A/N: Sorry about the delay. Until a few days ago I was without a laptop charger and unable to edit this chapter, so I'm sorry about that. Also, I know I said Andrea, Sharon, and Andy would all be in this chapter. But after editing, that changed and is no longer the case. Hopefully y'all enjoy the chapter still. Thanks so much for sticking with me and this story!
9.
Andrea stripped off her tee shirt as she walked into the master bath, pulling it above her head and then tossing it towards the hamper on the other side of the room. She placed her cell phone down on the vanity and walked over to the tub, grabbing a lavender scented bath product from a drawer on the way. She'd sent Sharon a text message about ten minutes before deciding to have a soak in the tub, and now she was planning on relaxing with candles and a bubble bath while she waited for Sharon to call her. It was only Tuesday, but she felt the weight of the week on her shoulders like it was already Friday. She needed a little pick-me-up, a boost to her energy and mood alike, and a soothing bath always worked wonders for Andrea. Plus, she was surrounding herself with the scent of lavender and would find peace in the fragrance that Sharon normally smelled of whenever she stayed with Andrea.
Andrea sat down and reached over to turn on the water and prepare her bath. The sound of water rushing out of the faucet and into the fiberglass tub had an instant effect on her; her spine loosened and her shoulders lowered. Nothing quite compared to slipping into a tub of heated water and shutting her eyes to her surroundings, and she was looking forward to the serene quiet that she would be able to enjoy soon. After she finished pouring in the liquid that would create the rich foam that added to the delight of taking a bath, Andrea stood up and padded across the bathroom on bare feet. The tiles were cool, just like the air still was, and she wore only a pair of exercise shorts and a sports bra.
Humming to herself, Andrea went into one of the vanity drawers and searched through the odd mix of items for her lighter. Not finding it, Andrea shut the drawer and searched the other, once again not seeing it. Her humming stopped as she raked her fingers through her hair with both hands and spun around, looking towards the door that led to her bedroom. Then she remembered leaving the wand on the dresser the other night when she lit a few candles in her room. She let her hair fall down against her shoulders, making a mental note to clip it up after she lit the candles, and then went to retrieve the lighter from her bedroom.
Once the candles were lit and her hair was up, Andrea reached down to test the water that had filled up half of the tub. She swished her hand around and sighed, twisting the knobs a little to adjust the temperature to make it a bit warmer. She stood from the tub and brought over a few towels, for when she got out and to rest her head on while she was relaxing, and then grabbed her phone so that it would be there when Sharon called. A small smile crept onto her face when she thought of Sharon calling, and she checked to make sure she hadn't missed her call while getting everything ready. The sound of Sharon's voice would add a nice touch to the tranquility she was after.
When the bath was close to being ready, Andrea pulled off her sports bra and added it to the hamper. She rolled her shoulders and reached behind her to rub the spot between her shoulder blades that was always a little tense after a hard workout at the gym. Hooking her fingers in the waistband of her shorts, Andrea went to remove those too but stopped, hearing the sound of her doorbell ringing over the rush of water. She groaned in her throat; it was nearly nine-thirty at night, so she hadn't any clue who would be coming by that late, but she was already annoyed with them.
Andrea quickly shut the water off and grabbed a robe from the back of the door, hurrying to the front of the house as she closed it around her body and searched for the belt to tie it around her waist. She reached the door before discovering the belt was missing. She held it tightly in place instead and looked out through the peephole in the wood door to see who was on the other side of it. Not seeing anyone, Andrea frowned and was about to turn around when she heard a noise come from outside. So she looked again and felt a warmth spread through her body as she recognized the side of a familiar face.
She made quick work of the locks and yanked the door open. The woman on the other side jumped slightly, her hand to her chest as her head jerked up from the phone in her hand.
Sharon let out a soft puff of air and let her hand fall. Her lips twisted into an odd smile as she stuck her hands into her pockets with her phone and looked at Andrea. "I was calling you."
"When I said for you to call me, I meant when you got home. What are you doing here?" Andrea asked as she raked her eyes over Sharon and chuckled lightly in her throat. She blended into the night with her all black attire, but her green eyes soaked up the porch light's gleam and shone brightly behind Sharon's glasses.
Sharon's eyes were running along Andrea's body as well, an eyebrow raised as she met Andrea's eyes and cleared her throat. "You wanted me to call you, so I knew you would be awake. I was closer to your house than my place when I received your text, so I, I thought that..." Sharon licked her lips and dipped her head from one side to the other with a small shrugging motion.
Andrea laughed at the awkward and totally Sharon movement and let a grin take over her face, pulling at her cheeks and spilling out unadulterated joy. She stepped back, still holding her robe closed with the hand that wasn't wrapped around the door handle. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what I wanted to talk to you about wasn't anything serious. You didn't have to come here for that."
Sharon hummed and walked into the dark house that was only lit by the light from the other side of the shutting door. "I wanted to see you," Sharon said simply, taking off her jacket while looking around the foyer and to the living room.
"I was in the bathroom," she shared, answering the silent question. "I was about to take a bath."
Sharon hung her jacket in the coat closet slowly, and Andrea watched her silently. She looked tired, perhaps even more tired than Andrea was feeling. Sharon leaned her hand against the wall and lifted up one foot to unzip her boot and then did the other, and then those too were placed in the closet. Sharon was tidy and organized, and Andrea had always been intrigued by small things she did – like how she neatly placed her shoes on the rack and then straightened out the ones Andrea had put there herself before closing the closet door.
"Let me make you some tea," Andrea said as she started walking to the kitchen. "Or would you like a glass of wine? Maybe some whiskey?"
Sharon followed her past the living room and into the kitchen, switching on the lights when Andrea walked past them without doing so. "Hmm. Is that an invitation to stay?"
Andrea smiled, her back to Sharon as she reached for a glass. An invitation to stay the night usually did come when she offered Sharon a drink at a late hour, but it honestly hadn't crossed her mind at that moment. However, once the idea was in her head, she knew that if Sharon wanted to stay that she would welcome Sharon into her bed without hesitation. It had to be what Sharon wanted, though.
"Rusty's gone to sleep already. He said he has an early start in the morning and he had a headache."
"You spoke to Rusty?" Sharon questioned in a surprised tone.
"I called the house phone before texting you. He said you were with Andy, so I spoke to him for a little while before texting you so I didn't interrupt your - -" Andrea paused, considering the word 'date' but then remembering the tired look on Sharon's face that made her think that maybe that wasn't why she had been with Andy, "- - time with him." Sharon hummed, and Andrea turned around to face her, back against the counter. She rested her hands beside her and her robe fell open, revealing a long, vertical strip of skin down the middle of her upper body. "It's late, you're already here. So, if you wanted it to be, that was an invitation for you to stay."
"No to the drink – thank you, though – but yes, I would like to spend the night with you." Sharon looked at Andrea thoughtfully for a moment, her lips pressed tightly together as she studied Andrea. "If that's not too much for you, of course. That's not the only reason I came here. I don't want you to–"
Andrea waved her hand dismissively. "Since when do I need an explanation for why you're here? I'm more than happy to have you here, just for a cup of tea or for the night, as long as it's what you want."
Sharon nodded her head slightly, walking towards the refrigerator. "What you said about getting in the way of my relationship with Andy..." Sharon looked meaningfully at her, eyebrows raised as she trailed off.
"Is you spending the night with me going to be an issue?" Andrea asked. She wouldn't take back her invitation regardless of what Sharon's answer was, but she would add this to the mental list she'd been composing the last few days – last few months, really – of things she need to be more careful with.
"No," Sharon responded easily, answer simple. Andrea tilted her head and lifted an eyebrow, and Sharon shook her head, smiling lightly. "I want to be here with you tonight. I need it." She pulled the freezer door towards her and sighed softly. "I understand that you don't want to cause any unnecessary friction between Andy and I, so I wouldn't purposely do something that would result in you thinking you have."
Sharon pulled out a small carton of cookie dough ice cream and held it up so Andrea could see. "Ice cream instead of alcohol," Andrea mused, turning to get a spoon out of the silverware drawer. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a long night?"
Sharon closed the door with her hip and took the spoon that was handed to her. "What do you mean?"
Andrea tilted her head to the ice cream Sharon was opening. "Something's on your mind. I know the signs, and you're eating ice cream, so it's not anything good."
Sharon rolled her eyes as she dug the spoon into the carton, leaning against the bar while looking at Andrea. "Didn't you say something about taking a bath?" She slowly swept her eyes over Andrea, lingering where the robe was open, and dampened her lips before tearing her gaze away and focusing on the ice cream in front of her. "Don't let me get in the way of your plans for the night. I can entertain myself for a little while."
"Or you can join me," Andrea said, smirking when Sharon's eyes snapped back up to look at her. She laughed and pushed herself away from the counter. Sharon stared at Andrea with a bit of color flushing her cheeks, and Andrea moved over to Sharon so she could whisper into her ear. "In the bathroom, I meant."
Sharon pushed Andrea's side and let out a shaky breath. "I knew what you meant." Her cheeks still visibly warmed.
Andrea hummed, grinning as she stole Sharon's spoon and a mouthful of the ice cream. Sharon's hand lingered on her bare skin, and she was trying to ignore how Sharon's touch made heat roll through her body in heavy waves. That warmth, though, only increased when Sharon licked her lips while watching Andrea pull the spoon from between her own.
Andrea cleared her throat and returned the spoon to the ice cream, moving away from Sharon to put some distance between them. "Uhm." She pulled at her robe and then decided to pull it close over her body. Andrea had never had any problems being undressed around Sharon. She was comfortable in her skin and stopped looking at the body as something purely sexual a long time ago. But there was something undeniably sexual about the way she reacted to Sharon, and she knew it was best to get control of herself while she still could.
Sharon straightened up and averted her eyes. "Bath, Andrea. Go take it."
"Right."
. . .
After sending Rusty a text message to let him know where she was, Sharon turned off the kitchen light and made her way to Andrea's bedroom. She passed the framed black and white prints that hung on the cream walls in the hallway, photographs taken by Andrea while visiting various places around the world, and entered the dimly lit bedroom. Her eyes immediately focused on the open bathroom door, but she headed towards the closet on the other side of the room instead of following the magnetic pull that tried bringing her to Andrea.
"Did you have dinner?" Sharon heard as she opened the door to the walk-in closet.
Sharon looked over her shoulder, feeling that pull like an actual tug this time. She took in a deep breath and counted down from five before letting it out. "It's nearly ten o'clock."
"Not what I asked you."
Sharon rolled her eyes affectionately and turned back to the closet, giving her answer before walking in and pulling the string for the light. "I did not have dinner, no."
Andrea hummed and there was a long pause before she spoke again. "Would you like me to make you something after I finish in here?"
Sharon pushed through the few suits and dresses she had in Andrea's closet and picked out a pantsuit that was paired with a lilac blouse. She walked over to the bathroom after laying it on the bed, breathing in the calming scent of lavender with a knowing smirk on her lips. Andrea had been thinking about her, had missed her, and she knew that only from the scent that floated in the air. She'd driven from the batting cages to Andrea's house without hesitation, knowing that she needed to be with her – in a sense, she had needed to recharge after the conversation she had with Andy. So knowing that Andrea had been thinking about her, it made her feel as though she had made the right choice showing up at Andrea's house.
She leaned against the doorjamb with her head tilted to the side. Andrea was facing away from her, her arms draped over the edges of the tub. "I'm not hungry, but thank you," she told Andrea quietly, not wanting to destroy the peaceful atmosphere.
"If you change your mind, let me know."
Andrea turned her head sideways and smiled at her. It was an easy smile that grew slowly, the kind that made Sharon's heart beat with a little extra force. It was her smile, the smile Andrea gave to Sharon and nobody else. Sharon smiled back automatically, unable to hide how much she adored the woman looking at her. She could feel all her emotions racing forward, ready to be released, wanting to be set free so Andrea knew how deeply she was loved.
Not yet, she reminded herself. On the way to Andrea's house Sharon had thought about how best to not only bring up her own feelings but how to find out exactly what Andrea's were. Part of her wanted to confirm what she already knew so that she could smooth things out with Andy, but there was a much larger part of Sharon that was hoping – hoping more than she had in months – that she was wrong. It was hard to believe she was, especially with Andrea constantly pushing her towards Andy, even if she was doing so subtly and because she was trying to make sure Sharon went after what Andrea believed her heart wanted. But, she did, she hoped more than she knew she should.
"How about you come in here and keep me company," Andrea requested, and Sharon pushed herself off the doorframe and walked into the bathroom without hesitation.
. . .
Andrea swished her hand in the water and then brought it up to the bubbles, collecting some of them on her fingers. "I spoke to my father earlier today," Andrea said while glancing up and flicking the white foam towards Sharon.
Sharon's eyes crinkled at the edges as she let out a small laugh, and Andrea let her body sink lower into the water as she looked at Sharon. Most of the bubbles floated back down to the tub like fluffy snow, but a few fell on Sharon's thigh. She swept her fingers through them and flicked them to the tub herself. She settled against the wall, one leg stretched out on the tiled area that surrounded the tub, the other bent at the knee with her bare foot resting on the bath mat, and hummed. She was starting to look more relaxed, some of the tiredness from when she arrived having left her eyes, Andrea noticed with a pleased smile.
"And how is Avi doing these days?" Sharon questioned softly, leaning her head back against the soft-gray tiled wall.
"We spent most of the conversation talking numbers." Andrea shrugged her shoulders a little. "Stock," she said needlessly, knowing Sharon already knew what she had meant. "He gained 40 thousand, lost 25 somewhere else. For a man who started with nothing, it still astonishes me that he makes losing thousands of dollars in a matter of seconds seem like he's dropped pocket change on the street."
"Investing is..."
"Fancy gambling," Andrea grumbled, rolling her eyes. Sharon's mouth quirked at the corner. They'd had this conversation many times before. Avraham Hobbs' way of making a little extra money had turned into his main source of income over the last decade, and Andrea often worried about him investing too much or doing so without making smart decisions. "Anyway. The bookstore was featured in an article that talked about the top places to bring young children. He said that profits for the third quarter were more than double what they have been for the past two years, so that was really great hearing."
"Oh, that's wonderful. It'll soon be the fortieth year since they opened doors, won't it?"
Andrea hummed, nodding her head with a small smile. She felt a burst of warmth in her chest whenever Sharon made comments that proved she not only listened but paid attention to the things Andrea shared with her.
"I think my mother would be happy to know the store is still doing well. I'm sure that's the only reason he keeps it open, you know, for her. He never did show much interest in it until she had passed away. Everybody knew he had only opened it to make her happy – put almost everything we had into making her dreams come true."
Andrea's mother, Catherine Hobbs, had had such a great love for books when she was alive and a need to share that love with those around her. Books were like magic, Andrea remembered being told as a young child, and they could take you on hundreds of journeys without you having to leave the comfort of your home. The bookstore had been more like a second home to Catherine Hobbs than a place of business. Kids from the neighborhood would come at the end of their school days for story time or to pick out new books to buy and bring home, and Andrea's mother would talk and talk about literature until it was time to close for the day. Afterwards, she would bring the conversations to Andrea before their nightly reading routine began.
"You're a lot like him," Sharon said thoughtfully, and Andrea laughed.
"My father and I are nothing alike," she denied.
Sharon raised a challenging eyebrow. "Oh, no?! You learned how to love from him, Andrea. You love like him," she said, stressing the last sentence as a light flush started to appear on her cheeks. "You say it yourself all the time how he always put making your mother happy above everything else. Isn't that the same thing you do?"
Andrea held Sharon's gaze, feeling the weight of her words like a ton of bricks low in her belly. She didn't know why, but what Sharon said sounded like an accusation. It also sounded like she was daring Andrea to prove her wrong.
Sharon let out a slow breath and looked away, letting her hand dip into Andrea's bath water. "That's how you are with me, at least," she said softly.
"I guess you have a point there," Andrea agreed slowly, moving her leg so it brushed against Sharon's hand. Sharon hummed and glanced up at Andrea while letting her fingers purposely run up Andrea's shin, tracing a line up to her knee.
"If I wanted a bookstore, Andrea–"
Andrea leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "If you wanted a bookstore, we'd be out looking at locations before the week was up."
Sharon laughed and pushed Andrea's leg away from her. Andrea didn't laugh, because in a way she was being serious. Not about bookstores – not about purchases of any kind – but about giving Sharon what she wanted. Andrea meant it, always meant it, and so she didn't laugh. She let her heart beat faster than it should as she listened to the sound of Sharon's hand idly moving through the sudsy water.
"While I appreciate the offer, that isn't what I was going to say. What I was going to say was, if you thought I wanted a bookstore, I wouldn't want you to give up everything to make sure I could have it. I would prefer finding a way to make sure you didn't have to lose anything in the process of making me happy."
Andrea peeked one eye open. Sharon wasn't looking at her, but she could tell she was thinking hard on something. "Are we still talking about bookstores?" Andrea wondered aloud.
Sharon gave her a small shake of her head, but she did not elaborate.
"When you texted me earlier, you said there was something you wanted to talk about," she prompted instead, changing the course of their conversation.
Andrea sighed a little, but she didn't push Sharon to explain what was going on in her head. She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. The foamy bubbles slid down her back and she shivered, resting her head on the tops of her knees as she looked at Sharon, breasts pushed against her thighs.
"About my phone call, actually. My dad reminded me that I told him last year that I would be going home this Thanksgiving – and I know we usually spend the holiday together if we're not working."
"Oh," Sharon said breathily. She sounded relieved, surprised. She wiped her wet hand on her thigh and then readjusted, looking at Andrea with a warm smile. "You're going to spend some time with your family. That should be nice." Andrea hummed in somewhat agreement. "Were you worried I'd try to keep you here with me?" she teased, a laugh mixing into her words.
Andrea listened to the sound bounce off the walls for a moment before she shook her head in the negative. "The reason I wanted to talk to you was because I didn't even know what your plans were this year, and I hadn't realized that until my father asked if I would still be flying over there."
"What do you mean you didn't know my plans? Of course you know what my plans were, Andrea. Like you said, we spend that day together," she said naturally, her brow furrowing just a bit. "Early dinner here, hike to our usual spot to watch the sunset, come back for dessert, and then we'd most likely watch a movie or two that Rusty will complain about endlessly but be absorbed–"
"Andy." Andrea felt a painful tug in her chest as she blurted out his name and wiped off the nostalgic smile that had taken over Sharon's face. "I thought you might want to spend this Thanksgiving with him. We didn't talk about it–"
"Because I hadn't considered it," Sharon said honestly, frowning as she rubbed her hands down her thighs.
"Well, I didn't want to be presumptuous and think that you were still planning on being with me for the holiday. So I had to ask."
Sharon tilted her head, her eyes dimming, her frown deepening. "You're going to New York for Thanksgiving, though, so I guess what I had planned on doing doesn't make much of a difference now."
Andrea closed her eyes, sighing into her knees as she lowered her head. Should she tell Sharon the reason she had wanted to talk to her was because she wanted to know if Sharon and Rusty would like to join her? Or should she just forget that she had even let the idea cross her mind?
"I don't think Andy and I will be spending Thanksgiving together," Sharon said after a few silent moments, and Andrea lifted her head back up to look at Sharon. Sharon looked...sad and tired, just like she had when Andrea let her into the house. "In fact, I've been thinking that Andy and I might not be able to make our relationship work anymore."
"What?" Andrea tried not to sound so surprised, but the word rushed out of her like air leaving a balloon that had been popped by something pointy. "I mean, what happened?" she asked in a softer voice, concerned.
"We spoke about a few things earlier in the night. While I drove here, I did a lot of thinking and..." Sharon shook her head and covered her mouth while clearing her throat. "I think it's unfair of me to expect him to understand, well, quite a few things, things I don't think will change but I believe will continue to be an issue for–"
"Things?" Andrea reached out and took Sharon's hand, waiting for the other woman's eyes to meet her own before she squeezed and brushed her wet finger over hard bones. "What things? What's going on?"
Sharon opened her mouth, her eyes appearing to be distant although she faced Andrea. However, she did not say anything. She shut her mouth and swallowed, a strangled sound forming in her throat instead of words.
"Is it..." Andrea swallowed, too, loudly, her eyes dropping down to their hands. Their hands, laced together now, Sharon's fingers holding on tight to hers. Their hands, placed on Sharon's lap as she sat outside of the tub while Andrea sat naked inside of it. Their hands, connected, like they were, together, always together, wrapped in one another, nearly inseparable. "Oh," she breathed out, slowly moving her eyes up to Sharon's face.
Andrea started pulling her hand away from Sharon, and Sharon's eyes widened, her grip tightening on Andrea's fingers. "Please don't," she whispered, her breath suddenly shaky. "Please. Don't do that." Her plea was heavy, her eyes full of emotions that swirled together in the deep pools of green too quickly for Andrea to make a complete list of them in her mind. But Andrea saw it, the pain, the hurt, and she let her hand stay in Sharon's and squeezed back with just as much force as Sharon was.
"What - -" Andrea cleared her throat and took a steadying breath, looking down at their hands once again and feeling guilty, feeling as though she was doing something she shouldn't even though all she was doing was holding Sharon's hand because her friend needed it.
"I'm suddenly feeling very tired," Sharon said, closing her eyes and removing her glasses with the hand that wasn't holding on to Andrea's.
"Okay," Andrea said, understanding what Sharon wasn't saying. They weren't going to talk about it, they wouldn't be discussing her conversation with Andy. Usually Andrea was certain they would just revisit topics like these at a later time, but there was something about how exhausted Sharon looked, how sad her eyes had been, that made Andrea think this was something Sharon didn't want to discuss at all. "Do you still want to stay–"
"I wouldn't have driven here if I didn't want to spend the night with you, Andrea. Please..."
Andrea ignored her nakedness as she moved to her knees in the tub. The air was warm enough and her mind was preoccupied, so she barely noticed the goose bumps that broke out on her skin as she brought her wet hand to Sharon's face without hesitation and caressed her cheek. In that moment she stopped thinking about being too much, doing too much, and she read the signs that Sharon was giving her. She chose to draw the line at times for Sharon's benefit, always at times she thought it would be best for Sharon. But right then, with Sharon's pained expression and hand holding hers tight tight tight, Andrea knew pulling back wasn't what was best for Sharon. That wasn't what Sharon needed.
"Come here," she whispered, sliding her hand down Sharon's neck, moving it to curve behind her. "Come here," she said more urgently, pulling Sharon towards her, embracing her, their hands only separating when Sharon pulled her own away to clutch Andrea's naked, wet shoulder. Sharon's clothed body pressed into hers, leaning down so they could be as close as possible. The water on her skin bled through Sharon's shirt, and Sharon's warmth wrapped around her, blew against her skin as Sharon exhaled and pulled her tighter.
. . .
It was much later in the night when Sharon finally felt like she could breathe properly. They were in the bed, dressed and under the covers, facing one another while on their sides. Andrea was studying her face, tracing the lines that etched her skin like she could read them to figure out what was wrong with Sharon. She doubted Andrea could tell, but she knew Andrea would find a way to make her at least feel more comfortable in that moment – just as she had in the bathroom without Sharon having to tell her anything. She had needed that hug, had needed it since before she arrived, and somehow Andrea had known that. Andrea often figured out what she needed – but sometimes she overthought things and ended up taking away what she wanted in order to give Sharon what Andrea thought she needed.
"Is that why you're here? Because of your conversation with Andy?" Andrea asked softly, brushing Sharon's hair behind her ear and then letting her hand settle on the bed between them.
"In a sense – but I'm here because I wanted to be with you." In the quiet bedroom, there were never any reasons to hold back in the past. Their bedrooms had been where they could forget about everything else, about other people's opinion on their friendship, about stressors, about...everything. Sharon felt safe enough in Andrea's bed to let her heart be open, to be vulnerable, to let Andrea see the conflicting emotions that battled inside of her. "I came to your house because of the conversation I had with Andy, but I'm in your bed because I needed the comfort. I needed you."
Andrea's eyes shut and she breathed in slowly. Sharon lifted her hand from the bed and gently ran the back of her fingers over Andrea's cheek, her skin warm and smooth. Andrea exhaled her breath loudly, letting it puff out against Sharon's hand.
"I don't know how to do this," she said in a small voice, her eyes squeezed tightly.
Sharon brushed her thumb at the edge of Andrea's eye and down her cheek as she asked, "Do what?"
"I want to hold you," Andrea said softly, letting her eyes open. Sharon's breath rushed out when she noticed how grayish-blue eyes glittered in the moonlit room, unshed tears making them wet. "I want to comfort you in ways I'm used to – I want to be able to touch you and hug you without feeling like I'm disrespecting your relationship with Andy."
Sharon's heart ached in her chest, like someone was squeezing it in their fist. She realized she had probably made a mistake showing up at Andrea's house. It was selfish of her, and now she could see how she was hurting Andrea. She needed to be with Andrea, but Andrea needed the opposite. Andrea needed space. Andrea needed–
Andrea sniffed, but Sharon realized that it was her whose eyes started to release tears. Her heart was full and heavy in her chest, and her mind was racing with thoughts. The closer she and Andy would get, the more space Andrea would want to put between the two of them. It did not matter if Andy accepted Sharon's feelings for Andrea, or if Andy and she could somehow make it through this rough patch. Andrea wasn't comfortable being so close to her when she was dating someone else, and that scared Sharon. She worried that Andrea would keep pushing her to Andy, would keep stepping back for the sake of Sharon's happiness. She worried that one day Andrea would be more a memory, a ghost, than the best friend who was always there in her life. It was just a thought, the worst outcome out of a long list of possibilities her mind had come up with, but that did not stop her from releasing a small sob as her eyes stung and tears slid down either side of her face while she rolled over to her back.
"Sharon?" Andrea lifted up on her arm, looking at her with concern.
Sharon couldn't look back at her. She rubbed her hand across her face, wiped roughly at her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice cracking a little, furiously wiping her face.
"Hey," Andrea said sweetly, grabbing one wrist, bringing her hand down to the mattress, and then going for the other. "What are you apologizing for? What's wrong?"
Sharon let out a heavy breath. A short mirthless laugh followed it as she blinked away the tears in her eyes and looked up at the ceiling, feeling Andrea's eyes on the side of her face. "I shouldn't have come here. I wanted to see you, but I didn't consider that you might not want the same thing."
Andrea's hand loosened on her wrist slowly, and then she released it completely to sit up in the bed. She switched the light on, and Sharon turned away from her and slid her hand over her face. "No, don't do that to me, Sharon." Andrea put her hand on Sharon's shoulder, but she didn't turn her herself. "Please look at me. I want to talk to you."
"Andrea."
She sighed. "Honey, I'm not going to talk to your back." Sharon took several moments to just breathe before she rolled back over, her eyes focused on Andrea's lap instead of her friend's face. "Now, why would you think I don't want to see you?"
Sharon licked her lips and closed her eyes. "That isn't exactly what I meant."
"Then tell me what you meant," Andrea requested softly.
Sharon felt a small finger brush against her hand, which she had bunched the sheet in. Sharon relaxed her hand slowly, and Andrea's finger traced the side of it until Sharon opened her hand up and Andrea could wrap hers over it. She breathed in, allowing herself to find that peace she felt with Andrea, that warmth that soothed her. She allowed her thoughts to be quieted by the mere presence of the other woman.
"You made your needs explicit – space, boundaries..."
"That didn't mean I didn't want you to come here anymore, or that you aren't welcomed here. And it certainly didn't mean that I don't want you here, Sharon. When I said I'm more than happy to have you here with me, I meant that."
"Then what – I don't like upsetting you, and I–"
"You haven't," Andrea insisted, squeezing her hand. "Look at me."
"Andrea," Sharon whispered, like a plea, although she opened her eyes and looked at Andrea, into her deep, deep eyes.
"If I'm upset with anyone, it's myself for not being able to find the right balance between being your support and stepping back to allow you the chance to be happy with Andy." Andrea raked her fingers through her hair and bit her lip, breathing out through her nose. "You've done nothing to upset me."
"I really wish you would stop saying that," Sharon said softly, pulling her hand away from Andrea's so she could sit up. Andrea looked confused, and Sharon sighed. "You want me to be happy with Andy. I understand that. I–"
"No, I want you to be happy," she said, her voice laden with deep emotions. "You could choose anybody to be happy with. I just want you to know that I'm fully supportive of whomever you want that person to be as long as they treat you properly."
Sharon groaned out loud, and this time Andrea looked at her with concern in her eyes. Sharon usually didn't get frustrated with Andrea, hardly ever, but she was a bit frustrated in that moment. Perhaps she was more frustrated with herself, though. "I thought you understood this when I told you the other day: you make me happy. You, Andrea. You make me happy."
Andrea stared at her unblinkingly, and Sharon took a chance and lifted her trembling hand to touch her face. Andrea's breath shook as it was released. "I know," she whispered.
Sharon shook her head, running her fingers across Andrea's jawline. She stopped at her chin and sighed, looking down at Andrea's mouth. "You don't, not fully. If you did, you would stop trying to give me space to find happiness I already know he– nobody else can make me feel the way you do."
"Sharon?" Andrea's voice was soft, so very soft, and her eyes were uncertain – but hopeful, hopeful like she knew what Sharon wanted to tell her and she wanted to hear it. She looked hopeful like she knew. Knew. "Are you–"
"Andrea I–" Sharon started saying at the same time Andrea spoke.
They let out small laughs that cut through the tension that was building between them. Andrea reached up and covered Sharon's hand, holding it in her own. "I want to say something to you, Sharon, but I don't want you to respond to it right now."
Sharon's brow furrowed, and her head tilted, but she nodded after a moment. "O-kay."
"I don't want to make any assumptions, but I think I know what you're trying to tell me."
"You do?"
Andrea pressed her lips together, hummed thoughtfully, and then nodded. "I do. I'm almost certain that I know. And if I'm right, it's something you think I might want to hear." Sharon gave her a half-nod, and that hopeful look in her eyes brightened. "But, Sharon, don't. Don't say it."
Sharon's heart had been beating so quickly in her chest that it physically hurt her when it came to a sudden stop and dropped. "Don't," Sharon repeated, pulling her hand away from Andrea's like she and been burnt by it.
Andrea quickly reached for it and pulled it back into her own. "Not yet. If you're about to tell me what I think you're going to tell me, I want you to be sure you want to say it. Because I do, I want to hear what you have to say. I just need you to be sure of it first."
Sharon looked down to their hands, watched Andrea slide her fingers between her own. "Andrea, I'm already sure."
Andrea hummed slowly. "Well, if you're sure, then you need to–"
"Andy," Sharon said.
"Andy," Andrea repeated with a small nod.
to be continued...