Guess what? I'm not dead! No, seriously. I'm super super super sorry about the crazy delay. See, this is why I should've finished this before school started again. I have no time for anything anymore. Maybe I am dead.
I'm going to regret this tomorrow when I have to get up at 5:45 am to catch my bus, but you know what? Screw school. School can go make itself a goddamn cup of tea (sorry consent reference) and everyone will be happier for it. UNCONSCIOUS PEOPLE DON'T WANT TEA, ARHS (pronounced arse).
Thanks to everyone who supported this fic through following, favoriting, or commenting while I was temporarily dead. I really appreciate it. Okay, so go ahead and read the chapter now. You know you want to.
To save a man's life against his will is the same as killing him. - Horace
Every once in a while, he had the dream.
It wasn't a long dream.
In fact, it was so short it was almost painful.
The dream was always, always the same.
She was in danger.
They were in Crocus, after the Grand Magic Games, fighting the dragon-creatures.
Juvia was in danger.
She was being reckless, of course, stupid even. She had turned to say something to him.
Turned to smile.
Turned away from the hidden dragon-creature that had snuck up on her.
And all he was thinking was that he couldn't let her die.
The light was too bright – every time, he thought he would go blind from the endless flash of white light.
His forehead burned with agony, setting his bones on fire.
And then he woke up, blinking starbursts from his vision, and he would try to remember what the dream had been about.
Always, the details were vague, fuzzy.
Always, all he could remember were three things:
She was in danger.
He couldn't let her die.
She had turned to smile at him.
And then he would put the dream away in the back of his mind, where people he didn't want to remember and questions he didn't want to answer lived.
And then he would try to forget.
And it would almost work.
And then every once in a while, he had the dream again.
It wasn't a long dream, but he could never quite remember, and he could never quite forget.
Juvia stilled, her eyes wandering anxiously to the door. Porlyusica had left an hour ago, grumbling something about needing to stock up on supplies, and ever since Juvia had been hearing strange sounds coming from outside the door. Normally she wouldn't have been afraid, but normally she wasn't unable to walk or use her hands or magic. She was a sitting duck for anything that decided to come in and eat her. Another long, jarring scraping sound made her jump. Panic began to close her throat.
Juvia closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. When that failed miserably, she gave up and resorted (rather eagerly) to Plan B: Fantasizing about Gray-sama.
"Juvia."
"Gray-sama!" Juvia bounced up from her seat next to Gajeel and threw herself at Gray. He caught her and set her on her feet gently, offering her an amused smile.
"What's your hurry?"
Juvia beamed into the handsome face of her beloved. He was still gripping her waist lightly. "Juvia has missed you, Gray-sama!"
A cloud passed over his expression, and he scowled. Taking his hands from her waist, he grabbed her hand and pulled her outside into the guild courtyard. "What's wrong, Gray-sama?" Juvia asked, concerned. His fingers spasmed on hers and he released her.
"You know, Juvia," he said, turning to face her, "You should really drop the honorifics with me. Just call me Gray."
Juvia's eyes snapped open and she almost rolled off the bed.
What in Earthland was that?
"Juvia!"
Juvia's heart leapt into her throat. But when she heard her name again, she sighed and relaxed slightly. 'It's open, Levy," she called. The door swung open and a petite young woman stepped into the room, clutching a book that looked like it weighed more than she did. Juvia eyed it warily.
"Juvia!" Levy gasped, nearly dropping the book on her toes in her rush to reach the bed. She tripped over her own feet and flomped face-first onto the mattress. "Are you okay?'
Juvia smiled down at Levy, trying not to laugh. "Juvia is fine. Juvia's glad you're here. How are you?"
"I'm good," Levy said distractedly, leaping to her feet and tugging nervously on the hem of her orange dress. "How are you?" She flushed. "I mean, I said that already, didn't I? Sorry, my brain's a little fried. What've you been up to?"
Juvia tilted her head at one of her favorite books of all time. The cover was worn and nearly falling off, the title illegible. "Juvia has been reading through her collection. Romance novels make her think of Gray-sama." And speaking of Gray… She tried to ignore her heated cheeks and said, "Does Juvia want to know what your book is about?"
Levy jumped about a foot into the air and cast her discarded tome a guilty look. "What, that old thing? Nah, boring stuff in there. It's like…like a…you know… That kinda thing, yeah?"
Juvia cocked her head to one side. "What kind of thing?"
Levy shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back. "Oh, you know… It's sort of a history. Of Fiore. Real boring. Nothing you'd want to know about. Just some stuff in there I need for a…a project-thingum. A whatchamacallit. You know what I mean."
"Juvia really doesn't, but she'll take your word for it."
Levy laughed anxiously. "Oh, okay then! Good to hear. Yup…" she trailed off, looking like she wished she could disappear. "So how've you been?"
Juvia's head tipped to the other side. "Levy, are you okay? Is there something wrong that Juvia can help with?" Something in Levy's expression flickered, and she looked down solemnly at her dainty feet.
"There's nothing you can do to help, Juvia." Juvia held back a sharp intake of breath, instead letting out a soft puff of air. That was what she had expected, anyway. There was nothing a useless invalid could have ever done for anyone. Levy seemed to sense the hurt in Juvia's chest, because her head jerked up suddenly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I want your help, I really do. It's just not that simple."
"Juvia understands, Levy." And the worst part was that she did. Nothing was ever so simple that a friend could get help with her problems from another friend. Like Jace would say, reality had a nasty habit of being complicated. Juvia knew that better than anyone.
"No, you don't understand anything," Levy burst out with all the tact of an erupting volcano. "No one knows, and this is all wrong and I have no idea what to do anymore!"
Juvia wanted more than anything at that moment to be able to reach out and hold Levy's small hands in her own. But she couldn't. "Tell Juvia. Juvia will help you, Levy. Don't try to do this alone. Please."
"I want to," she whispered, and Juvia was horrified to see tears pool in her miserable brown eyes. "I hate how useless I am, Juvia. All this knowledge, all these stupid ideas in my head amount to nothing because there's nothing I can do to save my friend. There's nothing I can do, and I hate seeing you disappear in front of my own eyes like this. It's not fair." Levy lifted her hand to brush away the tears, her movements so quick it looked like she was almost slapping herself in her frustration.
Juvia laughed, feeling it echo hollowly in her chest. This was not mirth - it was hysteria, desperation of the most awful kind. It ate at her, ripping her apart from the inside out. "Life is plenty fair, Levy. No one sees it when it happens, because they don't think they've done anything to deserve it. But Juvia has done plenty of bad things in her life. It's time the bad started catching up to her."
"I think you've atoned more than enough already, Juvia," Levy said finally, scrubbing at her cheek like she could still feel tears tracing the soft skin there. "I've met your parents, you know."
Juvia smiled sadly. "At least Juvia has parents. Some people are not so lucky."
Levy snorted. "Yeah, it's a good thing not all of us are blessed with quite that brand of luck. If every Tom, Dick and Harry had nut-loaf parents like that, we'd all be screwed from birth."
Juvia couldn't help but crack a smile. "What are your parents like, Levy?" she asked shyly, not sure if that was a touchy subject. Levy seemed caught off-guard.
"My parents? They're pretty average, really. Just your classic, garden-variety parents, the kind that's really overachieving when it comes to their children. They always wanted a lot for me, so they were excited when we found out I had magic." She looked down at the floor for a moment. "And then they were disappointed when it turned out my magic sucks."
"It does not!" Juvia gasped indignantly. "Did they tell you that?"
Levy smoothed down her blue hedgehog hair nervously. "No, of course not. I know they love me and they would never say something like that - or even think it. It's just…" She sighed, collapsing on one of Porlyusica's stump stools. "My magic's not really flashy, you know? Not like Natsu's flames or Erza's armor or Gray's ice or Lucy's spirits. Not like your water magic, either. And it's not very strong either. I'm not good enough to even qualify for half the jobs on the request board, some days. And it made them sad for me, seeing that, because they hoped I would go on to be powerful and influential and important - someone who mattered. Someone who moved people. And instead I'm a nerdy introvert standing in the shadow of the strongest, most incredible people in all of Fiore. I don't ever regret being where I am, but sometimes I think about it and wish I could have been that person for my mom and dad. Do you ever…think you should've done something different, changed something somehow to put yourself in a different place now?" Levy's eyes bored into Juvia's, waiting to hear something Juvia didn't know how to say.
"Juvia regrets a lot of things," she began, thinking of the days she had spent drowning in solitude and pushing Jace, her only brother, farther and farther away. She thought of her mother's sunken cheeks, her own wasted face staring back at her. She thought of walking quietly out of the room when her own mother - the woman who was supposed to love her more than life itself - asked if she was there to tutor Jace. The only child she remembered. Juvia thought of the biting resentment that had filled her stomach and frozen her blood in her veins. "Too many things to count. Everyone has those regrets, little things and big things that no one can avoid. But Juvia would never change the things that led Juvia here, to this moment, to this place. Not the things that brought Juvia to Fairy Tail." She allowed herself a tiny smile. "Not what brought Juvia to be with Gray-sama." She looked straight at Levy, offering her all the pain and sadness and love and hurt Juvia had, all the answers those emotions could bring. "You don't regret being here at Fairy Tail?" Levy shook her head emphatically. "Then your parents have nothing more to wish for. Their daughter is happy where she is. Nothing is better than that to a parent who truly loves their child. They have nothing to feel disappointed for."
A wide smile split Levy's pixie-like face open like a delicate flower unfurling in the morning sun's coaxing light. "Thanks, Juvia," she said, leaning forward to wrap her friend in a tight hug. Juvia returned the hug, trying not to wonder if her mother would have wished for her happiness, if she had been able to remember who Juvia was.
And then she tried not to wonder if Gray cared if she was happy.
Levy lifted three more trashy romance novels from the stack piled higher than Juvia on the mattress next to her. "Mavis, Juvia, these things are like sleazy collector's items." She flipped one over and squeaked. The cover depicted a half-naked, well-bronzed, impossibly toned man with a thick black mane that reminded her forcefully of Gajeel's. He curled around the front of the cover like a sexy wild beast, carefully controlled and pressed into the shiny paper. "Isn't this the sixth volume of the Paradise series? How did you get your hands on this? It's impossible to find anywhere!" Juvia beamed proudly.
"Juvia waited in line for five hours to buy a copy the day it came out. It's signed too." Levy gasped, flipping the book open to a random page just to bask in the easy glow of a novel written to make a reader enjoy themselves without too much thought.
"You are a serious force to be reckoned with," she mumbled, stroking a silken page absently with a fingertip. "Next time, get me a copy, yeah?"
Juvia smiled sadly. "Juvia would if she could."
Levy snapped the book shut too abruptly and dropped it onto the growing heap next to her with a startling smack. "You will. You're going to be fine, Juvia."
But she wasn't. Levy was a dirty liar, and they both knew it.
She could be, a tiny voice whispered, oh-so-soft like the barest touch of silk in her thoughts. If you just said something, someone would step up and save her. She could be just fine if you did that.
But Levy was selfish on top of being a liar, and she couldn't bring herself to say it – couldn't bear to see it when Gajeel volunteered. And Gray… If she told Gray, it would be like sacrificing her brother. And she couldn't. She couldn't.
"Levy, Juvia would never want that."
"What?" she gasped, whipping around to gape at Juvia. Horror made her stomach sink as realization dawned. "Did I…say that out loud?"
Juvia didn't answer, only reaching out to touch Levy's hand and then recoiling like she'd been burned when she realized she couldn't. The pain in her eyes sliced into Levy sharper than any knife. She tucked the stumps of her wrists under the blankets, away from the glare of the sunlight. Her eyes wouldn't meet Levy's when she said, "Juvia already knows, Levy. It's okay. You don't need to try to save Juvia like this."
Levy trembled, her whole body shaking like a leaf in a storm. It felt like her chest might crack open. A harsh sound ripped its way out of her throat, and she realized tears were making slug tracks down her cheeks. "But if we just said something, he would do it for you. He would, Juvia," Levy insisted even as it grew harder to breathe.
"Do you think Juvia wants that?" the other girl demanded, her voice still soft and yet heavy with the deepest kind of sadness and fury. "What is the point in living if there is no one to live for? What would Juvia do with her life if she had to let go of Gray-sama to live it?"
"He might not say yes!" Levy said vehemently, suddenly sure that she had to convince Juvia to try it, had to make it work somehow. "He might refuse, Juvia."
The other girl slumped, all the desperation leaving her body, and said in a small, desolately lonely voice, "He would do it, if only because Juvia is part of Fairy Tail. Gray-sama would never let his family die like that. He would do everything, even if he doesn't love Juvia."
He does, Levy wanted to shout. He does love you, you adorable idiot.
The words jammed in her throat like a lump of peanut butter, too thick to swallow, too sticky to spit out. Because they weren't her words to say, because she knew Juvia shouldn't hear something like that from her and not Gray.
Levy knew Juvia too well to think she would ever ask Gray to do something that would harm him. Juvia would rather die a thousand times over than let Gray sacrifice himself for her. Levy knew that. Which was why she had to make a decision.
If she told Gray, he would agree without a second thought. He would do it in a heartbeat to save Juvia. But Juvia would be miserable for the rest of her life. A life without the one you loved enough to die for wasn't life at all – it was torture, plain and simple.
But if she didn't tell Gray – if she let Juvia die – he would never forgive himself. Life would fall apart under his fingertips, and Levy couldn't watch that anymore than she could watch Juvia wander through life like a ghost who had forgotten why she held on to the material world.
Which left one solution.
Levy stood up, brushing invisible dust off her skirt. "Juvia," she said. "I'm going to save you. I'll find another way." She walked back to where she had dropped her book on the floor and hefted it into her arms. "All you have to do is believe in me."
She'd be the luckiest being to ever exist if that were really true.
Well, here's hoping it was worth the wait (I seriously doubt it). Please take into consideration the fact that I'm giving up valuable sleep time to post this. You're welcome.
Next post will be someday. If you beg me really hard and review lots and lots, it might be soon. Probably. Wow, how does this song always make me want to cry my eyes out? Seriously, like what? No. Stop that.
Okay. Anywho. Seeya.