Disclaimer: Been saying it for two years now, Percy Jackson and Naruto aren't mine. All rights belong to current right holders and creators. Not changing anytime soon. Oh, and any quotes from Deadpool, The Joker or any other 'mad' character are not mine either. Keep an eye out for them, they're like Easter eggs!

Sound of Madness

D-Generation X - The Kings

The five demigods walked back to the car Toni had used to get to Central Park.

While Percy complained in what he thought was hushed tones about his night to Annabeth, Naruto moped for two reasons. The first, he had been denied the rights to the car he appropriated earlier. Toni said it was too much of a liability, what with the cops that were undoubtedly hovering around it by that point. So he was forced to leave the keys with a dead demigod at the Kronos camp.

The other reason Naruto was moping was due to Yami still reciting Haikus.

My world became dark. The stranger passed the candle. I'm always grateful.

"Make it stop..." Naruto whined as he clutched at his head. He pounded the palms of his hands against his head. "Shut him up!"

Hey, it could be worse. Kurama consoled.

"How could it be worse than this?" Naruto asked heatedly.

The poetry could've saved your life.

Naruto's eyes went wide in terror. "I'd have killed myself if that happened..."

"Who's he talking to?" Annabeth asked the older daughter of Athena.

"Most likely a voice in his head," Toni said nonchalantly. Both Percy and Annabeth shivered at the casual tone she had. She frowned. "I thought those went away?"

"They must've come back after I shot him point blank in the forehead," Lester said. Toni rounded on him with steel eyes and a scowl on her face. Lester pursed his lips and hummed. "Hm, probably shouldn't have mentioned that."

"You shot him in the head?!" Toni snarled as she began to punch his arm. "Don't you remember how long it took to get rid of the voice he called 'Bubbles'? How much money it cost us on missions?"

Lester flinched away and rubbed his arm. "He kept getting my name wrong! It was annoying!" He looked at the darkened spot on his arm. "Damn, girl, first my knee and now my arm?"

Toni glared at him. "You're paying for the therapy...and all the therapist's therapy."

"Oh, that's bullshit!"

While Toni and Lester argued about dealing with the voices that were bothering Naruto, Percy rubbed his head and groaned softly to Annabeth. "I just want to go home and pretend this night didn't happen."

Toni rounded on him, her eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips. "It happened. You killed people. Get over it!"

"Don't act so superior! You were holed up in the cabin for a week after you went on that first 'quest' with the...Naruto," Annabeth said as she glared at her cabin mate.

"What were you going to say? The Rejected Runaways? The Damned Demigods?" Toni asked with a glare. Annabeth held her tongue and Toni scowled at her. "I joined the Exiles –"

"Time out!" Time slowed and Naruto looked sadly at his readers. "For you Marvel fans out there, no, we don't have a sassy-slash-cute Blink to work with-slash-ogle at. Heartbreaking, isn't it? Believe me, I know. Time in!"

Time sped up and Naruto looked back at Toni as she continued. "– because I saw that demigods weren't perfect, just like the gods that sired us."

The sky boomed and she rolled her eyes. "See? A perfect being wouldn't get miffed if they were dissed."

Naruto frowned. "Or punish someone by taking away their ramen...the bastard." He was struck by a bolt of lightning and coughed up smoke. Naruto shook the blackened skin off and glared at the sky. "You act like you enjoy being compared or related to the old jackass! Make up your damn mind!"

The sky had no response for that and Naruto smirked. Victory was his and it tasted sweet. Like candy. He frowned when he heard Yami clear its throat.

Victory comes fast. The sky has no retort. Insanity rocks.

"...Okay, I kind of liked that one." Naruto mumbled, his grin spreading widely.

Kurama chuckled. It was pretty clever.

"Yeah, but if you didn't like it why not stay at camp? Couldn't you have changed things from there?" Annabeth retorted, both children of wisdom ignoring the insane demigod.

Toni rolled her eyes. "You mean not kill other demigods? And how exactly did you plan to beat Luke's likeminded allies? Talk them out of it?"

"Hey! I'm the only one with access to the Talk no Jutsu, dammit! It's my origin character's trope!" Naruto cut in with a scowl.

Ignoring the indignant idiot ("Oh, that's hurtful..." Naruto gave a wounded pout.), Annabeth grimaced. "No...but there's a jail system for a reason."

"Hiding behind the flawed justice systems. Typical." Toni snorted. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Tell me, Annabeth. What is a crime? A direct offense to you? Or is it to the public? Or perhaps a slight to the gods?"

The sky boomed again.

Percy looked at Lester, who rubbed his head as he grunted.

"That's getting annoying. Think he can stop with the sound effects?" The son of Apollo asked.

Percy looked past Lester to Naruto, who held a sheet of metal and a simple workman's hammer. The mad demigod placed a finger over his lips and held the sheet up behind Lester's head. Percy clamped his hands over his ears and Naruto wailed the hammer against the metal. Lester went rigid and then crumpled to the ground, twitching occasionally.

"There, now the ringing can cover up the thunder!" Naruto beamed at his solution while his 'friend' (and the term is used loosely) suffered at his feet. He tossed the sheet and hammer away before he grinned at the sky. "See!? I'm a good person! ...GIVE ME MY NOODLES BACK DAMMIT!"

"Naruto, knock it off." Toni sighed and frowned at the new counselor. "Once Lester's back on his feet, tell him to drive you guys back to camp."

"Why can't you?" Annabeth asked with a frown.

"I have another priority at the moment." Toni replied coolly.

Naruto popped up beside her with his hand above his head. "Oo! Oo! Is it me? Tell me it's me!"

The four demigods gave him a dry look.

Naruto grinned. "That's not a no~!"

You want to hit snooze, you think there's nothing better, there's no fucking way. Yami wisely advised.

I agree with him.

Naruto's grin fell and he held his head as a look of horror dawned on his face. "Oh, gods, the Haikus...It's like part of my brain was cursed by a drunk Apollo!"

Lester – who'd healed rather quickly after the cartoon-esque damage dealt to him – snorted and crossed his arms. "Maybe it was. Maybe he was miffed that you kept getting my name wrong."

"Shush, Lana." Naruto held his finger out at Lester. "The voices speak to me."

Victory is ours, when insanity takes hold, shining finger burns.

...Okay, yeah, even I didn't understand that one. And I'm half of your mind. Kurama noted, stumped.

"I highly doubt that even the loser writing this knew what the hell he was talking about. That or he was listening to some J-Pop again," Naruto said with a nod of agreement. He looked around and frowned when he noticed that no one remained behind with him in the woods. "Aw, dammit. The haiku was a distraction!"

That would explain the poor haiku. Now, there must be a reason for it. Kurama hummed. Perhaps the author is going to show off how badass we are! Be ready for an ambush!

"Psh, we know we're badass," Naruto said with a scoff. He rubbed his chin and snapped his fingers. "Maybe we'll get to meet a goddess that wants to make us her sex toy!"

Doubt it. Knowing our luck, it would be Athena who shows up. No sexy time there.

"True...Yami, any input?" Naruto asked the white box that appeared overhead.

Allies yet to be, visit with warning from afar, Cable has arrived! Yami declared.

Naruto puzzled over this haiku for a moment before he grinned insanely. "Wait, Cable? Not Time Warner, but the Capital C bad boy?! Yes! My buddy from the future is here!"

He turned around when a bright light started to flicker into existence behind him. Naruto's eyes shone happily as a man stepped out. The man was built like a tank, and part of his body looked like one, too. The right side of his body was like it had been made of coiled bronze, while the left had a tanned complexion. Curly dark hair sprouted from his head, and while one eye was solid bronze, the other was like a dark almond.

"Sammy!" Naruto greeted the newcomer with a perfectly executed flying glomp. The tall half-bronze man grunted and stumbled back before he looked down to see the blond hanging from his torso, his arms and legs wrapped around his body, the mad demigod grinning up at him. "Didja bring me a present?! Ooh, ooh, is it Deadpool starring Ryan Reynolds?"

Naruto turned to the audience as the time slowed once more. "Which, by the way, is available on Blu-ray for a wonderfully cheap price of $19.99 at Amazon dot com! Gotta love those daughters of Ares."

Time sped up when Naruto looked back up at his friend gleefully.

"Naruto. Get off of me." The man, Sammy, pushed his hand against Naruto's head. He shoved the blond psychopath off of him with his bronze arm.

Naruto landed on the ground with a grunt of his own and rubbed his backside. "Ow. Geez, Tin Man, you're so rude!" He blinked and snapped his fingers. "Oh, wait! Intro time! Yea-ah!"

Time once more slowed down and the deranged demigod hopped to his feet. Naruto dusted himself off, which oddly kicked up enough dust to conceal his form. When the dust dissipated, Naruto was dressed in the classical referee attire with a black bowtie. He reached up and pulled down a microphone from off panel.

"L-l-ladies and gentlemen, gods of all pantheons! Behold, the future hero of humanity: Samuel L. J. Val-dez!" Sammy's color came back into view, but he did not unfreeze. "Weighing in at over five hundred pounds, this son of a Titaness and demigod from the boyaka-boyaka six-one-nine stands at a whopping six foot nine! Due to complications at birth as a result of his parents coupling–" Naruto cut himself off and waggled his brows, "which was a very steamy coupling, mind you – Sammy's right side is covered from head to toe in Valdezium, a material created by chemical mixture that had a base of Celestial Bronze. He is capable of mimicking telekinetic and telepathic abilities thanks to his insane attunement towards technology. He even managed to program my VCR's clock! A feat many have not been able to do."

"Furthermore, Sammy here is impervious to all mortal weapons. Trust me, I've tried to kill him before and he's nearly successfully done me in. Twice!" Naruto tugged on the microphone and it shot off screen before his clothes reverted to normal. "That's aside from the real juicy point. Not only is Sammy a cyborg that should not exist due to parentage, but he's also a – wait for it – time traveller! That's right, folks, you heard it here! This guy is the Cable to my Deadpool, not Princely Johnson like you all thought. In your face! Or would you rather on your face? Hehehe, get it? Orgasm jokes!"

I think they get the point. Kurama drawled. You should unfreeze time and get on with the plot before the author gets tired of writing you again.

Naruto scowled and looked at the white box. "Shut up, you. No one can get tired of Deadpool knock-offs! There's a movie!" Naruto leaned in and gave two thumbs up. "Props to Apollo. R-rating is the way to go for the DP movie! That trailer shown at Comic-Con? That shit was awe-to-the-some! I mean, damn, that kill shot and X!? Oh, so good!"

Time resumed and Naruto quickly leaned away from the time traveller with his hands behind his back. "So, Valdez, what brings you to the 'stupid ages'?"

"I am not here of my own choice, Naruto." Sam returned with a frown. He thrust his flesh finger at the blond. "Your antics are altering history. Again."

"...Wait, what I do this time? I've been accepting jobs, keeping low off the radar!" Naruto argued. He thrust a finger back at Sam dramatically. "Like you told me to!"

Sam crossed his arms and scowled. "Two weeks ago, you plugged an arms dealer in the middle of the New York Interstate."

"Yeah, so?"

"He was going to die on that day...from a heart attack."

Naruto smirked and crossed his arms. "Ha! So that means I did good! I killed him before he was supposed to die! Saved billions!" He made a frame with his hands. "I can see it now: Savior of the World, Naruto Uzumaki! Bet'cha I got myself a museum and everything, too! Not to mention all the fine tit-tays I'll be swarmed with... Score for the Naru-Pool, and Tasky can't, or better yet, probably won't argue against it! Boo-yaka!"

The fantasy that started to play out in Naruto's mind made his eyes become unfocused, his hands reach up to grope the air, and a dumb smile to spread across his face. Sam watched this with a mild frown on his face before he sighed. His bronze arm lifted up and came down on top of the deranged demigod's head. Naruto let out a dazed groan from where he was on the ground while Sam glared at him.

"Your 'team' not only cost the state of New York millions of dollars in repairs due to your dual assault on White, but you prevented White's illegal actions from being discovered post his natural demise by actual cops that would be investigating his successor." The time traveller explained slowly. "That means that all of his partners in crime and business can't create plausible deniability since his death at an assassin's hands means that all of his work related issues will be closely looked into. Which means a lot of good done to cover their small dark work is erased from the timeline!"

"Wait, but I stopped his successor from starting up, right? Isn't that good?" Naruto asked.

"You stupid idiot–"

That's a redundant statement. Kurama interjected with a hint of amusement.

"–Time is not a pool to swim in! Time travel is only a two-way street without any turn offs. Destiny can be changed, but time cannot! You altered our timeline.! Again! After I told you not to!" Sam raged. He pointed over at the Empire State Building. "Now they are going to have to deal with the return of a very ancient enemy that was supposed to remain asleep during all of this!"

"Bring it on!" Naruto grinned. "We can take on the Sandman! He was such a puss in Spider-Man 3: Birth of Tobey McCrier!"

"You won't be apart of it, dumbass!" Sam snarled. He grabbed Naruto by the collar and shook him. "Pay attention, dammit! Two days from now, you die facing off against Kronos' Army!"

Ohh...We done fucked up. Kurama muttered.

Yep! We're boned!

"Oh, hey, you sound better." Naruto noted as he turned to look at the white box of italicized Greek text that appeared to his right. "Feel poetic, Yami?"

"Naruto, stop ignoring me and focus!" Sam barked as he shook the son of Dionysus. He released the shorter teen and glared at him. "Despite how you act, how deplorable of a psycho you are–"

You know something...I-I think he's confessing to us!

Whoa! Hey! I am not prepared to be his sempai! I need time to think about this sort of thing!

"Look, Sammy, I like you, too, but, I'm straight (mostly) and spoken for. I mean, yes, I know that won't matter in a few days, but you're a good guy. You deserve happiness." Naruto clapped a hand on the half-machine's shoulder. "You need to move on. Just... promise me that you'll name your first adopted child after me. I'll even babysit for you, but it'll cost ya!"

Sam's eye twitched. "Naruto, I'm not gay for you."

"Good! That's progress! A little fast to admit, so I think there's some denial, but-!"

"I'm not gay!" Sam snarled. "Stop interrupting me and pay attention for one goddamn second!"

"...Alright, but I still think someone's floating on a sinking ship in the river called De Nile~!" Naruto sang. He was cut off as the bronzed hand grabbed him by the throat. "Urk! Whoa, right for the kill, huh? Starting to make this comedy into a tragedy with each passing second."

Ooh, almost like the Deadpool movie did.

Is it me, or does it feel like a year's passed since this document has been updated?

"Yeah...Loser saw the movie...not even bothering to change the jokes at the start...fucker's going to destroy...continuity...!" Naruto choked out while he clawed at the hand restricting his throat.

"Stop babbling nonsense! You need to come with me and..." Cable-er, Sam's voice became akin to white noise as Naruto tuned out of the heroic monologue.

Seriously, even the video game wouldn't let the hero monologue! Hell, even the movie-Oh, fuck yeah, the moment when Colossus tries to teach Deadpool to be good! Ha! Shame the studio wouldn't cough more cash up for more X-men.

Bastards believed it wouldn't go anywhere, and Reynolds even made cracks about his past career! ...Can I for one just say it's awesome that the Loser is letting us have this knowledge without having to wait for the real thing?

"Hell...Yeah..." Naruto reached down and grabbed the handle of the handgun that was at Sam's hip. He waited for Sam to be lost in descriptive monologue, which didn't take long, before he pulled the gun out, put it under his jaw and – click.

OH COME ON! Naruto, Yami and Kurama took that moment to glare at the loser writing his story's late, late, late and so very anticipated chapter. The Author in question shrugged, as if to say, "I'm not apologizing."

We'd better get to kill something soon. Kurama growled as Sam continued his monologue, which spoke of space battles with the gods and dark gods like Cthulhu and other Lovecraftian lore. Naruto dropped the handgun and put his face in his hands since he was forced to listen to Sam's monologue.

It was like being forced to listen to William Hung for ten hours straight and then being force to watch Two Girls, One Cup with your eyes taped open.

Yeah, otherwise-Hey, what's that? Yami asked.

Wha-Oh my Christian Slater! Look! Below us! It's a scene break!

Yes! Scene change for the fucking win! Yami cheered.

"Worst. Time Skip. Ever." Naruto grumbled sourly, his arms crossed while he was bunched in between Percy and Annabeth in the back of an SUV. "Stupid fucking loser...going off to write about that stupid anime awesomeness that won't be a thing in this world and leaving me to rot, not even explaining where Sammy went or what he wants us to do...I want my screen time dammit!"

Should've known it was too good to be true. Kurama sighed.

Hey, but look at how well Angel-hair filled out! Least we have some good eye-candy...and finger candy. Ring-pops still in our 'secret pouch'.

"I'm saving that for later. But you're onto something, Yami. She is starting to look like Tasky." Naruto scrutinized Annabeth with narrowed eyes and a hand on his chin. "I don't know what's missing though..."

"Hey, uh, Naruto. Can you, um, back off?" Annabeth asked, uncomfortable with his proximity to her person. Naruto furrowed his brows further, his mask's white eyes narrowed even more as his face was centimeters from hers.

Hey, d'you know who she looks like?

"Athena." Naruto muttered, all the while still scrutinizing Annabeth. His concealed eyes drifted down from her face for a brief moment. Nope. Those were close to Toni's at that age. Maybe there was a sensitivity difference or something...

Don't touch, just look! She's the heroine of Percy's book.

"Right." Naruto conceded to Yami's point and backed away. It was Percy's job to corrupt Annabeth with sex. Then she was free game. After all, a few drinks between friends meant for a happy threesome! ...Or orgy!

Icha-Icha be praised! Yami proclaimed

Hail! Kurama agreed. But seriously, you know who she reminds me of?

"Considering you've only existed for about, oh, three, maybe four days, give or take a few years of inactivity, no, no I don't." Naruto mumbled while he began examining Annabeth's hat, having swiped it and gotten bored of creeping the younger girl out. He snorted and looked at Annabeth as he tossed the cap back to her. "Don't you have any loyalty, Magnus? Yankee's suck. Red Sox for the win."

"Blasphemy!" Both Annabeth and Toni snarled.

"Hey! Drive! Yell at your boy toy later!" Lester snapped, his hands on the dash.

"Shut up, Lester!"

"Then focus on the road, Toni!"

"I like yelling, too!" Naruto suddenly announced, popping up between his two fellow seniors. He pointed ahead of them. "Hey, I know that guy!"

Toni slammed on the breaks when she turned her attention forward, just in time for the hood of the car to be impaled by a Bronze axe. The wielder of the axe was a eight-foot-tall giant, with gnarly black hair and a thick bushy beard. He had on a pair of yellow Shutter Shades, a forcibly sleeveless purple shirt that had a beefy man posing on it, and tight lightly hued jeans that strained around his legs.

"...I knew it was too good to be true..." Naruto muttered. He sniffled and rubbed at his eye. "Macho Man Randy Savage. You live on. But...Dammit, you're a bad guy!"

"That's not Randy Savage, Naruto!" Lester snapped. "Get us out of here, Toni!"

"He cut the engine!"

"This calls for an epic fight scene!" Naruto declared. He looked over his shoulder at Percy. "Boy Bubbler, stay here and protect mini-Toni. Lion-o, you're with me!"

"Swear to god, one day I will kill you." Lester grumbled as he hurriedly got out of the car.

"Be happy, dude, Apollo gets your name when Zeus punishes him," Naruto said as he clambered out in a much more casual manner. Seated in the passenger's seat, time slowed again and he turned to the readers. "Oops! Spoilers."

"Naruto, just get out!" Toni shoved Naruto out of the open door when time resumed. Naruto landed face first on the asphalt, groaning as he got to his feet and immediately had to avoid being turned into sliced bread when the giant's axe came down on him.

"Uzumaki!" The giant growled. "You insult me and my father, betrayed our glorious leader and have the audacity to ride around with my beloved."

Time, once again, slowed as Naruto turned to the audience.

"Okay, yeah, backstory time. Since apparently we don't have the budget for another flashback." Here, Naruto pointedly glared off-panel. "Lazy good for nothin-...Anyway. The Cream of the Crop over there is Almops, son of Poseidon, side of the Gigantes...Wait."

Here, Naruto blinked and pulled out his i-Phone. He went to Wikipedia, looked up the monster's name and-

"Fuckin' dumbass, Gigantes weren't in this fight!" Naruto glared off panel again. "Bullshit, man, I gotta fight a legit giant-Oh, wait...Not anti-god...Just a run of the mill giant. Huh. Well, anyway, I ran into this loser a looong time ago. Like, pre-Deadpool Powers. Back when I was still welcomed at camp. I mean I am still welcomed, but apparently they're prejudiced against badassary. Go figure. So, in summary: Dude's a giant son of Poseidon, I killed his dumb ass before, don't exactly remember why...but yeah, killed him and apparently he's got the hots for Lester. ...Or is-is he talking about my bae? Oh, motherfucker best not be talkin' bout my bae! Hold on, I gots-ta take my weave out!"

Naruto huffed as time resumed once more and unsheathed his knives. He grinned eagerly behind his mask.

"Let's take a few inches off the top."

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... Kurama trailed off.

Someone's getting cliffied~! Yami sang.

"What?" Naruto asked before he put his knives away and pulled out a copy of the story.

Almops, freed from the time distortion, stared in bewilderment while the demigods shared confused glances. To them, Naruto looked like he was flipping through an invisible book, but it was clearly there. They were just far too sane to see it. Those poor, poor sane fuckers.

"Let's see, chapter four, chapter four, chapter-Hey, musical fourth wall dream. Nice!" Naruto chuckled. "Bet they made Thalia Grace read that. Heh, that'd be funny. Hm, wonder if she's a babe. Bucket list objective added – Ah-ha, here we are!"

Naruto smiled and trailed his finger along the lines of the page.

"Title, meh, could be better. Love the group though-Oh! There's Motherfuckin' Cable, lookin like a sexy badass, hope we see more of him later," Naruto said with a chuckle. At this point, Almops took a step back, but kept a wary eye on the son of Dionysus. The other demigods had already moved to cover, with Lester on a fire escape above and debating silently who he should shoot: The baddie or the idiot.

"Comparing Annabeth to Magnus, staring at tits, hmm. Makes me look like a douche, but then again, I'm no saint. Ah, here's the wannabe WWF Champ...Heh, I'm a riot," Naruto said with a smirk before his eyes went wide. "Whoa, I'm rereading my own dialogue. That's like a fourth wall joke within a forth wall joke...That's like, Sixteen walls broken."

Skip to chapter five and jump back a page. Yami advised.

"Spoilers! ...I love it." Naruto grinned and did as the voice in his head said. He looked at the bottom line and gasped. "No...No! NO! Don't you dare! You lazy-stupid-sonova-!"

AN: Yeah, I make the law here, Naru-Pool. And, well, cliffhanger galore. Gotta rewatch some Deadpool stuff, replay the game for the 8TH TIME, and well, plan out perhaps a legit Deadpool centric crossover.

"Ooh, Bonesboy15, you spoil me."

Shut up fictional version of a fictional hero.

Anyway, y'all know what to do-!

REVIEW!