~Tristabelle: Three of Clubs~
I wake up that morning feeling like death.
I get up and stretch, knowing that I won't be able to go back to sleep even though it's before sunrise. My leg screams out in pain from where it was injured the other day.
My stomach growls and I growl back at it before walking in the dim light of early dawn to find something to hunt. More rats and other small animals are out, but it's harder to see them. It's frustrating, and it puts me on edge, but somehow I'm able to hold it together long enough to get something, even if it's kind of small. I take the risk of making a fire to cook over, but it puts me on-edge. My hands shake as I skin the rat-ish thing and try not to throw up at the reek of blood and guts.
This is never what I wanted for myself. The Game have changed me, and I don't know yet if it's for better or worse.
I still want to find Pontifex to properly get revenge on the son of a bitch. So, I get up and force myself to walk. I walk slowly, sigh the gentle morning breeze gently swaying my pigtails, under the brightening morning sun. If someone were foolish, they would call it peaceful. Unfortunately, I don't think any of the tributes left is so foolish.
Every day I get closer and loser to home. Every day I get closer and closer to death. Sometimes I don't know which is worse.
I can't give in. I can't let them win. I have to keep fighting. I don't have a choice.
The morning drags by and soon I start to get hungry again. I pick some berries off a bush that look hopeful. I crush them and find that the insides of the berries are bright orange, which means that the berries aren't safe to eat. Dammit...
I sigh, decide to have an early dinner, and try to keep moving.
I walk through the afternoon, looking around for anything. As much as I hate it, though, I have to stop more and more for breaks for my leg, injured by the boy from District 10. The more I walk, the more frequently I have to take breaks because I don't think I could take one more step.
I keep on walking and taking breaks frustrated with how my injury is slowing me down.
Soon, I'm taking more break time than walking time. Every time I take a break I tell myself it'll only be this once, then I'll be good to walk for a longer while.
I sit until I can't take it anymore, walk until I can't take it anymore.
Sometimes I keep thinking, I can't take this anymore! But I know I can't afford to think like that. I have to win, in hopes that I can rebuild my walls and myself from scratch when I get there. That's my only chance, only hope of happiness left. I never thought I could be happy, and maybe I can't, but now, I can't help but think... Maybe I could.
I get up from another long break, determined to walk until it's time for me to eat early dinner. My leg kills me, each step is agony, and I have to stop again before I reach 20 steps. I collapse back down, picking up a gig and throwing it will all my strength in frustration. I wish I wasn't injured, dammit!
I hear voices coming closer and freeze.
It's 10 and 3.
My heart beats hard in my chest. He's the reason I'm injured. The reason I can't do anything!
Revenge, revenge, revenge...
I grab my knife and hide in some bushes and as soon as they come close I go for Gio, who squeaks with terror.
"Tristabelle!" Atticus has a knife, ready to throw straight at me. I have to stop, my leg hurts way too much at the moment for me to want to risk it.
"This is what you're going to be!?" He sounds like he doesn't want to throw the knife but I know he will. Gio ducks behind his ally, who is tense and looks serious.
"I thought you wouldn't resort to this. Savage, animalistic... It thought you were more human than this." He stares at me, his eyes glowing and serious. "I thought you would regret what you did to Janie. You're going to waste yourself, your chance, your hope... Like this? Is this what you really want to be remembered as? If it is, you try anything and you're going to die. Just be smart. Think." By now, Gio's practically disappeared behind him. "Just think about it," he continues, after a pause, "I don't want you to waste your chance." His voice sounds pleading, almost.
I don't want to listen to him. I don't want him to persuade me. But, in my head, I can hear Lyndon's voice saying the same words. I can hear my own voice, the voice of sane Tristabelle, saying them (okay but maybe with more swear words).
And Wright. "Oh, my poor insane psychopathic baby sister! If only she had a man to hold her back!"
I put my knife away. "I won't." My voice is hoarse and weak, like a little girl's.
"I refuse to waste my chance."
I turn around and leave quickly.
I refuse to waste my chance.
~.~.
~Dream Bishop: Jack of Diamonds~
I'd forgotten how much of a relief it is to travel with someone rather than be at it alone. Janie goes up ahead, looking with a rather keen eye for Pontifex (even if she doesn't know that's what she's doing.). She keeps looking back, to make sure I'm still behind her, and then slowing down her pace. It's a little bit alarming, having had a day with no causalities yesterday.
But, then again, maybe there was a really big fight yesterday and someone is dying slowly. I can only hope.
There's really no way of knowing what's going on around you, which is one thing they overlook at the Academy, and one thing you don't think about when you watch the Games back home. The audience is always well-informed, after all.
As I walk with Janie, I create situations that could happen and make plans to deal with them. It's a good way to pass the time that at least feels like I'm being productive.
Maybe Pontifex is looking for of us. He doesn't know that Janie and I found each other, though, I remind myself. He's just as clueless about her we're feeling as we are about him.
Maybe he's on the hunt for us. What if he finds us and tries to kill me or both of us? Then I suppose I kill him. No matter how Janie reacts or begs.
Alright, so what if Atticus found his teary-eyed ally from 3? I clench my fists, my mouth going into a scowl. I can't think if him without seeing Empress falling to the ground, eyes wide and shocked. And I may not have really known her, but she was from my District and a good person, really. She didn't deserve what she got. I may not have known her personally, but it was basically impossible to not know who she was. Empress was loud and friendly (also pretty flirty, and a big party person) and always reached out to people that needed a friend. Kind of like Gleam. Of course she had faults, but perhaps I'm undermining them because now my memories of her are affected because she's dead.
When it was announced that Empress was chosen to volunteer, the whole room shook with applause and cheers. When I was announced, the room slowly filled with awkward applause as everyone looked around, as if to ask Who? Gleam clapped (probably) way too loudly. I smile a bit at the memory.
If the bastard from 10 did indeed find his ally... Well, maybe that's a good thing.
Gio was injured last time I saw him, pretty badly. Having him around will do nothing but slow Atticus down, which is good for us. Together, Janie and I could take them.
What if Tuesday and Krissa teamed up with Tristabelle for power in numbers? That might be more of a challenge for Janie and I, especially as everyone gets more and more antsy to just get home and ethics start to go out the window. It's a trend in each and every Games, and even if it seems like it's impossible for the nice ones to be vicious it's bound to happen sometime.
We all want to get home here, but the reality is that only one of us is going to get there. I'll have to make sure, for the sake of Gleam and my Mom, that it's me.
Janie stops and sits for lunch, and I sit with her.
What if Pontifex and Atticus team up and go against all of us? I laugh a little. I mean, I spent this time making them more and more unlikely. But this is probably the least likely one of all. Pontifex has got it out for the District 10 bastard. The only real question is not whether or not he'll be killed, but which one will get him first, me or Pontifex. Ponty wants to do it, to spite him for not joining the Careers and prove once and for all that he's the alpha, but I have a real reason to want his blood. I'm determined to see him dead. Call it inhumane, but if any of us want to go home, ethics are going to have to disappear.
I talk to Janie, but it's not real talk, instead just light conversation. She talks some general strategy, avoiding the inevitable strategies that will have to be made. Then she goes silent, dwelling on what happened when we were separated. Her once-bright eyes are dark, heavy, totally the opposite of how they were when the Games began.
That's another thing no one talks about back in the Academy.
Just how much watching people your age and younger die and sometimes bring responsible for their deaths changes who you are, and everything you stand for.
.
That night, no faces appear in the sky. I silently hope that somewhere, two tributes are fighting. I hope there's a cannon in the night.
I sit awake and look around, alert for any possible gimmick that may come. Suddenly I hear a small noise from a nearby bush and get up, reaching for my weapon. It could possibly be a small animal, but-
I'm silenced quickly, thrown into a fight. At first, the shock and adrenaline blurs everything so much I can barely tell who I'm fighting. But soon I recognize Tuesday from District 6. Tuesday, using the factor of surprise and her pure strength, was able to topple me over with a strangled noise, and gag me with his sock. Of course, I fight back as best as I can, but all I can do is delay her and try to get out gasps for Janie.
My mind suddenly wanders to when Empress and I were hunting and she was toppled over by the girl from District 10. I realize this is probably how she felt at that time.
"I just want to go home," Tuesday says, clenching his teeth. "If you all die I can go home!" I knew something like this was bound to happen sometime.
Tuesday rips her knife across my shoulders. The pain snaps me out of my exhausted, groggy state and I use all the strength I have to throw him off of me.
Janie is suddenly awake, rubbing her eyes. In the second it takes her to be fully awake and grab her weapon, Tuesday flicks her wrist and before I can compute what happened, a shocking pain explodes on my chest with a painful gasp of air. Not enough to be immediately lethal, I think, surveying my condition as Janie and Tuesday's screams becoming a blur of noises, But enough to do me in, I'd say.
I'm not as scared as you'd expect. As breathing becomes harder and my body starts to shake, I'm still thinking about Janie and Tuesday fighting.
I vaguely see Tuesday running away as my legs give out from under me and I realize I'm dying, I'm dying, just like Empress died. Same way, practically, except for the fact that Tuesday isn't nearly as powerful or accurate or accurate as... Him. Guess that gives me more time to say goodbye then, right?
...To think, both tributes from District 1 of all places, taken out by an outer District kid with throwing knives.
I laugh. It burns like the flames of hell, but I laugh. How ironic. Probably what Gleam thinks when he thinks of the fact that our names rhyme.
Gleam. Mom. I let them own, didn't I? I hope they're able to go on without me. I know they will. If I thought they couldn't I would've seriously reconsidered volunteering.
How cheesy do I sound right now? Gleam and I always used to mock big death speeches like that. Now that it's happening, though... I guess I can see why they're important.
Tears drop out of Janie's eyes as she tries to do something to help me, her hands shaking. I take her wrist, as much as my body complains at me for doing it. She looks at me, quivering, tears pouring in a steady stream down her cheeks.
I wish I knew what to say to her. "Take it all." The voice coming from me is I recognizable. Hoarse, weak, dying slowly. "Don't... Let our... Memories go... To waste. Find... P-Ponty. D-Don't... Give up... Un...til... There's a Victor... From... Two..." I don't like listening to the voice of a dying man, so I stop talking.
The world starts to go blurry, Janie's tearful voice brome a mesh of apologies and tears and promises. I can't hear every word clearly but I know she and Ponty will be good to Empress and I. I close my eyes heart beating, trying to keep up, but failing.
I realize that I'm taking my final breath right now.
Empress. I'm dead, Empress and I are both dead, going home to mourning families in wooden boxes. Empress and I are dead.
Inhale.
No regrets.
Exhale.
~.~.
A/N: I'M SO SORRY KATE! BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH, IT WAS A PLEASURE WRITING DREAM AND NOW HE AND EMPRESS CAN BE HAPPY ANGELS IN HEAVEN TOGETHER RIGHT? AAAHHH THIS KILLED MY FEELS BUT I HOPE I DID DREAM JUSTICE!
I'm on a bus to Chicago at the moment so I'll reread this but I typed it up on my iPad so there may be weird Autocorrect/formatting stuff.
Remember there's a poll on my profile for Victor!
Also, I've started a full SYOT! But unfortunately (and fortunately I guess, it's a blessing and a curse), all 24 spots were taken by the time I posted two chapters. But there are lots of mentor/escort spots open and also if some of the reservations don't come through... Maybe... we'll see.
Chapter Question: Which death killed your feels the most so far? What death(s) in the future would/will kill your feels?
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