Second chapter of two today... not sure it counts since it's ten to three in the morning, but HEY I TRIED. I wanted this one as good as I could get it, and boy, is it long!
I promise I'm not ignoring your lovely messages and reviews, but I am getting pretty tired so I'll reply during the daylight hours :L
Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miserables or Oliver! And I've changed the words to the song a bit. Please don't sue me.
If Éponine thought her day couldn't get any worse, she was sorely mistaken. On reaching the café, not only did she have to listen to Marius tell the story again from the beginning - missing out how much fun the lovely picnic they'd been having had been, obviously - but she had to join in this time, maintaining a happy expression the whole time and joining in with the "exciting" parts ('and then I said "have you ever seen anyone so beautiful, Éponine" and SHE SAID NO!' 'I did, I said no!').
She kept her mask of happiness and carefree laughter firmly in place, determined not to show her inner pain to the Amis, or, God forbid, Marius. She'd had years of practise. She was good at hiding pain by now.
It almost slipped whenever she met the eyes of Musichetta or one of the Amis. Damn it, it was that look! That stupid, infuriating look which holds so much emotion, so much 'support', so much pity. That look which whispers 'I'm so sorry' 'are you ok' and worst of all 'I wish I could make all of this go away'. Éponine was strong, able to stand just about anything. Except pity.
She looked around her: Marius wasn't stopping any time soon, he was still describing her eyes in intimate detail. 'How did he even see that?! She was 40 metres away and looking in a different direction!' The rest were all occupied by listening intently (Jehan, Combeferre, Joly, Musichetta, Sylvie), pretending to (Bahorel, Bossuet, Feuilly), listening and watching with confused and slightly disgusted faces (Gavroche, R, Courfeyrac) or just plain ignoring him (Enjolras).
Then he started telling them how she was going to help him find his girl and it became too much. There was nowhere she could look without meeting eyes with that LOOK, it was surrounding her and she just needed some AIR!
Standing up, she muttered something about her phone, and moved to go behind the bar. A chorus of questions rose up as she did: 'Are you all right, Éponine?' 'Are you OK?' 'Can I have another beer, please? 'Won't you stay to tell them about her hair, Éponine?'. Turning to look behind her, she put on her brightest smile and replied cheerfully 'I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? My phone just needs charging. I'll get you a beer on my way back through, R. And I'm sure you can handle that one without me, Marius.' Then she walked through the door into the back.
Even in his drunken state, this was hard for Grantaire to watch. Marius was spouting off verses like Jehan, but without any poetic talents. It was pathetic. He didn't even know the girl; he was making half of this stuff up!
He had to hand it to Éponine though; she really was a fucking soldier. Seriously, even staying strong to the point where she would help him find this bird, and keep a smile on her face… fucking hell. She had actually almost fooled him: if it hadn't been for the look in her deep brown eyes, he wouldn't have known. But he knew the little firecracker well enough that he could see what she was feeling, no matter what she was trying to show the world. She was broken. She'd been ripped in half. She was getting stabbed in the heart with every word. He knew because he felt that way every time Enjolras dismissed him as a pathetic drunk, or ignored him, or made some scathing comment about how he wasn't passionate about anything. He'd never actually seen the look in his own eyes, of course, but he recognised it immediately.
Then there was the look in the lads' eyes. Fucking hell. It was like a fucking morgue in here. Seriously. He saw Combeferre catch Éponine's eye and have to fight back tears! What did Combeferre have to cry about?! If Éponine had decided to fight on and help the wanker then she needed them to help her do it, not cry for her and throw her some kind of pity party!
He didn't blame her for going into the back. She would need some space. So he stopped Combeferre and Musichetta going to see if she was ok and stopped Gavroche going to ask for a milkshake. He left her a good ten minutes before he went himself.
When he got onto his feet – the world didn't always move this fast did it? – and unsteadily made his way to the door, he heard Musichetta ask where the hell he thought he was going, so he turned to look into what seemed to be her general direction. He grabbed a chair to steady himself, looked her in the eye with a meaningful look and said 'I'm not getting any fucking younger and I want my fucking beer'. Her gaze softened and she nodded to tell him she understood.
Shutting the door behind him, he looked around the little kitchen, confused for a second as to where she'd even gone.
'Pony? It's R.'
He grabbed a beer from the fridge and looked around, opening all the bigger cupboards in case she was hiding. He didn't find her, but he did find what looked like her most prized possessions, including her phone - which was fully charged – several photos, an unmarked CD, and a few books. He picked up one of the photos, a recent one of her and Gavroche, covered in flour and holding trays of muffins in their oven mitt-covered hands and smirked at their unruly curls, their big grins and the sheer joy in their matching brown eyes. I wish I could help her look that happy again. He put it back where he found it and shut the cupboard door. If she wanted him to know, she'd have told him and he respected that.
He noticed the heavy door that separated the storeroom from the rest of the room was ajar and slowly walked over. Peeking into the dark room, he saw a tiny figure in between two rows of barrels, her back to the door. She was sat on the floor, leaning against barrels of beer (specifically, Carlsberg. He knew the barrels well, having woken up cuddling them on several occasions.), her legs drawn up to her chest and her head on her knees.
He was just about to shout her name to get her attention when she started to sing quietly.
As long as he needs me -
and, yes, he DOES need me.
In spite of what you see...
...I'm sure that he needs me.
He knew she'd shit herself if he made a noise, so he leaned against the door frame and listened.
Who else would love him still
When they've been used so ill?
But, fuck, I always will...
As long as he needs me.
I miss him so much when he is gone,
But when he's near me, I don't let on…
Grantaire didn't know a voice could hold so much raw emotion, so much feeling.
The way I feel inside.
The love, I have to hide.
The hell! I've gone my pride!
As long as he needs me.
She stopped for a second and he wondered if she was done, but then she picked it up again. The sniffles and shaking of her shoulders told him that this time, she was definitely crying.
He doesn't say the things he should.
He doesn't see the things he should.
But all the same,
I'll play this game his way.
Fuck, she was actually a really good singer. Even when she was crying.
As long as he needs me...
I know where I must be.
I'll cling on steadfastly
As long as he needs me.
As long as life is long
I'll love him right or wrong,
And somehow, I'll be strong
As long as he needs me.
If you are lonely, then you will know:
When someone needs you, you love them so.
He was barely holding back his own tears by this point.
I won't betray his trust, though people say I must.
I've got to stay true, just
As long as he needs me.
Choking back his emotions with a long swig of beer, he made his way over to her shaking form, sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. He didn't say anything, just planted a kiss in her hair and let her sob.
After a few minutes of heart-wrenching sobbing, she managed to choke out 'E-e-everything's gone to sh-sh-shit, R'
'I know, Pony, I know'
'A-and I still LOVE him, y'know!'
'I know, and I know it sucks'
'I don't w-w-w-WANT to love him anymore!' At this, she was sobbing again.
Rubbing soothing circles on her back 'There's nothing I can do to make this better, babe. If you work out how to make it go away, you let me know.'
She burbled out a weak laugh through her tears 'You fucking suck at comforting'
'Yeah, I know, sorry.'
He gave her a minute to compose herself and when she spoke, her voice was stronger, and he could hear the determination in her voice.
'You're not going to talk me out of fucking helping him'
'I wouldn't dream of it.'
'Good.'
'You might not even find her. This might all be a big, painful, false alarm.'
'I already know who she is. I just haven't told him yet.'
Shit. She's good.
'How?'
'Her name's Cosette, we grew up together in Montfermeil. Ironically, I was really mean to her because she had nothing and I had everything. Her Ma was a whore, so my parents took her on in return for payments, and then treated her like a slave. I was just as bad, I didn't know any better. Anyway, her mother died of AIDS when we were just little kids and that guy turned up the same day, gave my Pa 1500 francs, and took her away. So I replaced her as the servant. Look what's become of us now.'
'Fuck.'
'Yep.'
They sat in silence for a second, completely still except for his occasional swig of beer.
'Come on, let's go back' she said as she stood up. 'Can you tell I've been crying?'
'Pony, I'm drunk and we're in a dark cupboard. I can't tell how many heads you've got.'
She laughed and held out her hand to help him up.
'Get up, you idiot.'
They were at the door to the café before they spoke again. Her hand on the door handle, she turned and looked him in the eyes and said 'thanks, R.'
'Don't even mention it.'
It didn't come close to numbing the pain. Maybe nothing would. But for now, they both knew sitting in a dark cupboard with their best friend was the best option they had.
If you haven't heard Samantha Barks' version of this song, youtube it and you're welcome.
It was fun writing as Grantaire, he's a cutie. Let me know if you liked it, or disliked it or just plain hated it and want me to sit in the corner of shame to think about my actions. I love hearing from you anyway.
Feel free to ask any questions you have, by the way guys. I won't give out spoilers (sorry weeeell) but I'll do my best to answer them!
ANYWAY, I need sleep. Thanks for reading, especially if you've read this whole A/N because that's just nice. :)