Thanks to Caranath, Xenitha, Max2013, and Snowprincess88 for the reviews. And here's the last chapter!
The silence in the room was smothering. Both Joe and Anna sat, eyes wide, shocked expressions on their faces.
Frank put down his now-cold mug of coffee, his fingers tight and tense from the strength of the grip he had been using to hold it. "So. That's what happened in Moscow." It was obvious he was working at making his tone match the lightness of the words.
"A bomb." Joe 's voice was low, his hands curling into fists. "There was a bomb. And you're still alive because you overslept? Here I've spent all these years thinking you were sick over Christmas, and that's why you seemed off. But no, you just couldn't be bothered to tell me what had happened." The anger in his words slashed through the silence like a knife. "Jesus, Frank, what? Did you think I couldn't handle it? Did you not trust me? Did your handlers tell you to keep me in the dark?" He stood, arms flung wide, plate and silverware clattering to the floor.
As he opened his mouth to continue, Kara reached up, twisted one of his arms behind his back, and dragged him into the kitchen.
"What the hell, Hardy?" She shoved him into the sink, sending suds flying. "Your brother just told you about a traumatic experience he lived through – we lived through – and this is your reaction? He could have been the one who got blown up. Did that not occur to you? Or are you too busy sulking over dish duty and the fact that your brother has a life that doesn't always include you to realize that?" Her eyes blazed. "And handlers? You realize that's me you're talking about, right?"
Heart pounding, Joe opened his mouth to shout back at her, then clamped it shut, suddenly deflating. He sagged back against the counter and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry."
"Not the one you should be apologizing to." Kara's voice was an icicle. "Unless you're referring to the handlers comment."
He nodded, his face still in his hands.
Kara sighed. Even for Joe this was a quick turnaround, his anger usually dimming to a slow burn before dissipating completely. Something else is going on here, she thought, then reached up and gently pulled his hands down. She was surprised to tears standing in his eyes. "What is it?"
"He could have died." Pain replaced the anger in his voice. "Frank could have died, and I wouldn't have known." He looked at Kara, his eyes pleading for understanding. "I get the work he does with you is important, both to him and – I don't know – to the country, probably. But every time he leaves, I don't know if he's going to come back. This makes the second time he almost didn't. That I'm aware of." He sniffed and swallowed. "And you were there, too, so now I have to worry about both of you. Losing Frank would be bad enough, but losing you." His voice was a raspy whisper. "I don't think I could live through that again."
She cupped his face with her hands, understanding dawning. "Joe, I'm sorry. I didn't think… You know if I could, I'd promise you I'll always come home, right? But I can't. What I can promise is to do my best to always come home to you." She gave him a crooked smile. "Just so you know, I expect the same from you. Deal?"
He pulled her close, squeezing her to his chest, and kissed the top of her head. "Deal."
They stayed that way for a few minutes, Kara could feeling his muscles slowly relax, the tension drain from his body.
"Are you okay?" she asked, slowly disengaging from his embrace.
He shrugged, his face haunted. "I will be. It just hit me funny. It was a lot to take in."
Her lips quirked into a half-smile. "I know. I was there, and it was a lot to take in then."
"Yeah, um..." His expression relaxed, a faint blush covering his cheeks. "Look, I'm sorry for the handlers thing. Sometimes, uh… sometimes my mouth runs ahead of my brain."
"You don't say?" Her eyes sparkled at him, making his heart skip a beat, and he knew she had forgiven him.
"Every now and then." He leaned down to kiss her properly, then stopped himself. "I should probably go back in there and apologize. Shouldn't I?"
She nodded at him and moved out of his way.
He took a deep breath, walked over to the swinging door, and pushed it open. "Crap."
The living room was empty.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"You're sure you don't want to stay?" Anna's voice was soft in Frank's ear.
They stood in her doorway, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close to him, he light citrus scent of her body lotion filling his nostrils. "I'm sure. You have an early day tomorrow, and I don't want to be in your way."
She let out a breath then pushed away from him. "Meaning you want to go home and brood on your own."
Frank gave her a half-smile. "That could be another way of translating that, yes."
"You're worried about Joe, aren't you?" She leaned against the door frame, her dark hair falling partway over her face.
"About him being angry? No." Frank shook his head, one hand reaching over to tuck her hair behind her ear. "He gets over that pretty quickly."
"Then what?" She grabbed his hand and twined her fingers in his.
"I don't know. Survivor's guilt? I had gotten far enough removed that I could cope with what happened. Then with the whole memory issue, and Kara bringing it up tonight… It just keeps coming back." He shrugged. "I'm not being very articulate. I'm sorry."
She pulled his head down so their foreheads touched. "It's like you're right back at square one. Like you're starting over again." She saw his eyes shut, felt the slight shudder as his shoulders tightened. "I get that." She squeezed his hand and could feel his muscles start to relax as he leaned against her. "You go do whatever you need to get your equilibrium back. I'll be here." She raised her head and brushed her lips against his forehead.
He had to keep his eyes closed, squeezing them hard for a few seconds before opening them. "How did I get so lucky as to find you?"
Anna shook her head. "No. I'm the one who's lucky. Call me in the morning so I can hear your voice. I want to make sure you're okay."
He hugged her one more time, then watched as the door closed behind her. Once he heard the locks slide into place, he rubbed a hand across his eyes, took a deep breath, and evened out his expression. Then he turned and walked away.
Before he had even gotten out of the building, his phone chimed. He pulled it from his pocket and turned on the screen. One new message. From Anna.
He accessed the message folder and opened it.
"I love you."
He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk among the throngs of people and stared at the screen for a moment before dialing a number. "Luis? Frank Hardy. Do you have any daisies in stock right now?… Great. Can you send a bouquet to Ms. Goldstein's building?… Mixed with freesia? That would be lovely." He cleared the huskiness from his throat. "No, nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. Tomorrow morning... Yes. Thank you."
He ended the call and put the phone back in his pocket.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Frank knew something was off as soon as he put his key in the door. A faint light shimmered as the door opened, and he stilled, his brain working out possible plans of attack as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, his finger hovering over the emergency button.
"Geez, 'bro, just open the stupid door already. Will you?"
Joe's voice.
Frank's shoulders relaxed, then tensed again as he entered the apartment. His brother sat on the sofa, an open bottle of beer in his hand, the remainder of a six-pack on the coffee table resting on a bowl filled with ice.
"Where have you been?" Joe took a swig from the bottle. "I've been nursing this thing," he looked over at the clock on the wall, "for almost an hour." He took another sip. "And I have to tell you, warm beer is disgusting."
"I brought Anna home." Frank locked the door, then turned back to his brother. "Why are you here?"
"What did you do, walk back from her place?" He watched his brother nod, then gestured for him to sit. "Take one of these. I can't drink them all myself. Well, I can, but it would be a bad idea."
"Joe." Frank was still standing. "Why are you here?"
There was a long silence, then Joe let out a breath. "To talk." He lifted the bottle to his mouth, tipped it up, then placed it empty on the table, his eyes on the bottles of beer. "And to apologize."
"To apologize." Frank pulled a bottle from the bowl, opened it, and handed it to his brother before grabbing one for himself and sitting in the chair across the room. "For what?"
Joe stared at him. "Um, I'm pretty sure I yelled at you after dinner. You were there for that part, right?"
"You yell at me a lot, little brother. If you broke into my apartment every time that happened, you'd be living here." Frank took a sip from his bottle. "And neither I nor Kara want that."
"I didn't break in." He shrugged as Frank raised an eyebrow at him. "I may have borrowed one of your spare keys the last time I was here, and... Wait. You're changing the subject." A hint of a frown appeared on his face. "Just let me get this out. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was just… surprised at your story." With one finger he spun the bottle cap in circles on the table's surface. He let out another long breath. "I get it." His voice was so low Frank had to lean forward to hear him. "I get why you didn't tell me. You didn't want to remind me of..."
Frank's voice cut across his words. "That wasn't why."
Joe's head snapped up. "What?"
"It wasn't for you," Frank said. "It was for me."
For a long moment, Joe just stared at his brother, disbelief blossoming on his face. "Frank, that doesn't make any sense." He picked up the bottle cap and started rolling it between his fingers.
"I don't know if I can make it make sense." Frank raised the bottle to his lips, drank, and swallowed without tasting the liquid.
Joe snorted. "Most of what you say doesn't make sense to me, so don't worry about it. Use small words. That might help." The cap flashed in the lamplight. "Please."
Frank's gaze grew distant, his expression blanking out to what Joe called his 'processing look'. Well, at least he's considering it, he thought.
"Collateral damage." Frank's eyes stared into nothingness. "That's what they were to him."
Joe held his breath, waiting for his brother to continue, to elaborate on his words.
"I'm used to people wanting to kill me," Frank said, suddenly focusing on his brother's face, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Us." The spark faded. "But this was different. Jenkins didn't care who he killed. Wanting to blow up the guys who made the IDs makes sense, in a perverted, criminal kind of way."
"Covering his tracks." Joe nodded. "No witnesses."
"But the amount of explosives he had in that truck..." Franks' voice trailed off, his eyes losing focus again. "I can't even begin to imagine how many..." He shook his head and let out a shaky breath. "Up until that moment, all the cases you and I worked had a personal aspect – someone stole something, embezzled from a business, wanted revenge. This was nothing like those. And I knew..." His voice faltered.
"Knew what?" Joe prompted after a few seconds had passed, his left foot starting to bounce, his heel tapping the floor.
"Knew I couldn't let what happened to Matt – to Chuck – happen to other people. Not when I could do something about it." Frank kept his eyes trained on the label of the bottle he held in his hands. "What happened… I couldn't stop thinking about it. The nightmares…" He stopped speaking and cleared his throat. "I knew what I had to do. So, after you went back to school, I went down to DC and talked to Agent Vickers about joining the Bureau."
Joe stilled, the bottle cap falling to the floor.
"That's why I didn't tell you. Because I would have had to tell you I had planned to leave, to destroy the dream we'd had since we were kids." Frank's voice was a whisper. "And I was too much of a coward to do that." He cleared his throat. "By the time you graduated, it became clear I was going to work out better as a contractor then as an agent, so it didn't make sense to tell you. So I kept it to myself."
"You. A coward." Joe's voice was flat. "Really?" He shook his head, his shoulders shaking for a moment before laughter exploded from his mouth.
Frank sat, his mouth open, staring at his brother's struggle to get control of himself.
Taking large gulps of air, Joe finally managed to calm himself down enough to talk. "Geez, 'bro, I don't understand how someone as intelligent as you are can have such a lousy self-image. You need therapy or something." He cocked his head to one side, considering. "Although I'm pretty sure you'd give any therapist you went to nightmares. And probably have." A few giggles escaped.
"You're not mad." Frank's eyes narrowed.
"Frank, it was five years ago." Joe scooped up his bottle from the coffee table and took a long drink. "But now that you mention it, I always wondered why you stayed a contractor instead of joining up. I kind of figured the whole dark sunglasses and chain of command thing was right up your alley."
"Why didn't you just ask me?" Frank lifted his bottle to his lips, noticed his hand was shaking, and lowered it again.
"I'm sorry. Ask you? The man who says he's fine whenever anyone asks how he is? Even if he's bruised and bleeding? The guy who didn't even tell his own brother when he and his girlfriend started dating?" Joe said, flushing as something occurred to him for the first time.
Frank eyed his younger brother, suspicion in his eyes. "What is it? Why are you turning red?"
"Nothing. It's just… You haven't taken a contract since Kara and I started dating." He leaned down and picked the bottle cap up off the floor.
"No," Frank corrected, "I haven't been offered one. They haven't needed me."
"Oh," Joe could feel his cheeks burn hotter under his brother's gaze. "I just thought..." He closed his eyes.
"I had feelings for Kara? And I had taken myself out of the way?"
The words only made Joe blush more. He threw up his hands in surrender. "What? Now you can read my mind?" This time Frank laughed, the sound making Joe really relax for the first time all evening. He cracked his eyes open in time to see his brother place his beer carefully on the table before almost doubling over. Neat freak.
Frank sighed and wiped at his eyes. "Joe, we went on one date. Which, as I recall, you crashed. It just didn't feel right." He picked the beer back up and drank some more. "You two fit."
The blush, which had started fading, now came back with full force. "Yeah. We do." Joe cleared his throat. "And how are you and Anna doing?"
"Fine." Frank raised an eyebrow at him. "And that's all I'm telling you."
Joe nodded. "Okay. So, we're good?"
"We're good."
"In that case," Joe put his empty bottle down carefully next to the bowl, "I should head home. Long day tomorrow."
Frank's lips quirked into a smile. "And you still have the rest of those dishes to finish."
Joe covered his face with his hands. "Here we were having a great brotherly moment, and you had to ruin it by mentioning the dishes. Thanks so much."
"It's my job, little brother. It's my job." He steered Joe to the door and gently pushed him out. "Tell Kara I said thanks for dinner. And Joe?"
"Yeah?"
"I'll see you in the office on Monday." Frank shut the door and let out a deep breath. Then he pulled the cell phone from his back pocket, and entered Anna's number, listening to the warmth in her voice as the call went to voice mail. "Hey," he said. "Joe just left. We're good. I just wanted to you to know." He paused for a moment. "I love you, too."