"John, wake up!" I whispered, shaking his shoulder.

He groaned, rolling over, away from me.

"John!" I repeated, pulling the blankets off.

"What?" He huffed, turning back to squint at me in the sunlight filtering through the windows.

Since Mimi had gotten cross with him over something school related that I hadn't heard about completely, John had spent the night here at Elaine's, ultimately sleeping in the same bed as me, much to Elaine's dismay, though, nothing suggestive had gone on, partial to John's anger with Mimi, as well as my prude-like qualities.

"It's your birthday," I grinned, clapping his shoulder.

His already narrowed eyes squinted even more as he stared at me before sitting up, pushing the blankets off. "Shit, yeah, it is." John's eyes lit up. He seemed very suddenly alert, awake. "Thanks for letting me stay here." He crawled over me, pecking me on the cheek as he passed.

It was a little nice, the way he treated me as if we were an old couple, had known each other for years, a familiar thing. Even though all of this was completely foreign to me.

"Julia's holding me a party tonight, I'd love it if you came." He liked to ignore the fact that I despised Julia.

I smiled tightly, the fake kind of smile that you want to make sure recipient knows it's fake. "We'll see."

John hesitated at the door before giving me a small nod and ducking out.

I patted the sheets where he had been lying minutes beforehand, then got up, getting ready for the day.

~ ~ ~

I hadn't decided whether or not I'd go to Julia's party when noon came around, and John had been bothering me about it the entire day.

"I'll tell you when I've made up my mind!" I kept telling him, but he persisted on asking me over and over.

"Piss off already, won't you?" I shouted, finally cracking after about a constant hour of his barraging questions. "I won't even think about going if you keep asking!"

John had backed off after that. I decided I'd stay for half an hour then slip out when he was distracted.

"Gear! That's great! I was afraid you wouldn't come!" He exclaimed as I told him, making sure to keep out the part where I would slip out of the party after barely half an hour. "You make me real happy, Roxanne." John beamed, kissing me.

I laughed along, though I really didn't want to go. I was an introvert, there was no denying it. I'd rather spend my days alone, reading, listening to music, drawing, working. I wouldn't have even wanted go if for example Paul was holding the party. But I would be respectful, I'd never leave on Paul without saying anything.

"I bought you something, by the way," I grinned. "I've got to return the favour, yeah?"

"Ta, R." John said, taking the box I had handed to him. I hoped he would be surprised. I liked when he called me R, anyways. I felt cool. H sounded better though, but I'd never let him know.

He pulled out the leather jacket I had bought him- it was on sale, but I never mentioned that. There was some hair gel and other trinkets in the box underneath it, but he seemed quite invested in the jacket. "Brilliant!" He exclaimed, pulling off his current one and showing me a hole in the side. "Just what I needed, this one's getting rather ratty."

"Oh- gear-" I replied, smiling as he zipped up the new leather, grinning at me.

"So?" He turned around, looking at himself in the mirror.

"It looks nice,"

"And it fits bloody well, I'll definitely give you that."

Laughing, I picked up the side on his old jacket with the hole. "It's not that bad, I could probably fix it,"

John glanced at me for a moment. "There are things you can't fix, Roxanne."

I wasn't sure if he was trying to talk philosophically or something, but either way, it was sort of a spur of the moment thing, like, whoa, I don't even know what's going on right now. It was weird.

"Yes, but it's a small hole- you could easily stitch-"

"Roxanne," He repeated, sounding like my mother.

My mother.

I clutched my chest for a moment. Not a single day passed when I wished it was I in that accident instead of her and Dad.

A hand reached out, touching my shoulder lightly. "Are you alright?" I jumped, slapping it away.

"I'm bloody fine." I snapped, startled by my own sudden hostility. "Don't ask."

John narrowed his eyes. "Okay, then. I won't."

Thank God. I didn't want to be bothered by the things that have haunted me for eight years. I wanted to be at peace- as much as I could. The days where Mum and Dad would take me and Alice out with our matching boaters and we'd drive to the Bristol Channel to go to the shops on the pier.

I sighed out loud.

"Roxanne, you're acting really fuckin' weird. Is there something bothering you or-?" John spoke up again. I thought he had left.

"Fuck off, will you?" The morning had started off so well. I'd ruined it with my sour mood- all because of my reminiscing. I ruined everything. A huge fuck-up, that's what. "I'm sorry."

He gave me a weak smile and walked out, saying he had to go talk to Mimi. I groaned, falling back onto the bed.

A small knock on the doorframe made me lift my head, meeting Elaine's stare. "Has John gone back next door?" She asked.

I nodded before glancing at the floor. I was almost beginning to wonder if I should move back to Bristol, but I couldn't. I could never go back there. I guessed I'd never really belong anywhere.

~ ~ ~

Dim lights illuminated the front of Julia's home. "Mimi said she was just upset because she didn't want me seeing Julia." John laughed as we walked up to the door.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, she's a real pain in the arse when it comes to me and Julia." He chuckled, opening the door and letting me in. I shivered, hesitating before I stepped in, flattening my skirt. I had no idea what to expect- Grandmother never let me go to any parties.

I'd told myself I'd block out thinking about Mum and Dad- at least for the night. I didn't want to ruin John's fun. Or seem like a bloody nut in front of Julia.

"It's my ickle birthday boy!" Julia squealed, running up to him and hugging him, kissing him on the cheek so it left a red mark. I backed off, smiling in a visibly fake manner, trying to find someone I knew. Getting away from her was first on my agenda.

After awhile, I had found Paul, with that George kid I'd met in J&M Books. "Ah, Heather- I didn't think you'd show up!"

He patted my shoulder, and George stared at me silently. "Hello, George." I greeted him awkwardly. He shoved his hands in his jacket's pockets and smiled at me, his cheeks turning red as they had before.

"Hi," He mumbled.
Paul glanced at him, raising an eyebrow then turning back to me. "I thought I'd bring him along- get him into the Quarrymen, y'know, with Colin and Len and all."

I nodded in agreement. They could use some people. "What do you play, then?"

He jumped a little. "Oh.. Guitar, I s'pose." George replied, staring down at his feet.

My cousin nudged him irritatedly. "Hey, George, you're never this quiet. What's your problem?"
George shifted, glanced at Paul, then grinned at me. "I can't really help it when I'm in front of girls." He said- barely audibly.

I was a trifle flustered, and quite flattered. Paul just looked increasingly angrier by the second. "I'm her cousin, mate, practically her brother!"

He flinched, and I noticed he had taken his hands out of his pockets and had begun flexing them. "Back off, Paul, will you?" Paul rubbed his arm guiltily, gazing at me. "He's just trying to be nice."

"Yes..." George seemed as if he were about to say something else, but he trailed off. "Heather, we haven't really gotten to know each other, how do you say to maybe.. Going out somewh-"

"There you are!" John shouted, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and planting a kiss on my lips. I laughed. "Ey, Paulie, who's this?"

I glanced over at George. He was staring at John now. What the fuck? Paul elbowed him sharply, whispering something like 'this is your fucking chance' in his ear. "G-George Harrison. I do guitar."

John snorted. "Paul, he's a kid. What's he doing at my party?" George furrowed his brows, clenching his teeth.

"I thought I'd bring him along, y'know, he can play real well, maybe we could let him in the band?" He tousled his hair, trying to seem nonchalant though it was clear he was nervous.

The arm around my shoulders shifted to my waist, and I glanced self-consciously at George, who was eyeing me subtly. "He's got to impress me first." John steered me away from the small group, keeping a tight grip on me. "Let's get some drinks, yeah?"

I smiled weakly. "Sorry John, I don't really want to drink..." He frowned.

"Come 'ead, it's my birthday, for fuck's sake!" John yelled.

"I just don't want-"

John looked furious. "Why, so you can go hang out with that little bloke?" He snapped and I pulled out of his grasp.

"No, I'm not in the mood for any bloody drinks, and I'm not in the mood for you or any of your fucking friends!" I shouted, shoving him away from me and storming out of the house, pushing through crowds of people as my stomach clenched and tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

Mere seconds passed before my blissful solitude was interrupted by the door opening and slamming. I whirled around angrily, expecting John, only to meet eyes with George.

He opened his mouth, freezing. "Erm... Heather, a-are you okay?" The dark haired boy stressed. "Paul and I saw what happened."

"Yeah, no fuckin' wonder!" I shouted. "I'm bloody fine, just leave me alone." I turned back around, sitting on the bench in Julia's front yard.

He didn't go back inside. Instead, the bench creaked and George sat down beside me. "We're- me and Paul- worried about you-"

"Then why isn't he out here?"
"He told me to come out. He's dealing with John." George said quickly. I highly doubted that.

I scoffed and crossed my arms, staring at the street ahead of us. This was all Julia's fault, I thought, watching a car pass by. "I don't care, just go back inside."

I felt his clammy hand touch my arm. "Let me help you, Heather. You can't hide yourself from everyone all the time."

He was seeing through me, even though he didn't know. Looking back at him, he had no idea what he was doing. Who he was talking to. "You don't even bloody know me. We've spoken two times. Fuck off." I spat, and yet again, I was alarmed by my sudden anger. I was becoming a very angry, spiteful girl, and there was nothing I could do to help it.

But unlike John, George didn't necessarily back off, and I hated him for it. I wanted to return to my lonely life with Grandmother, only so that I could be alone and never bothered- except for when she would nag me. "Well- I haven't really anywhere to go. I don't know anyone inside... But I know you, at least." He laughed with a nervous undertone.

I wanted to shove his lanky ass off the bench and leave. But that was rude. "Great." I hissed. Still, I didn't need to be so nasty with him. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

"Look, I'm sorry I'm not really what you're looking for. I know I'm not the best looking, and I'm younger than you..." George trailed off, saying the most I'd ever heard from him before.

"Um.. George." I had no idea what he was talking about. "What?"

He became rigid beside me, clenching his hands together. "Well- I, erm, was just thinking, how you and er, John- you're all... Y'know, and I'm just saying that- uh," The younger boy stammered before sighing. "Forget it."
I flopped against the bench, looking up at the night sky to find the stars slightly obstructed by the city lights beaming down onto the street. I could still make out a few constellations, though. "You see that?" I asked him, trying to change the subject as I pointed at a small group of stars that slightly resembled a house. "That's Cepheus, my favourite constellation."

"Really?" George murmured. "I like Orion the Hunter."

"My father would take my sister and I out to the countryside sometimes to go stargazing." I smiled, looking up to the stars and wondering if he and Mum were looking down upon me. And if they were frowning, unhappy with my defiance to Grandmother.

Our breath billowed in front of us, the temperature gradually dropping the longer we sat outside. "I wish he were still around," I decided to say. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like I could trust George, as if he were someone I had known for ages.

He paused. "Y-your dad?"

I nodded, not saying another word.

"Oh. I'm sorry- Heather," George murmured, placing his hand on top of mine so I turned and he could look me in the eye. "I'm very sure your father loved you very much- and that if he could have, he would have spent every last second he could with you. Just remember that, okay?"

With my free hand, I clutched my heart, suddenly getting stricken with a soul wrenching ache- but a slight relief. I had never been shown this approach to Mum and Dad's death- and George didn't even know the slight of it. He had no idea, though he had just helped me more than Grandmother- Alice- John- or Paul had even, ever, in the eight years that Mum and Dad had been dead.

I sighed, staring at his feet. "Thank you, Geo."

He grinned. "I like that name, Heather. Have you any? That could become our 'thing', if you might."

The urge to laugh came upon me. "They call me Roxanne sometimes," I replied sheepishly. "But I'd rather you call me Heather."

"How come? Roxanne is quite catchy," He chuckled, his hand still clutching onto mine. It was slightly clammy, I noted.

"That's another story for another day," I concluded before quickly changing the subject. "D'you think Paul's dealt with John by now?"

George twisted around to stare at Julia's door. "No, I don't think so. Do you know the way back to Paul's from here? I came with him."

"Yeah, it's not that long of a walk." I muttered, although I wanted to wait around for John and Paul. "Y' want directions?"

I felt him tense up beside me. "Oh... I was thinking- maybe you could go with me?"

"I wanted to wait for John, actually."

"Why?" George asked, smiling, though I was damn sure he knew why I wanted to stay to see how the stuff with John had worked out. He was a kid. How could he know any better to play people, though?

He just had to make it difficult, didn't he? "We're... In a relationship, I suppose."

His plastered-on fake smile stayed on his face, as if he wanted me to say I'd still go with him anyways, like I thought he was oblivious. I knew he wasn't. "Besides," I added. "I'd rather not go walking at night with a boy I barely know."

I got up, my hand leaving his awfully sweaty one, and went to reenter the house.

As I did though, the door swung open and John came storming out, blind to me- and probably George as well, followed by Julia, who made eye contact with me for a second.

George scrambled behind the bench, hiding as Julia trailed John into the street. I, meanwhile, was frozen in place. "John!" She cried, stopping him under a lonesome streetlight. "Johnny, let me talk to you!" Gross.

John spun around, jaw set furiously as he glared at his own mother. I'd never treat Mum this way. If I could ever see her again, I'd- "What now, Mum?" He said it bitterly. I could see Julia's pain.

"I threw this party for you. Jackie and Julie had to go out somewhere with Bobby so they wouldn't be disturbed!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms out. "I did this for you, John, because I love you!"

He was absolutely seething. "Love me? You bloody love me? If you really love, why is Alf gone? Why am I living with Mimi? Where have you been all my life? Why did you try to make me choose?" He yelled, stepping away and clenching his fists. "You're no mother." The cold remark was left hanging in the air.

"I had no choice, I- he- we-" Stammering, quavering words came from Julia's mouth, though I doubt John took any of it at face value.

"You bitch!" He shouted, a silence following as his words rang out along the empty street. Julia stopped before running back towards the house, sobbing. She, yet again, glanced at me as she went back inside, and I felt a trifle guilty- but what was I to do? Let John call me a bitch instead? This was her fight to solve.

I wondered where Paul was as John let out an exasperated shout, running his hands through his hair as he kicked the side of the curb before storming off down the sidewalk, muttering inaudibly.

"Christ," George muttered, getting up from behind the bench and gazing at me. I had forgotten he was there. "Should we get going, then, maybe?" He held out his arm, as if he were desensitized- blind to what had just happened right in front of him.

"No! What the fuck?" I snapped, coming off as more aggressive than I wanted to, before running off to go find John.