The Witcher: Part XXXIII

The Phantom Menace

Previously, on The Witcher:

It turns out the Ikron Corporation was being run by Geralt's old enemy, Darth Rikon. And now Darth Rikon attacks Geralt!

How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?

"I've taken Rikon before, I can do it again," said Geralt, who drew his golden blade.

Darth Rikon sliced forward his lightsaber. Geralt parried to the left and swiped his sword upwards. Darth Rikon parried, but was knocked back by the force of the blow.

"You can't defeat me," said Geralt confidently, as Rikon gathered himself off the floor. And then suddenly, Geralt's vision began to cloud.

Phantom shapes began to shift around him. And then, one phantom took the shape of Geralt. Another phantom took the shape of Adolf Hitler.

Phantom Geralt wielded two swords and held them at Hitler's throat. Was this a vision of the future?

And then phantom Geralt spoke.

"Adolf Hitler. You are a very bad man. You have killed millions of people. And for that, you will die."

And phantom Geralt thrust both of his swords through Phantom Hitler's chest, and Phantom Hitler dissolved into the air.

"Noooo!" cried the real Geralt. "I will never do that!"

"I will never betray my morals! Without my morals, I'd be like the most generic hero ever!"

Meanwhile, Iorverth was also dealing with his own phantoms. Phantom Iorverth appeared before him, wearing tattered rags. And behind Phantom Iorverth came Phantom Geralt, again wielding two swords.

"I have done it," said Phantom Geralt. "I am a true hero."

"It's a shame you never had a chance to be the hero yourself."

"Noooo!" cried Iorverth. "I am more of a hero than Geralt! I am the protagonist of this story, not him!"

At the same time, Lady Feudalism had a vision not of herself, but of some other woman. Phantom Geralt appeared before Lady Feudalism, but completely ignored her, instead heading straight for the other phantom woman.

"Yennefer!" said Phantom Geralt excitedly, moving into the arms of the phantom woman. Lady Feudalism looked away before she saw what happened next.

Finally, Ciri, too was plagued by a phantom. This phantom was of herself.

Phantom Ciri looked almost the same as real Ciri, except much, much older. Phantom Ciri hobbled slowly towards real Ciri, and then collapsed. Phantom Ciri groaned, stuck on the ground, unable to move.

"I will never be that senile," said Ciri, trying to preserve her ever present optimism. And then Geralt, the real one, walked up to Ciri.

"These phantoms are quite menacing," he said. "We need to find out who's making them and then put a stop to this."

Geralt cast a tracking magick spell: a spell which could find the source of a magic spell.

The source of the phantoms was located under Darth Rikon's desk. Geralt shot some lightning in that general direction, and all of the phantoms vanished.

Rikon had disappeared, nowhere to be seen. And underneath the desk, there sat a chubby man with a white beard.

"Who are you?" asked Geralt.

"I'm George Lucas," replied the man. "I created the phantom menace."

"Damn you," said Geralt. "Because of you, Rikon got away."

"When he comes back he'll probably be with a bunch of droids and Himmlers."

"I think your story is quite interesting," said George Lucas as if he hadn't heard anything Geralt had said. "I hear you used to be a chicken. I think a chicken-Geralt prequel trilogy would be quite-"

Geralt Fus Ro Dah'd George Lucas out the window.

"Now that that imbecile is gone, let's get away from here before Rikon comes back with reinforcements," said Iorverth.

But it was too late. Rikon had returned. And he was alone.

"What was your logical reason for leaving and then coming back?" asked Geralt.

"I have returned to destroy you, Geralt," said Darth Rikon ominously. A white gas began pour out of the nearby ventilation shaft.

Nazi Elf Draugr #1420 was on the hunt for the Key of Death. He had arrived at a quite large and magnificent library overlooking a lake.

The name of the library was 'The Library of Death'.

He walked into the library, where an old man sat at the front desk.

"Do you know where the Key of Death is?" asked Nazi Elf Draugr #1420.

"No," replied the old man.

"You lie," replied Nazi Elf Draugr #1420.

"I've never heard of any Key of Death," said the old man.

"Then what's that around your neck?" asked the Nazi Elf Draugr. Around the librarian's neck, there was a string with a key tied at the bottom.

On the key, the letters K.O.D were clearly inscribed.

Nazi Elf Draugr #1420 grabbed the man's head and snapped his neck. And then, he retrieved the Key of Death.

"Hitler will be pleased..." he said.

Darth Rikon stood across the room from Geralt.

"George Lucas and the phantoms were mere distractions I set up," said Darth Rikon. "...so I could go and set up the ventilation system to release this gas."

The white gas now filled the room.

"This is kryptonite gas. You are defenseless."

Team Witcher ran out of the office to escape the gas.

"It is too late. Your magick has already been suppressed," said Rikon, following them.

"Your magickek is suppressed as well!" said Iorverth, charging forward with his sword. Rikon punched Iorverth in the face, knocking him out.

Rikon then punched Lady Feudalism and Ciri in the face, knocking them out also, whilst Geralt retreated into a side room.

"Take these three to the carbonite," said Rikon to a couple of passing droids. "I will deal with the Witcher."

Rikon walked into the side room, which was actually a massive reactor shaft.

Geralt and Rikon stood on the gantry, and Rikon pulled out his lightsaber. "You are beaten. It is useless to resist," said Darth Rikon.

Rikon sliced at Geralt. Geralt parried with his sword, and somehow, the unreinforced gold was able to block Rikon's lightsaber.

"I will make you this offer," said Rikon to Geralt. "Join me and Hitler, and together, we can achieve absolute power."

"No!" said Geralt.

Rikon sliced again at Geralt, and Geralt slowly moved back to the narrow edge of the gantry, barely parrying each blow.

"There is no escape," said Rikon. "Don't make me destroy you. You do not yet realise your importance. You have only begun to discover your power."

"Join me and Hitler, and with our combined strength, we can bring order to Rivia."

"I'll never join you!" cried Geralt defiantly.

"If you only knew the power of the Hitler side," said Rikon. "Nobody ever told you what happened to your father."

"I'm guessing you're going to tell me it was you who killed him!" said Geralt.

And then Rikon looked straight into Geralt's eyes, into his very soul.

"No."

"I am your father."

Geralt looked at Rikon in utter disbelief.

"No. No. That's not true! That's impossible! My father was a chicken!" said Geralt.

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true," replied Rikon.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Geralt.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" replied Rikon, mocking Geralt.

"The name Rikon is an anagram," said Darth Rikon. "My real name... is Korin."

"Geralt, I am your father."

TO BE CONTINUED

IN

THE WITCHER: PART XXXIV

THE BODY IN THE LIBRARY