wilde?"
"Why do you want to kill him?" asked Geralt, using his best diplomatic voice.
"Arr. His family be evil, and they all must die," replied Eredin.
"What did they ever do to you though?" asked Geralt.
"Arr. Oscar's great great grandfather did murder my great grandfather many years ago, and took all of his pirate treasure," explained Eredin. "So me grandfather stabbed Oscar's great great grandfather, killing the scoundrel."
"But the score was not yet settled, and me grandfather had not tasted enough blood. So he swore to kill every damn Wilde in the world. And I am fulfilling me grandfather's promise."
"I won't let you kill poor Oscar Wilde," replied Geralt. "His morals have been weak, but he doesn't deserve to die."
"Then I shall kill ye to get to him," replied Eredin. Eredin pulled his sword.
Geralt grabbed his sword from the deck. And then they had a pirate duel.
Geralt climbed up one of the ladders, and Eredin followed up to the observation deck on the very top of the ship. They slashed and parried.
Eredin stabbed forward, and Geralt teetered on the edge of the observation deck.
And then he fell backwards, and fell on one of the ship's sails. He stabbed his sword into the sail to break his fall, and Eredin followed, jumping down.
"Why don't you just use magick to finish him?" shouted Iorverth, ever practical.
Geralt cast a spell to set Eredin's tricorn hat on fire. He yelled and took it off, revealing his bald head.
Eredin's Wilde Hunt men were fighting Iorverth and Lady Feudalism and Ciri. Iorverth fenced with them. Lady Feudalism used magic to keep them at bay. Ciri was using her portal gun to teleport them back to their own ship.
Unfortunately, one Wilde Hunt pirate slipped past them, and went beneath decks.
"I've found the scoundrel, Eredin!" he yelled, as he came back up, holding Oscar Wilde by the neck.
"Please, I don't want to die!" said Oscar Wilde. "You promised you'd protect me Geralt!"
Eredin jumped forward, and slashed at Oscar Wilde: a final blow.
Adolf Hitler too, had a ship. It resembled an aircraft carrier.
His band of 48 men were chanting ominous music. A Nazi Elf Draugr flew in from the distance, holding a wrapped package.
"A gift," he said. "A symbol of goodwill from the Nazi Elf Draugr."
"We would like you to have it, Führer."
Adolf Hitler unwrapped the present. Inside, was a giant long sword with a blood red blade. It was considerably taller than Hitler himself.
Adolf Hitler grabbed the sword by both hands, staggering a bit due to its huge weight.
"They say this sword was one of the teeth of Lord Satan," said the Nazi Elf Draugr.
"I can believe it," replied Adolf Hitler. "It's a mighty weapon. I think I'll test it out now."
Adolf Hitler stabbed the Nazi Elf Draugr through the chest. It writhed in pain and twitched before falling to the ground, lifeless.
A couple of orchestra members grabbed the broken body of the draugr and chucked it overboard.
"This sword..." said Hitler admiring his new blade. "I will use it to kill the Witcher, I think."
"Yes..."
The final blow was whistling towards Oscar Wilde's neck. Geralt quickly jumped in and blocked the sword.
"Get out of my way," said Eredin angrily. "I need to kill this scoundrel!"
Just then, Ciri shot a portal at Eredin, teleporting him back to his own ship. All of the pirates had been teleported back.
"Phew," said Oscar Wilde.
"Let's get away from this Wilde Hunt then," said Geralt, now convinced of the power of the Wilde Hunt. He cast a magick spell to accelerate the ship as fast as possible.
The Geralady Feudalism sped across the water away from the Wilde Hunt.
Suddenly, they started firing torpedos.
Geralt shot lasers out of his eyes to destroy them.
After a few minutes, they saw an island in the distance. The fleet of Wilde Hunt was surrounding them from all sides.
"I'm going to get onto that island," said Oscar Wilde, who gracefully dived off the side of the ship and began swimming.
"I'll follow him and make sure the pirates don't kill him," said Geralt to the other three members of Team Witcher. "You lot can fight off the pirates from here."
Geralt jumped up and flew towards the island. Upon reaching the beach, Geralt saw Oscar Wilde staggering down the beach, running into the jungle on the island.
Wilde Hunt ships ran aground on the beach of the island.
Pirates stormed out onto the beach, chasing Geralt and Oscar Wilde.
"I hate escort missions," said Geralt. He shot some fire at the pirates.
Meanwhile, Eredin had returned to the Geralady Feudalism and was dueling Iorverth, Ciri, and Lady Feudalism all at once. Ciri jumped forward and bit Eredin on the shoulder, while Lady Feudalism cast a paralysis spell.
"Despite me being a mere muggle, ye landlubbers can't even have a chance of competing against me, the captain of the Wilde Hunt!"
Eredin pirated a giant axe from thin air and whirled it around him.
"How did he do that?" asked Ciri.
"Piracy," replied Eredin. "I downloaded it from me pirate peers."
"I can torrent anything, I need to defeat ye landlubbers."
And with that, Eredin summoned a giant torrent from the sea.
It washed over the Geralady Feudalism, casting Iorverth, Ciri, and Lady Feudalism into the cold abyss, while Eredin jumped up onto his pirated flying carpet and flew towards the island.
"Oh no!" said Lady Feudalism.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XXXI
TREASURE ISLAND