A/N: Hello! I know, I'm late... I'm sorry.
Thank you for all the support, I really appreciate it! I own nothing, all rights belong to J K Rowling and no copyright infringement is intended.
Have a wonderful day! Enjoy!
LILY'S P.O.V
26TH JULY 1979
POTTER'S COTTAGE
4 AM
I'm sitting on the sofa downstairs, twisting an asphodel between my fingers, its petals falling to the soft carpet. I sigh and transfigure the asphodel into a rose. A beautiful read rose.
I pick up the stack of papers next to me and flick through them. They contain information on every attack made by the Death Eaters. My job is to go through them all and see if there's a pattern. So far it appears that neighbourhoods and counties that are heavily populated with Muggle-borns are being targeted the most frequently – but that's nothing we didn't already know. The only thing that doesn't make sense is the odd attack somewhere really obscure – like in remote mountains or hillsides where people don't live and yet the Death Eaters' mark was left there… what could that mean?
There's not much the Order can do unless we can work out where exactly the Death Eaters will strike next. We have eyes all over the country but by the time we can get to said place – most of the damage has already been done. We need tip-offs. We need a double-agent.
I put the papers down again. I've already been through them hundreds of times and so have Albus, Aberforth and Minerva. I don't know what makes Albus think I'll find anything new, but he looked at me with so much trust and faith, I couldn't disappoint him. Not like I failed my parents. Two wonderful people, so full of life, gone. And it doesn't matter how much I think of how lucky I am and that some people are so much worse off than me and they're not making a fuss, it still hurts. That's the brutal truth but what's worse is that it's not just me who feels this pain, James does too. Thousands of people up and down the country are feeling this pain because of the actions done by the Death Eaters. I may not yet know how, but it has to stop. The murders, the torture, the whole massacre… but most of all, the pain. The agony I know so many feel – it has to stop.
Death is inevitable but it's not fair that the influence of one person has the power to make so many suffer. These deaths can be prevented, I know it. The question is how. My mind drifts back to the day of my parents' funeral, to Albus. Love will give me the strength I need when it matters the most. What in Merlin's name does that even mean? Why does Dumbledore have to be so cryptic?
As I'm not getting anywhere with these files, I let my mind wander back to James. It always does when I least expect it to. James, I love him and right now, in a cottage of our own, on a small blue sofa, that love is enough.
I still remember the day Mr and Mrs Potter died. It's been on my mind for a while recently.
It was a frosty morning in February and James and I were at Hogwarts. We were sitting in the Great Hall for a late breakfast on a Saturday. As James and I woke up late, not many people were in the Hall. Marlene was recovering from a hangover from a Friday night party, Alice was always up early so had gone to the library to study war strategies but the Marauders were still there…
~ FLASHBACK ~
James and I walk towards the Gryffindor table. As we get closer, I slide my hand out of his. A stupid comment from Sirius is the last thing I need.
"Prongs! Evans!" Sirius says as we sit down, his mouth full of toast – he really is disgusting.
"Did you sleep well?" Remus asks, looking at Sirius and then averting his gaze. "Padfoot, is it possible for you to eat properly?"
"Merlin's beard Moony! Eat properly? You sound like my mother," Padfoot exclaims through the croissant he's chewing. "What's up with you?"
"Nothing's up with me," Remus replies sourly.
"Oh come on, Moony. I eat like this all the time so I really don't –"
"Padfoot," Remus cuts in, giving him a look. Sirius shuts up and goes back to his breakfast.
"We slept well, thank you Moony," James said, holding my hand under the table.
"We slept well," Sirius says, wiggling his eyebrows, "but did they really sleep at all?"
I glower at Sirius and he resumes eating messily, seemingly oblivious.
"For your information, we did sleep. In separate beds, in different rooms," I say.
"Jeesh, Evans. No need to be so defensive."
"I wouldn't have to be defensive if you didn't keep attacking me."
"Come off it, Evans. We all know what you and Prongs do at night."
"Oh really?" I scowl at James who abruptly becomes interested in his fried egg sandwich.
"Really, really. Don't worry Evans; your secrets are safe with me."
I roll my eyes.
"Anyway," Remus says, "this came for you."
He hands James a letter with the Ministry logo on it.
"D'you think this is it?" James asks excitedly.
By 'it' he's referring to some sort of Quidditch/Auror related thing. He won't shut up about it. It's some sort of programme and qualification intern-ship but we don't know if it's going to go ahead or not because of the war.
"We don't know, Moony wouldn't let us open it," Wormy says.
"It is Prong's letter, not yours," Remus points out.
"But we'd open a letter addressed to you," Sirius says.
"I'm touched," Remus says sarcastically.
James reads the letter. His hand grips mine tighter, squeezing it to the point where it hurts. His face is ashen, his shoulders slack. No, I think, it can't be. He drops the letter and swallows. His hand slips out of mine.
"Well, Prongs?" Sirius asks, grinning. They haven't noticed yet.
"I'm going to need a minute," he says before leaving the Hall. He looks normal to the untrained eye but his fists are clenched and his posture is ever so slightly weak. I get up quickly and speed walk after him, trying to look inconspicuous.
I catch him down a corridor leading to the Gryffindor common room.
"James?" I tap him on the shoulder; he shrugs me off without looking at me, without letting me see his face.
"Ministry officials were at my house this morning to get some papers signed for dad's retirement and they'd gone – dead. They – they rushed them to St. Mungo's but there was nothing they could do. The c-cause of death was lung failure – they'd been touring Australia and caught some infection from one of the animals they were researching… they're gone, Lily. Gone forever."
~ FLASHBACK OVER ~
I look at the clock; it's blurred with the tears in my eyes. When did I get so tearful? 4 am. I can't believe I've been up all night. Hang on, that would make today the 26th July, the anniversary of mine and James's marriage (and also the Death Eater attack in which we got lost for several days and encountered really dark, powerful magic). It's unlikely we'll celebrate though. I think there's an Order meeting today. And I've fallen out with James. Or at least, we got into a fight yesterday. I'm not angry with him anymore, hence my thoughts on how much I love him.
THE DAY BEFORE
LILY'S P.O.V
Why is James so infuriating? He never helps with the housework, he's always mooching about the place prattling on about the good old days like he's an old man, he follows me relentlessly around the house like a lost puppy, he never gives me a few moments peace when I need it, he deliberately taps his fingers on the table when I'm trying to look over files for the Order, he's lazy and he flirts. That's the worst part. The rest I can handle. I do not wear down easily but as I have come to discover (and apparently so has James) is that I am quite a jealous person. James thinks it's hilarious.
It is not.
Just the other day, we were at a café with the Marauders (Mar and Al are basically Marauders) and James walks up to the waitress – no he swaggers up to her – gives her 'that' smile and shamelessly starts charming her. Of course I was furious but I didn't let it show whilst she was there.
When she'd gone into the kitchen, I finally unleashed my anger.
"And who is that?"
"Her name is Alison."
"Does she know you have a wife?"
"It didn't come up in our conversation."
"Of course it didn't."
"I don't start conversations with waiting staff by telling them I have a wife."
"I don't know why you started a conversation with her at all."
"Her name is Alison and I start conversations because it's polite. You're not jealous are you?"
"Me? Jealous? Why would I be jealous? It's not like my beloved husband is talking to a younger and impossibly attractive woman who won't stop batting her eyelashes in your direction."
"I can talk to people."
"Exactly, you can talk to people but you weren't talking to her. You were flirting."
"Lily, there is nothing between her and me. I'm not interested."
"Does she know that?"
"Obviously!"
The waitress in question walks up to our table with the bill. Her hand brushes James' shoulder as she walks past. At the bottom of the receipt, there is a phone number with the words "call me" scripted underneath. I left the café.
I calmed down eventually and I would have been fine if it only happened once. But it didn't. It kept happening and it keeps happening and now I doubt myself and him all together. Has he finally got bored of me? Has he lost interest? When I press him with these questions, he just brushes them away. Like he did in seventh year. When I discovered that he and Alison had been meeting up all week at private romantic spots… well, that was the last straw. He could come after me if he wanted to. Now I'm on my way to Mar's house and he knows that but he hasn't come after me. Maybe he never will.
Where did this doubt come from? We were so happy, so in love.
I knock on Marlene's door. She looks so surprised and happy to see me and then she sees my face and the happiness is gone, replaced with worry.
"Let me guess, James has done something stupid, again."
I nod.
"Come in then, we'll sort this out."
JAMES' P.O.V
POTTER'S COTTAGE
"Whoa, hold on a second, Evans stormed out of this cottage because you've been meeting up with Alison?" Padfoot looks confused as he straightens up from his slouch on the sofa, suddenly attentive.
"She's not Evans anymore, Padfoot. We're married –"
"Exactly," Moony interrupts, "you're married, Prongs. You and Lily love each other. So what on earth possessed you to meet up with Alison?"
"I don't know… Lily's stressed, with all this work she's doing for the Order and she has so much to handle. Urgh, this is going to sound stupid. Well, it's not her fault but when she looks at me, she doesn't look at me like she used to. She looks at me like she doesn't have time for me anymore, like I'm an immature nuisance. It's like she no longer sees me as her husband and lover, more of a responsibility. I wanted to show her that I am desirable, that we're partners. When we were at that café, I did flirt a little and it made Lily notice me for a while. I need to know if she's still willing to fight for me like I'd fight for her."
"PRONGS!" Moony explodes with rage, "you are a complete imbecile! Of course Lily damn well loves you, she might be a little held up at the moment to care too much if you don't feel sexually desirable, because if it escaped your notice we're in the middle of a war. Lives are being lost, people are being tortured for Merlin's sake and you're worrying if your wife wants to have sex with you?"
"I've got to say, Prongs, Moony has a point. We don't usually agree on anything when it comes to wooing women but you really need to go after her right now."
"You guys always talk about everything," Wormtail interjects, sipping his tea, "so why didn't you just tell her how you felt?"
"Because I was afraid that I'd lose her."
"That's pathetic," Wormtail says, surprising us all, "you were never going to lose her but you might if you don't at least try to explain it to her."
"I don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't trust me –"
"Would you trust her if you found out she was meeting up with a man you didn't know?"
"I'd be hurt but I'd still love her…"
"That's not what I'm asking, Prongs."
"No, I guess I wouldn't immediately trust her but over time, perhaps."
"There you are, then. When Melanie started seeing other men, I was hurt. I thought she liked me and I thought that I liked her so the fact that she went behind my back did make me not trust her but over time, I've gotten to know her better…" Wormtail trails off.
"Are you two okay now?" I ask.
"No," Wormtail says sadly, "she still sees other men but that's only because I didn't say anything about it. We hardly know each other and in this marriage, we're both really unhappy. But you and Lily, you're different. You know each other and you make each other happy. If you go on pretending like these little things don't bother you, you find that over the months and years, you've drifted away completely before you even knew it was happening. I know I'm not a model example," he says and Padfoot snorts, "but I've made a lot of mistakes."
"Thanks, Wormtail. I'll go after her right now."
REAL TIME
JAMES' P.O.V
POTTER'S COTTAGE
I come down the stairs in my pyjamas. Lily never came to bed. I assume she's gone to Marlene's. I trudge into the kitchen and turn the kettle on. There's an owl with a letter outside the window, I open the window warily and take the letter from the owl before shutting the window quickly and re-casting the wards. It's from Alison.
I sigh. I thought I told her to leave me alone. It's her fault I even fell out with Lily. Well it's not but it takes two to tango (I have no idea what that saying means but Padfoot says it all the time). I found Lily at Marlene's yesterday, exactly where she'd said she'd be. She was livid of course and she did throw a plant pot at my head but she calmed down eventually. I did try to explain things to her even if I did equivocate a lot but once I'd finished, she just said that it was lucky that murder was illegal and that if I ever did something like that to her again, then she'd break my broomstick.
She said that as a result of the whole Alison thing, she'd started to think that I didn't want her and that I didn't love her. Isn't it odd that something as strong and unyielding as love can be brought crashing down as if it were a house of cards?
I burn the letter with my wand before wandering into the lounge with my cup of tea, only to find Lily scribbling away furiously on her notes. I almost jump out of my skin.
"Um, Lily?" I ask hesitantly, she holds her hand up as if to say 'one minute'. I wait patiently.
She looks up at last, dark rings around her eyes but her eyes are alive with sparks. She's cracked something, I know it, or she's close to cracking something.
"Morning, James," she yawns sleepily, still in her clothes from yesterday.
"Morning, how long have you been there?"
"All night."
"Why didn't you come upstairs? I assumed you'd gone out this morning."
"I was working all night… I'm so close. I know there's a pattern. It's right under my nose, I can feel it."
"I thought you said that we'd spend more time together –"
"And we will, right after I crack this."
I groan before summoning another cup of tea for Lily and settling down next to her and this paper explosion.
"I've drawn up a map of all the locations the Death Eaters have been targeting. Do you notice anything?"
"Yeah, the towns with Muggle-borns and Wizarding families are being targeted the most, which makes sense but what are all these points over here and there… it looks so random."
"That's what I thought at first, but if you look, you'll see that there is a pattern. They start at the outskirts but if you see, with a few exceptions, they're all heading to London…"
"To overthrow the Ministry of Magic."
"Maybe, but things have been moving really slowly recently, I think they're planning something big."
"What do you think they're planning?"
"If I were the leader of the Dark army, I would attack all the key areas where Wizarding families are prominent and take control over them. Then I'd target the Ministry, knowing that most of the Wizarding population were under my control and once the Ministry saw that my forces were everywhere, they'd have to give in."
"So why haven't they done that?"
"I think they're still rallying up supporters. You've heard the rumours: werewolves, giants, unspeakable dark magic… I think Voldemort wants to make sure that when he does attacks the Ministry, he can be absolutely certain that he has the most powerful side. There aren't as many of us as there of them but we've got Aurors and some of the greatest witches and wizards in history on our side – we've still got a chance. The Ministry isn't going to fall easily, that's pretty darn clear."
"So do you think they'll be a battle soon?"
"Definitely soon," she confirms, "There's another thing I noticed; there's always been an attack on the first Sunday of every month."
"What?" I look at her, puzzled. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I'm serious. The other attacks are all over the place but there's always one on the first Sunday of every month."
"That's probably just a coincidence, I think you need some coffee, Lils," I get up and walk back into the kitchen, taking the now empty mugs of tea with me.
"I probably do," she says, stretching on the sofa before following me, "but do you want to know what's odd? I really thought I almost had it."
"It's not your fault, Lils, even Dumbledore couldn't crack it," I reassure her, grabbing two clean mugs.
"Do you know what we need? I was thinking about this earlier but we need a double agent. Somebody on the inside. No doubt Voldemort's got people in the Ministry."
"Who would take such a risk for us?"
"Severus?"
I almost drop the kettle.
"What?" I splutter.
"Severus, he could be a double agent. I mean I know that it's not an ideal solution after all he's done and I know I said that I'd forgotten him and everything but -"
"Honey, you're sleep-deprived and apparently delirious. Snivellus would never agree to put his neck on the line for us. I mean, you didn't exactly bond well after your last encounter."
"You don't know Severus like I do."
"No, Lil, you think you know who he is but the simple truth is something you've always been blind to – he's an evil and sadistic coward."
"And how would you know?"
"Look at everything that git has done to you! And not just to you, to me and to countless others. He tortured you, he called you a Mudblood, he's on the same aide as Malfoy and Lestrange – the two very people who nearly killed you countless times, he tried to get Moony thrown in Azkaban and he's a blood purist! He practised Dark Magic from the age of eleven, I'm telling you Lily, that guy is anything but on our side."
"Yeah, you're right. It's just… he gets in my head, okay? He was always on my side before and I was on his –"
"And things have changed, Lily. I don't want to sound harsh but it is what it is: he's changed since you were best friends and so have you. You need to move on, seriously. What if next time we fight you have to duel against him? Hmm? How are you going to survive if all you see is your old best friend? He's a Death Eater, the enemy and is trying to kill you. The sooner you get that into your head, the safer we'll all be."
"Okay," she says, her eyes glassy. Is she crying? Oh crap, have I made her cry?
"I'm sorry Lils, I worry about you, that's all. You have a ton of shit to deal with and you know that I love you –"
She reaches up and kisses me.
"You know today's our wedding anniversary, right?"
"How could I forget?"