The Witcher: Part XLV
A Sackful of Fluff
Previously , on The Witcher:
Korin activated the Omega Wave, but sacrificed his own life in the process: Hitler zapped him, and he fell off the radio mast. Geralt then got really angry and wiped out every Heinrich Himmler.
The journey continues...
A Nazi Elf Draugr came into Hitler's office.
"I have found him," said the Nazi Elf Draugr.
"Good," said Hitler. Hitler motioned to his orchestra to start playing his theme. "Bring him in."
The Nazi Elf Draugr brought in a bound and gagged figure.
"Hello there," said Hitler to the figure. "I have a job for you. The choice is rather simple, really. You either kill the Witcher, or you die!"
He ungagged the figure, revealing the green face of Capitalist McMoney.
"Fine, I'll do as you say," said Capitalist McMoney quickly.
The next few hours were a blur to Geralt; he was barely conscious.
He remembered being swept up onto the magick carpet and being forced to go.
He remembered forcing forward the magick carpet at maximum speed to overtake Hitler's airship.
He remembered Lady Feudalism shouting some things at him and he shouted some things back.
He remembered the funeral pyre they created for his father.
He remembered the flames slowly curling up towards the sky.
And then Geralt woke up.
He bolted upright and looked at where he was lying. He was in a bedroom, lying in a four poster bed, and the room had quite exquisite wallpaper. He slowly got out of the bed, and he pulled a curtain near the window. He stared out the window and saw the jagged geography of the Mountain of Death.
Just then, there was a quick knock on the door.
"Come in..." said Geralt somewhat uncertainly.
A middle-aged man wearing a bowtie pranced into the room with large tray of food.
"Mister Geralt, sir, your breakfast is served," said the man.
"If you don't mind me asking, who are you, where am I, and where is my team?" asked Geralt.
"My dear friend, do you not remember?" said the man with his posh accent. "The answers to your questions are, in short, room service, the Lehman Brothers Recreational Facility, and Mister White and Lady Feudalism are enjoying the main recreational area whilst Miss Ciri remains asleep. Please enjoy your breakfast, and I'll be seeing you later."
And the man promptly left before Geralt could say anything.
Geralt scratched his head and looked at the meal that he had been given. It looked kind of like an omelette.
The Witcher sniffed the omelette, and it smelled normal... except for one thing... one thing wasn't quite right. He sniffed it again, and using his magick-heightened senses, he detected cyanide present in the omlette.
Someone was trying to poison him!
Geralt grabbed the omelette and chucked it out the window.
He then tried to open the door to his room, and it was locked, so he kicked it down. Geralt went down a hallway, and walked into the room that had 'Ciri' written on the door.
The room looked exactly the same as his one. He saw Ciri, and tapped her lightly on the shoulder.
"Geralt... what is it?" asked Ciri.
"That... room service guy... he gave me a poisoned omelette!" said Geralt quietly.
"Really?" said Ciri. "I thought these people at Lehman Brothers were good people but if they're trying to kill you they must be bad."
"What even is this place?" asked Geralt.
"The Lehman Brothers Recreational Facility," said Ciri. "Apparently it's a rest stop for weary travellers on their way up the Mountain of Death."
"I don't trust anyone here," said Geralt. "We should get Christian White and Lady Feudalism and get out of here."
"Okay," agreed Ciri.
They grabbed their belongings and quietly walked down the hallway, into the recreational area. There were a variety of TV screens, gaming machines, treadmills, toys, and other paraphernalia present in the main recreational area.
The area was also completely empty except for them.
"Where is Lady Feudalism and Christian White?" said Geralt.
"This is totally weird," said Ciri. "Maybe we should go and find the owners of this place."
Geralt and Ciri wandered around the empty room, and they eventually found an interesting golden staircase.
At the top of the staircase, there was a door, and on it, was a very elaborate-looking sign: "LEHMAN BROTHERS - LETHO AND GRAY MANN - CO-CEOS"
Geralt knocked on the door, and it was opened.
The office that was behind the door was beautiful: the walls were lined with gold, and there was a huge window with a marvellous view of the world beneath the Mountain of Death.
"Look at this... prestige, for need of a better word," said Ciri looking around the room.
At the end of the office, there was a huge golden desk. And sitting at the end of the desk, sat two men: one young, and one old.
"Letho," said the young man, who shook Geralt's hand.
"Gray Mann," said the old man, who also shook Geralt's hand. "We're not actually brothers, by the way, except in spirit."
Ciri, excluded from the handshaking, whispered something about sexism under her breath before they all took seats.
"So, how are you enjoying our facilities?" asked Letho.
"That's not really what I came to talk about," said Geralt. "Firstly, I want to know why my breakfast was poisoned with cyanide this morning."
"Uh..." said Letho.
"Well..." said Gray Mann.
"Your food must have not been poisoned," concluded Letho with the skill and accuracy of Sherlock Holmes on drugs.
"Yes, what he said," said Gray Mann.
Geralt eyed the two CEOs suspiciously. They didn't really strike Geralt as the CEO-type.
"I'm pretty sure it was poisoned," said Geralt.
"Did you try eating any to make sure? Maybe you should do that," said Letho.
"I threw it out the window," said Geralt quite flatly.
"Oh... I see..." said Gray Mann.
"Secondly, where are my friends Christian White and Lady Feudalism?" asked Geralt.
"Ah... well... yes..." said Letho. He cleared his throat.
"Um..." said Grey Mann. "They've been uh... selected for a... uh..."
"Special programme, that's right, a special recreational programme."
Geralt shot a quizzical look at Ciri. Ciri shrugged.
Severus was always the first awake. He sat on the cave floor staring into the flames of the fire that he had started the night before. Tongues of dark and light flickered across his face.
Klippi awoke soon enough. "You look troubled, Severus," said Klippi. "I know I've always been annoying, and a burden, but is there anything you want to talk about?"
"I don't know if I will be a good ruler when I have control of Rivia," said Severus. "I want to be a better man than my father, but I fear the power I'll have will corrupt me completely."
"That's why you have us; your friends," said Klippi. "We'll stop you from going too far."
"I hope so," said Severus, as the fire burned out.
Ciri and Geralt had been talking to Letho and Mann for about half and hour. Like any competent businessmen, Letho and Mann managed to speak for the entire time without actually answering any of Geralt's questions.
"Oh look, here are your friends now, back from their excursion," said Letho suddenly. A hidden trapdoor opened in the floor, and the room service guy, and Christian White, and Lady Feudalism walked up.
"Hi Geralt," said Lady Feudalism.
"Hi Geralt," said Christian White.
There was a certain emptiness in their eyes that set Geralt on edge. Each of them carried a giant white sack.
"We have been really enjoying our stay here at Lehman Brothers Recreational Facility," said Lady Feudalism monotonously.
"I wish we could stay here forever. It really is a great place," said Christian White. They way they spoke lacked any genuine emotion and it was creepy.
"What are you two doing with those sacks?" asked Geralt suspiciously.
"This place was so great that we spent all of our money, and then we acquired a debt and now we are paying it off by doing work for Lehman Brothers," said Lady Feudalism.
"We enjoy doing work for the Lehman Brothers Recreational Facility," said Christian White. "It is fulfilling and everything we expected of such a facility."
"We are collecting fluff off the carpets," said Lady Feudalism with a creepy smile. She bent over onto the ground, picked up some fluff, and placed it in the sack.
"See, your friends are fine!" said Letho.
"There's no reason to be concerned," said Gray Mann.
"We really need to go now," said Geralt. "We have a quest to complete."
"My previous occupation was not as satisfying as this," said Lady Feudalism.
"The Lehman Brothers Recreational Facility is the best place to work," said Christian White.
"What's up with them?" whispered Ciri.
Geralt stopped for a moment, and he thought. He considered Letho, and Gray Mann. He considered the blank look in Lady Feudalism's and Christian White's eyes. He looked at Letho, and Gray Mann, and Lady Feudalism, and Christian White, and Ciri, and the room service guy.
And then Geralt had an epiphany.
"I know what's happening now," he said.
"What is it?" asked Ciri.
Geralt drew his sword, and pointed it at the room service guy. "Capitalist McMoney, I should have known it was you!" said Geralt.
The room service guy disguise disappeared, and Capitalist McMoney appeared before them.
"Was I really that obvious?" said Capitalist McMoney. "Well, I suppose it hardly matters now, seeing as you're all going to die."
"You can't beat me," said Geralt. "Remember what happened last time?"
Capitalist McMoney rubbed his chest.
"I'm not going to be the one fighting you," he said. "You see, as a master of capitalism, I'm also a master of controlling people to do what I want. And I want you to die."
Without any kind of verbal signal or order, Letho, Gray Mann, Lady Feudalism, and Christian White all advanced on Ciri and Geralt. Lady Feudalism drew Iorverth's sword and slashed at Geralt. Christian White pulled out his ceremonial staff and smacked at Ciri.
"The very thing that will destroy Team Witcher will be... itself!" laughed Capitalist McMoney. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XLVI
SUPER MONDAY NIGHT COMBAT