The Witcher: Part XXXVIII
The White Wolf
Previously, on The Witcher:
Lady Feudalism got very upset at Iorverth's death, and raged at Geralt. Severus Hitler was overwhelmed by a contingent of muscled soldiers.
The journey continues...
The now three-man, or more appropriately, two-woman-one-man Team Witcher were walking along the bottom of a cliff, along a river. And then, Geralt saw it.
"There it is!" he cried excitedly.
Lady Feudalism and Ciri looked towards the horizon, where Geralt was pointing. A giant triangular shape very faintly appeared in the distance.
"It's the Mountain of Death!" said Geralt. "Not much further to go!"
Lady Feudalism was still somewhat depressed, and Geralt's optimistic attitude wasn't really having much of an effect on her. They walked along the river for a bit longer, when they suddenly heard a moaning sound.
It was coming from a nearby tree.
Geralt went up to the tree and investigated.
Caught in the branches of the tree, was a figure, moaning in pain. Branches of the tree were stabbing into him, and he was drenched in his own red blood.
"Help me," he said. The voice was vaguely familiar.
"Please..."
Geralt climbed up the tree and dislodged the branches from the man's flesh.
And then he saw the man's face. It was half-burned, and Geralt recognised him immediately.
"Christian Grey!" he said. Lady Feudalism walked up to the tree and looked up at Geralt.
"Let him die," she said. "We have work to do."
"I can't let him die," said Geralt. "From a moral standpoint, letting someone die is no different to killing them."
Geralt grabbed Christian Grey and carried him down the tree. He placed Grey upon the ground. Geralt used magick to heal Christian Grey's wounds, and to wash off all of the blood.
"Okay, let's go now," said Lady Feudalism as soon as Geralt was done.
"Wait," said Christian Grey. "I want to join you!"
"What?" said Geralt. "You were our enemy."
"I've changed," said Christian Grey. "I've decided to focus less on the Grey and more on the Christian. I'm a good person now."
"Yeah right," said Lady Feudalism. "Are we really going to let this guy just waltz in and replace Iorverth?"
"Please," said Christian Grey. "I really want your team to succeed. I don't like Severus anymore."
"Why should we trust you?" asked Ciri. "Can you prove your good intentions?"
Christian Grey stood and thought for a moment.
"Okay, how about this?" he began. "I chose the name Christian Grey because it reflected my moral status at the time. But my morals are no longer grey. I think morality is pretty black and white."
"Therefore, henceforth, Christian Grey is no more."
"My new name... is Christian White."
Ciri and Lady Feudalism and Geralt stood in silence for a few moments.
"It's your call," said Ciri.
"Very well," replied Geralt. "I believe him. Welcome to Team Witcher."
Geralt extended a hand to Christian White and they shook hands.
Communist O'Lenin was carrying Klippi through a snowy landscape.
"We're coming for you!" came a voice from behind him. A muscled man wearing a horned helmet was coming up behind him.
Communist O'Lenin shot some fire at the man. The man dodged, and jumped forward and grabbed Communist O'Lenin.
Communist O'Lenin fell over, and dropped Klippi, who tried to scramble away but was promptly caught by another man.
"You belong to us now," said the man with the horned helmet.
The new Team Witcher was running low on supplies once again. Finally, King Gaben's supplies were running out.
"We need more money," said Christian White.
Team Witcher eventually saw a massive arena-shaped building in the distance, and there was a huge crowd surrounding it.
"I think we might be able to get some money there," said Geralt. They walked up into the crowd.
In the middle of the crowd, an incredibly tall, muscled man stood, with everyone in the crowd squabbling just to touch him. He wore a branded cap, a pink T-shirt, and there was a massive belt around his waist.
On the belt, there was a depiction of a white wolf.
Geralt walked up to him.
"Hi, I'm the White Wolf," said the man. "Do you want my autograph?"
"What is the White Wolf?" replied Geralt.
"You don't know about the White Wolf?" said the man, laughing. "Basically, this arena here is a wrestling arena, run by the WWF."
"The WWF?" said Geralt.
"White Wolf Federation," replied the man. "And I'm the champion, and this is my championship belt."
"That's why they call me the White Wolf. But my real name is John Cena."
Geralt nodded and was swept away back into the crowd.
"Any ideas for money?" said Ciri when Team Witcher reassembled near the entrance of the arena.
"I want to give professional wrestling a shot," said Geralt. "I heard that it makes a lot of money."
"Isn't it dangerous?" asked Christian White.
"Nah," replied Geralt. "Apparently it's all fake anyway. I'll be fine."
As Team Witcher entered the arena, a security guard at the entrance grabbed Lady Feudalism's wrist.
"No witches allowed," he said. "Your magic could mess up our wrestling." So Lady Feudalism had to stay outside while Geralt, Christian White, and Ciri entered the arena.
They sat down, and an announcer walked into the wrestling ring.
"Welcome to WWF SUPERSLAM! I hope you have FUN watching grown men beat the HELL out of each other."
"Now, introducing our first wrestler, ADOLF HITLER!"
The crowd booed.
And the scrawny dude who entered the ring was obviously not the real Adolf Hitler.
"Now," said the announcer, now at ringside. "The first match of WWF SUPERSLAM will be against a SURPRISE OPPONENT!"
And then suddenly, Randy Orton slithered up into the ring and-
"RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!" screamed the announcer.
Randy Orton hooked Hitler's leg, and the crowd counted
"ONE, TWO, THREE!"
The crowd screamed and cheered.
"Now," said the announcer. "Is there anyone, at all, in this arena, brave enough to face the VIPER, RANDY ORTON?"
Geralt jumped out of his seat and made his way down to the ring.
"It looks like we have a challenger, folks," said the announcer. And then a bell rang and a match was underway.
Randy Orton ran forward, and started punching Geralt. In those moments, Geralt then realised that wrestling was definitely not fake. Randy Orton was actually punching Geralt.
Geralt tried to block the punches, but there were simply too many. So he cheated, by using a spot of magick to make Randy Orton's joints go rigid.
And then Geralt kicked Orton in the gut and pinned him.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled the announcer. "THIS RANDOM GUY. HE JUST BEAT THE VIPER!"
"OH. MY. GOD."
"Now, is there anyone, at all, who's brave enough to face this random?"
A man then walked out of the crowd, and they suddenly started cheering.
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the announcer. "IT'S ROMAN REIGNS!"
Roman Reigns entered the ring.
"I think this match should be a STEEL CAGE MATCH!" yelled the announcer. "The only way to win is to ESCAPE THE CAGE!"
And a cage suddenly descended from the arena's roof. And then a bell was rung and the match was underway.
"BELIEVE IN ME!" cried Roman Reigns. The crowd wailed and cheered. And then Roman Reigns ran up to Geralt, apparently trying to do some sort of running headbutt or something.
"SPEAR! SPEAR!" cried the announcer.
Geralt moved out of the way, and Roman Reigns hit the side of the steel cage with his head.
And then Geralt walked up to the steel cage's front door and exited.
"What's the point of a steel cage match if there's a readily available front door for you to walk through?" said Geralt to himself. The crowd then booed Geralt for a bit.
And then the cage was lifted.
"Is there anyone else willing to face this man?" asked the announcer. And then John Cena appeared, and walked up to the ring.
"JOHN CENA HAS ACCEPTED THE CHALLENGE!" yelled the announcer. "HE'S PUTTING HIS WHITE WOLF TITLE ON THE LINE AGAINST THIS RANDOM!"
And then the bell was rung, and the main event match was underway. John Cena ran up to Geralt and started pelting him with punches. Geralt dodged each one, and then started punching back.
"This is an interesting main event match here at WWF Superslam," said the announcer, who was commentating on every movement.
And then Geralt, using magick jumped up in the air and kicked John Cena in the head several times. John Cena collapsed to the ground, and Geralt pinned him.
The crowd gasped.
"WE HAVE A NEW WHITE WOLF!" screamed the announcer. "OH MY GOD!"
The announcer handed Geralt the White Wolf belt, and Geralt put it on. And then suddenly, the arena started to shake.
An army of muscled men stormed every entrance to the arena.
"OH MY GOD!" yelled the announcer. "IT'S THE NORDS FROM THE SKY RIM!"
"THERE ARE NO WITCHES ALLOWED IN THE ARENA SO WHO'S GOING TO SAVE US FROM THESE DIABOLICAL NORDS?"
Geralt jumped up, and shot lightning at all of the Nords.
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the announcer. "HE HAS MAGIC!"
"BUT FOR SOME REASON HIS SKIN ISN'T GREEN! OH MY GOD!"
Geralt and Christian White and Ciri fought the Nords back, and eventually regrouped outside the arena. They were joined by the WWF announcer.
"Why were the Nords attacking the arena?" asked Ciri.
"Apparently the Nords have been going crazy for some reason recently," said the announcer. "They've been taking many people prisoner."
"By the way," said Ciri. "Where is Lady Feudalism?"
She was nowhere to be found.
"The Nords must have taken her," said Geralt. "We need to get her back!"
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XXXIX
NORD OF THE RINGS