A/N: Hi... it's been a while. I hope you had a great Christmas/Hanukkah/Eid/week! I thought that it would be cool if I posted on the last day of 2015 - also it's Voldemort's birthday today. Happy birthday Tom Riddle (you evil soul-sucking bastard).

So yeah... I have a bit of a plot-thingy lined up which may or may not work out but oh well. You've stuck with me this far - so thank you for that. You're awesome!

Anyway, have a wonderfully fantastic new year! Enjoy.

SEVERUS' P.O.V

JUNE 1981

I got the letter from Dumbledore this morning – I have a job at Hogwarts, as Potions professor. I start in September. All that's left to do now is infiltrate the Order and I'll have done at least two of the things I always said I would do but I don't know if I can face Lily. I've hurt her enough, if she saw me again… On the other hand, I doubt she'd talk to me. Not with bloody Potter with her all the time and the Marauders too. Maybe sometimes you have to do something to help someone and put up with the fact that you'll never be credited for helping them, never be treated fairly whilst you do, always be the outsider… but that's the type of sacrifice you have to make.

Narcissa and I are friends again but it's not the same as it was. There's a wall between us now, an immovable barrier. I felt this with Lily. I wonder how she is. Harry must be turning a year old soon. Harry James Potter. Harry godforsaken Potter. I hate him already. His existence seems to be fate's cruel way of teaching me some kind of lesson – that Death Eaters don't find love, or at least, the ones like me don't. Narcissa and Lucius are just something else entirely.

The Dark Lord is restless but busy – the number of battles is increasing to the point at which the attacks aren't even organised, some Death Eaters have gone rogue and attack everyone and everything. Those are the ones that have been tortured, usually for the amusement of other Death Eaters. Some of them like to see how much they can take.

Bellatrix is like some kind of deathly whirlwind – completely unstoppable and killing everything in her path. Narcissa hasn't slept properly in months what with Lucius away so often. Sometimes (it is becoming more and more regular to my displeasure), I look after Draco either with Narcissa or whilst Narcissa is out with a few of her remaining close friends. However, the Malfoys have friends in high places and are becoming vastly more popular. Wealth does that, as does having a high status in Voldemort's movement. Lucius is gaining status in society whilst I am gaining little more than a reputation. It's strange to see people look at you, and then back away in terror, it's odd when people refuse to meet your eyes and it's nothing short of peculiar when people stutter in front of you. Is this what I have become? Something to fear? Is that what Lily sees? What if she flinches away from me when we next meet? How could I ever forgive myself if she backed away from me?

People like Bellatrix revel in this reaction, the idea of people being afraid of them – I on the other hand, don't like it. I don't like the isolation much at all. I never enjoyed people's company but now, it bothers me ever so slightly. I'm used to people ignoring me, shunning me and pushing me away because of how I looked but it is different now.

The only thing that worries me is that I'm beginning to like it – the grudging respect. I hold myself differently now, my comportment is that of a true aristocrat and perhaps I am being hypocritical to my younger self that once scorned the likes of Malfoy and Mulciber, but I try my best not to dwell on the past.

LILY'S P.O.V

ORDER MEETING

The Order meeting is in full swing. Most people showed up – a few are missing, most notably Alice Smith and the Prewett twins. I've brought Harry with me; he's in my arms now. James didn't want me to bring him but there was nobody who could have looked after him, even Bathilda was out. Besides, I've missed so much already and the security this time is through the roof and Harry keeps Padfoot entertained, which is a relief to us all.

We're going through statistics now, how many battles, how many losses, how many Death Eaters captured, etc. It gets worse as the list goes on.

"… and there have been murmurings that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is looking for something."

"Or someone," Hestia says, darkly, "I heard that he is searching for someone with great and immense power –"

"I've heard the same," Emmeline chimes in, her face looking tired and wrinkled, "that he's hunting someone."

"Then they have the power to help us!"

"Or to destroy us," Sturgis says.

"I heard that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has a new weapon."

"I heard that he has a spy."

"It would explain why the Dark side is always one step ahead of us."

"Any why they're always there before we are, waiting."

"He's recruiting giants," Sturgis says, looking sideways at Hagrid.

"And werewolves," Benjy adds, a few people back away from Remus.

Oh for heaven's sake. After all we've been through, they're actually considering that Remus and Hagrid could be traitors? Not bloody likely.

"Albus?" Minerva gives him a purposeful look.

She walks to his side and puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Please," he says, raising a hand to silence them, "I too have heard similarly distressing things but we cannot assume that everything we hear is true. People are scared and we're all in the dark – no one knows what is going to happen. I don't have some spectacular plan that's going to save us all, so if you were under that impression then you have been misled. This," he gestures to us all, "is what we have and we have to do our best with it."

"So there isn't a spy?"

Albus sighs, looking suddenly weathered and old.

"I don't know. I'd like to think not."

"I don't care what you'd like to think. Surely we don't have that luxury anymore!"

"Now please, I know just as much as anyone that the danger we're facing seems invincible – but it is not. Have courage, have faith, the last thing we should do is give up."

"I've got some information on a known Death Eater's whereabouts. If we can get a team together, no more than five people…" Alastor speaks up, his electric blue eye darting around us.

Alice makes a move to speak.

"No," Franks cuts in immediately, "no, Alice, please… think of Neville."

"I am thinking of Neville!" she says, "I want him to grow up in a world that isn't full of Death Eaters and I want him to know that you shouldn't not do the right thing simply because it is dangerous."

"I'm with Al," I say, handing Harry to James, "whatever it takes."

"Fine," Frank sighs, "then count me in as well."

"Me too," Marlene says.

"And me," Dorcas says.

"You understand that you're going to be directly conversing with Death Eaters? That your lives will be potentially under direct attack?" Alastor says.

We murmur in agreement. The meeting ends, James waits behind, holding Harry.

"Lil…" he trails off looking at me with worry.

"Whatever stupid thing you're going to say about my life being in danger, stop. My life will always be in danger; it has been since I started Hogwarts."

"So don't go throwing yourself into the danger!"

"It seems perfectly acceptable when you do it."

"Lily…"

"You don't understand what it's like. Some people look at me like I'm worthless, like I'm something dirty and foreign. It doesn't matter how good you are at Potions, or how talented you are at duelling – to them, a Mudblood is a Mudblood. That's why I joined the Order and that's why Remus and I get on so well. We understand what it's like to be inferior."

"You're not inferior," he says angrily.

"I know that," I say softly, caressing his cheek, "but they don't. I have a duty to myself not to back out. I joined the Order straight away after I left school and I understood the sacrifices I had to make – I want to do this."

"Don't get yourself killed," he says, gripping my hand tightly.

"I'll try my best."

"I know. The only reason I'm not trying to talk you out of it is because I know I'd be wasting my breath," he chuckles, "I'll talk to Alastor, see if I can get on the mission as well –"

"Whatever it is your planning, don't take stupid risks," I say, looking at him seriously.

He sighs before kissing me quickly, we then gather around to where Alastor is standing.

Alastor explains the mission to us. We're going to disguise ourselves as wealthy Purebloods who sympathise with Voldemort. There's a party being held at Malfoy Manor to celebrate the Dark side's success in cleansing the world – the blood purity sympathisers are gathering to donate money and drink in honour of the Death Eaters. We're going to attend in hope to unveil more Death Eater identities, perhaps evens locate them in order to capture them but that's not our problem, Alastor says, all we have to do is sit tight, be convincing and discover some information. For example, quite a few Aurors who worked closely in the Order have been captured and if possible, we'd like to get them out alive. It's possible they know something that could help us and maybe the Death Eaters at the party might hint at where they are. It's a long shot but we've got to try and get inside somehow. We've got to try and infiltrate their ranks and it's too late to plant someone there now, this might just work. More Order members should arrive later as back up; a duel will probably ensue…

I'm to be the Lady Andrea Selwyn – young distant niece of some Death Eater. The real Death Eater Selwyn is currently away on "business". Alastor is convinced that they'll never guess, but I'm not so sure. Al is so much more confident than I am about this but she's a pureblood, as are Frank and Marlene. Dorcas is a half-blood but she has a way of being in "higher" society, she just seems to fit right in with them. I, however, have never been to a dinner party let alone some pureblood ball with a load of aristocratic patricians. I don't know how to act, how to speak, or even how to dance like they do. I'll stick out like a sore thumb.

Oh well, I can learn. If there's one thing I can do – it's learn.

I saw Wormy the other day. I've been seeing him more and more recently. I suppose it has something to do with Alice who has disappeared. Apparently they had a relationship – a passionate one by the sounds of it, but something happened and they broke up. Wormy doesn't want to talk about it – and I can see the guilt in his eyes so I know the break up was probably messy. Padfoot says he'll get over it but I'm not so sure. Wormy has this look in his eye whenever he's around Sirius. He's angry, I know he is, and he has every right to be – Sirius slept with his girlfriend, or rather, ex-girlfriend. I just wish that Wormy would talk to Sirius instead of letting his emotions build up inside to the point where he's just angry and he begins to hate Sirius. I don't want that to happen, the Marauders have always stuck together through thick and thin. The idea of them being divided and broken up by animosity is incomprehensible.

James was surprised by my reaction to Alice's disappearance – I think he thinks of me as a little callous. I told him that I'd learned when it's time to let go. She changed too much, drifted away too fast and she left Mar and me behind to pick up all the pieces she left behind. Our friendship with her was unbalanced and one-sided; she got too used to the idea of Mar and me just being there and never once considered, towards the end, how we must be feeling. She was just never around. How can you be friends with someone who's never there? It gets to the point where you can't even remember why you were ever friends in the first place. I looked back, I tried to find something to hold on to but there was nothing there. It was just like what happened with Severus – she became a ghost to me but I won't let myself be haunted any longer. I won't let it happen again. She just left and went away, like she always does when things get too hard. No, she's not my friend – not any more.

In other news, Molly is seven-ish months pregnant with Ginny – who will be the first female Weasley to be born in several generations and her seventh child. She thinks this will be her last child, which is a bit of a relief for poor Arthur who, last time I saw him, was covered in paint and feathers (apparently the twins like leaving paint and feathers around, in order to target unsuspecting family members. They'll be troublemakers for sure.). Anyway, I'm excited for Molly, she'll have a daughter and although she does love her boys, I think it'll be nice for her to have another girl in the house.

Speaking of which, Al is often at Potter's Cottage. Sometimes she brings Frank and Neville along too but other times, she comes alone. Al is like the sister I never had – she's hilariously practical, very compassionate and I love her to pieces. I can't think why we weren't closer in Hogwarts but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that she was flirting with Frank – an ex-boyfriend of Marlene so…

Marlene has been busier than ever in the Order, she's burying herself in work. I think she's a little lost. She's been shutting me out a lot but recently, she's been around a lot more. She's talking to me more and we're getting closer again but it's not the same. My friendship circles have all shifted and I don't like it.

Anyway, Harry's going to be a year old soon – I can't believe that it's almost been a whole year. He's so sweet and he reminds me of James. Harry's started walking – he's wobbly but he can stand when he really tries. Of course Sirius is over the moon with him – he's got Harry this toy dog that he's named Padfoot and is frequently trying to get Harry to say "Padfoot" but I don't think Harry's quite there yet- he has his own language. Harry adores Sirius, he really does, whenever he hears Sirius' motorbike (yes, he has a motorbike and he and James are very excited about it), he does this smile of his and it makes me happy knowing that he is happy.

Bathilda is around a lot as well, she brings books for Harry, which we read to him. One of the books she gave us is the Tales of Beedle the Bard which was published in the 15th century. They are very dark fairytales that Harry, James, Sirius, Remus and Wormy love to hear me read for some reason. We keep Saturday afternoons free (so long as there isn't a full moon) and the Marauders all come around to our house and I read stories, we drink wine (with exception of Harry of course) and eat dinner together. It's nice because I know they don't get together a lot anymore for various reasons. Remus always brings a loaf of bread that he's made, Sirius brings Firewhisky and Wormy brings these biscuits that his mother makes. It doesn't always work out (sometimes Remus just isn't up to it and Wormy disappears) but we try.