A/N: I am going to kick off my chapter like this the mini spawn of the spawn I killed decided to roll up on me so I killed that one these bugs are so freaking disrespectful then in other news one of my reviewers monni2215 said the following about yours truly she gonna get some holy water for me to get me back where I used to be I swear that's reminding me of a song these are her words I think it started out where you were normal. Then it gradually was like ok she cray lol. Now though you are certified lol and need to be on the 3rd floor of some Bmore hospital and getting a monthly checkup. Lmao Really? Monica! I think I've toned it down, j/p those days off did something to me! A few of my reviewers have been slain while I was on hiatus. Don't roll your eyes at the screen Denise and Mary! Y'all know. Let's go! WAIT…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BFF KIANNA THE BIG 27 LOVE YOU!

HAPPY READING! (:

TJ's POV

I yanked my arm back. "I don't want to play house each time I play I end up getting a divorce I'm not the perfect spouse."

"There is a reason why you keep getting a divorce." I twiddle my thumbs. "Your play wife isn't me, it's her let me show you the kind of wife I can be." She pushed me up against the wall kissing me. "See let me show you how we can be happily ever after, we can be strong together for so long but first we have to do one thing that's rename this baby from Tabby to Thadmine Jones Evans."

I wiped my mouth on my shirt. "You taste like chocolate pudding and um, I don't think that would be a good thing to do Gabby named the bear after her and me."

"So do you think I care about some Tabby, I never have and I never will Gabby is my stress saying she going to beat me up this school year she has another thing coming, my mommy said that she got me trying to catch a case at a young age. "She pushed Tabby in my chest. "His name is Thadmine Jones Evans we married you work, you a football player, the QB that's the only position I know you make 200 million and I'm going to be the Nene on the RHOSD."

"The what?"

"Real Housewives of San Diego, boo."

"Um…fine just let me go into mommy and daddy room I left something in there."

"Okay. Hurry back baby we have to record or confessionals."

I backed up out the room moonwalking down the hallway to their room I closed the door locking it. "Your first words will be sempu, can you say it, sempu or I wouldn't mind if you say sa'nu first. Sa'nu or sempu. Ow!" Daddy rubbed his lips. "AJE you don't have to kick me each time I speak in Na'vi, why is it that when I speak in English you don't kick?"

"Maybe because he's over the Na'vi lessons he is a fetus."

"Yeah, that has a bad temper, what you doing up here?" Daddy put an ice pack on his semi-red cheek.

"Wow! AJE went in on you daddy stop being bad you do not kick daddy!" I rubbed mommy's stomach waiting to be kicked. "Nothing we woke up on the wrong side of the womb that game Uncle Stevie got me we beat it so we were going to play RockBand next when J3 was talking about his text messages." Reaching over mommy I took her phone putting in her code." He still waiting on them I'll have my first student loan paid off by..."

He put his hand over my mouth whispering. "Don't mention college or student loan around mommy wait a few months she's on the tilt-a-whirl of emotions with AJE in control of the ride. Now tell me about the game and why J3 was screaming."

"Oh J3 screamed then Uncle Stevie went to see why he went to go check what it was, he screamed so I went to go check too, PawPaw and Glam-Ma were making out on the couch."

"I don't see anything wrong with that."

"Some clothes were missing PawPaw said his nuts were hot and J3 had FaceTime Uncle Julius come to find out he was at the old folks home with Mary Sue she felt some kind of way, she started singing the
stick was hers Glam-ma felt some kind of way they had words then Jazzy pulled me upstairs to play house so I lied saying I had to get something in here to get away from her. I want a divorce I don't like playing house but I don't mind being kissed. She can kiss me all she wants."

"No, she can't be kissing you y'all too young the both of you are 5 only kisses come from mommy."

"Times two it makes ten."

"Sam he's doing multiplication! School for a half a day I wasn't expecting this. What is 8 times 9?"

"72."

She pulled my down kissing the top of my head tightly hugging me. "It's too soon me and this crying I need to get myself together I need a box of Kleenex. He knew the answer. Where you learn that from?"

"My composition notebook."

"Baby you don't need a box you need multiple boxes. How was your nap?"

"My nap was somewhat okay AJE kept kicking I don't thinks he like those Na'vi lessons."

"You might be right she kicked me the whole time and her kicks are hard you see I'm nursing this icepack."

"Also Uncle Puck is here."

"Puck! When did he show up?"

"When PawPaw and Glam-ma were being teenagers on the couch we didn't even hear him come in we were too disgusted by them. Even Conniehey covered his eyes you know it was bad."

"TJ! IT DON'T TAKE YOU THAT LONG TO GET SOMETHING FROM YOUR PARENTS ROOM WE MARRIED COME ON! THE BIBLE SAYS IN GENSIS 2:24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. WE ARE FLESH THOSE OTHER MARRIAGES TO THAT THING WASN'T BLESSED BY GOD! LET'S GO!"

"WE ARE GETTING AN ANNULMENT! YOU TRAPPED WITH YOUR S-U-L-T-R-Y WAYS AND SOFT LIPS! RENAMING ME AND GABBY BEAR SON HIS NAME IS TABBY! THADMINE IS NOT IN SERVICE!"

"Lies all lies! Boo boo, you're so nasty and so rude! Come on out here! Why is the door locked?"

"Why did you lock the door? Why do you have my phone? Go unlock the door TJ."

"But…" She snapped her fingers pointing to the door. "Okay."

"What did this child do on my phone? Good he didn't text J3…"

"Yes, Jasmine."

She looked me up and down. What did you come in here to get what you needed? We still flesh." She tapped her ring finger on the right hand.

"No, mommy have you seen…"

"Who is calling me? Oh it's Denise. Hello, Hey Denise what's going on? TJ's first day of school was great what about JT and Simon that's great. What? He was, you didn't, you did, and he was with him, tambourines! Girl you crazy, you had him clapping too, a hatchet, your razor. Mary wanna pray and wait on God but wanted to stab and pray later, did Tana show up? She didn't! Man! Okay I know when she's going to hear about this she's going to pray up a storm. Thank you for this okay bye. TJ go run along and play daddy and I need to talk."

"But…"

"You heard my mother/sister-in-law let's go!" She got behind me pushing me down the hall. If anytime I need my A1 Day 1 to show up it's now. "Jazzy and TJ sitting in the tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G we got love, we are married and I'm pregnant with more babies for the baby carriage."

Tank's POV

"Can I get water, tea, coffee or something? Where is y'all hospitality?"

"We don't have hospitalities for the likes of you here is a cup of water drink it slowly because that's all you're going to get."

She slammed cup on the table. "Shit I would say thank you but I'll do this instead fuck you, when are y'all going to interview me, y'all holding me up and shit." I took a few swallows of water tossing the remainder on the floor. "This shit is hot! Can I get bottled water? Is that too much ask for?" I waved my free hand at the camera." I know y'all watching me and shit." The door opened in walked Officer Mullins. "Man this motherfucker. Why they got you here? Can I get another person to question me? I don't like him."

"Well, Tank, I don't like your ass either seems we have something in common, here is the bottled water you demanded while you drink it I'm going to read you your Miranda Rights. You have the right to remain silent when questioned. Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning, if you wish. If you decide to answer any questions now, without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney. Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present?"

"Fine, I'll talk you won't get much but, what you want to know?"

"Before we begin you can't say that it wasn't you I have statements from a few parents, a few students, and Officer Longfellow that it was you we can agree to that."

"Yes, it was me I'm not going to deny my involvement in something. I was on the school grounds."

"For what reason?"

I sighed. "Today is my son's second year of school he's in the first grade me and his mother not together she out there on national television lying on my ass…"

"What does she have to do with this? I'm asking you about you."

"I'm getting to that she's the reason for all this shit going down! All I wanted to do was see my son, I texted her phone she didn't respond back so I went to the school this morning while the parents were dropping of their kids, didn't see TJ, then I came back when they got out to get a better view I exited the car posted under a tree as the kids came out I did call them over to show them a photo, some mother called for her son, his name was Johnny she asked him why was he taking to me he then spilled the beans she alerted the school police, stopped us before we could leave, he asked for our ID, then this crazy lady stopped to talk to him then she beat me up. I was going to get out the car to run but she was too quick so I closed the door, she busted the windows of my car, smashed me and.."

"If she smashed the window why isn't you nor Shane face cut."

I pointed towards the heavens. "The grace of God and my mother they looking out for me. I got out hauling she ran chased after me I forgot to mention she had a hatchet, she busted all the tires so we couldn't go anywhere back to me running she's screaming, shouting, calling me all kind of names I heard the police sirens I'm happy for y'all so she could stop her pursuit on me she flung the hatchet I fell to the ground in pain she yanked it out pouring salt in the gash it hurt like hell, she kicked me, made a salt water mix, make me clap my hands while her and her sidekick had a praise break she tortured me! I'm not the one that needs to be questioned go find her ass. I'm the victim in all of this. Her brother let her do this, you can get his ass in here to ask him, he'll tell you what I said is the truth."

"I know Denise she's a nice lady wouldn't harm a fly."

I scratched my forehead. "That's a damn lie she hurts biting flies, lightning bugs, ants, worms, roaches, those little gray insects that curl up that crunch when you stomp on them hell they all run when they see her coming. If she doesn't hurt them why, did she want to hurt? I haven't done anything to deserve this but post up under a tree and duck down in the car."

"She had some damn reason to do what she did that's if she did it."

"Whatever. You don't believe me?"

"Hell no, I don't believe your ass something isn't making sense in what you just told me."

"What?"

"Don't you have a restraining order on you from a Mercedes Evans?" He opened his folder. "Is this a copy of it?"

I tapped my fingers against the table. "Yes, I do, that's it so what you are getting to."

"She wouldn't call you to tell you anything about the whereabouts of her son; you are not supposed to be that close to them in the first place that would put you in violation of your restraining order. Looking through your recent arrests this is your 3rd no I take that back this is our 4th one; first one was charges domestic abuse says case closed weird, second one was assault with a deadly weapon where you were served your restraining order, third one in violation of the order, and now this one. You must like visiting Bubba?"

"Hell no. l don't want to see his ass. Can I go now?"

"No your ass can't. Why you carrying around a fake ID with Oscar Harrison?"

"I have a twin brother that's him not me."

He laughed. "Tank you are a damn comedian! Woo! Let me compose myself to act like I have some sense." He wiped his eyes. "Woo this funnier than Pastor Kerney and GAAAWWD mmkaysomethinginashortbowtie. You want me to believe that this dude is your twin both of y'all got the same identical scar right there, if there were two of you and I know there is not he wouldn't be like you. At this moment I really don't care if you want to see Bubba or not we're booking you for disorderly conduct, violating your restraining order, and this damn fake ID."

"Why?! I didn't do anything! I'm not the aggressive type!"

"Lies all damn lies! Book him! I don't give a damn you might be dropping soap type."

"Come on man! No! I don't want to go, get your… Damn!"

"Let's go book Tanky Wanky your mama said your booty stanky fe, fi, ,fo, fum listen to the guards drum you'll see the house on top of the hill that's where you boo Big Bubba lives you won't smell that chicken or smell that rice you won't even shoot dice. " I lowered my head.

Mercedes POV

"Before I tell you about that call did that child of ours spell sultry? What does he know about being sultry?"

Sam nodded his head laughing. "Yeah, I thought you missed that he picked up spelling from us, sultry that lies with someone else but speaking of sultry." Sam crawled seductively between my legs kissing me from my belly to my lips. "You look so sexy."

"I don't feel sexy or even in the mood for that right now. I have to tell you about what Denise call me about." He pouted lying over on my shoulder. "You were right about Tank being there at the school and he got something he wasn't expecting but he's been getting for a while now."

"A beat down."

"You'd be right this time from Denise, JT, and Simon."

"What about Mary?"

"She was too busy playing the tambourine, she was ushering in the fighting spirit Denise said then the holy ghost! HALLELUJAH! One of the police officers fell under and…hey. Now I'm feeling a little something in my feet feetbeaquickerpickerupperbounty,vyes God! I'm about to get up and cut my steps don't stop me from celebrating this joyous news because if you let me get this one in I'll celebrate by…" I whispered in his ear. Sam jumped off the bed cutting his step.

"DENISE BEAT TANK SHE BEAT TANK! COME ON BABY! WOOO! PICK THEM UP! LET'S STOMP HIM TOGETHER!"

AJE'S POV

*Pulls out tambourine* Get it mommy! Go daddy! Go ahead! Shake me around that is right Ms. Denise let him have it I'm still waiting on the details but child if that's not reason enough to jump up and spin around I don't know what is we win the fight is fixed and GAAAAWWWD I got my personal prayer package. That nap was everything! I may have went overboard kicking daddy every time he said something in Na'vi but sir I was sleeping next time I'm going to double kick you Hi Glam-ma I know you overdue for mommy and daddy spelling me but check this thing out you not the one that has to see daddy's stick go in and out and in I'm the monarch of the seas…wait that's Stewie that episode was on last night.

"GO IN! 'Cause I'm going to go in you…in and out. In and out! Regaining stick entry!"

Wait! *throws tambourine* Where my matches at?! Mommy don't do it! Don't do it! You are on a good streak of not letting daddy up in here. I haven't had to clean in a couple few weeks.

Sam Stick POV

Enlarge my territory! Increase, yes, imma increase once blood starts flowing I will get hard I know I can't wait to go inside and out then bust like a balloon releasing my secret indgredients. I'm so happy, I'm so happy to be the grown stick today. She gonna grind on me! Imma make her say his name say his name…..SAAAAMMM

AJE'S POV

Oh hell no! The stick is talking now! Why he got a point of view?! It's a stick! Who stick going to talk next PawPaw, he name his stick PawPawPaw. We gonna fight! For real! This isn't a joke! This is zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mercedes POV con'd

"Yes! Whew! That tired me out! Praise! Whew let sit down." I fanned myself "Sam. Sam! You can stop now."

"I'm so excited and I just can't hide it."

"Samuel Thaddeus Evans, if you don't stop it with the Carlton dance and sit down so I can tell you, jumping all around making me hotter than what I already am. Geez!"

"I was…okay. You still gonna…okay. A-Are you going to share the story with me?"

"Of course, Tank was waiting up under a tree asking kids to come over to him showing them pictures of TJ, Denise went into get JT chatted it up with the school police she saw his ID, she went into action got her hatchet it was the mini one, her razor he was going to run but rethought his plan, circled the car a few times, slashed one tire, he jumped out she ran down threw her hatchet he fell, salt in wounds, praise break, the whole nine."

"Ooh that just sucks to be him well not really. He had that coming. Did she say Shane was with him?"

"He was but the police took him away she really didn't care too much for him she said she you know the one thing I did right was the day I started to fight I kept my eyes on the prize hold on, hold on but all jokes aside think we can get that detective to come by sooner."

"Most definitely we can I'm going to fire up the grill care to join me or want to get your sleep in."

"I'll come outside with you. Help me up. Thank you. When should we tell our parents this piece of information?"

"Mom is coming back this weekend, so this weekend we'll share might want to do it on Sunday."

"Okay, I'll get him to come by Sunday I'm sure that they'll have questions to ask."

"I know they will we all will, that's our baby." TJ was snuggled up with Conniehey on his bed. "Look at them. So cute."

"Yeah." Sam snapped a photo. "Gonna make this my background at work. Let's get started on dinner."

We walked into a heated argument. "J3 you like starting mess what do you got against me and Monica." PawPaw was twirling his stick.

"Mary Sue says she's with your child you need to step up to the plate."

"Imma step up to the plate alright and knock you out the hell out. Look, Mary Sue hasn't been on one for days, weeks, years, or decades take your pick she delusional I tapped that ass once and I'm her boo. I haven't had any in a while and she was willing so there you have it. Stop trying to break up me and my boo B1 X1."

"Herbie we need to talk and its' Day 1 A1, if that old trick think she's going to be coming at me she's in for it, J3 I never wanted you I have my man. You jealous of this love here!"

"You tell them baby."

"Hush Herbie let me tell you this I don't have any problem sending your ass packing, you got me here on this couch, showing my goodies, all my business out then this fool wants to FaceTime some 70 year old biddy to watch me put it on my man. You do that again you won't be walking. JASMINE! JASMINE! LET'S GO! Herbie get your damn fish, I don't want to name you yet, so we can introduce him to I don't have a name. You need to give these fish a name."

"Hey, y'all leaving already Sam is about to fire up the grill."

"Yeah, I got ribs the whole nine."

"We coming back I just need get your grandpa in check, JASMINE JONES IF I HAVE TO COME UP THERE!"

"COMING MOMMY! DANG!" Jazzy jumped the last 3 steps. "I JUST HAD TO KISS MY BOO-BOO GOODBYE!"

"Look, I'm team Thadmine and all of that but you need to stop kissing people you too young. Herbie let's go, out the door. Bye everyone!"

I smacked J3 upside his head. "What did you do that?!"

"Mercedes I was just FaceTiming my dad I didn't know Mary Sue was going to take over the call I'm just playing, you know I play a lot."

"Yeah I do. Puck! Oooh I've missed you!" I pulled back. "What have you been doing? When are you going to move down here with everyone?"

"Taking care of some business we'll need to talk later tonight I'll move shortly. Sam, hey man, I see your grand slam is slowly growing. Do we know what we're having? I'm saying it's a boy."

"It's a girl!" Stacey shouted. "Baby what you think?"

"BABY?! Y'all an item!"

JJ and Stacey exchanged confusing looks. "Um…no I just called him baby you know just, baby. JJ what you think Mercedes going to have? I have to take this call." Stacey went into the game room.

"I say a girl."

"All of y'all are wrong! Mommy is having baby brother and his name me and Conniehey figured it out while I was playing house with Jazzy AJE, stands for Alexander Jeremiah Evans!" He smiled. "Conniehey agrees with me."

Arf Arf Arf

Jenny's POV

"It's ten, ten after the hour we have a special guest on The KiJay Smith Show I know I said we got a new time slot we do this just a goodbye show to these hours then we'll be sending y'all well I'll be sending y'all into crazy fits of laughter in the morning get your day started off right. Kianna."

"Yes."

"You won't believe what one of my reviewers told me in her review this was the lady wobbling in the Target parking lot, Monica she said that you certainly are still clowning lol. I think it is beyond clowning at this point lol personally to me I don't think I've changed at all. What do you have to say about that?"

"You changed you are on a new level of clowning you now teasing folk, it used to be a surprise…."

"Wait it still is a surprise to them they don't know how I come with I made a mistake and shared the beginning of a chapter in my group DM but that's it and it will never happen again. I also hit her with that I'm sane and highly favored, she hit me back with lol you are highly favored for sure but INSANE she wrote that in all caps lol. We got to build a case against you lol. Always the crazies thinking they are normal. Smh lol I am normal I don't know think this is. Playing Buy You A Drank….hey give me the instrumental I'm about to bust a remix! I'm gonna sing Can't Believe It hit is it worth it, let me work it I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it I'll do my own remix, hey, I'll do my own remix if you got a big hey! I'll do my own remix!"

"And we're back I have they say we have a call on the line, who is it?"

"This is Sarah…."

"Okay, and what do you want? Why you calling me? First off I'm glad that you calling in because if you were in the studio I would need the fire department on the outside. What's going on with you?"

"Something happened to my husband I want that crazy lady who beat him up to call in I need all the Tankettes to go on her ass! They won't let me see him! And I'm pregnant!"

A/N: OH LAWD! IS SARAH REALLY WITH TANK SEED?! WHERE IS TANA?! Where is Shane? Could the baby be Shane?! Hmm…Did I clown too bad? LMAO until tomorrow guys iamJLS