The Witcher: Part XXXVI
Half-Life
Previously, on The Witcher:
Iorverth retrieved the Key of Death from Adolf Hitler. In the process, he sacrificed his own life, and he is now deceased.
The journey continues...
Lady Feudalism stared blankly into the horizon.
"Are you there?" said Ciri, waving her hand over Lady Feudalism's face.
Lady Feudalism was unresponsive.
"We really need to get going now," said Geralt. "I know it's really sad and stuff that Iorverth died, but now is really not the best time to be depressed. We have stuff to do."
And then suddenly, Lady Feudalism looked up at Geralt with rage in her eyes.
"Damn you," she said. "Damn you, Geralt."
"What?"
"I SAID, DAMN YOU!" shouted Lady Feudalism. "I HAVE SPENT HALF MY LIFE WITH IORVERTH BY MY SIDE! HALF MY LIFE! AND YOU... YOU COWARD... YOU JUST LET HIM GO OFF AND DIE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE WITCHER!"
Lady Feudalism drew Iorverth's sword, and slashed at Geralt. Geralt barely parried the blow.
"Come on guys, let's not get too excited," said Ciri cautiously.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Lady Feudalism.
She went into a frenzy attacking Geralt with Iorverth's sword.
"IT'S YOUR FAULT, GERALT! YOU SHOULD HAVE RETRIEVED THE KEY OF DEATH YOURSELF!"
Geralt continued to parry the blows, moving across the lakeside beach.
"YOU COWARD, GERALT! YOU GODDAMN COWARD!"
"Please just, calm down, Lady Feudalism," said Geralt. "We're supposed to be friends."
Geralt quickly cast a disarming spell, and Iorverth's sword fell into the sand.
"It is my fault," said Geralt. "I shouldn't have ignored Iorverth."
"I'm sorry," said Lady Feudalism, and she burst into tears.
"It wasn't Geralt who killed Iorverth," said Ciri. "It was Adolf Hitler."
"Geralt," said Lady Feudalism. "If you want me to keep travelling with you, then you must promise me this. Promise me that you will avenge Iorverth's death.
Promise me that when the time comes, you will kill Hitler."
Adolf Hitler was having breakfast in his dining hall. His 48-man orchestra stood behind him, quietly humming his theme. Hitler was contemplating politics this morning. He was thinking about what he would do with the world once he had the Sword of Death. He reached to his neck and fingered the Key of Death, and imagined the power it would bring him.
It took a few moments before Hitler realised he was fingering nothing.
The Key of Death was gone.
He called a Nazi Elf Draugr over.
"Where is the Key of Death?" he said to the Nazi Elf Draugr. "I appear to have lost it."
"I don't know, sir," replied the Nazi Elf Draugr.
"Find it," ordered Hitler.
An eighty strong team of Nazi Elf Draugr then scoured the house and the surrounding area in search of the Key of Death. They used all of their magick to find it. A few hours later, they came back to Hitler.
"We can't find it, sir," said the Nazi Elf Draugr.
"Great!" said Hitler sarcastically.
He grabbed his sword and killed the Nazi Elf Draugr brutally. And then he chopped up each of the other 79 into small pieces.
"No Key of Death," he said. "If it's not here, then WHERE THE HELL IS IT?"
His orchestra played a dramatic chord.
Severus Hitler and Communist O'Lenin and Christian Grey and Klippi looked over a hill, and saw giant stone structures in the distance.
"That," said Severus. "That is the Ikron Corporation's main power source. It's a nuclear power plant."
"I know all about nuclear power," said Communist O'Lenin.
"I bet you do," replied Severus.
"Why are we here?" asked Klippi cluelessly.
"Because we're gonna take the nuclear plant out," replied Severus. "That way, my father won't be able to provide weapons for his Himmlers and Nazi Elf Draugr and ISIS and what have you. They need the power source."
"How are we going to do this?" asked Klippi.
"Basically, we'll infiltrate the plant, and then cause a meltdown," replied Severus. "It might be dangerous, so keep your weapons at the ready."
Christian Grey pulled out his ceremonial axe, and then scratched his head, as if some great battle of conscience and being was slowly rising within his mind.
Team Morally Ambiguous then spent the better part of their morning climbing around ventilation shafts in the Ikron Corporation nuclear power plant. Eventually, they reached the control room of the nuclear power plant, and climbed out of the ventilation shaft.
"Shh..." said Severus, pointing to a man and a woman standing at the control panel.
Branded on their clothing was a large lambda symbol. By their name tags, Severus could see that their names were Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance.
"How will we cause the meltdown?" whispered Christian Grey.
"By accelerating the nuclear decay of the radioactive isotopes they use," replied Severus.
"But you can't accelerate nuclear decay," said Communist O'Lenin. "It's a spontaneous and random process which acts independently of external conditions."
"My dear O'Lenin," said Severus. "See the power of magickek."
Severus concentrated, and cast a spell. Suddenly, red lights began to flash.
"Gordon!" said Alyx. "The decay! It's increasing! The nuclear plant is going to meltdown! The half-life of this isotope is... getting shorter! One half-life has already been confirmed! And now here's another half-life confirmed!
Half-life three confirmed! We need to get out of here!"
They turned around and saw Team Morally Ambiguous.
"Oh, look who we have here," said Alyx. "It's Severus Hitler. I heard you were dead. Your father should be... pleased to hear of your survival."
"This is the part where we fight," said Severus.
He shot lightning at Alyx, who ran out through a corridor.
"I'll take her, you three take Gordon Freeman!" said Severus as he followed Alyx.
The rest of Team Morally Ambiguous chased Gordon Freeman through more corridors. Eventually, Gordon ran out of the power plant, and ran towards the horizon. After a few kilometers of chasing, they finally cornered Gordon Freeman at the edge of a cliff. Christian Grey readied his ceremonial axe for the kill.
And then, suddenly, he had a crisis of conscience.
His moral greyness began to fade. He remembered the priest. It was now time for him to make a decision. Was a Christian, or was he a murderer?
"Why are you hesitating?" asked O'Lenin. "Should I finish him?"
"No," replied Christian Grey. "There will be no killing."
He dropped his axe and it clattered to the ground.
"Severus will be displeased," said Communist O'Lenin as Gordon Freeman ran away. "I suspect he can't talk anyway, but still, you were supposed to kill him."
After a few minutes, Severus caught up with them at the cliff edge.
"I finished that Alyx," he said. "Did you kill Gordon Freeman?"
"No," said Christian Grey. "I'm not going to kill people anymore. I'm a Christian, and murder is against my beliefs."
"Are you questioning my authority?" said Severus, moving eye-to-eye with Christian Grey.
"Yes," said Christian Grey.. "No more killing. I'm a good person now. No more moral greyness."
"HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME?" raged Severus. "HOW DARE YOU! I AM YOUR LEADER! I AM YOUR FUTURE EMPEROR!"
"Calm down," said O'Lenin. "Please."
"AND YOU... JUST LET GORDON GET AWAY AS WELL?" shouted Severus.
He looked at his frightened and shocked team.
"ALL THREE OF YOU ARE USELESS! YOU SERVE ME NO PURPOSE!"
He looked at Klippi, who looked back dumbly.
"YOU, KLIPPI, HAVE BEEN A BURDEN, BOTH LITERAL AND METAPHORICAL, SINCE WE MET.
"YOU, COMMUNIST O'LENIN... YOU ARE SO PASSIVE AND USELESS AND NOT EVEN SMART AT ALL.
"AND YOU, CHRISTIAN GREY...
"I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE BEST MEMBER OF THIS TEAM! BUT YOU'RE A FOOL AND A COWARD JUST LIKE THE WITCHER! And for that… YOU WILL DIE!"
Severus Fus Ro Dah'd Christian Grey off the cliff.
"I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANY OF YOUR FACES EVER AGAIN!" yelled Severus.
Communist O'Lenin and Klippi ran away in fear. Severus walked away, by himself.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XXXVII
SEVERUS ALONE