A/N: First update for this story of the year! Hopefully y'all think it's a good one. Thanks again, so very much, for the lovely reviews and messages you've sent me.
10.
"You're going to regret not sleeping in the morning."
Andrea had been so lost in her thoughts that it took a while for her to realize that Sharon had spoken to her, that Sharon was awake. It had been so quiet in the bedroom for so long, only the sound of Sharon breathing against her neck. Everything was still, as if time had stopped to allow her the opportunity to work through the thoughts that fought each other for Andrea's attention. Except, Andrea saw when she opened her eyes and the neon lights on her alarm clock told her it was almost two o'clock, time had not stopped at all. She had been laying there for hours, thinking.
She slid across the bed, towards the middle, deeper into Sharon's embrace, and looked over her shoulder to find Sharon's hand. Sharon held it out for her and Andrea slid her palm over the back of Sharon's hand, feeling the pressure of bones gliding across her skin as their fingers weaved their way into each other's. Andrea pulled Sharon's arm around her middle, elbows bent as their clasped hands laid beside Andrea's face. Sharon brushed her nose against the back of Andrea's neck and exhaled softly, moving closer, seeming to bury herself in Andrea and breathe her in all at once. Andrea shut her eyes and let out an answering breath, just as soft, content.
Everything was still once again, quiet, calm. She could sleep. She could listen to the even sounds of Sharon's breathing and let her own follow the pattern of soft inhalations and long exhalations. She could relax, her shoulders loose, her body warm with Sharon behind her. She could - -
"You make me happy."
She couldn't stop thinking!
Andrea shifted, her face pinching around her eyes and mouth. Sharon mumbled against her and slid a leg over Andrea's, holding her close, most likely half-asleep still. Andrea sighed softly and tried relaxing again. She just needed a few minutes of peace in her head and she could drift off. She could still get four hours of sleep – there'd been plenty of nights where even that many was a miracle for her – if her overactive brain would just shut down for a few minutes.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath–
"Nobody else can make me feel the way you do."
Andrea's heart started beating quickly, a war drum, pounding so harshly that she could feel every hard thump. When Sharon caressed her cheek before saying those words, her heart had beat with the same ferocity. It had hammered away at her chest as if trying to break through. Her brain started racing, clicking together pieces, bringing forth memories, reminding her of the way Sharon had looked at Andrea the night she told her about Andy asking her out and had hinted there might be someone else she was more interested in – the same way Sharon had looked at her last Saturday after they left Fernando's house and they sat in Sharon's car, where Sharon had caressed her face in a similar way.
Sharon's hand pulling away from her own made Andrea's attention focus on the present. She didn't quite register what was happening at first, not until after Sharon had guided her to lay on her stomach and she could feel the solid weight of Sharon's body on her butt. Her eyes opened, as did her mouth, but both closed upon feeling Sharon's hands sliding up her back to grab her shoulders.
"How's that?" Sharon questioned as she started to massage Andrea's shoulders. Her voice was raspy from sleep as she spoke, but her hands moved strongly as though she hadn't just woken up, worked into Andrea's flesh and muscles with expert pressure.
"Completely unnecessary," she mumbled into the pillow she was sinking into. Sharon hummed and rolled the heels of her hands in circles, and Andrea groaned quietly. Her body was like putty in Sharon's hands just like that.
A throaty chuckle came from above her, and Sharon shifted and started moving her hands down Andrea's back until she was at the hem of her shirt. She rolled her thumbs on either side of Andrea's spine and slipped her fingers around to Andrea's front and moved in wider circles.
"You've been awake this whole time, haven't you?" Sharon asked her softly, concern evident in her tone. Andrea went to lift her head to look over her shoulder, but Sharon reached up with one of her hands and pushed her back down before she could move all the way. "I'm trying to help you fall asleep. It would be counterproductive if you decided to start moving around while I'm trying to get you to relax."
Andrea sighed loudly, but she smiled as she then took in a long breath and quietly let out a puff of air. "I've been thinking," she whispered.
Sharon snorted. "I could tell."
Sharon leaned over her, pressing her weight down against Andrea's back. "What, did my oh-so-loud thoughts wake you?" she asked, listening to the nightstand's drawer open and Sharon grunt as she stretched her body a bit more.
A moment or two after Sharon had sat back up, Andrea let out a soft breath as her shirt was worked up to her breasts and Sharon's fingers caressed her bare skin. She hissed as lotion was squirted straight onto her skin – she prefered it that way, enjoyed feeling it warm between Sharon's hands and her body – and then stifled a low groan as Sharon started rubbing the scented lotion into her skin. It smelled of melons, sweet but not overpowering, and she breathed in the smell as she relaxed further.
"Thank you," Andrea whispered.
Sharon's hands paused on her back, palms at her ribs. "If you couldn't sleep, Andrea, you know you could have said something to me. I would have done this for you hours ago if I had known you needed it."
Andrea nodded against the pillow, knowing from past experience than Sharon would do what she could to help Andrea with her sleeping issues. "I didn't want to–"
"Uh-uh." Sharon's hands started moving again. "Stop worrying about inconveniencing me," she said seriously, leaving no room for Andrea to argue that that wasn't what she was doing. It wouldn't be worth it trying to deny what they both knew, anyway. "I think you forget sometimes that, just like my well-being is a top priority for you, yours is for me. And, honestly, sweetheart, you're cranky enough in the morning when you get a goodnight's sleep. You're almost impossible when you're sleep-deprived."
"Hey!" Andrea moved her hips and raised up a bit beneath Sharon, throwing her a little off balance. Sharon chuckled quietly and locked her thighs against Andrea's sides.
The room fell silent for a minute, and Andrea breathed in slowly and re-shut her eyes. Sharon's hands started moving in long strokes up from her lower back to her shoulder blades, and then back down to start over the journey once again. Her pressure increased on her upstrokes, working into Andrea's muscles and flesh, and then became featherlight as she let the tips of her fingers flutter downward. And she hummed. Andrea didn't notice it at first, the soft sound in Sharon's throat, but as Andrea started to relax more, started to feel herself drifting closer to the sleep that had been impossible to reach, Sharon's melodic humming became more noticeable. It was low and soothing, and Andrea felt it wrap around her like a safety blanket. Soon it was all she could hear, no thoughts, no outside noises, just the sound of Sharon helping her fall asleep.
. . .
Sharon and Andrea saw very little of each other in the days that followed that very important night. When Sharon arrived to work Wednesday morning, it had been to the news that they had just received an anonymous tip from someone claiming to know where they could find the person responsible for the death of a news anchor whose murder they had been investigating for the last week without any new leads. It was all a blur of phone calls, interviews, manhunts, and paperwork for the next three and a half days. In the back of her mind she knew she needed to talk to Andy about their relationship, but her personal life had needed to take a backseat as the hectic workdays bled into one another and she had so little time for herself. What time she did have she spent trying to sleep enough hours to properly function the next day and catching up with Rusty and her other two children over the phone for a few minutes.
On Thursday Sharon had stepped out for some much-needed fresh air. She had offered to do a lunch run for the team, as everyone was either tied to their phone or already out and on their way back with the suspect they had finally located after searching for over 24 hours. Andrea had sent her a text that morning to see how she was doing and to let her know she would be in and out of meetings that day. Sharon had been about to respond to the text when her phone started ringing in her hand, and she had never remembered to go back and send her a quick response. So while picking up food for her team, she had also ordered something for Andrea, which she got first and walked over to Andrea's office while they continued working on her large order.
Andrea had not been there – had just stepped out two minutes before Sharon arrived, she'd been told – so Sharon tied the bag up and stole a sticky note from Andrea's desk, wrote the DDA's name on it, and then put it in the breakroom. She sent Andrea a text as she walked back to collect the rest of the food she had ordered, letting Andrea know she had brought her over something to eat. And then, as an afterthought while waiting for everything to be bagged for her, she sent another text saying that she hoped Andrea was having a good day and that hopefully they could talk later that night since she had missed Andrea's call the previous night.
However, once again, Sharon found herself unable to take Andrea's call when her cell phone rang and she was in the middle of a conversation with Chief Taylor about the hours they were working and his worries about overtime. She had had a headache by the end of it all, and it was easy to let checking her phone slip her mind when she and everyone around her was working hard on trying to find evidence that connected their cocky suspect to the murder he spoke of with pride but denied having anything to do with.
Friday, Sharon had been in an interview when Andrea stopped by, so she hadn't seen her. But when she stepped out of the room, Andy was waiting for her with a cup in his hand and unreadable expression on his face. She had accepted the cup with a sigh, and before the thanks was even out of her mouth she had known it was not him who had bought the hot drink for her. The fragrant tea was one she liked when she was under a lot of stress, but she knew Andy didn't know that – he usually gave her black tea, which she enjoyed as well but was not her preference. He had told her Andrea stopped by with it, added in that she looked disappointed that she couldn't see Sharon for herself but she had needed to rush out and Sharon had been busy. Sharon felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she leaned against the wall with the cup cradled in her hands, held up to her nose so she could breathe in the soothing scent. Guilt for what, she wasn't exactly sure at that moment, but the look in Andy's eyes saddened her and thinking of every failed attempt Andrea and she had made to get in a little time with each other only worsened that sadness.
Friday night Sharon had fallen asleep as soon as she laid down in bed, her phone clutched in her hand and the clothes she wore not yet taken off. Exhaustion had won a battle she hadn't known she was fighting, and Andrea did not receive the phone call Sharon had planned on making before she went to sleep. When she awoke in the middle of the night with a pain in her neck and a throbbing headache that made her dizzy as she sat up, she checked her phone and noticed that Andrea had tried calling her twice before sending her a text message instead that only told her goodnight. Sharon undressed and showered, and then got dressed for bed properly. She mulled over thoughts that she hadn't time to think about in the daytime hours, thoughts about Andrea and the possibilities that would arise when she ended things with Andy – Andy, she thought about him, too, how he looked at her like he already knew what was going to happen but was just waiting for her to make the decision. She made her headache worse, but soon she was sleeping again and was getting the rest she would need to make it through the next day.
Saturday they had got their confession, and then some. While interviewing their suspect's sister, who had been his alibi and claimed that there was no way her brother could have killed the news anchor when they had been together the entire night, they discovered that there was a connection to their murder victim and the sister. Things started clicking together – an old friendship, lies, threats, cries of ruined lives, and soon they had got the brother to talk when they let him know his sister was on the verge of spilling the truth about how she had been the one to kill the news anchor. It wasn't true, but Sanchez made it sound convincing, and with the way the sister was doing everything to protect her older brother, it wasn't too far-fetched. In the end, it had turned out they were both in on it. The brutal murder had been both of their ideas, and while they said he had been the one to do the actual killing, she had both helped plan what would happen and helped with the cleanup and getting rid of the body.
By the time all their paperwork was finished and everything was done, the team looked exhausted and like they could all use a week-long vacation. "Drinks? I think we could all use one. First round on me," was as close as they were going to get to a vacation, and the room filled with agreeing comments as jackets were donned.
"You coming, Captain?" Provenza asked.
Sharon's eyes flicked over to Andy, who was already looking at her, and then to the rest of the people who were waiting for her answer. She wanted to talk to Andy in private, but she knew he needed a break from everything just as much as the rest of them, and their conversation would be a heavy one. So she nodded her head and tilted her head towards her office. "Yes, yes. I'll just be a minute. Go on without me." They always went to the same place, so there was no reason why she couldn't just meet them there in a little while. Everyone started moving again, and Provenza grumbled something to Andy, and then he, reluctantly, followed the rest of them.
Sharon had called Rusty and spoke to him for a few minutes before she left her office and made her way to the bar. It was late in the evening on a Saturday, so there was a small crowd starting to gather inside. She smiled politely at a few familiar faces and headed to the table she could see the detectives at. The dark wood and low lighting made the space feel cozy and almost intimate, but the loud laughing she hadn't heard come from the people she worked with in days made the atmosphere more fun than the homey-romantic one that it normally had.
A glass of wine was placed in front of her before she had even taken her seat, and she thanked Buzz, who had just arrived with several other drinks for the table. She unbuttoned her jacket and let either side fall open to reveal the cotton shirt underneath. It was Saturday, so she had traded in one of her normal weekday options for comfortable slacks with a fitted shirt. As she settled into the spot Andy had saved for her beside him at their rectangle table – which was really two tables pushed together – she took in a long breath and then released it while reaching for her glass.
"You doing okay?" Andy asked her quietly.
Sharon crossed her legs, careful not to hit her knee on the table, and nodded slowly. "Just tired," she answered honestly, giving him a small smile. She leaned over and bumped her shoulder into his, making his face soften a little for her. "Don't look so concerned, Andy, I'm okay."
Andy looked ready to push on the subject, but then he rubbed at the back of his neck and nodded a little. "It's been one hell of a week."
"And if that isn't the understatement of the year," Sykes said before taking a pull from her beer.
Sharon hummed, catching the other woman's eye before looking back at Andy. On top of the hellish week they had at work, the two of them had had their own personal issues that had been just beneath the surface of the very thin ice they'd skated over all week. Their conversation Tuesday night hadn't been brought up, but Sharon could felt the difference in their relationship, knew he'd been thinking about it. And Sharon had not only their conversation but the one she had with Andrea in the back of her mind, the conversation that had been unfinished because they both wanted to make sure everything was handled in a certain order.
Sharon's phone vibrated in her pocket not too long after she had arrived. Everyone was engrossed in the stories Provenza and Tao were telling – Provenza chuckling and joking around through most of it, Mike throwing in important facts he was leaving out – so Sharon quickly pulled her phone out and checked to see who it was at the table. Andrea's name appeared on the screen.
"Answer it," she heard from beside her, and she looked up to see Andy looking at her with a blank expression on his face.
Sharon's finger had been hovering over the screen, she realized. She looked down to the phone and shook her head. "I'll send her a text and let her know that I'm out with you– with all of you."
Andy watched the phone until it stopped ringing and revealed that that had been Sharon's second missed call. "You don't have to ignore her because you're with me," he whispered.
Sharon opened her mouth to say she wasn't doing that at all, but then she shut it, lips pressed tightly together. She was doing exactly as he said she was, though, wasn't she? She wanted Andy to have a good night, and she knew bringing up Andrea in any way usually led to the opposite of that happening.
"Why don't you see if she wants to join us?"
Sharon's eyes widened, and then narrowed suspiciously. "Andy," she started cautiously, a little confused.
Andy shrugged his shoulders and lifted his soda from the table. "Look, I know you've missed her. Every time I've noticed that she's called, you haven't answered. We've been busy as hell lately, so I'm sure she understands. But we're done with the case." He shrugged again and downed the rest of the drink in his cup and then looked around the table. "Call her. Maybe she'd like to come spend time with a bunch of police officers who will surely be halfway to drunk by the time she gets here."
Sharon felt that wave of guilt again, but this time she knew why. Andy thought she was ignoring Andrea, so Sharon wondered if Andrea thought the same thing. Of course, like Andy said, they had been busy and Andrea would never hold that against her, but usually she would make sure to send a little message Andrea's way when she got a chance and hadn't been able to properly respond to her phone calls. Andrea would text her if it was important, or if she was calling for a professional matter instead of a personal one when Sharon didn't answer, so she knew that Andrea calling was just the other woman wanting to speak to her.
"Hey," Andy said, and Sharon hummed, looking down at the dark screen of her phone. "If you're worried about me, don't."
. . .
Andrea didn't know why she had accepted the invitation. Okay – that was a lie. She knew why, she just didn't think it was a good idea for her to be there. Sharon hadn't sounded like she was even sure she wanted to invite Andrea, which should have been reason enough for Andrea to make up some excuse to explain why she should just stay home. She wasn't used to the level of uncertainty in Sharon's tone when her friend asked if she wanted to come down to the bar where she and the rest of Major Crimes was unwinding after closing their case. She couldn't remember ever feeling as though Sharon had invited her somewhere but didn't really want for her to accept the invitation. Andrea should have taken that as a sign and turned down the offer. But she missed Sharon, and perhaps she had just been reading into Sharon's tone too much.
Andrea hadn't made it inside yet. It was a chilly November night, and she was enjoying the breeze as she leaned against her car and looked into the bar and watched the group of people she was meant to be joining. Before their quick phone call twenty minutes ago, Andrea hadn't spoken more than five words to Sharon since Wednesday morning in her house. While the night had ended with them on a good note, the morning had felt strange. They were normally on the same wavelength, but Wednesday morning something was off. Sharon had already been up and out of bed when Andrea woke up, so Andrea made them coffee while she waited for Sharon to get out of the shower. Sharon hadn't said much to her – which was odd but all right since Andrea didn't do much talking in the morning herself. And when it came time for them to part, Sharon hadn't hugged Andrea like she normally would. She had been in a rush, Andrea knew, and decided that it was probably nothing. After all, Sharon had spent most of the night clinging to Andrea.
But by Friday night, Andrea had stopped finding reasons to excuse what was happening. Sharon was avoiding something, whether she was doing it on purpose or subconsciously, Andrea could tell that was what was going on. Andrea didn't think it was as simple as Sharon avoiding her, because it didn't feel like something the woman she had spent the last decade getting to know would do. Which made her think about what she had told Sharon, about how she didn't want Sharon to say what she had started to say on Tuesday without her being sure. Perhaps she had figured out that she wasn't, as she had told Andrea she was, sure about what she wanted with Andrea. Perhaps, Andrea considered, she didn't know how to tell Andrea that she had just been under a lot of stress lately with everything in her personal life and she had only been clinging to familiarity that night. Perhaps, Andrea thought with a frown, Sharon was trying to establish some type of distance between them so she wouldn't hurt Andrea when she told her that she wanted her to forget about the unspoken words of that night.
Andrea swallowed thickly and was embarrassed to feel her eyes stinging in the corners. She tilted her head back and blinked quickly. Stop it, she commanded, breathing out a frustrated breath. Whatever it was that was going on, she knew they could get through it. They just needed to talk, and it wouldn't do either of them any good if she let her emotions get the best of her now. She had already told both herself and Sharon that she would be supportive of her decisions about dating. Even though she was certain Sharon had been on the verge of telling her on Tuesday night that she wanted to change the dynamic of their relationship, wanted more than a friendship, she had also considered that maybe Sharon wasn't entirely sure of that decision. It was why she had told Sharon not to say it until she was sure, until she was absolutely sure that what she wanted was Andrea. Because Andrea wanted it, wanted to be everything to Sharon, but being offered the parts of Sharon that she did not have and then having Sharon take it back once realizing she made a mistake would hurt more than words could describe.
"You can come inside, you know?"
Andrea didn't look away from the dark sky, recognizing the voice as Andy Flynn's. "Sharon send you out here to get me?" she asked quietly.
Andy made a sound in his throat, almost a laugh. "No."
"Then why are you out here?"
"Honestly- -" Andrea looked his way, and he shrugged, his shoulders lifting up fast and then sagging tiredly, "- - I don't know. But I'm here, and I came to bring you inside."
Andrea pushed herself off her car and waved her hand for him to go first. He went and then opened the door for her, looking at her with a challenge in his eyes that she didn't quite understand. "Thank you," she said, walking through and waiting for him to follow before making her way to the table.
Sharon was the first to notice her, and, surprisingly since she had been the one to invite her, the most surprised to see her. "Andrea," she said, or breathed – that way Sharon sometimes let her name just float out of her mouth and into the air in a way that made Andrea's skin feel warm. "You came," she continued as she stood from her seat.
Andrea forced her frown not to show. Had Sharon thought she wouldn't show up? Had Sharon hoped she wouldn't come? No, she said forcibly in her head, she wouldn't allow such thoughts. "Of course I came," she said instead, and then she waved at the rest of the table and greeted them.
"Here, take my seat," Andy said, tapping the seat beside Sharon and then pulling up a second to the other side of the captain whose facial expression was unreadable to Andrea. However, it made her stomach twist uncomfortably as she wondered what was going on through Sharon's mind.
"Thank you," she said kindly and sat down, looking up at Sharon expectantly.
Sharon looked back at her, unblinkingly, quietly, and then turned her head over her shoulder and looked at Andy with a similar expression. "All right," she said softly, and then she sat back down in her seat, scooting over closer to Andrea to allow Andy's chair room.
"Can I get you something?" Andy asked her, holding up his empty glass.
"Whatever you're having," she said, knowing he wasn't drinking alcohol. "I drove here."
"Sharon?"
Sharon shook her head silently, lips pressed tightly together.
"I'll take another since you're offering, Flynn."
"Offering them, not you. You know where the bar is, Provenza."
Nobody at the table seemed to notice how uncomfortable Sharon looked, but Andrea did. She was good at reading the subtle signs – the furrowed brow as she looked at Andy, the clenched fist underneath the table, the straightening of her spine and shifting of her hips to fix her posture. Normally, Andrea would place her hand on Sharon's to relax it, or on her back or shoulder just so she could feel her presence and focus on their connection instead of whatever was making her uncomfortable. But she had filled her head with doubts and uncertainties, and she no longer knew if that was what Sharon wanted from her. She no longer knew what the best thing to do for Sharon was.
Thankfully, Andy returned swiftly with two sodas and placed one down in front of her; it gave her something to do with her hands while she considered what to do for Sharon. He didn't have the same doubts she did, it seemed, because he placed his hand on top of the one that was on Sharon's thigh immediately and did it so naturally that it looked like something he did all the time. And then Andrea realized, with a nasty wave of sickness, that he probably did do things like that all the time. He was Sharon's – whatever he was – and he had been given access to things like that just like Andrea had, except it was different for him. He had more. He could do these things without people questioning him or looking at him strangely. He could hold her hand and touch her. He– he probably kissed her, and not just on her cheek or a quick peck on the lips. He was Sharon's something, whatever Andrea wasn't, whatever Andrea couldn't be.
"Are you feeling okay?" Sharon asked, and Andrea's head snapped up, her eyes leaving Andy's hand on Sharon's lap. Sharon lifted her hand to touch Andrea's face, and she flinched, unthinkingly, and tried to hide that she had done so, but Sharon noticed and instantly pulled her hand away. Sharon's eyes, filled with concern a moment ago, flooded with a new emotion, hurt from being rejected, and Andrea's heart dropped to her stomach at the sight of the pain and confusion.
Andrea gathered hair in her hands and brought it away from her face on both sides. Everyone at the table was having their side conversations with each other, but Sharon and Andy were both looking at her. Andy was looking at her with a type of blankness that unsettled her, and Sharon was looking at her with so much hurt etched into her face that Andrea couldn't' even look back at her for more than a few seconds at a time.
"I'm sorry. I - -" Andrea looked around them and spotted the restrooms, "- - I need to, to put a little cool water on my face. I think I'm just a little..."
Andrea stumbled over the end of her sentence in her rush to get up from the table. She only noticed it after the smoke in her head cleared, noticed the sound of Sharon's voice, her footsteps. She was already in the too-brightly-lit bathroom when she realized Sharon was following her. And by then it was too late to find a way to kindly tell her it was she who Andrea needed to get away from, that it was she who was making her feel dizzy and hot and like everything was so very...off.
By then, Andrea was already breathing harsh breaths that made her chest lift and fall with a fast rhythm that felt unnatural to her. By then, Andrea was already feeling so sick. Sick of herself for somehow still managing to get in the way of things when she swore she wouldn't. Sick with regret because of how she handled Tuesday night. Sick of herself for feeling like someone was stepping all over her territory – because Sharon wasn't hers, and she never wanted to think of her in that way. Sick...
Sick.
"Here," Sharon whispered soothingly, pushing her into a stall and pulling her hair back. Andrea's stomach churned, and the sickness that she had thought to all be in her head proved to be more of a physical one. "Breathe. Breathe." Sharon rubbed her back, and somewhere in the back of Andrea's mind she rolled her eyes at herself for being so damn pathetic. She couldn't even handle a little unjustifiable jealousy without getting herself sick in the process.
Andrea coughed over the toilet when nothing else came out, and Sharon rolled tissue around her hand and handed it to Andrea to wipe her face while also pulling her out of the stall so she could flush the toilet with her foot. Andrea went over to the sink and rinsed her mouth out a few times to clear the foul taste in it. Sharon was standing a safe distance from her at the other end of the triple sinks, her arms folded around her as she stood there quietly. Andrea didn't look at her until she had wiped her face dry with a paper towel and hadn't any choice but to acknowledge that Sharon was waiting for her.
"Thank you," she said with a small amount of embarrassment.
"Are you feeling better?" Sharon asked her.
She wasn't looking at Andrea's face, her eyes lower, near her feet instead. So when she nodded, Sharon couldn't see. "I think so, yes."
Sharon smiled a tiny smile and cleared her throat.
Andrea breathed out a slow breath, leaning against the wall behind her.
"Did you–"
"I wanted–"
Andrea worked her fingers through her hair. "You go."
Sharon looked up at Andrea this time. "I bought the tickets," she said, and then frowned, looking confused.
"Huh?"
"Plane tickets, for Rusty and I."
Andrea's brow started to furrow, but then she remembered the conversation they had Wednesday morning before Sharon had stopped talking to her. "Oh, for Thanksgiving. So you were able to find seats? That's fantastic," she said with a genuine smile.
Sharon hummed and nodded slowly. "Are we– Are you–" Sharon huffed out a breath and pushed her hands into her pockets. "Andy wanted you to be here," Sharon said, and that same confused look crossed her face from before. "That's not what I meant to say."
Andrea worked her fingers through her hair again and tucked a section behind her ear. "He did?" she asked carefully, perhaps even a little amused.
"Yeah," Sharon said. "I thought it was a–"
"Bizarre request?" Sharon's lips almost formed a smirk. "I take it you didn't talk to him about..." Andrea motioned between the two of them with her hand as she trailed off. Sharon sighed, and Andrea smiled at her. "It's been a busy week," she said before Sharon could speak, and she pushed herself off the wall.
"Are you–"
"I'm fine," Andrea said immediately, not letting Sharon finish her question. "I am fine, Sharon," she told her again with a slow smile before opening the bathroom door and tilting her head towards it. "We should get out there before– Well, we should just get out there."
Andrea didn't give Sharon the opportunity to say anything else to her. She walked with her back to the table and then looked over to the bar where Andy sat alone. She had felt his eyes on them as they crossed the room, and instead of sitting down with Sharon, she took her glass and walked over to where he was.
"Why did you want me here tonight?" Andrea asked, putting her glass down and sliding onto the stool beside Andy's.
Andy's eyes widened a bit, but he glanced at Sharon and then scratched the back of his neck before shrugging the same way he had outside when he brought her in. "Straight to the point, huh?"
Andrea felt the corner of her mouth twitch. "I've learned that with some people it's best to just be straightforward sometimes."
He grunted and nodded. "She missed you," he said, and she understood he was going to be honest and straightforward with her as well. "She came out here with us, but, whether you like to believe it or not, I do know her. I know she would have rather gone home to be with Rusty, gone home to be with him and invite you over."
Andrea drank from the clear glass and turned around on her stool, looking over to the table. She wouldn't agree or disagree with him, because she didn't know if he was right. She thought he was, wouldn't have doubted it for even a moment a week ago. However, the little uncertainties she was feeling made it hard for her to know for sure what to believe without having Sharon tell her herself what she wanted.
"Tell me, Lieutenant, what do you see when you look at her?" Andrea asked after they had sat together in silence longer than they had in a long while without it feeling uncomfortable.
Andy made a small noise in his throat and said, "A woman who bailed me out when I needed it. A woman who gave me more chances than I deserved."
Andrea raised a surprised eyebrow and let her lips form a half-smile. "What do you know? Something we actually agree on." Andrea tilted her head back to him."What else?"
He listed things – things he admired about her, things that Andrea saw in Sharon as well – and Andrea simply hummed thoughtfully, looking at Sharon and feeling her heart swell. She had known already that his feelings were genuine, but she hadn't known how deep they went. She recognized something in the way he spoke about Sharon, though, recognized the tone of his voice, the emotion in his words – she recognized it because it was there when she spoke about Sharon as well.
She could feel Andy watching her, so she turned slightly to lift a questioning eyebrow at him.
"What about you?"
Andrea saw a lot of things, and maybe if he had asked her this a few days ago she would have provided him with the long list that easily came to her head. Instead, she looked at Sharon and then cleared her throat.
"I see someone who puts other people before herself all the time and deserves to be happy." She turned to Andy, her smile falling from her lips as she studied him. He didn't back down from her intense gaze. "I also see a someone who I love with everything I have," she said, and it sounded more like a realization than it should have. "But sometimes loving someone means stepping back, and that's what I've been doing. I love Sharon Raydor so much that I will always put her happiness first, even if the direct result of that is me losing something I want. Can you say the same thing?"
Andrea didn't wait for his answer. She had the sudden need for fresh air and space - a lot of space.
. . .
Sharon had caught the ending of Andy and Andrea's conversation from the table. She had been unable to hear what they were speaking about, but she had seen the stiffening of Andrea's back, the locking of her jaw, and knew something was wrong with her. She had glanced their way, curious about what they were discussing, but hadn't noticed any tension between the two of them until the very end. She had already felt as though something was bothering Andrea, so after watching her shove her hands into her jacket pockets and head towards the exit, Sharon knew she needed to speak to her. She couldn't handle the half-conversations that were starting to slowly become their norm, not when they left her feeling like she was on the outside when all she wanted was for Andrea to open up to her like she normally would.
Before she could make it to the door, though, she heard Andy call her name as he crossed the bar. She'd noticed his demeanor, too, the defeated droop to his shoulders and the way he'd barely looked away from his glass. She sighed heavily, turning to look at him, only pausing long enough to let him know she would be back.
"Sharon, can we talk?" he asked when he was close enough so that when he spoke it was only she who could hear him. His brown eyes pled, and Sharon's heart ached at the sight.
Sharon patted his arm, but her eyes turned to look out the door Andrea had rushed out of. "Not right now," she said with a small, apologetic smile. She knew something was wrong with him, but her concern right then was with Andrea. "I need to go make sure Andrea is all right."
Andy huffed out a breath. "Of course you do."
Sharon's eyes instantly turned cold, but she knew it was not him she should be mad at. A decision was made right then – after she spoke with Andrea, she was going to ask Andy if they could go somewhere private so she could do what she had known was best for them for quite some time now. "I have to go," she said, taking brisk steps away from him.
They would talk later. But first she needed to get to Andrea.
Andrea hadn't gone far. She was right outside of the bar, slowly walking with her head lifted towards the sky. She was counting, Sharon knew without being able to hear her, and Sharon hesitated at the bar entrance before deciding to pull her jacket around her and exit completely. She didn't approach Andrea, though, deciding to wait for a moment or two to let Andrea clear her head on her own if she could. Sometimes she just needed a moment, and Sharon could wait.
When a moment turned into a minute, and that into two or three, Sharon slowly made her way over to where Andrea now stood in front of a closed shop with its gate down. "Talk to me," she requested, knowing Andrea had already known she was outside.
Andrea didn't respond right away. But when she did, when she lifted her head and met Sharon's eyes, Sharon's breath rushed out of her lungs so quickly it startled her. "I think Andy's in love with you. I'm pretty sure of it." Andrea looked hurt, so terribly hurt, and Sharon wanted desperately to pull her friend into her arms and tell her everything would find a way to be all right. Andrea didn't like that, though, being told things would be okay when there was no way of knowing for sure.
Sharon stepped closer to Andrea, careful. After what had happened at the table earlier, she thought it best not to initiate any physical contact between them. But she could move closer, so close that they were basically touching. Andrea looked around them, as if to point out where they were, and Sharon lifted her brow.
"Your– Andy's..." Andrea swallowed and shook her head.
Sharon sighed. They had never been secretive about their closeness, their relationship, what they were to each other. They were private people, and what they shared was theirs and theirs alone – but that didn't mean they hid it away. So she was surprised that Andrea looked like she was uncomfortable with Sharon being so close to her in public.
"Did I do something to make you–"
Andrea reached out and pulled Sharon back to her when she started backing away. "I'm sorry," she said, and Sharon's mouth closed tightly. "About earlier. About right now."
Sharon sighed again, this time softer, her shoulders relaxing. "Don't apologize, Andrea, just tell me what's going on. What happened between you and Andy?"
Andrea shook her head as she said: "Nothing happened between Andy and I. Honestly, I think– No. I'm... Ugh."
Sharon felt Andrea's hand slide into her own, so she gave it an encouraging squeeze before Andrea pulled her own away.
"You know, I was right before. When I said that I needed to just step back and give you space to be with Andy. I was right. I was–"
"I don't need space. I need you," Sharon nearly shouted, the words pushing out of her heart with the ferocity of a caged animal finally being set free, running forth as if afraid the cage would be locked again if they did not escape fast enough.
Her tone surprised her, but she could see the doubt in Andrea's eyes and understood why she was falling back on what she had been saying before. Andrea had been ready to move forward, too, Sharon was sure of it now, but they hadn't spoken about Tuesday night and Sharon hadn't spoken to Andy. With nothing changing since then, of course Andrea would think it was because Sharon hadn't been sure about what she said-but-didn't-really-say. Andrea had said she needed Sharon to be sure of it. And now she was trying to protect herself – because Andrea had wanted it, and Sharon knew without a doubt now.
"Space is the opposite of what I need right now, Andrea," she said in a quieter tone, her fingers tangling themselves into knots in front of her.
"Sharon," Andrea breathed out.
But Sharon didn't let her speak. She placed her trembling hands on Andrea's face and made her look at her, really look at her. "I want to be with you, Andrea. You." Sharon could hear it in her voice, the rawness of her emotions. "I don't want you to give me space. I want for you to let me love you. Let me love you."
"Sharon," Andrea breathed again, her name shaking as it passed through lips that wobbled just a bit.
"Let me wake up beside you in the morning and fall asleep in your arms at night, because there's nowhere I've ever felt safer." Andrea's face softened, and Sharon's heart pounded in her chest as she stroked Andrea's cheeks with her hands. Sharon smiled at her, lovingly, nervously. "I want to continue sharing my life with you, and I want to do it with you knowing that I could never feel the way I feel for you for anyone else. I want to give myself to you, Andrea, in whatever ways you think I haven't already. Mind, body, and soul – and if anyone understands how important that is to me, it's you. This isn't a decision I've made lightly, but it's one I am completely, absolutely, without a single doubt sure of.
"I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, and only you."
Andrea's eyes glistened and her breath was heavy. "Sharon, I–"
Sharon shook her head, caressing Andrea's cheeks slowly as she continued to look into her eyes, now confused but still full of so much love and hope that Sharon felt breathless because of it. "You said you wanted me to be sure before I said it, and I am. I've been sure for months. But I still haven't spoken to Andy. Well, about my feelings for you, I have..."
Andrea looked completely shocked as her eyes widened. "Andy knows?"
Sharon took her hands away from Andrea's face and cleared her throat. "As well as other things," Sharon said cryptically, and Andrea raised her brow. Sharon felt her face warm as she whispered, "He tried convincing me that you were in love with me, and then I later told him that it was the other way around."
"Oh," Andrea said softly, a small smile on her lips as she raised her hand and lightly brushed her fingers over Sharon's face.
Sharon's lashes fluttered, as did her heart. "I'm going to talk to Andy tonight. After the week we had, I wanted him to have at least a little moment to relax and enjoy himself." Andrea's smile grew, her expression soft and open. "What?"
"I love that about you. How much you care about other people. It's a small gesture, but it's selfless and thoughtful." Andrea leaned forward and pressed her lips to Sharon's forehead. "Take all the time you need. Tonight, tomorrow... Just please don't leave me in the dark. I plant all kinds of crazy ideas in my head when I start feeling uncertain about where I stand."
Sharon breathed in as Andrea pulled back and nodded her head.
to be continued...