The Witcher: Part XLIV
Suicide Mission
Previously, on The Witcher:
Geralt and his father, Korin, have decided to eliminate Heinrich Himmler once and for all. Korin has developed a form of radiation: the Omega Wave, which can prevent Himmler from reproducing.
The journey continues...
Geralt and Korin walked into what was basically a jungle of Heinrich Himmlers. On his back, Korin carried a whole bag full of equipment necessary to construct the Omega Wave.
"Why aren't they attacking us?" asked Geralt, pointing at all of the Himmler-trees.
"They don't see us yet," replied Korin. "Their faces are on their top branches."
Just then, a weed jumped out of the ground. It was a Himmler-weed.
Korin sliced his lightsaber at it, and the weed was cut into many small pieces.
"We've got to be careful," said Korin. "Every piece of vegetation, and every animal, is a Heinrich Himmler." They continued to walk as quietly as they could.
And then, suddenly, a Himmler-bear attacked Geralt from behind, and Geralt was knocked back.
"My son!" said Korin, who ran up to the Himmler-bear and sliced his lightsaber at it. The Himmler-bear, being sentient, dodged, and swiped a claw at Korin.
Korin sliced the bear's paw off, and then stabbed it through the throat.
"Thank you," said Geralt, slowly standing up.
"You're my son," said Korin. "I know that I haven't been the best father, but I hope I can achieve some sort of atonement for what I've done in the past."
They continued to walk, before they came across another three Himmler-bears.
"You are fools to come into our domain," said one Himmler-bear. "Every organism in this environment is out to destroy you. And now, you shall be destroyed."
Geralt swiped his sword at the bear. The Himmler-bear dodged and ran at Korin. Korin sliced the Himmler-bear's head off, but another Himmler-bear came from behind and bit Korin's shoulder.
Geralt ran up to the Himmler-bear and stabbed it in the head. And the bear fell down dead.
"Don't you have morals or something?" asked Korin.
"I can kill asexually reproducing organisms fine," said Geralt. "They don't count as true beings."
"I think that's unnecessary discrimination," said the remaining Himmler-bear. It attacked Geralt, and Geralt sliced the bear on the back.
The bear howled in pain, and then it ran straight into a nearby tree. It struck the tree so hard that it smashed its skull and died.
"Why would it do that?" asked Geralt, confused at the suicidal behaviour of the bear.
"It was a necessary sacrifice to alert us to your presence here," came a deep, booming voice from high up. Geralt and Korin looked up.
The tree that the bear had struck was a Himmler-tree.
It wasn't just a small tree either: it was a massive tree with massive branches.
"Everyone!" yelled the Himmler-tree. "The Witcher and his father are here!" And then suddenly, all of the trees in the forest began to smack their branches down at Geralt and Korin.
"Aaaargh!" cried Geralt, trying to slice all of the branches coming down at him.
Geralt then had an idea: he conjured a relatively large ball of fire, and then used it to burn a whole bunch of trees. But other nearby trees simply reproduced, and replaced the ones which Geralt had destroyed.
Suddenly, Korin screamed. One tree had sliced open the back of his suit, and the mechanical workings of his body within were spilling out.
Geralt magicked up a mound of dirt around himself and his father, giving them temporary relief from the fighting.
"Are you okay?" asked Geralt, running to his father.
"I'll... survive," replied Korin.
Geralt stuffed Korin's guts back into him and sealed Korin's back with magick.
"We can't simply walk through this jungle," said Korin. "There are too many trees."
At that point, a small contingent of Himmler-mosquitos infiltrated the small fort Geralt had created. The swarmed around Geralt and his father, and started to bite. Channeling the power of his midi-chlorians, Korin burned the mosquitos with magickek.
"Let's try flying above this stupid forest," suggested Geralt.
"Good idea," replied Korin.
With the combined powers of their magick and magickek, Geralt and Korin flew up into the air, dodging all of the branches trying to tear at them. Eventually, they managed to rise above the top of the Himmler-trees, and out of reach of the branches tearing at them.
"Now we can safely fly to the radio mast," said Geralt.
"No Himmlers can possibly reach us here," said Korin. And then, if only to prove Korin wrong, a Himmler-pterodactyl rose from the jungle and tried to skewer Geralt and Korin on its nose.
"You can never escape from us," said the Himmler-pterodactyl as Geralt and Korin flew out of the way. Korin sliced off the pterodactyl's head, and the head and the body fell back down into the forest.
"Let's keep going," said Korin.
Geralt and his father continued to levitate along on their path to the radio mast.
And then another Himmler-pterodactyl rose from the jungle. It divided via mitosis a few times, and before long, several Himmler-pterodactyl's flew before Geralt and his father. They started to slice at the pterodactyls, but there were simply too many.
And to further make things worse, a bunch of Himmler-bees rose up from behind Geralt and started stinging him. Geralt swung his sword at the Himmler-bees, and hitting a few, but not all of them. And finally, to make things even harder, a fleet of Himmler-toucans appeared, and started pecking Geralt.
Bloody wounds started to appear all over Geralt. Geralt sliced and cut at them, but they continued to reproduce.
"Come on, son! We can do this!" said Korin, trying to motivate Geralt to defeat the Himmler-toucans.
Geralt summoned forth a ball of fire, and exploded it in front of the Himmler-toucans and Himmler-pterodactyls and Himmler-bees. They were all charred to a crisp and fell down to the jungle.
"We can't take the sky route," said Geralt "There are too many of them."
"So if we can't take the sky route and we can't walk on the ground, where do we go then?" asked Korin.
Geralt looked downwards, and saw a river.
"I remember vaguely that there was a river in our paddock," said Geralt. "And I remember that you liked swimming in it."
"Then let's go swimming!" said Korin.
Korin and Geralt dived downwards, past the rising army of Himmler-bees and Himmler-toucans and Himmler-pterodactyls, and landed in the water.
"I hope the Heinrich Himmler aquatic life is less threatening," said Geralt.
Geralt and Korin drifted down the river, keeping their heads low so no Heinrich Himmlers would notice them. Luckily, it worked: they were not seen by any Heinrich Himmlers above the surface of the water.
Unfortunately, after a few minutes, they were attacked by a Heinrich Himmler crocodile. It snapped at the already injured Korin, and Geralt quickly swam forward and stabbed the Himmler-crocodile through the skull.
"I'm not as good with my lightsaber when I'm swimming," said Korin.
And then, a school of Himmler-piranhas swam towards Geralt's behind, and Korin quickly swam forward and sliced them all with his lightsaber. Geralt and Korin continued to swim forward.
"The Himmlers in here are manageable," said Korin.
Again, Korin was forced to eat his words when a they were attacked by a Himmler-narwhal. It had a long, thin, horn on the end of its head.
"Now, Witcher and Witcher-father, I will end your lives," said the Himmler-narwhal. As if it were the jedi of the sea, the Himmler-narwhal sliced its horn at Korin.
Korin parried with his lightsaber, and for some reason, the horn was strong enough to resist the parry. The narwhal sliced, Korin swam back and then stabbed, and the narwhal blocked.
Geralt sliced at the Himmler-narwhal, which blocked Geralt's attack and sliced at Geralt, but the attack was blocked by Korin who then proceeded to slice off the narwhal's horn at its base. It screamed in pain, and then reproduced, dividing into two Himmler-narwhals, each with a newly grown horn.
"We have to get out of here," said Geralt, and he and Korin swam away and they clambered up onto the shore back into the jungle.
It seemed as though none of the Himmler-trees had noticed them, so Geralt and Korin continued towards the radio mast.
"We make a good team, Dad," whispered Geralt.
"Yeah, we do," replied Korin.
After a while, Geralt and Korin came across a cage hanging from a tree. There was some yelling coming from the tree.
"Hey Geralt! It's you! Please help us!" It was Ciri and Christian White and Lady Feudalism.
Geralt flew up into the tree, released them from the cage, and took them down from the tree.
"Thank you, Geralt," said Lady Feudalism with a bit of hesitation in her voice.
Geralt said nothing.
"What is Darth Rikon doing here?" asked Ciri, pointing at Korin.
"He's good now," said Geralt bluntly.
"My name is Korin," said Korin.
"Okay," said Ciri.
"He's my dad," said Geralt.
"And he's good now? What is happening?" said Ciri quite loudly.
"Shh. We have to be quiet or some Himmlers will notice us," whispered Geralt. So Team Witcher and Korin quietly crept through the jungle.
And finally, after quite a while, they arrived at a clearing. And in the middle, there was a very tall radio mast.
"It's time to finish all of the Himmlers," said Korin. He pulled some gear out of his bag.
"He has a plan to prevent all of the Himmlers from reproducing by exposing them to his Omega Wave radiation," said Geralt to his team.
Just then, a Himmler-cat appeared from the jungle and saw them.
"Hey!" it said. "What are you doing?"
The Himmler-cat began to divide, and then it attacked Team Witcher. One cat alerted the Himmler-trees, which started to bash down on Team Witcher. Whenever one Himmler was cut down, many more replaced it.
Geralt was slicing at cats and branches. Lady Feudalism was slicing with Iorverth's sword. Christian White was smashing Himmler-cats with his ceremonial staff. Ciri was portalling around trying to avoid being crushed or killed.
Korin signalled to Geralt, and Geralt walked up to his father.
"Okay, I'm going up the radio mast to activate the Omega Wave," said Korin.
"Good luck," said Geralt to his father. Geralt quickly hugged Korin, and then Korin began to climb the radio mast.
As Team Witcher continued to fight the hybrid Himmlers, everything suddenly went dark. Team Witcher and the Himmlers looked up. A giant airship filled the sky. And standing on the stern was Adolf Hitler.
"Rikon!" exclaimed Adolf Hitler, using magickek to amplify his voice throughout the air.
Korin was quickly placing the Omega Wave device on the top of the radio mast. "I'm almost done!" shouted Korin to Geralt.
"Come down now!" said Geralt.
"Nice to see you, Rikon!" said Adolf Hitler, his voice reverberating through the air.
"Come on, Dad!" yelled Geralt.
"Now I'm going to kill you for your treasonous acts!" said Hitler, just as Korin was making the final adjustments.
Korin flicked the final switch, and the Omega Wave was activated. "I've done it!" shouted Korin at Geralt.
And then a bolt of lightning, coming from Adolf Hitler, hit Korin. Korin screamed and fell off the radio mast.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Geralt.
Korin hit the ground. Geralt ran up to his father, whilst the rest of Team Witcher held off the Himmlers.
"Geralt... I believe this is the end for me..." said Korin.
"No..." said Geralt.
"I have only one wish. Remove this helmet, so I may see my son with my own eyes," said Korin weakly. Geralt complied, and slowly removed Korin's helmet.
Underneath the helmet, there lay the disfigured face of a chicken.
"Dad?" said Geralt.
"Thank you... my son..." said Korin. And then Korin stopped moving and was no more.
Tears in his eyes, Geralt stood up. He was angry.
"OKAY, THIS IS IT!" yelled Geralt. "THIS. IS. THE. END!"
Christian White and Ciri and Lady Feudalism all turned to see the rage of the Witcher.
"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, HIMMLERS! AND NOW YOU WILL ALL DIE!"
And Geralt brang forth a fireball, but he grew it larger and larger and larger, until it was almost as large as the radio mast. It was a ball of pure rage.
And then he fired it over the jungle of Himmlers, and every last Himmler was burned to death. Thanks to the Omega Wave, none of the Himmler-trees could reproduce back. Team Witcher stood in awe, never having seen Geralt this angry and destructive.
And then, from behind Geralt, the last Himmler attacked. It was a human Himmler.
"I am the last Himmler, and I will kill you," he said.
"DIE YOU STUPID GERMAN MORON!" yelled Geralt, and then he decapitated the final Himmler. And Heinrich Himmler was no more.
Geralt staggered back and collapsed to the ground, exhausted.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XLV
A SACKFUL OF FLUFF