A/N: Well hello again. May I just say how happy I am? (Happy is an understatement.) 70 reviews! Seventy! *Happy dance* thank you so so much for reading and reviewing and following and favourite-ing, it means a lot to me.

(Oh and thank you fangirl. read. repeatt for motivating me and where do I even begin with ElsaElphieGinny? Siriusly, what would I do without you?)

Have a lovely day and enjoy!

LILY'S P.O.V

JULY 10TH 1980

POTTER'S COTTAGE

I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock. Wait, I don't have an alarm clock. I open my eyes quickly and find Sirius standing over my bed with a silver alarm clock that won't stop ringing.

"Sirius?" I say groggily, squinting at the alarm clock, "it's eight o'clock in the morning."

"Yes, well observed there Lily. How do you turn this off?"

"Like this," I slam my hand down on it; Sirius yelps and drops it.

"You seem to have some experience with those."

"Maybe, what the hell are you doing here?" I sit up, rubbing my eyes, the nightmares still imprinted on my eyelids.

"Well I thought you'd appreciate my company –"

"What have you done?"

"I haven't done anything –"

"You have that look on your face."

"What look?!"

"The one where you're up to something," I say, swinging out of bed and trying to put on my slippers without putting too much pressure on my stomach.

"What, me? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sirius… I have a busy day planned, I'm going to finish re-reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy and when I'm done with that I'm going to order all of my buttons according to size and colour so whatever it is it had better be quick."

"It's nothing really… well maybe it is something. Come downstairs."

"Do you know how long it takes for me to go down stairs now?"

"You won't regret it."

"Believe me, I'm already starting to."

He runs off down the stairs and I trudge behind him, drugged by sleep and aches and pains everywhere. We reach the living room and he carefully opens the door. On the coffee table, there is a peculiar looking brown box with holes in that keeps moving.

"Sirius what the hell is in that?"

"It's more of a 'who' than a what," he says excitedly, opening the box to reveal a fluffy ginger cat. He picks it up and puts it down again, letting it roam around the room.

"It's a cat," I say bluntly.

"Half-Kneazle actually, I was thinking Mogsie or maybe flame-thrower or something."

"Why have you got a cat? Of all creatures… your Animagus is a dog, why would you get a cat?"

"Oh it's not my cat, it's yours."

"Wait what?"

"Prongs said you were feeling lonely and you know how busy I am doing stuff so this was my solution."

"I was feeling lonely so you get me a cat?"

"That is correct."

"What am I going to do with a cat?"

"Well what are you going to do with a child?"

"I think a child is slightly different to a cat."

"You don't say. So… what do you think?"

"Um…" the cat in question starts circling my feet and purring, brushing its head against my legs.

"See, he likes you."

"I suppose he's cute, alright, he can stay."

"Yay! Well he needs a name and given how terrible you are at coming up with names for things –"

"Excuse me; we've already decided that it will be Harry for a boy and Lavender, Amaryllis, or maybe Viola as in Viola from Twelfth Night for a girl?"

"Amaryllis? What kind of name is Amaryllis?"

"What kind of name is Sirius?"

"It's a very noble name in a long line of Black men… oh crap, I'm turning into my father."

"What was your father called?"

"Orion," he says sheepishly.

"Orion… that's not a bad name. So what shall we call this little monster?"

"Marauderette?"

"No."

"Now I see why Prongs was having such a hard time choosing names for this child with you."

"This isn't just some child, this is my baby."

"Don't be ridiculous Lily, this is everyone's baby."

~ FLASHBACK ~

AROUND ABOUT FEBRUARY TIME 1979

POTTER'S COTTAGE

We're having a little get-together at the cottage, just a few Order friends. It's been going quite well thus far. We meet up as much as we can; the war is getting worse and worse as the days go by so every time we meet up, we always seem to decrease in number. I'm being discharged soon, not permanently, just whilst I have a baby. I've been hoping to tell everyone at once that I'm pregnant so I won't have to keep repeating it.

"I believe Lily has a short announcement to make…" James says, grinning broadly.

I remember going to see the Healers a few days after Halloween and finding out that I was pregnant; the look on James' face was beautiful. He was so happy and so excited, getting the Healer to show him how everything in her office to do with babies worked, buying so many books about pregnancy and childcare, I think even Madam Pince would have been impressed. The first trimester is apparently the part of the pregnancy in which there is likely to be a problem, or you are likely to lose the baby so I didn't want to tell everyone straight away and then the baby possibly die. It's been okay so far, a little rocky emotionally and physically. I often feel sick or my vision may slightly blur which is a little worrying but the Healer said that it was normal. There's a slight bump but it's not hugely noticeable. A few of my friends have worked it out already through.

"She's pregnant!" Sirius shouts from beside me, slinging an arm around my shoulder. James smiles again, putting his arm around my other shoulder. Some idiot takes a photograph.

"Wow Lily, that's great!"

"How long have you been pregnant?"

"About three months,"

"Aw, congratulations!"

"This seems about the right time to you all that I'm pregnant too," Alice Longbottom says smiling.

We've been growing quite close, Alice and I. Marlene isn't around as much anymore, she's probably off with Sirius or at home with her family. I mean, I do see her but it's usually only in passing. Other Alice has been going away a lot more frequently and for longer amounts of time. It turns out that Alice (Longbottom) and I have a lot in common and now we'll be going through pregnancy together (which has been described to me as hell on earth). Oh well, I've been told that it's worth it.

The company which I really appreciate at the moment is Molly's. She's heavily pregnant at the moment, about eight months or so. This baby will be her sixth. She's thinking Ronald for a boy and Ginevra for a girl. The baby's due in March time so we're all pretty excited. Molly has been kind to me, given me advice, in some ways been both a friend and an older sister to me and that's something I haven't felt in the longest time.

James has been getting really into it. He and the Marauders have been shut away in the spare room for weeks, pouring over plans for the nursery – paint colour, design, style, the lot. Unsurprisingly, Peter hasn't been around all that much. Sirius suspects he's seeing a girl which isn't entirely implausible – just unlikely. Peter is a lovely guy, he's very sweet and he's very considerate but he just hasn't shown much interest in girls. I know he's been with a few and who knows what's happening with Melanie but there has never been mention of a girl before that he's particularly focused on. Remus has been a bit off recently as well; I don't know if that's because of the moon or if something else is going on. What with the war, we hardly see each other anymore. Sometimes when I have a conversation with him, it's like we're complete and utter strangers.

~ FLASHBACK OVER ~

Since the Halloween party, I haven't actually seen Alice. She didn't come to my birthday party and she hasn't responded to any of the messages I've sent her. She's been travelling, she said, in the duration of an extremely short conversation via Patronus in which I told her I was pregnant. She didn't say when she'd be back, or what she was doing, just that she was very busy and in the midst of all this change, people dying or being tortured and mauled beyond recognition, people betraying their sides, people leaving their families and the lives they know, the people they love and for what? Haven't we all suffered enough? It's just one thing after another. We've given everything we've got, we're doing all that we can and yet nothing has changed though it has – we've all lost a lot, been through a lot. I don't know, it's just hard to feel together when we all feel so alone. I don't want Alice to leave me and Mar. Especially Mar. Marlene's family is more cautious than ever. All the blood-traitor families are being targeted which is causing a great deal of panic – we've lost a lot of support due to the fear.

I understand what it is to be afraid more than ever before. To not know if you'll survive this day or the next, to not know if the next time you see the people you love, they'll be dead on the floor, to not know whether today will be the day you're asked to fight. I never thought I'd tire of fighting. What with all those times when I was so much younger, so eager to fight; damn the consequences. I wasn't truly scared then but I am now. Now that I have a child growing inside me, now that I know the price of war, the price of justice.

It was almost three years ago today my parents died and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss them. I try not to show it, grief and sadness can be quite contagious after all but I need them more than ever now. I visit the grave often, usually accompanied but whoever comes with me stays away. I prefer to grieve privately.

Sirius has offered to accompany me today and I am grateful for that.

We arrive in Cokeworth, me dizzy from Apparating. Apparition is not advised for pregnant women but Dumbledore seemed to think it would be alright for me to do so. As we reach the graveyard, Sirius falters.

"I'll wait here for you," he says, "if anything happens, yell."

"Thank you and don't worry, I'll be alright."

He doesn't seem wholly convinced but he smiles anyway.

I approach the grave, transfiguring some sticks on the ground into a bouquet of lilies and petunias – a little tradition of mine. There are asphodels already on the grave, there's a fresh posy every time I visit. The asphodels are also on Mrs Snape's grave, standing out against the gloominess of the graveyard. Sometimes I see Severus leaving or lurking in the shadows but usually I don't. When I do, he keeps his distance thankfully.

I sit down beside the grave, the cool summer breeze brushing against my face softly. I allow myself to cry for the first time in months. The emotion runs through me all too quickly, brimming over the top, so overwhelming and yet welcome at the same time.

I stop crying eventually and find myself thinking about Molly's new son Ronald, about Alice's son Neville (they chose to find out the sex of the baby, I didn't), about all the new people in this world. All they'll ever know is pain and torture. Is that really fair? I wish this war was over, we all do. I don't want my child to live like this, in constant fear. I don't want anyone to live like this. I never asked for this, I never asked for any of this.

Dorcas Meadowes was in a duel the other week; she barely escaped with her life. She's in St. Mungo's now, with burns and scars everywhere. There were five Aurors fighting alongside her, they all died. Dorcas said she saw them being burned to death and tortured by the Death Eaters. Minerva has been busy trying to protect the students at Hogwarts – what's left of them. Slytherin is corrupt and attacks on students are now so frequent, students don't go to lessons and many don't go to school at all. The Ministry is fighting hard. Harold Minchum – the current Minister has placed even more Dementors around Azkaban but it doesn't seem to be making much of a difference. James thinks he's had his time. There's talk of a new Minister; perhaps Millicent Bagnold. She was a Ravenclaw.

…so much death, too much… How much can a person take before they fall apart completely?

"Lily," a voice so familiar that it fills me with dread speaks behind me.

"Severus," I say, somewhat coldly. This is the last thing I need – to talk to someone like him. Someone that's part of the reason that the people I love are suffering so much.

I get up, leaving my flowers and heading out of the graveyard. He tugs the sleeve of my robe gently – it's such an unexpected gesture that I stop still.

"I just want to talk," he says.

"I'm done talking."

"Please, Lily. For old time's sake."

"What do you want?" I turn to face him. He is pale; too pale to be healthy. Once upon a time I would have cared.

He looks at my stomach, then at me, an unreadable expression plastered on his face.

"You're pregnant."

The accusation hangs in the air a while, another wall separating us.

"Yes, I am. What of it?"

"Nothing," he clears his throat, "how are you?"

"You can't ask me that. You have no right to."

"Lily –"

"No! I don't want to hear it. Do you know the amount of grief you've caused us? My life feels like it's falling apart because of the things you've done, the side that you're on. The war is destroying everything and you ask me if I'm okay?"

"Dammit Lily, you always do this. You keep talking about all the times I hurt you but what about all the times when you hurt me?"

"Well… then I'm sorry you got hurt. It was never my intention for anyone to get hurt, and that's more than you can say."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it? If we could do it all over again would you act differently?"

He is silent.

"No, you wouldn't. You'd hurt me over and over again because the difference between you and me is that you keep making the same mistakes. It's too little too late, Severus."

He looks up, his expression dark.

"He's changed you," he sneers, "just like I said he would."

"He's done nothing of the sort. I changed all by myself, as have you."
"That pretentious, deceiving –"

My wand is out and pointed straight at his chest before he can finish.

"One more word, Severus, one more word against him and I swear I will do something I'll regret."

He looks at my wand, then at me, looking positively shocked but he conceals it quickly.

"So this is it, you're turning your back on me?"

"Severus, don't you remember? It was you who turned your back on me."

I hear footsteps running towards us, Sirius. Severus vanishes quickly, but not before Sirius manages to hit him with a stinging hex.

"You alright Lily?"

"No," I say, staring at the place where he was just a moment ago, "but I will be."

I put one hand on my stomach the other around Sirius, he doesn't ask questions, doesn't waste breath trying to make it all okay, he just lets me lean on him - and we go home.