For the rest of the evening, I would dance with no one but her, unwilling to let her out of my reach for even one song. Blinking itself was my enemy as I couldn't seem to take my eyes off her. I was aware of the message of refusal and neglect this sent to every other noblewoman, but I couldn't have cared less.
Neither of us spoke for some time. We were both afraid to ruin the moment with words that paled in comparison to the music... the magic. Our eyes spoke for us, singing as we danced, whispering secrets only we could know, making up for lost years by simply staring, looking, breathing in.
We forgot who spoke first the moment s/he did so, and our words ran together with our music. We talked of everything and nothing. We were always and never surprised. We were vigilant and oblivious. Ecstatic and totally at peace. Certain and confused. Fused as one and looking for even more. We were familiar and brand new.
We were omniscient and clueless.
The last song silenced us. It was ours. A Tale Amongst the Dragons. I hummed along, and Ursa drank in my murmered voice. However often we would imply it, remind each other of it with a glance, we would never speak of that night in the rafters. We never confessed to our masks because we knew we didn't have to, and yet neither of us would refer to it openly, not even to tell our children. Was it too sacred to speak of? Or too stained?
Gliding onto one of the many balconies as the last notes rang, we went to watch the soon-to-begin fireworks. No noble dared to join us on our balcony, but their stifling gaze burned at our backs. The fire ceased to hurt once Ursa smiled at me.
His hand brushed my cheek, careful, afraid to break me. He didn't speak, he couldn't, but his gaze, more tender and vulnerable than it had ever been, said more than he ever had. I'd been called beautiful many times and by many other before, but that was the first time I truly felt it.
There was so much I wanted to say to her, so much I wanted to show her, but we both knew I couldn'tkeep the promises a kiss-or even those three words-would've made. My future and life, as the Fire Lord'sson, was not mine to give.
She knew, she understood, and she trusted me as no one else ever had-or ever would. She turned from me to the balcony'srail and shook her head in awe.
"Were you really supposed to dance with Li Mei?" she asked, for some reason still in disbelief from a previous comment.
"Yes," Ozai answered cautiously, concerned, racking his mind for some explanation, somehow sensing what I'd never told him. "Why? Did she-"
I merely explained her social status at the academy and already-legendary reputation for beauty among the noblemen.
Ozai frowned his little half-scowl and managed to find a flaw in the face of my former bully that had never entered my mind.
"Her jawline's too sharp."
And it was true! Her jaw sloped with a blade that ruined the proportions of perfection, revealed the harshness of her spirit.
So I laughed, and I couldn't stop laughing. Tears stung my eyes as I cracked up, startling the already confused prince. His eyebrows shot up, and I had to balance myself on the balcony rail, sides splitting.
"I'm sorry, it's just... You saw that imperfection in one glance, and I never realized it in all the years I've known her."
At the time, she admired my perception. Eventually, she'd realize that I found fault everywhere I looked... except in her. I already knew it, and I already knew that she saw the good in everyone... even when she shouldn't.
Even in me.
"I'm surprised you're still awake," I confessed, sending a pointed look to the stars. Ozai rose and set with the sun; staying up one extra minute made him crankier than Azulon.
"You're not the only one..." A chorus of giggles rang from another balcony, and he glared at the noblewomen culprits. "They disgust me."
"Then why do you come?" I asked.
Knowing he didn't do anything he didn't want to unless it offered him some advantage, knowing there was a reason for everything he did beyond mere duty.
"To break free of monotony," he answered after a pause where he met my gaze, "though this is becoming monotonous as well. I can't bear another day of this 'season,' and it's barely begun.
As usual, he raved against the hypocrisy. He raved against his regal cage.
With her warm smile and gentle gaze, Ursa forced me to break down and vent about the past few months, my father'sdismissal, and my sentence to a luxurious, maddening house arrest. At last, Ireleased all the anger I could without firebending, and the first fireworks burst in the sky.
"Is that Azulon lighting them?" she asked. It was tradition for him to do so, marking the beginning of the season, even in times of war.
"Yes."
I glanced towards the villa and recalled one of the last conversations we'd had in its garden. Despite the years between those two moment, I pictured and heard it預nd her幼lear as day. We watched the dragon fountain ripple as I mentioned something about my father. Ursa had asked a question calmly, knowingly, and without judgment.
"Do you love him?I asked all those years ago.
"I don't..." he'd hesitated but quickly realized his answer. "No. No I do tilted his head down, eyes closed, as I turned to him. I nodded, cupping his face in my hands and staring at his brow as though I could see the scars his father had left on his memory. When I was four, he saw me make a mistake in one of my bending forms. As punishment, I had to hold that stance from sunrise to sunset, no food, no water, under the blazing sun. When I was five, I made the mistake of showing fear in front of him. As punishment, I was left in the woods for a whole night. He forbade anyone else from coming near me. Rain dropped the temperatures to record lows, and I nearly died. When the Fire Lord finally came for me, I was in tears. I tried to hug him, but he stepped out of my reach, denying me food or shelter for another day and night. 'Fear, my son, is the only reliable way. Fear and suffering, they shall be your teachers.' I heard that phrase leave his lips more than any other, never directed to anyone but me."
I couldn't say anything else after that, clenching my fists and focusing on my breathing, struggling not to explode in a bending rage. Ursa spoke for me, and we stayed in the garden all night, sitting at the fountain's edge as she confessed how much she missed her mother, how her heart still ached from her absence, and how some days felt worse than the day she died.
What's wrong with you? Are you so self-destructive that you ignore one of the happiest moments of your life to dwell on some of the worst...?
I shook myself awake and stepped forward, half behind Ursa and half beside her. She turned away from the display to smile at me, but every other noble was in awe of the fireworks. Wrapping my arms about her, she grinned at the sky's majesty colors while I smirked at the majesty of her.
"Beautiful," he whispered in a way that blinded me to the best fireworks I'd ever seen.
When I regained the ability to move, I turned to him, our faces inches apart, and tried not to drown in his golden eyes.
My lips curled, delighting in her speechlessness, mistakingly believing that she'd frozen, and then her eyes flamed. Her perfectly slender fingers brushed my jaw until they reached my chin.
"My prince," she spoke and gave the words entirely new meaning, somehow even more wondrous than my name, branding herself into my blackened heart and cementing a hold on me for the rest of my life.
His eyebrows shot up as I tugged at his goatee, and that expression meant I couldn't keep laughter from bubbling out. Ozai grinned at my mirth and lifted me off the ground, spinning me in a twirl that allowed me to fly. I drank in the rush as if he were firebending for me again, and he put me down once the fireworks ended.
"Meet me tomorrow," he neither requested nor commanded, kissing my hand without ever breaking our permanent staring contest. "In the garden."
I nodded, neither dazed nor awake, and reminded him that it would probably rain.
"It won't," he promised without his usual arrogance, merely matter-of-fact, and he left the balcony.
My prince, I thought with more fuzzy warmth in my heart than I'd ever thought capable, amazed at how comforting the words were, and at how true. I twirled myself around, grinning, before finally rejoining my cousins with my own mask of calm, politeness, and control. Zhen didn't buy it for a second, but she respected my privacy for the moment. Maylin wanted to question me about every detail about the prince, but she restrained herself as we walked home, not wanting someone else to overhear. In the meantime, my cousin gushed about a naval officer named Lee. They'd met during dinner and danced three songs together. Zhen and I laughed at her glee, and she was so wrapped up in her own day dreaming that she fell asleep still talking.
I fell asleep with cheekbones and gold eyes on my brain.
And our song ringing in my ears.
P.S. Li Mei is Mai's mom.