A/N: Hello! I am very, very late. I don't know what to say really, just that things happen, life happens and the world is actually very crazy! Anyway... I hope you enjoy this chapter! All rights to J K Rowling, I own nothing, no copyright infringement...
I hope you are having a wonderful day! (And I apologise in advance for the mess that is this chapter.)
LILY'S P.O.V
He wears dark robes and a silver mask. He has Emmeline, tied up, next to him. She struggles against the magic ropes binding her, but can't quite get free. I see the panic in her eyes – she wasn't expecting this, neither was I. Merlin damn me, why wasn't I paying attention? I should have known something like this was going to happen.
"The infamous Lily Potter. We meet again at last."
"Malfoy," I stare right into his eyes, I'm not afraid of him anymore.
"Aren't we brave? Let's see if you remember this as much as you remember me."
He acts too fast, his curse hits me instantly, knocking me backwards with its intensity. Of course I recognise the spell. Who could forget the Cruciatus Curse? You'd think Malfoy would be a bit more creative by now with his torture methods. The pain is sharp, twisting and unrelenting. It burns, freezes, pierces every part of my body. I can't think beyond the torture, can't control my body, all I see is fire and all I feel is agony. The pain doesn't lessen; if anything it grows, aching just as I remember. It's like a dagger in the stomach (I would know), the pain running through my core. One moment it's like being hit by lightning, a thousand pin points of electrical energy all over my body, the next it's like blunt nails tearing at my skin through to my veins, and then it's like being burned. You'd think having had this curse cast on me so many times that I'd be used to it but I'm not. My body recognises this spell intuitively, my mind reliving every moment of pain, every drop of blood, every scar, every cut… It hurts until I see no more, until I feel no more.
"Lily?"
I open my eyes, black patches and spots cover my vision. I blink several times and Emmeline comes into focus.
"Um, Lily? It's okay, he's unconscious. I think."
I begin to sit up, Merlin, my head – it's pounding. Malfoy is on the ground, bloodied and still. Emmeline is also covered in blood but it doesn't appear to be her own, her usually immaculate hair is messy and her wand is pointing warily at Malfoy.
"Did you –?"
"Knock him out? Yes," she beams, "just like Dorcas taught me to. You slam the bottom of your palm into their nose which breaks it and can kill them – he had my wand, you see. I then kneed him in the groin and then I snatched my wand and used stupefy."
She explains this whilst giving me a demonstration to the air to further illustrate her attack on Malfoy.
"How did you get untied?"
"Easy, the spell wasn't very strong. I think he was too busy torturing you to worry much about me."
"Oh. Thanks, I guess?"
"You're welcome," she smiles, taking an apple from her pocket and biting into it. She takes out another one (how many apples does she have in her pocket?) and throws it to me. I catch it and bite into it, my hands shaky but my body grateful for the energy.
"Listen, Emmeline, I think we got off on the wrong foot –"
"I think that's mostly my fault. I'm sorry for what I said about your frowning being unattractive, I didn't really know you all that well and when I don't know somebody that well, I'm awkward and then I talk a lot. You were just some girl who whilst usually looked kind of beaten up, was impossibly beautiful and was married to the hottest guy at Hogwarts… The way Malfoy did that to you, it made me think, this war is like, really happening. It's not something happening miles away that I read about in newspapers, it's happening now, right in front of me. What I'm trying to say is that we should be allies, we're on the same side, right?"
"Well I'm certainly not on his side," I indicate to Malfoy, as I slowly stand up. "I'd like that, allies."
We shake on it.
"So now what?" she asks, looking at me expectantly.
"We find the others… and find the Death Eaters."
I try to walk, my legs shaking a little before giving way underneath me. I pick myself back up almost immediately.
"Are you alright?" Emmeline asks, with concern.
"Yeah, I'm usually a bit shaken up after stuff like that. I'll be fine in a few moments."
"Here, lean on me."
I don't reject her offer; I'm too weak to insist that I walk by myself. I put some of my weight on her arm and we walk together. Maybe she's not so bad after all.
JAMES' P.O.V
From what I managed to get out of Mulciber, it would appear that Moony is still stuck in the black smoke further down the street. He was talking a lot of gibberish about the dark and fire and inferi and some other shit that doesn't make sense. Apparently Death Eaters were assigned to a member of the Order with the intent of splitting up the partners so that we'd all be lost and distracted whilst they took over the town and lured us all to the centre (knowing we can't resist a battle) and kill us all or something like that. I have a feeling the Death Eaters aren't as meticulously organised as they like to think they are. Right now, I'm trying to find Moony in all this damn smoke. Seriously, what it this stuff and how do I destroy it? I'm a bit worried that if I use fire, I'll hurt Moony but at this stage, I have no patience. What the hell, Moony can handle a bit of fire.
Fire has an odd effect on the smoke; it kind of evaporates it and melts it away. I've never seen such a substance act that way before. Weird. Eventually it clears and I see Moony wandering, or rather stumbling around aimlessly as the smoke begins to clear. Huh, I should try shooting fire at things more often. It seems to work.
"Moony!" I yell at him, he turns around, still disorientated.
"Prongs… I was walking in that smoke for ages. It's invincible practically. How did you get rid of it?"
"Try fire."
Moony raises an eyebrow.
"What?" I ask, offended.
"Nothing, I'm just surprised you managed to get rid of it without causing too much dam-"
He looks at the street properly, now that it isn't obscured by smoke. It's blasted to pieces. He sighs before shaking his head, smiling a little.
"Let's go and find Wormtail, Lily, Alice and Marlene."
"Right. D'you think Lily's okay?"
"Yes," Moony replies bluntly, "focus on the task at hand, Prongs."
"I am focused but I'm worried about her –"
"Well, don't worry about her, she's Lily and if there's one thing I know about Lily, it's that she wouldn't want you to worry about her right now."
We walk to the end of the street, the night air getting colder by the minute. As we meander at a ridiculously slow pace for two people in the middle of a war with Death Eaters in close proximity somewhere, Moony strikes up conversation.
"What do you think of Alice?"
"Alice Longbottom?"
"No, Alice Smith."
"Oh, um, she's one of Lily's best friends (not that Alice Longbottom isn't one of Lily's best friends), she can be very aggressive and violent, and jealous, she's quite capricious sometimes… um, what else? She's good at war strategy and hexing, she's very loyal… I don't know, what do you mean what do I think of Alice?"
"Do you think her and Wormtail…?"
"Her and Wormtail?" I snort, "Not bloody likely."
"Ah," he says.
"Why? Do you like her or something?" I look sideways at him.
"What? Me? No. I mean she's – well she's great and talented but me – me and her? No, no, no… has – has she said anything, you know – about me?" Moony says, looking everywhere but in my direction as he trips over his words.
"Ooooo, Moony likes Alice – and you were paired together by the Marriage Law! Aw, mate, how long?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Yeah, you do. How long have you liked her?"
"Since a bit before your wedding," he admits.
"Moony that's over a year," I marvel.
"Well I liked her a lot before your wedding and then it faded it out for a while and then at Christmas, I kind of got talking to her and I liked her again but she was always talking about Wormtail and they spend a lot of time together and they really seem to understand each other… I just, I really want someone to get me, to understand me and I worry that she never will because – because of what I am."
"Listen, Moony, I've told you this so many times, if she cares about that, then she's not worth it."
"Thank you, Prongs, but not everybody is like you, Wormtail, Padfoot and Lily. I know it doesn't bother you, but it might bother her. I mean, she knows, of course she knows but that doesn't mean that she'd want to be with me, we're engaged by law but so what? That means nothing; everyone knows the Ministry is going to revoke the law eventually. Besides, I'm a monster, Prongs. I don't know why I'm talking about this."
"For the last time, you are not a monster. It's okay to like someone and to want to be with them… but you'll never know if she wants the same unless you make a move and go for it."
"And if she rejects me?"
"So? Lily rejected me millions of times! Sure, you feel broken and miserable for weeks, but you get over it."
"That's different," he says bitterly, "you and Lily are soul mates."
"And we didn't become soul mates by sitting around doing nothing."
"I don't think that's how soul mates work –"
"Who cares how it works? It's love! When does love have rules?"
"I suppose so but –"
"But nothing, if you don't like the sound of my advice, then go and ask Padfoot."
"Love advice from Padfoot?" Moony pales.
"It sounds ridiculous but yes, love advice from Padfoot. How d'you think I romanced Lily so flawlessly?"
"The limerick from third year - that was Padfoot's idea?"
"He said to write a romantic poem so I went outside the box and wrote a humorous one instead because Lily didn't appreciate Shakespeare in third year."
"I'm sure she didn't appreciate any form romance from you at all until seventh year."
"That's where you're wrong, my very judgemental friend. She fell for me long before seventh year; she was just too stubborn to admit it at the time."
"Yeah, yeah," he says, shaking his head disbelievingly.
"It's true."
"Until Lily says it herself, I refuse to take your word for it."
"Lily will never confess to it."
"Then as far as I'm concerned, she never loved you until seventh year."
"How closed minded of you."
Moony sticks his tongue out at me – and they say he's the mature one. We see flashes of coloured light a few streets ahead, without a word, we both run. This night is turning out to be more physically intense than that Quidditch match in sixth year against the Slytherins, which was tough - even for me.
LILY'S P.O.V
"Did you hear that?" Emmeline asks, as we turn another corner. It's so dark… and freezing.
"Hear what?"
Then I hear it, the sound of an explosion and shouting.
"Can you run?" Emmeline asks. I've been walking by myself for the last few minutes but I'm still a little wobbly on my feet.
"Probably," I say, willing my legs to hold up.
"Good."
She grabs my hand and we run. It's not weird at all, in fact, we've been talking a lot and I had her all wrong. She's not as shallow as I thought she was. I mean she still cares a lot about clothes and celebrities and stuff but she has a good sense of humour, she's quite kind and actually very intelligent once you get past the initial layer of superficiality. I mean, she watched me screaming and being tortured a few minutes ago and she's not looking at me like a wounded rabbit. She's looking at me in a completely different way – she's looking at me with respect.
I wonder how Remus, James, Marlene and Alice are doing (both Smith and Longbottom actually). Have they too run into Death Eaters? I hope not or at least I hope they're not in any trouble. I'm not really fit to fight but I'd never voice that to Emmeline. No, I've sat at home long enough. I'm determined to actually do something this time. I finally feel in control, for once in my life, I can finally breathe a little. I'm ready to hex some Death Eaters. For what they did to my parents, for what they did to my sister, for what they did to James, to Sirius, to Remus, to me. I'm ready to fight back, I have to. I can't just watch what they're doing anymore, something has to be done and I know that this battle isn't going to change anything but – it's a start and who knows what'll happen from here? We have Aurors; we have powerful allies and talented wizards and witches. What does Voldemort have? He has a load of Death Eaters, creepy dark magic and magical beasts. I'll admit, the odds are not in our favour but when has that ever held back a Gryffindor? True bravery is doing something even though you know it might not (and probably will not) work out. It's looking your fear right in the eye and still going ahead. It's accepting that you might be defeated but staying strong all the way through. We might not be the largest army or the most terrifying, but I will not abandon our cause. Unlike many of the Death Eaters, I'm choosing what is right instead of what is easy. I know there will be consequences for my actions, I know that as a Muggle-Born, I'm subject to prejudice and torture but you know what? I'm not afraid of what I am anymore. It's been haunting me for so long but somehow, I just don't care. Our blood doesn't define who we are. It's the choices we make and the things we do.
Okay, motivational speech in my head is over, time to focus.
We skid to a halt once we reach the town centre – it's buzzing with Death Eaters and Order members duelling. Hexes and curses fly everywhere, Aurors shoot Unforgiveable Curses and the Death Eaters set fire and explode pretty much everything around them. Even though its pitch black, the scene is lit up by the light of spells, there's so much noise it's like being back at Hogwarts in the Great Hall again. I feel Emmeline's tight grip on my hand and I look at her. She nods at me and we plunge into the chaos.
I work my way through the crowd, casting every spell I remember on anyone wearing a silver mask or is dressed all in black. I shoot arrows out of my wand, pinning several Death Eaters to walls and the floor as the arrow heads snag on their cloaks. Cloaks aren't very practical for war. I glance around, whilst casting protective charms; can I see anyone I know? I spy Alice Longbottom out of the corner of my eye, duelling Dolohov. I rush to her side, casting Everte Statum at Dolohov but he dodges it and hits another Death Eater instead, throwing him into a Death Eater standing close by. Alice makes quick work of them, tying them up before sending them to one of our safe houses where Aurors and Ministry officials decide what to do with them. Alice gives me a brief smile before shooting a hex into a Death Eater just a few feet away from me; he falls back – into flames. Someone has cast Fiendfyre. It eats its way through what is left of the town's square, burning Death Eaters, Order members and allies alike. The beautiful houses and bridges of the town are now reduced to little more than rubble. It's lucky all the residents of the town had the foresight to evacuate. I see James and Remus out of the corner of my eye – they'll be fine, they're two of the most skilled wizards I know.
I scarcely have enough time to cast Partis Temporus before I spot a familiar figure, without quite knowing why, I push through the battle and follow it. The figure winds through the streets, apparently following someone else. They reach a larger road; the figure pulls out their wand and casts Crucio… I can't stand by and watch, I disarm the figure, and they turn to face me. Oh dear Merlin.
Suddenly I don't feel so brave.
"Hello Lily," he says, his silver mask vanishes.
"Severus," I splutter, inching back a little.
"Don't act so scared, Lily."
I peer around him at the figure on the ground, still twitching and shaking. Is he…? Severus picks up his wand.
"He's not dead, at least not yet, anyway," Severus gives me a crooked smile. I don't like this one bit. Severus turns back to the person lying on the floor and walks towards him.
"The Dark Lord has an offer –" he says, his back to me.
"My answer is no."
"I thought so," Severus sighs, walking even closer to the person on the floor, "it's a pity really…"
I tip toe nearer, Severus casts Crucio again.
"Severus stop!"
He freezes, the spell stopping instantly. The man on the ground shudders more violently, his breaths raspy. I think I know him but I'm not sure. Severus doesn't look at me, but from his demeanour, I can tell that he is crying. Why? He's torturing somebody and he's the one who's crying?
"Severus?" It is clear what I mean. He slowly pulls up his sleeve and bears his Dark Mark; it twists on his body, as if moving. I recoil.
"It makes me, Lily."
"But your Occlumency –"
"Is weak, I am weak."
He points his wand at himself and casts some kind of hex, clearly causing pain. I rush to his side. I can still hear the clamour of the fighting raging behind us.
"Severus please. I know what I said before but I want to help in some way. You're – you're hurting in so many ways and – and Severus I just… You don't have to do this, you don't have to cause so much suffering, you don't have to punish yourself anymore. Please, Sev, listen to me. I understand –"
He looks up at me darkly.
"Have you ever wanted to hurt someone, Lily? Have you ever thought of spilling another's blood on purpose? To watch them scream with pain, watch the terror twist their faces and to see life leave their eyes?" he draws back, his eyes glazed over, looking distant as if I weren't there at all, "you haven't. And you never will because you are good right down to your core. And so for that reason, my dear, I think you'll find that you don't understand, you never have understood and doubtless it will be forever beyond your comprehension."
His eyes soften for a moment, "don't you see? We cannot be friends; we cannot keep on with this charade of longing and looking to the past, searching for something that simply isn't there. We won't be any happier by looking back. The only way is forwards. I have chosen my way, you have chosen yours… With him," he says bitterly, the coldness resuming his conduct.
"Do you still love me Severus?" I ask the sound of the battle dulling behind me. I don't why I ask; the words just seem to tumble out of my mouth.
"No," he says, expressionless, "would it make a difference if I did?"
"Perhaps…" I murmur, lost in old emotions and memories, "I thought I'd forgotten all about you, let you go. I keep telling myself that the Severus I see isn't my Severus anymore. He's changed. But it doesn't matter whatever I tell myself because every time I picture your face, I see him. The boy who thought he could conquer the world, the boy who was destined for great things beyond his warring parents, the boy who has so much faith in me, the boy who laughed, the boy who wasn't afraid… and I wonder, whatever happened? Where did I go so wrong? Why does everything I try to hold onto break and deteriorate? Why does everyone I hold dear leave? And it hurts, Sev. I know I should hate you but I can't. This was never about James over you; this was about the dark arts over me."
He looks at me, clear pain in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
He Disapparates, leaving me cold and alone. I thought I had changed, that he had changed, and that we had changed. I suppose it doesn't matter how much things change, they always stay the same.