AN: Well, aside from the five of you who didn't like the Deadpool/Joker inspired chapter, this story blasted in one day to ONE HUNDRED reviews. 100! Holy S#*t that's a lot of reviews for one chapter...I mean, damn guys...Sorry for the wait, but I had to work on my other stories a little bit.

Disclaimer: Been saying it for two years now, Percy Jackson and Naruto aren't mine. All rights belong to current right holders and creators. Not changing anytime soon. Oh, and any quotes from Deadpool, The Joker or any other 'mad' character are not mine either. Keep an eye out for them, they're like Easter eggs!

Perfect Insanity

"Why are we here again?" Percy asked his companion tiredly. Percy kept his hand in his pocket on the pen that sat there and twitched with every federal officer that walked past them. He just wanted to go back to camp and forget this whole day ever happened, but Naruto convinced him, i.e. threatened to cause harm, that it would be wise to turn the head in as soon as possible.

"Well, the loser writing this was reading the response to the fans and decided to continue our adventures – oh, you're talking about why we're at the Manhattan Federal Bureau of Investigations office!" Naruto snapped his fingers in realization. He reached down and patted the knapsack next to his boot. "To turn this bad boy in and get some big bucks from Uncle Sam!"

"...Okay, ignoring your first comment...Why did you make me come?" Percy asked. He wanted to sleep, but Naruto wouldn't shut up. He would either hum a stupid song or ask questions from left field that baffled Percy into damnable consciousness.

Naruto grinned at him. "Because you're my best bud, duh."

Percy paled. "...Lucky me..."

"Psyche! No, my best bud is my informant," Naruto said with a grin. "He's a son of Hermes. His name is Lee Jordan, like that awesome kid from Harry Potter. He was part of my group when, well, he got hurt on the job...Total accident. No one could've seen it coming."

"Lee, hold him steady!" Naruto took aim with a rocket launcher at the dark haired boy who struggled against a beast of a man that was more muscle than he was human. "I won't miss if you can keep him from dodging!"

Lee looked over his shoulder in horror. "Wh-what!? Naruto, no, wait!"

"Yep...total accident." Naruto nodded. He sighed and played with a can of diet cherry coke. "It was tragic, he lost two legs from an explosion."

Percy shifted a few inches away from Naruto. The sound of footsteps had both teens look up at the man that approached them. He was a handsome guy, with honey blond hair and grey eyes. A son of Athena, a son of Athena that didn't look that pleased to see them.

"Naruto." He scowled and then looked to Percy. His scowl left and an indifferent look crossed his face. "...Naruto's friend."

"I'm not-!"

"Don't care," the older demigod said rudely. He looked at Naruto with a frown. "Why are you here? Jordan handles all of your jobs now. I got out once he came in...He is still alive isn't he?"

"Alive, yes. Fully intact? Not so much." Naruto grinned and hopped up to his feet. "Relax, Jeff! I'm here on business, not pleasure. I'd have beer if I was here for pleasure!"

Jeff, if that was even his real name, sighed. "Thank the gods for small mercies...What can I do to get you out of my office?"

"So cruel...Well, I guess you could just hand over the bounty for one Drake Wood!" Naruto lifted his sack up and opened it for Jeff to look in. Jeff peered into the sack, cringed, and backed away.

"Poor bastard..." Jeff mumbled. He took the sack and slung it over his shoulder. "Stay right here. I'll be back in a bit. Gotta clear all this with the red tape and everything."

Naruto gave him a salute and Jeff hurried off. Percy didn't blame him.

"So...that was Annabeth's brother?" Percy asked.

Naruto scratched the inside of his nose with his ring finger. "Yeah, Jeff's an okay guy. He was my handler, best of the best. Knew how hot I liked my lemonade and how much ice I wanted in my espresso. Smart, too...He knew when I was being serious. Unlike Lee...poor, poor Lee. If he could understand sarcasm, he'd still have his legs."

Percy's eyes widened in horror. "I thought you said it was an accident?"

Naruto pulled his finger out of his nose and flicked the discovery off. "It was."

"Uh-huh. I'm-I'm gonna go check on Blackjack," Percy stammered, already prepared to stand up.

Naruto looked at him blankly. "Hm? Oh, yeah, sure. Go back and tell dad the mission's done. I'll be back later...maybe tomorrow...Eh, just have him IM me." Percy bolted for the door and Naruto blinked. "Huh, he must be hungry. I always am after a mission."

Naruto waited for Jeff to return. As he waited, he turned himself upside down to sit incorrectly on the bench. Then he turned to lounge on the bench and took a nap. Or at least, he tried to. The constant phones ringing were absolutely annoying and made it impossible to fall asleep. Finally, after what felt like forever, Jeff returned with a small briefcase. Naruto sat up and rubbed his hands together.

"Yes..." Naruto took the briefcase and popped it open. He looked it over and then frowned. "Hey, I'm missing two hundred grand! Last month he was eight big ones!"

"That sounds like a you problem, Naruto," Jeff said. He turned and walked away with his hands in his pockets. "Next time, bring in the rest of the body so we don't have to send scans away to a different facility. Oh, and Naruto?"

Naruto huffed as he closed the briefcase. "What, Jeff?"

"Stay the fuck away from me."

Naruto made a face at him as he disappeared up the stairs. "Humph, after all the things I did for him...Jerk."

After he put his money in his personal savings account, Naruto searched around Manhattan for a nice sleazy joint to hang out in. Finally, he found the perfect place called The Rat Den. The only problem was, he couldn't remember his damn age or where he put his damn ID.

"Listen kid, no ID, no entry," the bouncer said with a frown.

Naruto glared at him. "Really, what about that guy that went in before me!?"

"He was obviously of age."

"Bullshit! That white beard and those wrinkles were fake as hell! I've seen better wrinkles on porn stars!"

The bouncer crossed his arms and arched a brow. "Beat it kid, before I beat you."

Naruto's eye twitched. "You're telling me I can't have beer?"

"No ID, no entry." The bouncer cracked his knuckles. "Try me kid."

Naruto clenched his jaw before he relaxed. "Alright...you got me. No ID...but I will get entry. For the record, you shouldn't have crossed me."

Naruto's eyes turned purple and his eyes glared into the bouncer's. The man's stern visage dropped into a blank one and Naruto smirked. He lifted his fingers and snapped them. The blank faced bouncer turned and walked towards the street. Naruto stepped back and leaned against the wall, his purple eyes glued to the bouncer.

"Look both ways," Naruto said softly. The bouncer, like a ragdoll, turned his head to the left and then to the right. "Now listen."

Car honks, engines, tires moving all flooded into the bouncer's ears. Naruto grinned.

"Cross."

The bouncer's leg lifted and he took a step into the road. Then another. Then another. And just when he was going to take another, Naruto's eyes returned to the dark blue they once were. The bouncer turned and screamed as a car horn blared and brakes were slammed on. The crashes that followed made Naruto chuckle.

Naruto looked to the door and held his hands out. "Open sez me!"

He walked forward and pushed the door open. The bartender looked up with a smile. "Hey, welcome to The Rat Den. Bruce must've given you a hard time."

"Yeah, he did. I thought I lost my ID, turns out, it was in my back pocket!" Naruto laughed and he pulled his wallet out. From the leather cash container, Naruto withdrew a bill with Benjamin Franklin on it. The green bill was put on the counter while Naruto grinned. "Open a tab and use this for my limit tonight!"

"You got it, Ben," the bartender said with a chuckle. "Something fancy first?"

"The hardest drink for you to make!" Naruto said. He looked around and his eyes landed on a couple of women seated together. He gave them a grin and a wave and then turned back to the bartender. "Got any shot glasses I can borrow?"

The bartender followed his gaze and smirked. He grabbed three shot glasses and set them on the bar. "Off your tab, Ben."

"Whatever, just send my drink over when you can," Naruto said as he grabbed the glasses and went over to the girls' table. "Hel-lo ladies...Wanna see something neat?"

"Whoo!" Naruto cheered as he lifted his mug of bear in the air and held another hundred up. "Another round for the whole bar!"

The patrons cheered to that while the bartender laughed. Naruto chugged down his beer and then sat back with his arms on the back of his booth's bench, behind two lovely ladies that he had enthralled with various bar tricks. Both had a bottle in their hand and giggled when he smiled at them. "So, really, how old are you girls?"

"We're in college," the blonde one on his left – Mindy? Cindy? Meh, whatever – said.

"That means nothing to me," Naruto said with a chuckle. "Then again, what should I care!? I'm twenty-three and loving life!"

The bar patrons cheered again at his rambunctious yell. The brunette girl on his right – Darcy? Sam? Freddie? He should've written their names down – laughed and poked his chest. She, whatever her name was, was borderline wasted, probably not coherent enough to realize how intimate her hand was getting with his thigh.

"You are just. Too. Funny!" Brunette snorted with her laugh.

"Kind of cute, too," Blonde said.

Naruto grinned. "Yeah, I hear that a lot...I also hear voices..."

Blonde eyed him strangely but Brunette just laughed again. Oh, Naruto knew which one was his favorite already. He grinned and thought up a way to seal the deal.

The bar door burst open and Naruto's grin fell into a scowl. He turned to look and groaned at the sight of a tall blond with short hair and a bullseye tattoo over his right eye.

"Oh, no...not you..." He tapped the girls on their arms. "Get up."

"What?" Blonde asked, a bit haughtily for someone who had gotten three free drinks.

Naruto glared at her with purple eyes. "Get up and get lost!"

The blonde left hurriedly, but the brunette left a crinkled piece of paper on his chest before she climbed over him in the most inappropriate way possible. Naruto looked down at the paper and grinned. Hello future one night stand!

"She was hot." The tattooed blond sat down across from him.

"I know, right? Not a nine, but still, a real nice milkshake." Naruto put the number in his pocket and sat forward. "So what do you want, Leonard?"

The teen scowled. "Lester, dipshit. Get my name right or I'll put another hole through your fucked up brain."

"Whatever Leonidas." A bang rang out and Naruto's head flopped back to rest on the back of his booth with his mouth open, a blood splatter on the wall behind him. A smoking hole was in the dead center of his forehead and a death rattle escaped his lips.

"Lester." Lester growled. He glared at the shocked patrons and set his smoking gun on the table. "What? You going to call the cops? Go ahead fucktards..."

It was silent until the soft sound of squelching meat hit everyone's ears. They all looked back to Naruto's corpse, and watched in disturbed fascination as the bullet hole slowly closed shut. Naruto's head rolled and his neck cracked loudly.

"Ow! Shit, dude, you shot me in my fucked up brain!" Naruto whined while he rubbed his forehead. He turned to the bartender. "Hey, you got any Advil? No? Can I have another beer then?"

"They're mortals, dumbass," Lester said with a scoff. "They just saw you pull a Deadpool."

"Oh right..." Naruto whistled and all eyes went to him. He pointed at his purple eyes. "Okay everyone, look right here and it'll explain everything!"

A second later and the patrons returned to normal, like nothing had happened.

"How are you going to explain the blood on the wall?" Lester asked.

"Oh, no. That's on you, Bullseye," Naruto said with a scowl. He poked at his forehead with a wince. "Ow. Ow. Tender."

"Going to get my name right now?" Lester asked with a frown.

"Maybe, dunno." Naruto cringed as he reached behind his head and pulled a piece of his skull from his flesh. "Damn leftovers...here, souvenir?"

"Keep it." Lester glared at the offered bone like it was diseased. Naruto shrugged and flicked it away, where it landed in a man's drink. Lester nodded in thanks to the waitress that brought two beers over for them and then opened his up. "Heard you went back to camp."

"Wow, already? It's been what? A day?" Naruto tapped his chin. He snapped his fingers and beamed. "Hey, you should join me when I go back! I'll call the others and tell 'em to go back, too!"

"We're not allowed to, Naruto," Lester said dryly.

Naruto grinned and set his bottle down. "Didn't stop me."

"No, but it did cause most of that warehouse district to go up in smoke." Lester set his beer down and looked at his fellow blond. "Listen, in all honesty, I could give two shits about how this war turns out. They don't care about us. And why should they? You 'n me, we're scum. We're all fucktards who know how to kill and how to do it well. That's the only reason we're still alive."

"Well, maybe you," Naruto said. He played with his beer and balanced it on his hand. "I have yet to be mortally wounded by a celestial weapon."

Lester shook his head. "The fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'll tell you when the results come back," Naruto said with a grin as he took another swig.

Lester watched him with a smirk. "Are you even old enough to drink?"

"I think so?" Naruto frowned in confusion and scratched his chin. "I mean...Damn, am I? I'm what? Forty?"

"Lower."

"Thirty?"

"Lower."

"Twenty?"

"Higher."

"Thirty?"

Lester's smirk widened. "Higher."

"Forty?"

Lester burst into laughter and sat back. "See? That's exactly what I'm talking about, we're fucktards."

"You call everyone a fucktard," Naruto pointed out.

"Yeah, but we're the most fucked up fucktards in the world," Lester laughed. He pointed at Naruto. "You, who are certifiably insane –"

"Thank you!" Naruto tipped his beer bottle in gratitude before he took another sip.

" – and can take a kill shot from any mortal weapon." Lester stuck his thumb in his chest and grinned sadistically. "I can't miss a shot to save my life, and I love to kneecap, but the opportunity to is always so rare. Then there's Lee, who you crippled–"

"On accident!"

" – who can't not hack into the government networks. Hell, last I heard from him he hacked his father's email and got him a subscription to Sausage Girls Monthly."

Naruto laughed. "Oh, I'll bet the messenger loved delivering those packages."

"Alex is just as fucked up in the head as you are..." The ace shot snapped his fingers. "By the way, he's looking for you. Wants to swap a target. Some kid named Nakemura...I dunno."

"No way, that's my target! I've been tracking that slippery 'balance' freak down for years!" Naruto scowled and grabbed his beer. "Stupid Earth-2 bastard..."

"And then there's Toni..." Lester smirked as Naruto spewed out his beer and looked around frightfully. "She's not here."

"Oh thank dad..." Naruto sighed in relief. He looked down at his arm and saw a red dot slowly climb up it. With a yelp, Naruto tried to jump up out of the booth, but only succeeded in banging his knee. "Ow..."

Lester snickered and rolled his laser pointer between his fingers. "Toni, aside from wanting one of your two heads, is still able to copy any fighting style with just a glance."

"I don't know why, but I feel like I should complain about a haxingan for some reason," Naruto said with a tap of his chin. He shrugged it off and then gave a nervous look to Lester. "...She's not still mad, is she? We were both drunk...I think...Well, I know I was drunk."

"Dude, you took her virginity," Lester pointed out.

"With consent!" Naruto insisted.

Lester held his hands up. "Easy. For as psycho as you are, I know you don't rape. All I know is you took her V-card and now she wants to take away your D."

"But I love my D!" Naruto whimpered.

Lester rolled his eyes. "We all love our D, but not all of us can possibly regrow our D."

"I don't want to see if I can!" Naruto slammed his fist on the table. "I won't stand for this, we're grown adults, we should be able to talk this out!"

"Yeah, talking...not going to happen," Lester said. He stood up and started to walk away from the table.

Naruto blinked. "How do you know?"

Lester stopped by the bar, got another beer, and then shrugged as he popped the cap off. "Sorry, fucktard."

Naruto stared at Lester for a second before his eyes went wide as he made the connection. Purple eyes narrowed at Lester, who had an amused smirk on his face. "You dirty sonova-!"

A truck crashed through the wall behind Naruto. The blond was plowed through the table and the next unoccupied booth. He groaned in pain as blood covered his body and patrons screamed. A purple eye squinted open and Naruto saw two lean feminine legs drop out from the truck that hit him. The legs walked over to him, white high heels over cerulean blue skinny jeans, but before he could trail up the legs, his eye closed as consciousness left him.

"Fuck the police!" Naruto shot up where he lay and then grabbed at his sides. "Ow-w-w! Good thing I got the number of that truck...SP1R3L DN...oh, the irony."

A baton cracked him across the face. "Ow! That was so uncalled for!"

Another hit him the other way. "I deserved that one."

Something hard stomped down on his crotch and his eyes crossed. "...Flawless victory...fatality..."

Naruto slumped back with a grunt. He yowled as the foot that stomped on him twisted and he looked up at the sadistic bit-babe. All pain numbed as he stared at the beautiful woman before him. Honey blonde hair that looked like it was poured straight from the beehive, gorgeous grey orbs that pretended to be eyes when in fact they were the beautiful dark clouds that came before a storm, a Californian tan much like his own that covered a lean muscled body, and best of all a supple che-!

"Ow, my perverted thoughts!" Naruto rolled his jaw after the third smack from the baton. A fourth blow came to the top of his head, which made him cringe. "Ow, seriously, I've already been shot in the head, watch where you hit me!"

"Oh, are you awake? I thought you were talking in your sleep again." Naruto looked up into his abuser's grey eyes and scowling – beautiful – face.

"You know, Toni, if you wanted to play rough in bed you could've just ask-Yee-e-e-e!" Naruto's eyes rolled into his head as more pressure was applied to his crotch. "Bad joke! Bad joke! Sorry!"

Toni Masters scowled at him. "You'd better be."

The pressure lightened and Naruto sighed in relief. He grinned up at her. "So how's it going , Tasky?"

Tori narrowed her eyes and applied pressure again.

"Why!?" Naruto asked with a voice that was higher than normal. A baton pressed down on his nose.

"Stop. Calling. Me. Tasky." Tori jabbed him at each word. She brought the baton back over her shoulder and then cracked him across the face again. Satisfied, Tori stepped back, which made Naruto gasp sharply, and slipped her batons into two holsters behind her. She moved some of her hair behind her ear and sighed. "That felt really cathartic."

"Always glad to help." Naruto wheezed. He sat up and looked around. "Hey, this is a really nice apartment...where are we?"

"Yonkers," Tori said nonchalantly. She walked over to a desk and opened a laptop.

"Neat, never been. Is this where you get those clown noses to honk?" Naruto asked. He ducked under a CD that was chucked at him. "Hey! Those things are dangerous! And seriously, a CD? What is this, the 90s?"

"Shut up and get over here," Tori said.

Naruto walked over to stand behind her. He stared at the back of her neck. "You cut your hair..."

Tori rolled her eyes. "Thank you for noticing."

"It really shows off your neck...you know what else shows off your neck?" Naruto's mouth clicked shut as a hot barrel pressed under his jaw. "Seriously? I thought we had something."

Tori closed her eyes and aimed the gun down. She pulled the trigger.

"Ow fuck! That was my foot!" Naruto held the wounded foot and hopped around.

"It'll heal." Tori leaned away from the computer and turned to him with her arms crossed. She nodded to the computer screen. "Look at this."

Naruto hobbled back over to her and, after a mild glare at the girl, looked at the screen. "Huh, statistics show the Patriots winning the super bowl in twenty fifteen..."

"Not that," Tori said with a deep breath. She couldn't kill him. Tori pointed at a smaller column. "That."

Naruto's eyes scanned the words and he grinned. "Oh hell the fuck yes."

Tori smirked. "So you're in?"

"I want a third of the cut," Naruto said.

Tori frowned. "Not half?"

"You're going to want to extend a hand to Linus," Naruto said.

"Lester?"

"Whatever that son of Apollo's name is." He shrugged and smiled at her. "By the way, you looked really hot driving that truck."

Tori lifted her leg up between his.

"...You know you love it, baby..." Naruto wheezed out before he collapsed.

Tori rubbed her face with a grimace. "Unfortunately..."

Now dressed in a skintight red sleeveless shirt and dark cargos, Naruto clipped a belt on around his waist and tapped the red and black circle in the center. A white dot appeared and the belt fitted itself to his waist. He grinned and grabbed the black bullet proof vest that hung on the wall, followed by two short swords that he strapped to his back. To top his attire off, Naruto grabbed two gloves and pulled them on.

"Ryan Reynolds, eat your heart out," he said with a grin as he looked in the small mirror on the wall. His hands rested behind his head and he sucked in air. "Oh yeah, heartthrob alert! Sexiest Man Alive? You know it."

"Don't you ever shut up, Naruto?" Naruto turned and grinned as he watched Tori slide her shield onto her left arm and then grabbed her sword. Her tactical clothes clung to her from the waist up, various grey armor pieces in strategic spots, and a belt with a golden T as the buckle held her sword on the left side of her hips.

"No. Did I mention how distracting those pants are on you?" Naruto asked.

Tori glared at him and flipped a dark hood up over her blonde hair. "You used to be so much more bearable."

Naruto frowned and put his hands over his heart. "Ow. Shot in the heart." He pointed at her with a grin on his face. "And you're to blame! You give love a bad na–" Naruto ducked under a dart. "Hey! Watch it, arrowhead!"

"Shut up then, moron," Lester said as he adjusted his quiver around his tactical gear. He grabbed a sniper rifle from the wall and a clip he just loaded, with the clip being slammed into the gun. "I'm surprised you decided to wear dark colors instead of bright orange this time."

"It was one time, and we were in foliage! I thought it would work! It works for tigers!" Naruto scowled at the smirking blondes.

"Tigers also have black stripes, Naruto," Tori said.

Naruto rolled his eyes and grabbed a black mask with red domino circles on it. "Whatever. Just be sure to be in the right place at the right time."

With that said, Naruto turned and kicked the doors behind him open. The back of a sixteen-wheeler suddenly flying open startled a lot of people on the highway that morning. Go figure. Naruto jumped out and ducked into a roll to the side of the highway.

Once Naruto stopped and got to his feet, he ran for a good ten minutes and then sat down on the edge of the overpass. He pressed the side of his ear. "I'm in position."

It was silent for a moment before Tori's voice came through. "Roger that. We'll be ready in five."

"Stay cool, Tasky."

"I'm so going to gut you for that stupid nickname."

Naruto grinned. "No you're not. You love me too much, Wise Girl." Naruto lowered his hand from his ear and blinked. "Hm, for some reason I wish I had some blue chocolate chip cookies made by Ms. Jackson."

With a shrug, he reached into a back pouch and pulled out a small portable Hello Kitty radio with the name McLean on it, a box of crayons with a crude Leo V. scribbled across it, and a notebook that cost him one whole dollar from the gas station they stopped at. "I get the feeling I'll be here a while. Hit it Stefani!"

"N-A-N-A-S!" Naruto's watch started to beep and he looked at it. "Uh-oh. Showtime." Naruto got to his feet and knocked his radio along with his crayons over the edge. "Whoops...oh well, they weren't that important anyway."

Naruto held his arms out in front of him and took a breath before he pulled them to his side and took a calm step forward. Then, he plummeted to the ground. Naruto smashed through the sunroof of a black Chrysler SUV into the back seat.

"Hola, amigos!" Naruto said to the four men in tactical gear in very bad Spanish. "Mi llama el jacuzzi remolinos!" While the four were baffled, Naruto turned to the man on his right and in dramatic English, said "There's no easy way to say this...I'm pregnant Trevor."

He then drove his elbow into the face of the other man on his left. The two men in the back began to struggle with him until Naruto knocked one man out with a mighty blow to the face. Oh, and the head smashing through the window probably helped, too. The other man was elbowed once again and Naruto unbuckled his seatbelt. Naruto waved farewell to his new 'amigo' and then used both feet to kick him out the door. The man was run over and died promptly.

"See, that's why you always keep the child safety locks activated," Naruto chided with a waggled finger to the driver. The man in the passenger seat pulled out a handgun and took aim. Naruto grabbed his wrist and pulled, which caused the man to slam into his seat awkwardly. "No, give it! You shouldn't play with these!"

The passenger pulled back and Naruto used the pull to drive a harder than average punch into his jaw. "Boosh!"

"Escuze, por favor." He grinned at the driver. The driver lifted his right arm and repeatedly stomped his elbow into Naruto's head. "Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow the showers~!"

The man in the backseat who was thought to be unconscious woke up and grabbed Naruto by the back of his neck. He then slammed Naruto's face into the back of the passenger's seat.

"Oh, what rich crinkly leather," Naruto said, though it was muffled. He twisted out of the man's grasp and wrapped his legs around either side of the man's head. "You know, sleeping awkwardly like that can stiffen your neck. Let me help you relax!"

A loud snap filled the SUV and the man went limp. Naruto righted himself and then put his hands over the driver's eyes. "Guess who?!"

The driver swerved and Naruto laughed. "No, not Anthony Hopkins, but you're close!"

He pulled back until he felt the driver's hand reach for his. With his right arm, Naruto reached over and grabbed the emergency break.

Time slowed to a crawl and Naruto looked at the readers with a grin behind his mask. "Check this shit out."

Time sped up and Naruto pulled the break. The car slammed on the breaks, and the driver, not prepared, turned on the wheel. The car was sent into a roll down the highway. Ahead of them, a motorcyclist stepped off his bike and pulled an automatic rifle from his back.

Bullets were sprayed heavily into the car, but time slowed once more as the broken sunroof became visible to the gunman. Naruto slowly popped up with a wave and held up a crude childish picture of himself using a sword to decapitate a rather accurate image of the gunman. While the gunman stared at the image in confusion, Naruto nodded and reached for one of the swords on his back.

Time sped up again as the car rolled over the downed bike and came to a stop. The window rolled down to reveal the head of the motorcyclist in Naruto's hand. Behind him, the standing corpse collapsed to the ground. Naruto looked at the head and smirked.

"So was it really your best idea to get off your bike?" he asked. The helmeted head was shaken 'no'. "Duh. You wanna know why I wear a red shirt?" The head was nodded. "It's so that you guys couldn't see me bleed."

Naruto dropped the head to the side and leaned forward. A bunch of glass shards stuck out of his back through the vest. "Ow. That's going to be a bitch and a half to pull out."

The masked blond stepped out of the car and ran his hand down his back to clear away some of the glass. He shook himself and lifted his hand to his ear. "Hey guys? People are dead on my end, what am I looking for?"

The radio came alive with gunfire and screams. Toni's voice calmly replied back to him. "It should be in the trunk, now be really careful, Naruto-"

"Aha! I knew you cared!" Naruto grinned as he walked around to the near destroyed trunk.

"Shut up. It's in a large case, the code is four-four-Nixon-Gunther-six."

"Dun-nuh-nuh, nuh, nuh. Another one bites the dust." Naruto lifted his mask up as he popped the case open. He grinned insanely. "Oh yes...Chemical X. Now I, too, can create my own Powerpuff Girls!"

"What was that?"

"Er, nothing. I got the stuff. You guys pull out – but wait til you finish, first."

"Naruto!"

"What? It's what I do!"

"WHAT?"

"Call you later, Tasky, kisses! Mwah!" Naruto pulled his ear away and grinned at the chemical weapon that sat before him. "Lets see you unalive anymore innocent people with this, Mr. White."

"I'm going to kill him," Toni said with a snarl as she stabbed her sword into another bodyguard.

"No you're not." Lester rolled his eyes and picked off another two with his sniper rifle. "You're going to beat the shit out of him, act like it never happened and then most likely jump his bones."

"Fuck you, Lester!"

"Uh, no. I saw that video." Lester ducked under a thrown knife. "Missed bitch! Ow! Shit! My leg!"

"Didn't miss that time." Toni smashed her shield into another mercenary's face with a war cry. "Athena help me if he does something stupid with that weapon."

"This is Naruto we're talking about," Lester said nonchalantly. He swung the butt of his riffle out and smashed in a mercenary's face. "Of course he's going to do something stupid."

"I know," Toni growled.

"Yeah, and if you want your deadly weapon back, you'll come over here and take it from my cold dying hands!" Naruto said into the phone he picked off the motorcyclist's body before he tossed it at the wall of the interstate and huffed angrily.

A couple of officers had tried to arrest him a few moments ago, and it pissed him off! He was protecting their sorry mortal asses! They should be thanking him! So, he convinced them that he was never there and it was just another motorcycle accident.

Naruto looked at the case that held the chemical weapon with distain. "Stupid sons of Ares...stupid cops...stupid mortals...Zeus' Butthole I ran out of things to call stupid!"

The deranged demigod –

"Wait, deranged demigod?" Naruto scratched his chin. He smiled. "Yeah...I like that! I've been calling myself the insane membrane this whole time. All right loser, you may continue."

The deranged demigod sat down on the case and put his head in his hands. "Man, I'm so bored...all the guys are dead now...and I can't unalive mortals or Dad will get mad..." Naruto suddenly shivered. "And not to mention what Tasky will do to me."

The sound of a helicopter's propellers in action made Naruto look up. He grinned at the sight of a large beefy man with a scarred face that could be called cruelly handsome that stood on the edge of the helicopter's interior with the sliding door open. He glared at the demigod and pointed a fat finger at him.

"I'm going to kill you dead Uzumaki!" He declared. "If my name isn't Walter White!"

Naruto blinked and laughed. "Alright, someone with worse one-liners and a more obvious stolen name than me! Come on down, tons of fun! Let's boogey!"

The man dropped out and landed in a crater with a scowl on his face. He pointed at a white jagged line that went up to his left eye. "I got this after you tried to blow me up with an RPG! I won't be so careless this time."

"We shall see, grasshopper," Naruto said as he drew both of his swords from his back. They began to circle each other and Naruto smirked. "Ooo-eee, ooo-eee, ooo...Waa, waa, waa...Ooo-eee, ooo-eee, ooo... Waa, waaah, waa!"

"You insufferable nincompoop!" Walter charged at Naruto with his massive fist raised. Four obvious dark rings on each fat finger stood out to Naruto.

"Those don't look healthy for me," he said as he dodged each swing. "I didn't know brass knuckles could be buffed!"

"They're not brass, fool!" Walter sneered. He held his fists up. "A gift from my father for keeping the war alive, Imperial Gold will put you out of your misery!"

"Imperial Gold? What's that?" Naruto asked as he continued to nimbly dodge the punches. A blow got him in the side and Naruto stumbled back with a deep gasp. "Wh-What the fuck?"

"A little lesson for you, Uzumaki." Walter cracked his knuckles. "When the gods moved to Rome, they gave Imperial Gold to their children that lived there instead of Celestial Bronze. Alas, most of the Romans died off decades ago and only the Greeks remain, so now their gold weapons are ours for the taking!"

"Yeah...cool...ow, so that's painful...Hope I don't run into a kid with a golden spear he could ram up my ass, get it? Gay innuendo...you know, because you're a fat fa–" Naruto doubled over again when Walter drove his other fist into his stomach.

"What does it take to shut you up!?" Walter asked with a growl.

Naruto coughed up some blood and then smirked at Walter. "Dunno, death probably...nah, I'll just haunt the world then."

Walter bared his teeth and growled. He punched Naruto across the face. "Shut up!"

Naruto spat out a tooth. He then spat excess blood in Walter's face. "Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

Walter snarled and punched Naruto again. The blond swordsman dropped to his hands and knees

"To get to the cock on other side." Naruto spat out more blood and brought his swords up to drive them into Walter's gut. Walter caught the blades in his hands, but the blond let go of the handles and dropped to his knees with his fist brought back. Walter stumbled back with his eyes crossed and his hands over his crotch.

Naruto grinned. "Get it, cuz you're missing a cock?"

"Shut up!" Walter roared as he backhanded the blond.

Naruto stumbled back and fell to his knee again. He pushed himself to his feet. "I...You ever hear the one about that stupid son of Ares?"

Walter grabbed him by the collar of his bulletproof vest and punched him in the face. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"No...you're supposed to say which one?" Naruto laughed and then grunted as he was punched in the face again.

"I'm going to beat you to death!" Walter's punches stopped and Naruto's head was brought up into Walter's. Naruto's head snapped back, blood gushed from his nose, but Walter wasn't finished. The son of Ares drove his knee into the blond's sternum, which made Naruto cough up more blood. Walter lifted Naruto over his head and threw him at the freeway wall.

Naruto bounced off the concrete and crumpled to the ground with a groan. "Ow...You know, this would really hurt...if it weren't for one thing..."

"Even on the verge of death you refuse to shut up!" Walter sneered as he stalked forward. He grabbed Naruto by the throat with both hands and lifted him in the air. Naruto let out choked laughter and Walter's rage skyrocketed. "What?! Tell me, what's the big joke!? What is so fucking funny right as you're about to die!?"

Naruto let out gurgles of laughter as blood poured from his mouth. "I'm...hehe, I'm...heh...I'm stalling!"

"Stalling?! Stalling for wha-!?" Walter's head exploded as a bullet shot through it from the side. He crumpled to the ground and Naruto dropped with him. Naruto pulled Walter's hands from his neck and groaned as he rubbed the sore area.

"For my sniper to get in place, dipshit," Naruto said. He spat more blood to the side and groaned as he fell to his back. A hand lifted up to his ear and he sighed. "White is down...Can we go home now?"

"Are you all right?"

"Do-Do you really care?" Naruto asked with a small hopeful smile.

"...No."

Naruto let his eyes fall shut, his smile still in place. "Yeah...Yeah, I'm alright."

"Did you really have to take all those shots to the face?" Toni asked as she dabbed nectar soaked rag on a cut over Naruto's eye.

Naruto grinned at her, his teeth a bit red. "And miss out on saying 'Hello Nurse' to you when you walk in the door?"

Toni shook her head. "You're an idiot, Naruto."

Naruto snickered. "Yeah. But it's fun."

Lester tucked his phone into his pocket as he walked in. "So, how's the patient?"

"Certifiably insane and got his ass handed to him." Toni sighed as she cleaned the blood around Naruto's mouth.

"Yeah, but I'm still alive!"

"Whoopie." Lester waved a finger in false excitement. He crossed his arms over his chest. "That was Jordan, he can find some transport to a nearby workshop of Hephaestus' and the smith can deactivate the chemical."

"Can he do that?" Toni asked.

"It is weaponized, he's a weapon maker," Naruto said. He groaned. "Send those golden knuckle dusters too...If I don't see anymore Imperial Gold in my life, it'll be too soon..."

"Right. So, what's the pay?" Lester asked.

"Thirty-Three each," Toni said. "A million goes to Jordan for transport services and cover up."

Lester nodded and pulled his phone out. "I'll let him know."

Time slowed down and Naruto turned to the readers. "Yeah, so that was chapter two. I got my ass kicked, unalived a bunch of guys, and got to feel up Toni's ass." He grinned. "Can't wait to see what happens next time!"

Time sped up and Naruto grunted when Toni slapped him across the face. "Are you squeezing my ass!?"

"I told you those pants were distracting!"

AN: So yeah, updating from my phone. This was to let you all know I'll update once and a while and introduce a few of Naruto's supporting characters. Why is taskmaster a girl? Because I felt like it would be funny. Why does Naruto not die from head shots? A Deadpool must and it will be explained later. Why wasn't Percy in this chapter that much? Because this was a development scene! Anymore questions? No? Good!

Review!