A/N: I see Monica has been praying for a decrease in my humor! Trying to get me back on the right path of sanity! I think she got me with the last chapter but….IDK how long that will last. Reason for the late drop you'll see soon. I've been acting up just a little bit. Video gaming early this morning didn't go so damn well my VC didn't get added to my account. I feel some kind of way. Anyway let's go.
Happy Reading (:
Conniehey POV
I walked by the mirror I turned around sitting. "Who is the dog that licks his balls? Conniehey, can you lick it? Who is this fine furry one here? I licked the mirror my ass I'm too sexy for my leash, too sexy for my bowls, too sexy by far, and I'm too sexy for my fur, too sexy for my walks, what do you think about that? House check is done now I can do my favorite thing now which is nap on TJ's bed ahh smells just like him, doggy scratch this is when I wish Tubby ass was here he's good for that only I got it, how soon before he gets home Mercedes hid her shoes from me she saw me lusting after those heels, it's like she knew what I was about to do, that damn McConaughey did me in bad but I got to thank him for something had he never would have had his way with her shoes and being messy I would not be here. Arf, that's my thank you. Whatever let me get my nap in I dropped a number one and two, I drank some water ate some food, I scratched my head then I licked my balls, secured the premises time for my beauty rest wait let me get another lick in oooh crumbs glad I licked down there we good. Zzzzzzz *dream world* Let me fix my fur who is this fine ass chick walking towards me, hey boo I'm Conniehey, TJ's dog, oh you looking to have some mini doggies like us I'm sorry I can't do that I'm spayed, yeah that snipped me good that means I can hit it and quit it, hey where you going damn! I need a dog to bark, bark, bark, I need a dog to make my wife, I need a dog whose mine oh mine I a dog in my life oh thank you yeah, I got vocals TJ's been training me…
"Conniehey! Conniehey!"
Arf [He's back from that place they call school! TJ'S HOME! MY FETCHING PARTNER IS HOME!]
Mercedes POV
"Conniehey! Conniehey! There you are boy! How was your day? What did you do?" Conniehey jumped on TJ knocking him down licking him. "You missed me! I missed you too! Hahahaha that tickles."
"Conniehey stop get off TJ. Good boy, get up TJ go get out your clothes, Aunt Stacey is going to give you a bath."
"Can Conniehey get in the tub with me?" Conniehey whined.
"Okay just this one time!"
"Yes! Conniehey we gonna be in the tub together! We can play with my toys! We can talk about our day! Fake swim! We can…"
"And they're off. I'm going up to bedroom lie in bed for a few minutes give me a pep talk to peel myself out take a shower, eat dinner, tuck TJ and Conniehey in, wait for Sam. That is my itinerary for tonight and insert some snacks in between all of that! Whew I'm tired." I opened the door smiling at my bed. "Oh my bed! How have I missed you? You're so comfy." I hugged Sam's pillow. "I don't know about that shower right now."
"Can the choir please give me a verse a "You, Are So Beautiful to Me", can't you see, you're like a book of poetry May Angelou, Nikki Giovanni, turn one page and there's my mommy."
"My mom has radar." I leaned over rubbing bump I put her on speakerphone. "Hi mom, how did I know it was you I have momdar I just get this feeling that you were going to call me I was right. Oh the interview was perfect, I didn't sing my song, and it's going to air next week. What did you Unique ask me? She asked me some questions. Look mom, we just got back I don't want to give it away you'll see it next week with everyone else I love you mean it. Bye." I put my phone in airplane mode. "AJE you ready to take a shower?"
AJE's POV
Mommy you all late I been ready! My shower is already over. *wraps towel around me* Whew! That was some interview! This shower was on point! Just relaxes me and everything. *wraps towel around my hair* I'll wash it later. Let me read some reviews. *logs onto fanfiction website* Hmm…let me see Jenny was still slaying folks glam-ma still hasn't recovered let him use you glam-ma *kick kick* TJ got a new boo! Glam-ma feels some kind of way she been demoted to just his part-time boo but you got PawPaw and his PawPawPaw you straight. Mary Sue showed up! Lawd she didn't. She still produces eggs. They must be prehistoric hard boiled all of that gray and dusty I may come on my period first drop some eggs make a little me oh…I can't handle a little me I'm too much as it is. She beat up Mary Sue! She had it coming nothing breaks up Pawnica, Jenny didn't clown last chapter! Hold up *puts on church hat* truly giving honor to Godt who is the head of my life I just glad to be in the number one more time! I would like to thank the readers for loving me although I'm a fetus, thank you to Jenny for creating me had it had not been for Jenny and her foolishness! I would not be here! *fetus praise break hat falls off* AJE's a soldier in the army of the Lord…
Mercedes POV
"AJE's soldier in the Army…he's kicking for Jesus! AJE is one of God's own he bought him from a mighty long way. Let's shout together brother."
TJ placed his hand on my belly cutting a step. "TJ, calm down you are too churchy on this Monday night calm down stop cutting your step you and AJE got him or her kicking up a storm. See if you can do that tomorrow for school he doesn't have to get up. Did Aunt Stacey already fix you a plate?"
"No, she got a call from Uncle JJ so she's off boo-loving on him via FaceTime, I'm starvin' like Marvin I already washed my hands."
I leaned down smelling his hands. "Yes, you did go sit at the table I'll make you a plate. I'm going to put peas on your plate I want you to eat them."
"I don't prefer peas. I want broccoli. Broccoli!"
"Thaddeus did I ask you what you prefer? I did not." I set his plate down. "Say grace and eat all of your food. I want to see a happy plate."
"….Amen."
Mary took my plate out my hand. "Mercedes sit down; I'll make your plate you did a lot today. How did you think the interview went?"
"I think it well, the questions were great, the audience I felt their vibes, in all I think it was a good interview! I can't wait to return to sing my song giving all the people in the audience my CD for free. Thank you."
"TJ I saw that. Stop feeding Conniehey food off your plate, eat your food. How did you think mommy did today on Aunt Unique show?"
"I think you did a great job mommy! I've been waiting for this interview since you were linked to do it! Daddy is going to be proud of you too! When is he getting home?"
"Daddy won't be home for another hour or so you are going to be in bed sleep."
"No, I won't be sleep I want to wait up for him to say good night I don't want to FaceTime him because he is so close to home."
"Me either, I see you ate all of your peas."
He wiped his mouth. "I did. Can I go into the game-room to play a game or is it too late?"
"It's too late munchkin, you and Conniehey go on upstairs I'll be up in a little while to tuck you both in. Tell grandma good night."
"Night grandma thank you for helping me with my homework even after all of these years from being out of school you know your stuff. I love you."
"I love you too TJ and Conniehey. Them together I can't imagine them apart, it's like they're attached at the hip." She sighed. "I didn't get a chance to talk to you about Tank and him calling your phone TJ showed up."
"I probably already told you this I may have not but he doesn't have my main number to my phone he has my old number, he annoys me on this one this one he don't. He will never find this out. After the slip-up with Shane we vetted the others, they're committed to the bit."
"They better be or I'll use my stick. I still have the one I pulled from Sam's yard. I'm not afraid to whack them upside their heads. Seeing as my son finally came to his senses I need a new use for it, he got a girlfriend an already made family I should soon be getting call from them soon that they're engaged and expecting, that Denise she doesn't play I love that about her, her no-nonsense ways will rub off on Stevie help him grow up a little. Then your brother and Stacey they're together, you and Sam my babies are just growing up getting married. Speaking of married, when are you and Sam going to officially tie the knot. Have you picked a date?"
"We haven't picked a date we have two seasons spring or summer, Kurt is already throwing together some patterns for me to look at along with venues." I checked the time on my phone. "It's 9 o'clock TJ needs to be in bed. Mom is you going to fix Sam a plate?"
"Yes, I am, you go tuck TJ in, I'll fix his plate clean up retire to my room call Dwight to fill him on today."
"Thanks mom." I went upstairs I overheard TJ interviewing Conniehey or about to. I peeked in his room.
"So coming up next on the TJ Evans Esquire show it's a great dog because he's my dog, I welcome to the stage! Conniehey Jupiter Evans! This when all of the dogs in the audience bark so Arf Arf. Come on out Conniehey, sit good boy. Would you tell the other dogs what it is like being my dog?"
Arf Arf [It's truly a blessing to be loved on by TJ he's the best owner and only owner I've ever had I love this human right here all of my family including Denise and Mary who aren't really animal people but I'll sway them with my furry sexiness]
"I know you will, you learned from the best. What's a typical day for you like?"
Arf [Well my day consists of eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, trying to score some table food with my charm, sneaking sips out of the toilet bowl with grandma being here she lets me do those sorts of things, waiting for you by the door when I know it's time for you to come home so we can be reunited again.]
"Good question." He turned his head seeing me. "That's all folks and just remember when you see us just say it's my Conniehey and TJ. Mommy how did you like my show?"
"I did love your show it's time for you to say your prayers and in bed, it's late! Way past your bed time." He and Conniehey got on their knees saying prayers. "Amen, night my little prince and my little prince furry guard, sweet dreams."
"Night mommy."
I turned off the light. "Honey I'm home!" Sam shouted.
"Conniehey daddy's home let's go see him."
"T…." I didn't get the J out he was out the room.
Arf [Daddy is home!]
"Baby…hey Conniehey and TJ what is this?" Conniehey was running in circles barking. "You missed me! Ooh I missed the both of you. Hi baby." He pulled me into a hug.
"Hi, are you just putting TJ in his pajamas?"
"No, TJ been in his pajamas for a little over 20 minutes he just hosted his bedtime show, said prayers, I was telling him good night then you announced you were home they came running."
"Conniehey and I just wanted to tell you goodnight daddy, Goodnight."
"You've said goodnight to me TJ you two go back upstairs in bed I'll see the both of you in the morning." Sam gently smacked TJ's bottom. "Give me some sugar. You smell good. You showered without me."
"That I did it was a long day, how about your day?"
"It was great gone over some film, meetings interview looking at our next opponent, anything exciting happen besides the interview. How was your interview?"
"The interview went well! Unique show will be a hit, not saying that because we know her but it's fun, welcoming, she's the Oprah of today. Are you hungry?" We walked into the kitchen.
"Great! I'm a little hungry but I want to catch up with you I can eat and talk." I heated up his plate. "I can't wait to watch it, did TJ get to be on TV, he was talking about it on his way to school this morning."
"Here you go baby. Yeah, she asked him a couple of questions, if the baby is a girl and who would he rather be with Gabby or Jazzy. You know who he said."
"Right, I do his newest boo that's 14 years older than him, Deja." Sam singsong.
"Correct! That boy loves him some Deja, I would say she is his first crush but I believe it was Monica, first now Deja since PawPaw got his number former number one boo, Deja has moved into that slot. Let me pour you something to drink, you want some water or iced tea."
"Iced tea is good anything else exciting happen today?"
"Stacey signed TJ out of school early which we didn't think about its 2 hours from here to Burbank and I've least favorite person ever Tank called my phone your mother answered but this morning after you and TJ left Puck sent me a photo of a mask asking for me to show TJ and Ian it to see if they recognized it."
"Did you show TJ the mask?"
"No, busy day today that slipped its way onto the backburner, I've been meaning to call Puck haven't had a down time until now."
"Let's call him now we can go to the bedroom for some privacy away from lurking ears." Upstairs to the bedroom we went Sam kicked the door closed I called Puck. "Hello Puck, Mr. and Mrs. Evans here, how is everything?
"Hello Sam and Mercedes, everything is everything, great win on yesterday Sam, how was the interview?"
"It went well, right to the chase, Puck where did you get this mask from?"
"Oh, we got that mask on Saturday when Lucky and I were out we came back this guy was trying to gain entry Lucky chased him down ripping the mask off his face."
"Did Lucky recognize who it was?"
"Yes, he did he said his is Reggie he hangs with Tank we believe that he is the one from the playground I got more information one of Tank's baby mother's he killed her he claimed it was self-defense."
"How long ago was this?"
"Her mother said that this was 2 years before he and Mercedes got together, he did a few months they couldn't find much evidence or were there any witnesses so they let him go."
"He killed someone! Hope our PI digs deep into this."
"Wait you guys hired a private investigator? When did this happen?"
"Over the week we talked about it agreed on it, hired the person he's out now digging through his trash or taking pictures his pictures. You know that Tank is out."
"Yeah, I know he popped by here for a visit the gate was left open I didn't harm him I let him be, I feel some kind of way about that, you think your PI is up for teaming up?"
"Probably not he's prefers working alone but this doesn't mean that you and Lucky can't continue to do what you're doing all the information gathered the better. Puck can you come down here this weekend?"
"Yeah, I can why…"
Tuesday…
AJE's POV
Today is my big day! I'm running here hiding my trinkets praying that she doesn't scroll over to the left that's where all my stuff is hidden at behind that thing. Should I do a gesture when I pop up on the screen, maybe I should smile, wave, yawn or do something with my lips. I'll decide when I feel her probing around.
Mercedes POV
This is the day we're not so much going to find if we're having a boy or a girl. "So, who do we all have here today?"
"This is my mom, my sister, and being FaceTimed in is Mercedes mother, Mama Jones."
"Hi there! Wish I could be there with you all but Joshua put down his foot I got to stay put until the gender reveal party."
"Alright we're going to start, alright there is the head, heartbeat, beating around 160 bpm, there is a face oh look the baby is smiling and waving."
"Awww …Sam look at this can we get a photo of this, want to send this to all his or her aunts and uncles." I waved back at the screen. "Hi baby!"
"Yes, you can get a photo I'll print it out, now it's time for the moment of truth will the Evans family be welcoming a little girl or a little boy, turn your heads away from the screen or close your eyes. It's that a tambourine?! Oh no I'm seeing things."
AJE's POV
Dang she spotted my tambourine! Uh-oh here she comes let me open up my legs and be cooperative my friend in the womb over there that was breech told me she gave her people a fit because she was so stubborn it took them a few tries to find out she had a wee-wee or not. Open my legs!
Mercedes POV
"Did you just say a tambourine?!" Sam raised his head. "Sam you heard that right my ears aren't playing tricks on me."
"Yeah, I heard it too, Azimio you recording this?"
"I am, to show to TJ once he gets home from school."
"It wasn't a tambourine…wait is that a washboard?" She took off her glasses holding them up towards the light. "I need to clean my lens or get my prescription check! Okay, I know what it is, Stacey it's in this envelope, and do you have the will power to not peek?"
"Oh yes, I have the will power I've been out for so long I didn't even play with myself until JJ came along!"
"Stacey!"
"What? It's the truth! I won't look I'm going to take this right to the bakery and let them design the cake with the filling."
"So, when is her due date?"
"Anytime from Mother's Day to May 28th here are your sonogram pictures. She's waving."
"And this one she's displaying a frown I think I know the reason of this one you spoke in Na'vi Sam I don't think you're going to convert this child into this language."
"She still has a few more months on the inside I'll win her over." AJE kicked.
"Any questions for me?"
"Sure is there any pills to give Mercedes to get her in the mood, I've been without for a minute I've been handling my own balls do you have any suggestions?"
Future…
Tank's POV
"WAIT! PULL OVER THE DAMN CAR….THERE SHE GO RIGHT THERE! HEY! OVER HERE!"
Stevie's POV
"Yeah, Denise won't find my games and stuff in there." I closed the door. "This is the 4th time this person called me. What the hell is going on? Why is this person talking to Tank?"
"Say that again Stevie!"
"Listen." I put the phone on speakerphone.
"Tank I'm not telling you a damn thing! Why are you taking me to…."
Denise ran into the bedroom picking up my hatchet set. "Denise where are you going?! Why you got my hatchet?"
"Let's go Stevie here is our chance to go slice his ass up that person is doing us a huge favor by calling your phone, I already sent out the signal for Santana and Mary to meet us up there. I just need to grab something out the closet."
"No, no, no…"
She opened the closet I lowered my head. "JT STEVIE EXPLAIN THIS THEN WE CAN GO CUT SOMETHING."
A/N: Who the hell is the person beats me? I've been clowning today so that's the reason behind the late release. Until tomorrow iamJLS….