A/N: Hello... so it's been a while. Just to say, thank you for bearing with me, the support is phenomenal.

Also, I do not own Harry Potter, no copyright infringement is intended and all rights go to J K Rowling who has announced the new play: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child- the untold story of Harry Potter! Who else is excited? I'm very excited.

(x NerdyGirl x you didn't skip part of the story, their death just wasn't centralised in the plot. His parents died (I don't know if they did or not, I've just made it up, but they definitely died before James and Lily were 20-something) in the time between their graduation from Hogwarts and Narcissa's wedding. There isn't really a reason for this except that I don't think I had it in me to write about the death of another person's parents – it's emotionally exhausting and I'm still an amateur. I don't know how J K managed when she was writing HP, I would have been such an emotional wreck that I wouldn't be able to continue. Sorry about my lack of organisational skills.)

Just a warning, this is such a lachrymose chapter, I don't really know what I was thinking... Anyway, next chapter will be Christmas! Then we can move on to the next year, I'm really trying to pick up the pace now.

Enjoy and I hope you had or are having a lovely day!

JAMES' P.O.V

POTTER'S COTTAGE

AUGUST 22ND

The door clicks shut and Lily comes in. She doesn't know I'm back yet, I'm not scheduled to return from patrols for another two hours or so. I decided to surprise her; we've been so stressed recently, running around after Death Eaters, defying the Dark Lord, you know normal stuff warriors do in the middle of a war. Anyway, I'm hoping we'll finally have some time to ourselves – just to talk, relax, the general things that married couples do. I wait, hidden under my invisibility cloak, in the kitchen doorway. Lily was at the Weasley's for Percy's birthday celebration. I'm pretty sure Lily said he was turning two years old today.

The door swings open and Lily yanks off her coat and kicks off her shoes. She throws her shoes rather aggressively into the cupboard under the stairs and uses her wand to hang up her coat on the pegs. She then tugs the grips from her hair and throws it up into a bun before storming into the kitchen, I just about get out of the way in time. She turns on the kettle with a flick of her wand and (if this is possible) eats a biscuit rather violently whilst looking out on the garden.

I wonder what happened – she is clearly angry, but over what? I'm about to ask, but then I remember that I'm invisible. Lily drinks her tea and I stand there awkwardly. Lily makes an agitated noise and then throws the mug on the floor, causing it to smash into tiny pieces. Yes, she's definitely angry.

After watching this, I think I should just reveal myself. I take off my cloak; Lily looks my way but doesn't seem too shocked. She has angry tears in her eyes.

"What are you doing back?" she asks her voice irresolute.

"That's it? No surprise, no 'I'm so happy to see you, I love you'? You break my heart. I can just go if you want."

"I'm really not in the mood, James," she says, turning to look through the window. I can see the physical strain she's putting on her body to keep composure.

"Aw, come on, Lily-flower, humour me."

"Fine, I'm so happy you're here," she says, without enthusiasm.

"That's pitiful, even for you."

"Are you calling me pitiful?"

"No, no," I say, she turns away, a few tears fall down her cheeks.

I put my arms around her, taking her hands in mine; I turn her around so she's facing me. It occurs to me that she probably wouldn't let anybody else close to her whilst she's like this – it makes me feel weirdly privileged.

"Lily?" I try to read something, anything, but she averts her gaze. "Shall I tell you a funny story?"

"Sure, why not?" she says, wearily.

"Well, firstly, the Patrols were so boring, I would rather sit through eighty of Professor Binn's lessons than do that again," Lily's mouth quirks upwards as if to smile, but she doesn't. I take this as a sign of encouragement. "Anyway, so Padfoot, Wormtail and I were patrolling the less expensive parts of London and we came across this collection of rubbish bins which weren't even that big. Wormtail was trying to find the nearest Floo Network and Padfoot was pratting around. Then, we hear a loud rustling and clattering inside one of the bins. So Padfoot, being the dumbass that he is, thought there were a load of Death Eaters in the bin so called back up, like we'd made an oath to do if we ever came across Death Eaters on Patrols. So Moony arrives with a few Aurors with him and they go to check the bins. Of course there were no Death Eaters, instead there was a family of hedgehogs living in that bin."

Lily splutters, genuinely smiling this time, "hedgehogs?"

"Yeah, hedgehogs. Moony was beside himself. Padfoot was sent home early and told he wasn't allowed on Patrols ever again. I mean, seriously, a family of hedgehogs."

"Well that's Padfoot," Lily says, smiling.

"So what's got you so down?"

"Nothing," she says.

"Really?"

"Well no, something but it doesn't matter now does it? It's in the past."

"Do I need to hex anyone?"

"Already taken care of," Lily says, looking up at me in that way she does – I can't really explain it.

She might not tell me everything all at once – and that's okay. She'll tell me when she's ready to tell me. That's what relationships (or at least healthy ones) are about; they're being comfortable and secure and doing things at a pace that feel right for the both of you. These are my favourite moments, I think, when it's just me and Lily. Nobody has to say anything; we can just sit or stand together for hours on end in the tranquillity and equilibrium that is each other's company. There's something about her presence which makes me feel so complete and whole that I don't feel the need to question certainty or prove the unknown. It's at times like this when I realise just how much I love her and just how strong and unexpected that love is.

LILY'S P.O.V

EARLIER THAT DAY

Percy's birthday party has just finished and I'm walking home. Well, I left the party early but Molly just thinks I'm tired, which I am but it's more than that. I feel like everything's building up on top of me and I can't bloody hold it all in. I'm just so upset and annoyed and I don't know what to do.

I just don't want to be seen as one of those girls who's always crying and has got some issue or other to deal with. I don't want people to pity me but I do need support, is that possible?

"Why did you run off like that? Everybody's been asking after you!" Alice says, as she catches up with me down the road.

"Lily?" Alice asks, taking my arm and dragging me back as I try to walk away.

"What? There's nothing really to say. Am I supposed to just accept what people are saying about me? You heard Emmeline Vance, talking about my parents and Severus and then she goes on about me not having a child! I'll have a baby when James and I are ready and not before."

"Lily," Alice exhales, putting her hand on my shoulder; I shrug it off and move away.

"I'm not saying never, but just not yet. Not now."

"Lily, I get it. Molly gets it. And you really shouldn't care what Emmeline says – she was drunk anyway and even if –"

"It's not just the baby thing, Al. I feel like everyone's watching me and my life choices and scrutinising them all. I'm untrustworthy because I had a best friend who was a Death Eater, I'm a liability because I've been tortured, I'm a weight and a burden because I'm a Muggle-Born and will attract unwanted attention, I'm likely to be unfocused because I lost my parents at a young age… I had little choice in most of those and I don't like it when people try to tell me how to live."

"Lily, nobody's judging you. Even if they were, the Lily Evans Potter I know wouldn't care. She'd shrug it off because nobody can make her feel inferior without her consent and she won't back down or be belittled because she is strong."

"Well maybe I can't be that Lily anymore."

"Why not? Why can't you be brave?"

"Because I'm not much of an actress – I can't pretend to be brave. It's too much, Al."

"Lily you have people relying on you. When you're in a war, sure it's hard and it pushes you to the breaking point but you can't fall apart. If you can't stay strong for yourself, then do it for James."

"James? I haven't seen him in weeks."

"So? What's that got to do with anything?"

"I feel so alone, Al. When he's not with me, I feel like I've lost a piece of me."

"That's pitiful, Lily. Snap out of it! James can't come here, rushing to your side like a knight in shining armour every time you feel sad or down. Besides, this is tough on James as well. It's not fair to make him carry all this weight on his own."

"Yeah I know. Alice, what the hell is wrong with me?"

"I have no idea. Maybe you just miss him."

"Maybe," I murmur, I can already feel tears building up. Christ, I'm messed up.

"When's he due home?"

"Soon," I say, glancing at my watch, "very soon."

Alice looks at her own watch and grimaces, "Lil, I really need to go now, I'm expected for Patrols in ten minutes. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, James will be back soon anyway," I say.

As soon as Alice walks, or rather speed walks back the way we came, I Apparate to the only place (or perhaps the second place) I think I'll be able to clear my head.

I open my eyes, and as I expected, I'm at the park in Cokeworth, just a few minutes away from my old home. I walk in the general direction of the cemetery where the local Church laid stones in honour of my parents. The anniversary of my parents deaths was a few weeks ago, but I didn't have the time or the energy to come here. I feel like I owe it to them and to myself to be here now. I have to be here.

Secretly, I come here a lot. Just to sit and watch the world the go by but usually to feel closer to my parents. Obviously they're gone, but if I close my eyes, imagine and really concentrate, I can almost convince myself that they're still here. The most horrible moments are when I wake up, thinking that they're still here and then it comes crashing down like a tonne of bricks – the realisation that they're not here anymore and they never will be.

I close my eyes as I walk, reliving my memories, my emotions and my thoughts on that day when I found out. The day James and I had out real first kiss and not because of some silly dare. The day we discovered we both loved Oscar Wilde. James.

I must remember that my family is not dead, my parents are and my sister has walked out of my life, but I have a new family – I have James, Marlene, Alice and the Marauders. I have Molly, I have the Weasleys.

I open my eyes and find myself sitting beside the stones, with their names engraved. As usual, I lay down some petunias and some lilies – those being my mum's favourite flowers. What I'm surprised by is the fact that someone has laid asphodels by the stones, but who?

I feel a presence behind me and I turn around. Severus. After all this time, we meet here.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, somewhat coldly.

"Anyone's allowed in a graveyard," he sneers.

I turn my back on him but keep a close eye on what he's doing using a charm I learnt a few years ago. He walks around the stones so he faces me, in his hands are a posy of asphodels. So it was him.

"I'm –" he begins.

"Save it, Severus. I don't want to hear it. I just want to be left alone."

"Lily," he says, his face softens with concern as he leans against one of the stones, my eyes level with his chin.

"Stop it, please. It's – it's hard enough but – with you… I just can't, I'm sorry."

I get up to leave but he grabs my wrist, as he does so, his sleeve rolls up, revealing his Dark Mark. I recoil.

"So it is true," I say, my voice shaking. Severus releases my wrist and pulls his sleeve back down, exaggerating the movement.

"As you put it," he says, "you've chosen your way, and I've chosen mine."

I scowl at him and walk away, back toward the park. I must have taken about five steps before I felt his presence beside me. Whatever gave him the idea he could walk with me? Like he used to.

"I know you think I don't care anymore –" he says.

"You don't," I reply shortly, dodging a fallen branch.

"You see? You always do this. Everything's always so hard for you and you never consider how any of the things you've said and done have affected others, primarily me."

"Oh don't give me that. I'm sure you're perfectly content with all your dark magic and your Death Eater friends –"

He glowers at me with a look so icy, it almost makes me want to leave the issue be. But he will not force me into submission. I've stayed silent too long.

"And I suppose your life is so difficult…" he drawls, "How is your blood-traitor husband?"

"His name is James and he's fine."

"You know, Lily, the Dark Lord is still willing to forgive the little incident a few weeks prior… perhaps you would be so gracious as to reconsider," he says, picking the petals off of the asphodel he's holding.

"You know I'll never stand by him, not now not ever."

"Pity," he says, letting the now petal-less flower be carried off by the wind, "I would have loved to see the look on that conceited bastard's face –"

I whip my wand out and hold it to his throat. We stand still, a wall of hatred and built up discrepancy between us.

"Say that again, and I swear –"

"What? You'll kill me?" he says, smirking as he pushes my wand away from his throat and carries on walking.

"You never had the strength, the will, to do harm to anyone or anything. That's your flaw, Lily."

"And your flaw is that you're a bit too willing to harm things and people."

"Virtues and vices, Lily, virtues and vices."

"When did you get philosophical?"

"I've always been this way, Lily. You should know me better."

"I don't know you at all anymore."

"Is that so?" he asks, raising his wand. I instantly block his Crucio. He grins, "See? You knew I was going to do that."

"That's different."

"It is in no way different. I think you'll find, Lily, no matter how much people change on the outside, the choices they make, the things they do, they will always be the same underneath. There is no escaping that. You know me, Lily, as I know you. Merlin knows I've made mistakes, as have you, but can't you see? I am still the same underneath, my soul is the same."

"Severus," I say, my voice shaking, "our choices define who we are. Underneath, in our souls, we are all the same, equal. It's our choices that make us different and define us."

"Bullshit, Lily. Nothing defines you, or it shouldn't. Don't you see? This is why I'm with them. I am no longer contained by definitions. It's the dawn of a new age, Lily – an age in which we cannot be touched by the restrictions, the boundaries, the laws that confine mortals. We can explore the magic which has been concealed from us. I will never die, I am a greater being. In some ways, I am invincible."

"That's a fairytale, Severus. You know as much about this as I do. There are certain ways to become immortal but… think about it Severus. There's a reason that magic is forbidden. Anyway, you think I don't know what else your precious Dark Lord wants? You're a fool to think this doesn't come at a price."

"I am no fool," he says, his eyes empty of warmth or familiarity.

"Then you must know that he wants to eradicate my kind. He wants to conquer wizarding Great Britain, he wants to a totalitarian country. Christ, Severus, he wants a global dictatorship in which all Muggles bow down to the Wizarding World."

"I know, Lily, I know. But sometimes you need to accept the good with the bad."

"That's it?" I say, incredulous.

"What more do you want me to say, Lily? If you want me to comfort you and say that I love you and I'll never leave you, then too fucking bad. You should have tried harder when we were thirteen."

"Severus, wait," I say as he starts to walk away, back to Spinner's End.

"It's over Lily. Go back to your blood-traitor bastard if you're looking for comfort and safety!" he yells.

"I don't need comfort and safety! God dammit, Severus, can't you see that I'm just trying to protect you and stop you from doing more stupid things?"

"This is too little, too late, Lily. Once you're sucked in, you never come out."

"Why did you even come here today? And lay the asphodels on my parents' graves?"

"You're the one with a NEWT in Potions," he says cryptically, "I'm sorry Lily. I've moved on and now I know where you stand, well it's clear. Goodbye and good luck… you'll need it."

"You'll need it more than me," I whisper, as he disappears.

I'm vaguely aware of Disapparating from Cokeworth and then appearing again in Godric's Hollow. I don't think I can stand much more of this. I was having a rough enough day already and then he has to show up and make everything more complicated and worse. I take down the wards and unlock the door. I need a cup of tea, that's for damn certain. I need a hundred cups of tea but most of all, I need James. No, I need to pull myself together. It's not as if one of the major parts of my childhood just came back to haunt me.

I shouldn't care about him anymore. I should just let him go. I thought I had. I really thought I'd forgiven him completely and was ready to move on but I'm not. It's still painful. He hates me and all those of my blood and he's deluded, I should just forget all about him. Pretend he was never my friend. But he was, and I still care. But he no longer does.

I feel that, despite what he says, the boy who was my best friend, my brother, is dead. He may come back from time to time, a reflection, a ghost, but for the most part, he is gone. And I mourn for him.

Why did he have to join the Dark Side?

I feel a wave of angry tears wash over me and as I reach for a tissue in my pocket, I find an asphodel there. What was it asphodels symbolised?

Of course, regret.

There are so many things I regret but I cannot let what I haven't done and will never do haunt me. I think it's time to say goodbye, once and for all.

Que in perpetuum frater ave atque vale.

(And forever, brother, hail and farewell - from a poem by the Roman poet Gaius Valerius Catullus. TMI fans may recognise it.)