A/N: Hey... Long time no see. So anyway, I do not own anything, the whole HP franchise belongs to J K Rowling and no copyright infringement is intended.

Thank you for the overwhelming support!

Enjoy and have a wonderful day!

23rd AUGUST 1978

SEVERUS' P.O.V

"I highly doubt the day's events are any of your business," I say tightly.

I am currently sitting inside Malfoy Manor, feeling more uncomfortable by the minute. The heat is extremely inconvenient – I don't know why Lily likes it so much.

Narcissa sighs, running her painted emerald nails through her long blonde hair – one of the few things that really annoys me about her is the fact that she plays with her hair so much. Lily doesn't care about her hair or what it looks like, and Lily doesn't paint her nails. Oh Merlin, I really need to stop doing that, comparing other girls to Lily. Lily is a Mudblood and beneath me. The best thing to do is to forget all about her and her kind.

"…even though it's been hard for everybody and perhaps it didn't go as you planned but the whole point of the conversation was – Severus? Severus? Hello? Are you even listening to me?"

I snap out of my thoughts to see Narcissa looking at me with cold eyes and a sharp look on her face. There's another thing, where Narcissa is all cold and uptight, Lily is warm and calm. Oh for the love of Merlin, I really need to stop thinking about her.

"Severus? You have that expression on again," she looks at me, half-smiling.

"Which one? I'm a human being, thus capable of showing many expressions," I reply, irritably.

"That one, the one you always have when you're thinking about Lily," she says, looking rather smug when a sigh of my own confirms her thoughts.

Her face softens, or at least it softens as much as Narcissa is able to soften it. If you didn't know her all that well, you wouldn't recognise this slight change at all.

"Severus," she murmurs, holding her hand out to rub my shoulder. I'm sure she thinks the gesture is reassuring and soothing – it's not.

"You know that it's okay to still like her, even the Dark Lord wants to recruit her –"

"Narcissa, I've had enough of people telling me that it's okay. It is not okay. She is a Mudblood and married to a blood-traitor, and she broke my heart. I should be condemning her to eternal torture, not wasting my time deluding myself in a silly infatuation."

"Severus… it's not just a silly infatuation. I know you better than that. Come on, talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about, Narcissa. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to do."

I get up from the sofa in Malfoy Manor where Narcissa and I are sitting. Well, she was sitting, I was sort of perching, feeling awkward. Narcissa grabs my hand and pulls me back down on the sofa.

"No, Severus. You're unhappy, I can see that. Tell me what happened, please."

"What would you know about unhappiness?" I say with asperity, scowling.

"Severus… how could you possibly say that? Of course I know what it's like to be unhappy. I've – I've lost a child, Severus. I want to try for another but what if that fails too? And don't you think I know how disappointed Lucius will be if I can't – if I can't ever… It is more than simple unhappiness, Severus. I understand more than you think I do. You've tried to change, Severus. I don't why you have, but please, find yourself again."

"People don't change, Narcissa. I have always been this way."

"Oh, not you too! Lucius has been quoting me that crap all week! You have changed Severus, I swear you have changed. Remember when we talked at my wedding? Remember what I said. I won't leave you, Severus. Not now, not ever," she says, holding out her pinkie, "I pinkie swear."

I link pinkies with her. Yes, I have changed but there's no going back to the boy Lily used to love. He is lost forever and so is her love for me. But perhaps not all of the person I once was is lost, Narcissa is living proof of that. Where did I go so wrong?

So I decide to tell Narcissa everything.

"Do you think she will forget me?" I ask her after I've finished telling her all of what happened yesterday.

"Forget you? How could she ever forget you?"

"You weren't there, Narcissa. There was something in the way she looked at me, like – like I was dead, Narcissa. Like she was watching me fade away. And the worst part was that I felt it too, I felt dead inside and it was like she wasn't my Lily anymore, but somebody else's. She wasn't my memory, my sanctuary, my best friend. I was looking through a distorted looking glass, just a distant and fractured version of my old life. I'm fading away, Narcissa. And soon, I worry that there will be nothing left of me."

"Don't say that, Severus. You've certainly changed, but you're not gone. Not yet. You're just colder, like marble," she smiles slightly, to show she's joking.

I narrow my eyes at her, though I know she's only teasing.

"Well you would know, wouldn't you? Coldness is an attribute you know well, is it not?"

"Severus…" she says, her tone telling me to be careful.

"What? You said it yourself, you've changed. I'm nowhere near as cold as you."

"Severus, I'm trying to be patient. You might think I'm callous and unfeeling but the truth is that I'm scared of feeling too much. In the world we live in, showing yourself and your true colours is dangerous and people like me, people who care about love and believe in loving everyone, it's hard to accept a new identity with the Dark Side. I am betraying myself by being this way, I am hypocrite and sometimes I wonder how I could ever raise my children to be honest and good when I am a hypocrite and I can't even be true to myself –"

"'This above all: to thine own self be true / And it must follow, as the night the day, / Thou canst not then be false to any man.'"

"What's that?" she asks.

"Hamlet."

"What is Hamlet?" she frowns, looking puzzled. I laugh.

"It's a play, by Shakespeare, who was a Muggle, actually."

"Oh yes, I have heard of him, he's pretty smart for a Muggle. You should read this play to me sometime."

"I will."

Narcissa smiles and leans back on the sofa. She looks at me, and then looks away, laughing though not making any sound.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing… It's just funny isn't it?"

"What's funny?" I'm more and more puzzled; I think Narcissa's losing her wits.

"Life," she says.

Yes, I conclude, Narcissa is most likely insane. I think the heat is getting to everybody.

24TH DECEMBER 1978

POTTER'S COTTAGE

LILY'S P.O.V

We're not planning much this year, it being our first in seven years not at Hogwarts. Merlin, I miss it more than I thought I would.

I've carefully selected Petunia's present – a necklace made of pearls with golden stars engraved into each pearl with a sapphire pendant. I saw her looking at it one day when I was at home for the holidays. It was in a charity shop window and I bought it for about £30.80 – the shopkeeper clearly didn't know its worth and I remember trying to offer him more for it, but he wouldn't let me.

I had kept it in a box and only just found it now – still wrapped up with a green ribbon, it was one of the many my mother used to braid in my hair when I was little. Tuney always had blue ribbons to complement her golden hair. I used to be jealous of her hair. If I bring the ribbon to my nose, I can faintly smell my mother's perfume. It reminds me too much of home, or at least my old home, that I simply can't hold onto it. Besides, I want Petunia to have it. Perhaps she'll hate me less.

I put the box down on mine and James' bed (though we hardly ever sleep together – at least one of us is always away on business for the Order). As I do so, a note drops out, on crisp, yellowing paper. I pick it up gingerly. On the top it says: Dearest Tuney.

I open up the letter:

Dear Tuney,

I know you're a bit annoyed with me and I suppose you have every right to be. I know I haven't been the best sister ever recently. I just want you to know that whatever happens, you will always be my sister and I will always love you. Nobody knows me better than you do and nobody else understands me like you can.

I won't lie, my school has changed me but no amount of magic in the world could stop me loving you. You're my home, Tuney.

I know it's all a bit serious so I'll lighten it up a bit! (This is actually my fifteenth attempt at writing this, you know!) Merry Christmas Tuney! You're the best big sister I could ever ask for. I hope you like this,

Lots of love,

Lily

XXX

I sigh as I put the letter on the bed and my head in my hands. Whatever happened to me and Tuney? What went so wrong? Why did magic, a wonderful and spectacular thing, tear us apart? On another note, why didn't I give this to her that Christmas?

JAMES' P.O.V

As I come up the stairs, I see Lily in our room, reading some letter. She's been going through some of her stuff (the stuff her sister didn't throw out, anyway).

Lily's been having a hard time recently and whilst she never mentions it in front of our friends, she tells me everything. Her encounter with Snivellus a few months back (that greasy-haired tapeworm, I don't care if that doesn't make much sense, he's a disgusting underling), the little things people have said to her, basically everything. I also tell her everything – all of Padfoot's ridiculousness (which makes her laugh, and it makes me laugh too), Wormtail's bad jokes and gossip (he seems to know everything about everyone), Moony's latest conspiracy theories (he has many) and how I'm feeling.

The one thing we don't talk about is babies. I know I want children, and Molly's told me that Lily wants them, so why haven't we talked about it? Moony reckons that the idea of complete abstinence from the battles and war for about nine months is a bit of a set-back for someone like Lily who is very active in the resistance movement. If that's the case, I don't blame her. Patrols might be boring, but they're better than doing absolutely nothing. Padfoot thinks it's because the idea of having sex with me would be enough to put anyone off of the idea of having babies. I hexed him in the face. Wormtail didn't really have an opinion, but he did say that Lily would most likely talk about it when she's ready to talk about it.

Watching Lily's moment of nostalgia is enough for me to get bored – which is saying something. I could literally stand there and watch her for hours (that sounds weird). I knock on the door.

"Lily?" I stand in the door way, hovering.

"Mhm?" she looks up, her eyes slightly red. She wipes them furiously. Lily hates crying.

"I was going to suggest a trip to the local café before the rest of the Marauders come around. I've finally managed to send Padfoot to Marlene's; he was never going to leave otherwise. Marlene and Alice sent a Patronus saying that they'd get here about seven-ish and the Longbottoms will be coming later on."

Padfoot practically lives in our house, which is fine but sometimes I want to be alone with Lily. I don't think life would be the same without Padfoot around every day, though.

Lily gives me a small smile and leans back on her hands.

"What?" I ask, noticing her looking at me.

"Nothing," she says, smiling broadly this time, "I was just thinking how little I tell you how incredibly much I love you."

I sit down on the bed. What is all this about?

"I love you too, Lily."

"I know and you say it all the time but I hardly ever do – at least spontaneously, that is."

She gets up and walks toward the bed before settling herself on my lap, straddling my hips. We haven't been this close in weeks. She leans in and we kiss, our hearts racing, our breaths quickening. I can feel the rush of blood in my veins, for the first time in weeks, I feel alive. She pulls away, breathless.

"What if we don't go to that café?" she whispers in my ear, her hands already taking off my shirt.

"That's fine by me."

LILY'S P.O.V

7 PM

I hear a knocking sound which startles me from sleep. I open my eyes to find myself lying next to James on our bed. I must have fallen asleep at some point… well, obviously. I look up at him and he smiles at me before leaning in to kiss me. Why does he have to look so gorgeous? I soften under his touch and bring my arms around his back, pressing our bodies together.

The knocking sound comes again, this time more impatient. I draw back.

"Somebody's at the door," I say aloud.

"Yeah…" James says lazily, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger.

"Don't you think we should get dressed and answer the door?"

James sighs and clambers out of bed, muttering something about Padfoot's shitty timing as he picks up his shirt and pulls it over his head before searching for his trousers.

I don't bother trying to hunt down my own clothes.

I go into my wardrobe but can't find anything to wear. I grab some jeans and one of James' Gryffindor Quidditch jumpers (he has hundreds) and throw it on top of one my own blue/green jumpers. I cannot be bothered to make an effort today but seeing as we're having a party at our cottage, I suppose I'll have to change later.

The knocking comes again and I rush down the stairs and open the door.

"Lily!" Padfoot exclaims, a Firewisky in one hand, his other hand on Mar's waist.

"Hello Sirius, Marlene. I don't suppose you've seen the others?"

"Nope. We brought lots of Firewisky and Butterbeer!" Marlene says, grabbing the bottle from Sirius and downing it in one gulp.

"Hey! Marley, I wanted that," Sirius pouts.

"Tough luck. 's 'all mine now."

I let the both of them in, aware that they're both slightly tipsy. After a while, Remus, Alice and Wormy arrive and we all sit in the living room, feeling comfortable and festive. James and Padfoot had spent all yesterday out finding a suitable tree. We'd then positioned it in the corner of the room. I'd used my charm work to string up Christmas lights and tinsel everywhere in the cottage. The tree's still not entirely decorated – we were hoping Alice, Remus and Wormtail might be able to help. With our log fire blazing in the hearth, a warm glow lights up the room. We all sit down, cosily. I was going to invite Molly but her and her family had already made plans. Frank and the other Alice are meant to be coming around as well, so is Mary Mcdonald, Emmeline Vance (to my displeasure) and a few other Order members. The actual party is due to start in about half an hour. I should probably change soon.

Wormtail and Alice get up and use their wands to decorate the tree, I sort of help by shooting bursts of gold stars everywhere, lighting candles and protecting the candles with spells so they don't get knocked over. James and Remus are preparing food and drink. Padfoot stays seated beside Marlene, drinking Firewisky.

"So how have you been, Padfoot?" Remus calls from the kitchen where he's helping James get out all the party food I bought yesterday – I did make a few of the cakes but other than that, I didn't really do very much as far as food is concerned.

"Alright. I'd be better if Marley wasn't away so much."

Marlene frowns, "You could come with me but after the… incident –"

Sirius launches forward to put a finger over her mouth.

"Shh!" he says, "We do not speak of the incident."

"I don't suppose you've seen any hedgehogs recently, Padfoot?" I ask innocently, as I transfigure the light on the ceiling into a disco ball.

"We said we wouldn't talk about the incident! And Prongs," he whines, suddenly sobering up a bit, and feigning hurt, "I can't believe you told Lily."

"Told her what?" Alice asks, curious as she casts a levitating charm on a pair of angel decorations. James just laughs.

"Well," Marlene says, clearing her throat, "James, Peter and this bright spark over here were on Patrols and –"

"I really hate you Marlene," Padfoot scowls, burying his head under a cushion. Marlene grins.

"And they came across a rubbish bin. The bin was rustling and so Sirius thought there was a Death Eater in there. So he calls back up and Remus arrives with a few Aurors. They look in the bin, and guess what was in there? A family of hedgehogs."

Alice bursts out giggling, which is incredibly infectious and soon we're all laughing, with the exception of Sirius who just glares at Marlene.

"So that's why Sirius isn't allowed on Patrols," Alice says, wiping tears from her eyes.

"It isn't funny!" Sirius says, sulkily.

Alice puts on her serious face and maintains it for about ten seconds before spluttering into another fit of hysterical giggles.

"Oh, I'm sorry Sirius. You're right, it's not funny," Alice says, sitting down and putting her arm around him. Sirius pushes her away.

"I hate you all," he says, but whilst smiling.

"I'd better go and change, the Longbottoms are arriving soon," I say, getting up.

"Do you want me to help?" James offers, nonchalantly, wandering from the kitchen.

"Sod off, Potter," I smile –it's been a long time since I've said that.

"You've got yourself a feisty one there, Prongs," Padfoot says, nodding in my direction.

I walk out of the room, shooting Padfoot with a stinging hex for good measure.

JAMES' P.O.V

"Prongs, can you please stop your wife from hexing me?" Padfoot asks, rubbing his arm.

"Sorry, Padfoot, I have no control over what she does. Anyway, you're a grown man –"

"No, he looks like a grown man…" Marlene mutters under her breath but loud enough for everyone to hear. Padfoot punches her playfully.

"You know, I'm feeling very attacked at the minute," Padfoot says.

Marlene leans over and kisses him, the rest of us look away.

I throw myself down on the sofa and amuse myself by drawing the constellations Lily taught me on the ceiling in gold paint. I hear a shuffling in the doorway to the dining room (the wall between the dining room and the living room has been knocked through). I get up and turn around. Lily is standing in the doorway, in the green dress she wore to Slughorn's party (years and years ago, she must have modified it to fit her). I still remember that party very well, her first kiss… She's cast some kind of charm her and Marlene were discussing a few weeks ago on her hair. She looks beautiful. I walk over and kiss her gently, aware of our audience.

"Don't you just love the two of them together?" Alice asks, sighing.

"I never knew you were such a romantic, Al," Lily smirks as she walks away from my embrace and toward our company.

At that moment, the doorbell rings and all of our guests seem to arrive all at once. It feels strange to be having a party in the midst of a war, I know Alice was reluctant to accept time off but Dumbledore insisted. We're up against a dark and powerful force but in the middle of the chaos and the bloodshed that tries to isolate and incite fear into everyone, I know that so long as I have a part of my old life with me, I'm never truly alone.

It's whilst I'm having these deep and profound thoughts when Alice jumps rather urgently and our festive party grinds to a halt. She clambers on top of the table.

"Guys?" she asks and silences the music, her voice vibrating throughout the house. Everybody falls silent. "Guys, I've just received a message from the Longbottoms… There's been a run in just outside Devon –"

"That's not outrageously far from here," Lily says, already slipping on sensible shoes.

There are murmurings among the crowd. Lily grabs her wand, her broomstick and her coat. Alice jumps down from the table and summons her broom.

"Well?" Lily asks, "Who else is coming? Alice, you can lead the way. I'll send a message to Alastor."

The guests begin frantically jostling around and move outside the house. Lily sees me in the corner. She chucks me my broomstick (which hasn't been used in weeks) which I catch with my excellent Quidditch reflexes and we fly together (after Lily has re-cast all the wards, of course).

This is definitely not how I planned to spend Christmas Eve.