We told each other everything that had happened in that throne room, everything that Azulon had said, and the offer he'd made Ozai took my breath away. I couldn't believe that he gave that up for me after so many years of longing for such a chance… He insisted that it hadn't been a choice at all, that there was never any option but me, but I knew what that sacrifice from him meant. Even if he didn't.
At the end of that same week, Ozai and I announced our engagement in a formal ceremony that amounted to little more than the entire royal family, including the Fire Lord, standing in the Coronation Plaza to wave at a crowd.
I did have to wear my hair up in a more formal bun, decorated with one of Sen's fire lily combs that my future father-in-law gave me as an engagement present. The robes I wore, with their pattern so intricate it was dizzying, weren't of my choosing either, far more traditional and extravagant than I would've liked, but I didn't mind in the least.
Not as long as I got to hold Ozai's hand.
It's amazing how rapidly Ursa's reputation was restored to a spotless, too-high-to-ever-fall-from-its-pedestal by nobles, peasants, and servants alike. The very worst of the gossips, and those who simply loved tragedy, would insinuate that I'd stolen her from the true love of her life—some said Zhao, others Piandao—but even they insisted that she would be the perfect princess and was fully committed to this marriage out of her devotion to the Crown. The public chose to love her and distrust me, which was to be expected. They'd never admired me for anything other than my bending, and even that admiration came from fear.
She went through several months of glorified princess training, which was more like a review session from her time at the academy than a brand new education. Ursa's intellect, knowledge, and grace exhausted the tutors' quizzes and tests soon enough, and Lu Ten didn't have to share her with them anymore. He still had to share her with me, of course, but he was used to it by then.
There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't see her until she left to visit Maylin, who was pregnant again, of course. It meant we would be separated for a few months leading up to our wedding, but it was a separation we were more than happy to bear. Ursa had already planned out every detail, protecting her right to design her dress and to wear her hair the way she wanted.
Azulon couldn't care less, but there was a lot of systems still in place to wade through anyway.
In the meantime, Azulon had given me an additional duty as head of the committee of technology. Rapidly, I became an expert on all things mechanical and began to realize how much Azulon undervalued such a critical component. As a firebending prodigy himself, he had always relied on bending above all else and viewed our war machines as little more than transportation. I might've done the same thing if I hadn't trained benders who I knew could never achieve full mastery or the full firepower of our ships. He miscalculated how much of our success was based on our number of firebenders and how much was based on our superior technological advancement. He took it for granted.
And thus gave me far more influence, and the opportunity to make allies of underappreciated advisors, than he'd ever intended.
I loved spending time with Maylin and her family, even if Ozai couldn't be there too. The twins were beyond precious and adorable and practically edible. They had their own lovely home that allowed the young family plenty of privacy and as much peace as possible with a house of babies. Zhen lived with them also, helping Maylin with the twins while Lee worked at the other side of the island during the day. I loved helping them, and I loved their blissful chaos. It gave me a last chance to wear peasant clothes, talk without constant onlookers hanging on my every word, and live without servants doting on me. Zhen refused to let me change any diapers for some reason, but I didn't mind. I was still spoiled in that way, though I firmly insisted on changing my future child, if I was blessed enough to have one.
I freaked Maylin out more than once by staring out a window or at a wall and smiling for no apparent reason.
I couldn't get over the fact I was marrying my best friend.
And the most handsome man I'd ever met.
I couldn't get over how fearless I was.
We really thought the worst was over.
Ursa came home a week before the ceremony, but tradition meant we couldn't see each other until the day of rehearsal, which is when I revealed my wedding/birthday present to her.
In the months I was away, Ozai had the villa's gardens expanded and renovated. Now the dragon fountain fed a pond for the turtle ducks, giving them a proper home for the first time.
She beamed at me and threw her arms around my neck. I twirled her, both of us laughing and then kissing.
"I have something else for you," my prince confessed almost sheepishly, putting me down to withdraw a scroll from his sleeve. "Since we obviously can't write our own wedding vows, and since I made rather a fool of myself proposing—
It was terribly long even though he'd tried to make the print small, listing everything he loved about me, why he wanted to marry me, and all that he pledged to do for our life together.
I teared up as I read, unable to finish it in front of him, and buried my face in his chest.
"Just love me, Ursa," he whispered. "That's the only oath that matters."
I nodded and gave him a scroll I wrote as well. He laughed but grew utterly still as he read it, showing no emotion whatsoever as a coping mechanism for the hurricane plaguing him inside, refusing to weep but utterly taken aback by the list I had for him, naming all that I saw in him and loved, some of which he didn't see at all, some of which he hated in himself… He finally softened and laughed when I brought up old memories and hijinks from our childhood, but then came another serious part. I asked him to always chase after me, to never kiss me unless he meant it, to choose forgiveness and love no matter what storm or trial might come… I asked him to promise so many things, but they all came down to one thing that wasn't really a promise at all. I just needed him. I just needed him to love me, but neither of us seemed to have a choice in that matter. We'd already given away our hearts, given up the right to any choice in romance, to each other long ago.
There was one thing she didn't name as a promise because it was unspeakable, a silent understanding more sacred than any oath could be… We never told each other, "goodbye." She'd said it once the day we first met, but neither of us had ever used it again. It was a word beyond filth and shame. It was too disgusting to even think. It was irrevocable curse of permanence to us, given how many people we'd said goodbye to. Saying it once would mean saying it forever. We could lose both our souls and still, that last, sacred knowledge would prevent us from saying such a thing aloud unless we knew, with absolute certainty, that it was true.
And who could know anything to be an absolute truth?
Besides the fact we'd always love each other.
"They're going to send someone after us," I reminded him as time slipped away. "We're late."
"Let them come. Let Azulon himself tell me to stop kissing you," he teased with that fire in his eyes that still made my heart skip a beat, his lips meeting mine with a ferocity that left my knees weak.
So I wrapped my arms around his neck.
I woke up on the day of my wedding with a smile from ear-to-ear. I practically floated out of bed and laughed when I heard crying from one of Maylin's babes. The whole gang came for the wedding, of course. Zhen and Maylin were going to prepare my hair, gown, and makeup just the way I wanted while poor Lee and a servant or two juggled the babies. I'd insisted on no other servants helping us, though they had given me a pedicure, manicure, and facial a few days prior.
Maylin forced me to eat some ash banana nut bread even though I was too light to feel even remotely hungry. I wasn't allowed to do anything other than drink water as they went at my hair and face with fierce gentleness.
"Do you think this is big enough?" Zhen asked as she adjusted the top knot that would soon hold the hair piece designating my rank as princess.
"It's perfect," I assured her after a quick glance in the mirror.
The bun was formed by the front strands of my hair, more than I usually tied back, and was also higher than I'd worn it before, but it felt comfortable enough and familiar enough. The rest of my hair fell down my back as it always did, and I was struck by the realization that I would be wearing my hair like this every day for the rest of my life… But with a fire-shaped piece of gold as well.
It didn't look very different, which I appreciated, but it added to the surreal sense of everything. I still felt and looked like me. Maylin had added just some slight, light makeup here and there so I felt as beautiful and natural as possible. It worked. My reflection took my breath away. There wasn't a hair out of place. I both looked and felt like the perfection Ozai always saw, but it felt wrong for some reason…
It felt wrong because he couldn't see it yet. No beauty was complete without joy, and I couldn't reach perfect joy until his hand was in mine.
"Now… the gown!" Maylin cried with a dramatic flair as Zhen laughed and unveiled the finest, deepest silk garment I'd ever seen.
Some brides still continued the tradition of a robe with funeral white in it, but I'd always found the color to be more morbid than romantic. Just because a marriage lasted til death didn't mean the knowledge of winter should stain the beginning of spring. We couldn't forget the knowledge of life's brevity, but I always thought a bridal gown should be a celebration for every vibrant moment of life.
Layers and layers of ruby red flowed along with the curves of my body and trailed several feet behind me. Gold designs criss-crossed my sleeves and skirt, covering me in phoenixes and fire lilies. Designs of gold fire lilies alone trimmed my wrists, which billowed down past my knees. A curving layer of black silk with red designs of curling flame also covered and flared off my shoulders. The fabric continued into the neckline to form a short, close-to-the-skin collar with red trim on top. A broad sash of black silk wrapped about my waist and trailed down my back in ribbons, but its design matched Ozai's robes rather than the rest of mine. Its gold pattern consisted of dragons and flames. Ornate as it might sound, there was a simple elegance to it that I adored just as much as the silk's soft smoothness.
Once I changed, my ladies dragged me to the full length mirror to gasp and awe and fawn over me. I felt like blushing and twirling and practicing my curtsy. They laughed as I did all three, but Maylin insisted on adding one final touch.
She placed a fire lily—solitary and flawless—in my topknot as the accessary to be replaced, and we looked at my reflection in silence.
"You look like… a princess," she said simply as the weight of what that meant fell on all of us.
For all that I'd learned, lost, and re-learned in the past few years, for all the confidence I'd gained in my body, mind, and soul, I didn't feel prepared. My head knew there was nothing that could prepare me, that I'd have to grow from experience, but my heart screamed that I was too young, just a girl after all, that womanhood and princessness was as unachievable now as it was when I was six. Fortunately, my old soul intervened and silenced that irrational line of thought.
They kissed both my cheeks before rushing out to see to some other preparation or another. I appreciated the privacy that I might indulge in a moment of vanity, but it passed quickly. I tried to ground my soaring soul by thanking the spirits for this day and meditating, centering myself to find the peace and life in the present so I never missed a second. I tried not to think about what this new title would mean, how drastically my life would change after the honeymoon, and certainly not what would happen after the wedding feast had ended, what would happen once Ozai and I were alone and spending our first night together… It was tradition for a couple to spend their wedding night in the bedroom they planned on sharing for the next few years, or in our case a lifetime, before leaving the next day on a honeymoon.
If I did think about it, a sudden panic would grip me, and I'd burst with burning questions I wished I had the nerve to ask Maylin or another married friend, but I had to trust myself and my prince. I placed all my hope in remembering how he always made me feel, how natural everything was with him…
I cleared my mind of every thought save my love for Ozai.
That could only calm me.
The idea of us beginning our lives together and being together forever didn't make me anxious in the least.
Our love was an absolute certainty, a truth since the day we met.
Irrevocable and unconditional.
Unquenchable.
"Are you ready?" my cousins broke through my reverie. "The palanquins are."
"So ready," I sighed with the softest smile I could manage.
Fully suppressing a smile or relieving my aching cheeks would be impossible. My lips would be curled constantly all the day, and I loved every moment of it.
"I hope you're not getting cold feet, brother," Iroh teased as he entered the room where I was allowing the servants to comb my hair.
"Why would I have cold feet? And before you mention 'pre-wedding jitters,' let me assure you I have nothing to be jittery about," I sighed, sending one of the servants a pointed look for staring at my goatee.
I'd allowed them to give me the full-on spa treatment a few days ago, but I didn't want them to get any more ideas or take any liberties with my facial hair. I'd allowed it to satisfy them, but perhaps it'd only encouraged them.
"Nothing?" Iroh teased again.
I rolled my eyes and said merely that all my concerns were dealt with. Once or twice, the thought that Azulon might cancel the ceremony last minute, or do something even worse, struck me to the core. I combated these thoughts the usual way, comforting myself with the knowledge that the Fire Lord feared me. His fear probably protected our wedding more than anything else.
"Get it over with, Iroh," I pleaded with a slight smirk.
"Get what over with?" he feigned innocence.
"Iroh," I half-growled, causing my combers to flinch.
"Very well," he pouted, feeling that his philosophical sermons were deeply unappreciated.
And then came the longest speech he'd ever given.
I tuned out around sentence thirteen.
I couldn't see Ursa until the procession finally reached the villa that would be our home. Azulon, Iroh, and Lu Ten stood by my side, the youngest prince fidgeting with his formal robes.
The fidgeting stopped the second Azulon looked at him.
The palanquins stopped, and the bride descended.
The most beautiful woman the world had ever seen.
More breathtaking than the world could ever dream.
And somehow real.
My bride floated over to us, the embodiment of sun, moon, stars, ocean, phoenix, dragon, fire lily, and… all beauty. Nothing compared to her perfection and grace. To the brilliance of her ruby silks.
Nothing compared to the radiance of those eyes.
There stood my prince. The most handsome man I'd ever seen, dreamed, imagined, heard of, and ever would see, dream, imagine, or hear of. The boy I fell in love with transformed into a man.
His robes, so like mine in silk and shape, were black and gold, so unlike the fiery red of everyone else's. His skirt trailed, and his wrists billowed. His waist was wrapped in my red silk and golden phoenix design, but most of his black silks featured designs with gold dragons. The shoulders flared off and curved up over the rest of his sleeves, like mine, in a layer of black silk with golden swirls of flame. His neckline, however, was a black V-neck that exposed the white collar of his robe underneath. White also peeked out from the inside of his sleeves and from beneath the silk layer on his shoulders, helping to soften the harshness of his lines and color palette. Overall however, my prince towered in silk adorned by intricate dragons.
The pillar of black in a crimson sea reminded me of a night so long ago, and I realized why he'd chosen the color. I'd once danced with him in a way that both isolated me from everyone else and forced me in the spotlight. Every eye had been glued to the dark horse, the disgraced descendent of the Avatar, in the arms of a Fire Prince. I was in his world but could never be of it, and he wanted to express the same. He dressed in black to show how he both stood out and drowned amongst them all, to show how I had rescued him when no one else would or could, to show that we were the same, to thank me and reciprocate everything that night meant. We were both so unique and so alone, so tarnished and so pure, so desperate to be and incapable of being accepted, so perfectly imperfect for each other. We could only be rescued by each other.
The second our eyes met, Ozai smiled at me wider than he ever had before, that flawless face wrinkling and crinkling in places I didn't know could do either, and somehow that ear-to-ear grin was more brilliant than the sun, knocking all breath from me in a way nothing else ever had, not even his smoldering eyes. That gaze still left me breathless, of course, but in a different way. This grin was warmer, lifting me up high above the clouds, instilling hope and joy in a way I couldn't express.
This grin was my Ozai. The soul of the boy no one else saw.
Our months apart and her attire opened my eyes to see just how much she had changed. She was not the girl I fell in love with. She had left that girl behind and returned a woman. Even so, she was still Ursa. She wasn't a spirit or nymph or goddess or angel. She was more. She was real, and she was more than realness. She was more than all art and all nature and all description. Beyond any other words or any other form of expression...
She was Ursa.
And she was my bride.
The palanquins of people and gifts were unloaded, and we entered into the next part of the ceremony, my family welcoming Ursa and her family into our new home.
Ozai took my arm in his as we went inside to perform the bows that would join us as man and wife. Our smiles were soft but incapable of being fully suppressed, even under Azulon's gaze. There was little we could say aloud under the pressure of the Fire Lord's presence and of our need to present ourselves as a reserved, regal couple, but our eyes always said what we could not.
We bowed to pay respect to the Fire Lord, the spirits, the ancestors, and finally each other. My princess played her role perfectly, the embodiment of grace, strength, and humble confidence, but nothing could hide the fire within her, the fire she was. Her modesty and reserved nature and inhuman, story-like elegance didn't interfere with those amber flames that lit the world. Our joy and love was palpable in the very air. Not even those who believed me to be stiff and cold and conniving, who nicknamed me The Prince of Apathy, would've seen anything other than warmth and peace in my face, in the way I reacted to and revolved around her, in the way I looked at her. Not even my worst enemies could, on that day, claim I didn't love her or that she didn't love me. Not even the worst gossips would be willing or able to cast any stains on such a pure, young love. Let them say what they would the next day and all the days after that. This day was ours.
We didn't speak in front of Ozai, and we didn't even blink. We couldn't bear to break such a perfect stare as groom and bride became husband and wife.
We had to leave for the banquet and coronation in separate palanquins, but we couldn't resist kissing first. My heart didn't stop or even skip a beat. My heart was ready. My heart was bursting and soaring towards his, relieved to finally be united as one.
It was at once a desperate and patient kiss, wise and calm even in breathless passion. It certainly wasn't a kiss of first love. We'd been through too much. It was a kiss that saw and felt and lived through the next fifty years of our lives and burned in light of that knowledge.
It was a kiss for life filled by all our unspoken promises and more.
It was a kiss outside of time, more sacred and powerful than every destructive thing we would do and every vow we would break, weaving us into an irrevocable bond—a bond that could never be truly broken, even when we wished it could be.
Our palanquins were carried to the Coronation Plaza, where Azulon would crown Ursa and where the highest banquet was to be held. If she'd married any other than a son of the Fire Lord, there would've be two banquets, one for the bride's family and one for the groom's. Instead, there were banquets throughout the city that everyone on the island was invited to. The banquets closest to the plaza were reserved for nobles only, but the foods and drinks offered were equally lavish.
Before the feasts could be begin, the crowds gathered in the plaza to meet their new princess and watch her receive her hairpiece. There was a raised platform for the both coronation ceremony and for the royal family's banquet table.
Before I knew what had happened, our palanquins were lifted off servants' shoulders onto a thousand Fire Nation palms. The citizens floated us through the crowd until each palanquin reached the raised platform. Iroh helped me out, kissing my hand and forehead as he whispered something about what a great happiness it was to have me for a sister-in-law. Lu Ten, who'd had mixed feelings and some confusion over me becoming a princess, Ozai's wife, and his aunt, stood stiff and solemn, bowing to me once I crossed over the wooden planks to reach him. Azulon must have advised him on formality, but I kneeled down to kiss his cheek and hug him, whatever the Fire Lord might think.
I smiled my continuous smile at her as she greeted Lu Ten, knowing the normalcy of that welcome comforted him beyond words, and she finally turned to me, knocking all breath from my lungs in one look.
The ceremony began with us lighting a candle using a flame from each of our respective houses. If I'd been able to firebend, I wouldn't have needed a torch to transport the fire, but of course I did. Ozai firebended his family's flame slowly so I could walk with some grace. It had to be timed so our candle's wick was lit by both simultaneously.
It worked, of course. The candle lit without a problem, but it lit too well.
Our flames burst on impact, briefly creating a ball of fire that Ozai gently forced me to duck from.
The crowd gasped even more audibly than when I first stepped onto the stage, and Azulon's eyebrows flew up so high I thought they might've been burnt off for a moment. The fire sages in the audience whispered fervently, and I tried my best not to look as stricken as I felt.
I relit the candle by blinking a little harder than usual and twisted my hand behind my back, bending two dragons around the pillar of wax to appease the audience and prevent any rumors about the combustibility of marrying two houses, even though no one referred to Ursa as the Avatar's granddaughter since our engagement.
The crowd oohed their awe rather than gasp this time, and I lifted my bride's hand up high to their cheers.
Azulon silenced them with a wave—of fire—and then began saying the long pledge I was to swear to obey. As he spoke, Ozai removed the flower from my hair and sent me a fourth-smirk of moral support that softened me considerably.
She stepped forward to bow before the Fire Lord, projecting her voice without seeming to raise the volume at all as she swore to uphold everything he'd listed.
Azulon placed the hairpiece in her bun and formally introduced to the kingdom, rather loudly, their new princess.
I knelt a lady and rose a princess.
Ozai took my hand in his as Azulon presented us as a new royal couple as well, but I could barely hear him over the roar of more people than I'd ever met and ever imagined the plaza could hold. Their enthusiasm couldn't be for me. I couldn't fathom it. I couldn't fathom it any more than I could fathom the fact they then fell to their knees and faces to give me a full bow as the fireworks flew. Enough fireworks to keep the sky brighter than daylight.
I did hear Ozai whisper those three most precious words in my ear.
The banquet, in comparison, felt extremely casual and terribly intimate, even staring at a table overflowing with the world's richest and rarest and from-the-farthest-known-reaches foods, jewels, and precious metals, even sitting inches from Fire Lord Azulon.
That casual intimacy only lasted a few minutes before an unending line of nobles were paraded to our table. Ozai and I couldn't speak to each other because we were too busy thanking our guests for what felt like years. At last, everyone but our palanquin servants went home, which meant our palanquin could finally carry us to our new home.
And our new bedchamber.