I sauntered slowly down the hall in Central Library 1st Branch, feeling as content as the current circumstances allowed. Central City had warmed up a bit, melting the snow and clearing the dreary clouds that usually hovered overhead. The sun showed brightly through the windows, lifting my spirits.

A rustling in my bag alerted me that Jäger was stirring and I patted him through the fabric absentmindedly. He had been doing that for a few days now, ever since the sun had decided to show it's face. I'd been alternating between carrying him in my bag, or when he had the energy, against my chest where he liked to cling. He was looking a bit odd to me lately, as if his skin was too tight. I noticed slight discolorations and wondered if he wouldn't molt like a snake. That would be interesting to watch, at the very least. I couldn't wait until it was warmer and he would finally join the land of the living so we could really get to know each other. It had only been about a month since we met, and the novelty of having a lizard cat had definitely not worn off. I was looking forward to having him around.

But alas, it was still too cold, only about 35F, despite the sun's valiant effort. I ripped off a piece of my burden and tried to tempt him with it, but he merely flicked his large ear in annoyance and curled tighter into my messenger bag. I chuckled a little and put the flap down. At least I seemed to have tireless strength, otherwise I would have gotten tired of carrying him around by now.

Speaking of strength, my training with Mustang was going quite well. While strict in his own right, I was finding him to be an easier instructor than Orkan or Izumi. Precision training, while mentally challenging, was not as intense as the combat training I had received in the past. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

Learn control by mastering your movements. It's not about having power, it's about directing it.

I smiled as one of Mustang's favorite mantras drifted through my mind. Under his tutelage, in which he taught me many methods of slowing down, really thinking about my movements until they were second nature, I was starting to relax into my new strength. I was beginning to feel…no longer fearful of my power. It was slow going, but worth every second. Mustang would never know just what a gift he was giving me by teaching me that control. Or maybe he did. Sometimes he just gave me this look, as if he understood…

That might have been because, despite everything, we were becoming close friends. We had both opened up to each other, whether out of necessity or not, and I was grateful for it. Talking with Mustang made me feel like a huge weight was lifted from me. I never had to hold back, because he knew me, knew all I was. And it was gratifying to have that part of me acknowledged after all this time. For his part he seemed to enjoy teaching me for all his grumbling, even going so far as to jokingly demand I start wearing his crest like I wore Orkan's and Izumi's. I chuckled. Arrogant bastard.

But it wasn't all fun and games. Mustang was worried, I could feel it every time we came in contact, however lightly. There was a preoccupation in his words and shadows under his eyes that hinted that something was coming. He could joke and bluster all he wanted, but he couldn't hide it. Not from me.

And it wasn't just Roy. Hughes, Armstrong and even Barret, for all his emotionless persona, bore the same look. Something was stirring within the ranks of the military, and it seemed to have the entire city on edge.

I shook off those dark thoughts. Today was a good day, and I wasn't going to ruin it by brooding.

I rounded the final corner, Ed and Al's study room only a few doors away, and was greeted by the now familiar sight of Ross, Brosh, and two more guards stationed outside the room. I gave a small wave, one handed because of my burden, and was greeted with one of Ross's small conservative smiles.

"Welcome back, Alex."

I stopped in front of them, ignoring my shadow as he quietly joined the guards across the hall. I would be glad when this Scar business was over and I could ditch the babysitters. Unfortunately, the man had not been spotted since we fought him a month ago.

"Hey Ross, Brosh," I nodded to them friendly-like. "Any changes?" Over the past week, we had developed somewhat of an easy familiarity, even if it was still a bit formal.

Brosh sighed. "Absolutely none. I really wish they would find whatever they are looking for so we can go home."

I grimaced. "I feel you. As much as I like playing with my friends in Central, I would really like to…" Move on. Do something. I couldn't really say, but the stalemate we were in now was setting my teeth on edge. Shaking it off, I gave them a brilliant grin and gestured to my burden; a basket of freshly baked bread and snacks. "Would you guys like any? I got them from Mrs. Hughes when I went to visit. She insisted I bring some along for everyone when I told her about you lot having to hang around us all the time." I had been going to visit Gracia, Elicia and Nina every day since returning to Central. I was trying to give Nina as much attention as possible before I had to go on a long journey again. I was really starting to love that child with all my heart. My eyes glazed over at the thought of just how big she was getting, and the thought that I could see a marked improvement in her smile every time I visited. She was healing so well…

"Mrs. Hughes? As in, Lieutenant Colonel Hughes' wife," Ross said, somewhat shocked.

"Well, yeah, the Hughes' are great friends of mine." Ignoring the flabbergasted expressions of the guards, probably for my having close associations with so many elite of the military, I handed them both a snack and offered some to the men across the hall as well. I made sure to take a bite for myself. Even though I no longer needed to eat, I still couldn't pass up Gracia's wonderful cooking.

"DAMMIT!"

A furious shout and a loud crash from my brothers' room caused me to jump violently in surprise. Before I even knew what was happening, Ross had whipped out her gun and cracked the door open to peer inside. She held a hand to hold back the other men as she took in the situation. Her shoulders relaxed just a smidgen later, and while the men backed off to their positions once more I came up to her side, looking into the room as well.

Edward was hunched over the table, notes scattered in every direction. His expression was terrifying, and with a worried frown I moved to push open the door to find out what was making him look so anguished.

Before I could throw it open though, I paused at what he said next, his voice filled with nearly as much despair as when I first met him. I shivered deeply in trepidation at his tone, my hand hovering uselessly at the door's edge. "All this time…all these years of searching and sacrificing," Edward's voice was trembling, only a strangled whisper, "this is the answer we get?"

"Brother," Al whimpered, his voice sounding more young than I had heard it in a long time.

"The secret, Al. The last ingredient of the stone. It's live human beings."

"…" Silence swallowed those outside of the door, and my heart skipped so strongly that my breathing stuttered almost painfully. What…?

The last ingredient of the stone…is live humans.

The last ingredient…

A deep breath...and then my world went cold. Muscles froze and ice crept through my veins. All my contentment, all my fragile happiness, was gone in on terrible moment, ripping my remaining hope to shreds. Hardly registering the horrified gasp of the woman beside me, I stumbled back, my irises contracted in a sudden surge of directionless adrenaline. The basket fell from my nerveless fingers and my heart leapt into my throat, choking me. Vision darkening on the edges, my conciseness blocked out the rest of the world so that I could only process Edward's despaired expression and the horrible truth of what had caused it.

Live humans…A shaking hand over my mouth barely held back the nauseated moan that forced it's way out of my throat.

No…!

"Just when I thought–" Edward released a strangled sob, his voice cracking at the seams. "Just when I thought it was within our grasp…!"

The world ripped out from under me, and I almost heard the cruel laugh of Fate, or Truth, or whatever, mocking me as I fell. I stumbled through the door, legs feeling like they could find no purchase, and when Ed looked up at me…I collapsed to me knees.

His golden eyes were anguished, filled with despair and consuming guilt as his hopes were shattered. I could see the terrible truth in his gaze and in the trembling slump of Al's shoulders.

We'd been had.

There was no holy grail that would make the world right again. There was no way to undo the wrong that had been done.

In order to become whole, we would have to become mass murderers.

There was no way. No hope.

I was going to die.

ox0xo

Creak.

The sun was deep in the sky, casting its golden glow over the room in which we now resided. We had removed ourselves from the study room after learning the secret to our downfall, and depression hung like a heavy blanket over the three of us.

Creak.

There were two beds in this room, a couch, and a small coffee table. It was the one my brothers and I had been staying at in the library, but it had only been used by Edward the rare times he had actually dragged himself away from the notes. Now, there was no more need for the other room, so here we were. Edward lay on the couch, his coat removed, baring his shoulders to the cold air, but he didn't seem to care. His eyes were blankly staring at the slowly turning ceiling fan above him without seeing it. Alphonse sat against the back of the couch, his head lolling forward, completely still in the silence only broken by the squeaky turn of the fan blades that none of us could be assed enough to stop.

Creeeeak.

I sat slumped against a bed to the side of the coffee table, the glow from the late afternoon sun reflecting off my face and the rest of my body in shadow. I clutched a hibernating Jäger to my chest carefully, seeking comfort from his warm, rough skin, though the small form could provide me with little, oblivious as he was to the waking world.

I felt lost. The philosopher's stone had been my only hope, our only lead after three years of searching, for salvation. Even the tentative and wavering belief that I would somehow return home and survive this world had been the only thread keeping me going most days. Now that was gone, and I felt cast adrift in a frozen sea from the shock of losing it.

It served me right. I should have known better. I was an adult and I shouldn't have believed in fairy tales. I knew that things in life that seem too good to be true usually were. How many times had I learned that in my old life? And this one? Especially this one. I had placed my hopes for salvation in that abhorrent devil's errand we had been warned against repeatedly, and this was where it got me.

After several hours, Edward was the first of us who spoke. But even then, it was only for a diatribe of self pity. "God must really hate those who commit taboo," he said, his voice low and dark. "I was only eleven then, and he still has me marked like a lamb for slaughter."

Neither Al nor I reacted to his words. We were silent, like the only answer ever received for a prayer.

"Every time we felt it was within our reach, He's pulled it away so that I fall flat on my face." He lifted his steel hand to the ceiling with a slight clank of metal, and then he clenched it into a fist. "And then, when I finally got my fist around it, finally tried to lift us out of the dark, He raises his big obnoxious foot and kicks me in the teeth.

Just face it Al, it's going to be like this our whole lives. We will never atone for what we did, and we will never crawl out of this hell."

Edward's self pity left an acrid taste in my mouth, and bitterness filled me. So we really were giving up. For the second time, this alchemist would leave me for dead, despite all he proclaimed to love me. Because I would die. If I wasn't returned to my world soon, this body would expire and I would cease to exist. It was cruel, this fate. I wanted to scream that we should still try to do something, that I didn't want it to end like this, but…I had given up as well. I just wasn't willing to go that far to save myself. No one should have to die for me. I had already been forced to take enough life…

"Don't say that," Alphonse said, turning to face a bitter Edward. Ed merely turned away from him.

"I really thought it would all work out, little brother. That we would find the philosopher's stone and somehow it would all be okay…"

"It still will be," Al insisted, ever the optimistic of us three. "We'll find the philosopher's stone, brother. And we'll get our bodies back, and Alex won't have to die."

Edward twitched, his body going tight. He sat up slowly and turned his jaded eyes on me. I did not meet them. I didn't want to see his damn guilt turned in my direction.

"Alex…"

"Don't," I whispered, curling into myself and withdrawing from the waning sunlight completely. I didn't want to hear it.

We continued on in the heavy silence. Ross tried to get us to eat, but we wouldn't budge. She left in disappointment with a worried frown.

ox0xo

Some time later, the light was switched on. Neither Edward nor I had moved, but Al, no longer able to take the silence, began gathering Marcoh's notes in his big leather hands.

"Brother, let's look at it again," he said, trying for the second time to pull Edward out of his depression. "Maybe we missed something."

"I've had enough," Ed said resignedly, not turning to look.

"But maybe our code was wrong, and that's not really what it says!"

"Al," Edward growled in warning, but Alphonse's voice only became more insistent.

"We should read the whole thing again–"

"I said enough!" Ed spun angrily and swiped his hand through the air, slapping teacup in the process. As if watching in slow motion, the three of us tracked the cup in shock as it shattered noisily off of Alphonse's face with Edward's unintentional anger.

Alphonse whimpered in distress at the same time I gave a strangled "Ed!"

"Brother…?"

Ross threw open the door a second later, stepping right into the middle of our tension. She took in the scene with open concern. "What happened," she exclaimed, Brosh stepping in behind her.

For a second, none of us moved. Then we turned away, Edward in shame and me in resignation. "It was nothing, just a broken cup…sorry Al."

"…" Ross stared between the three of us, taking in Edward's disheveled appearance, the downcast turn of my red-violet eyes, and the painful slump in Alphonse's shoulders. And she finally had enough.

I could see it as her eyes turned from concern, to annoyance, and then to resolve. She began to pick up the paper's scattered about the floor, ignoring Edward as he glared dully, clearly wanting her to leave us to our misery. He was not given that luxury.

"So that's it then Edward? You are just giving up?" Silence met her words, Edward refusing to be goaded, though his eyes sparked dangerously before fading back to apathy. When she received no response, she merely continued her task, aligning the accursed pages with her hands. "You won't regret it then? Just giving up before you finish? That's interesting, I didn't think what you were searching for was so incidental you would abandon it so easily."

"What the hell do you know?" Ed said dully, avoiding her accusing gaze.

Her visage turned sharp. "I know that the final ingredient to the philosopher's stone is human lives."

Ed turned a dangerous gaze on her. "You were eavesdropping." Ross did not deny this. "Then you should know, there's no point in pursuing it now."

He began to turn away, but Ross snapped the pages down on the table sharply. "You are such a damn kid, Ed." Brosh just about turned green with shock as the usually calm and collected officer cursed at a superior.

Edward verily growled at her impertinence, but Ross did not back down. "You are just going to give up when you are so close? Are you just going to abandon your brothers to their fates?"

The enraged blonde surged to his feet, swiping his hand through the air angrily. "You don't know anything!"

Ross stood as well, her deadly calm a sharp contrast to his typhoon. She stood at attention, but refused to look away from his eyes. "I know you're afraid. You are terrified to admit that all your work, all your sacrifices, were for nothing. You're afraid that all the answers will disappear."

I blinked slowly as I watched the confrontation, sending a worried look to Alphonse. But the boy only had eyes for Ross, her words obviously affecting him.

"Am I wrong?'

Our older brother seemed to crumple in on himself as the truth of her words crushed him. His shoulders began shaking. She was right. And it hurt that everything until now was for nothing. What had our pain and sacrificing amounted to? What had it been worth? This? I…I couldn't believe that.

Ross's voice softened, and her eyes became compassionate. "It's okay." She extended the papers as Edward allowed his hand to fall, revealing his aggrieved eyes. "The world does not always work in white and black. It's okay to feel lost, and not have reasons. I think that verifying whether Marcoh's notes are the truth or not is worth it in and of itself. After all, what you are looking for is bigger than just you three. Don't give up just yet."

Edward stared at the papers extended out to him for a moment, not moving. I could see the great struggle in his soul, his hand wanting to reach out and take the chance that it really would be okay, despite all we now knew. His hand twitched.

And then, like a ray of sunlight in the storm, I saw his eyes clear for the first time since learning the truth, and my spirit lifted at his determined expression. A spark of hope rekindled in my heart as Edward took the papers in shaking hand.

"You're right." He said this like a man experiencing an epiphany after too long in the dark. "Marcoh's note said to find the 'truth behind the truth'. There's more to this, and we will find it."

Al and I exchanged excited glances, a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. "That's right," Al said, his voice reflecting relief.

Edward grinned fiercely, doubts finally diminishing from golden eyes, looking just like the determined, headstrong brother we both knew and loved. "We've faced roadblocks before, and it hasn't stopped us, not once. And neither will this. Let's do this, Al."

"Right!"

My gaze jumped between my brothers and Ross, shoulders straightening and hardly able to comprehend our sudden turn in direction. My attention fixed on Ross, the catalyst for this change. To me, that woman in that very moment, was the most beautiful person in existence. Only moments ago, I had been drowning in despair of ever surviving my fate, and with only a few words, the officer who had been barely more than a stranger just that morning had restored us all with her faith. And in her eyes, in that reserved smile, was pride, as if my two brothers were something to be admired.

With renewed vigor, Edward gathered the notes before him and both he and Al began furiously scanning them once more for the answers we sought. I took a shuddering breath, the corners of my mouth tugging upwards. We were back on track, and this time, nothing would stop us.

Haha, that was fun. The last chapter really was the last sun before the storm. I hope all of you have your night vision angst goggles, because this is about to get dark as we run head first into the finale.

Next chapter: government corruption is revealed, mysteries are solved, and Edward and gang ignore authority and get into trouble. Again.

For those of you that have been missing Jäger, I'm letting you know that I have big plans for him in the second book. He's going to be bad ass, but for now he's just hibernating and getting bigger. He'll be quite the character when I'm through with him. *cackles evilly and sets loose an angry chimera*

To answer a question, yes, I do watch the episodes before writing a chapter. I only watch them once through, first one series then the other, while taking notes. Then I take my notes and write the outline, researching anything else that isn't explicitly explained by the anime. Sometimes I pause scenes to write down specific quotes or describe a scene in shorthand, but I really don't spend that much time with the actual episodes so much as the wiki outlines to get my events in order. I actually get some of my best ideas while I'm daydreaming at work, haha.

See you next time!