A/N: I have a ditty it just hit me and it goes a little something like this, and the fic goes on the fic goes on, the fic goes on. Yeah if you didn't get it I tweaked it, I am a tweaker the song is Sonny and Cher, The Beat Goes On yes I'll tweak any song! So let's go!
Happy Reading! (:
Mercedes POV
"I totally enjoyed tonight, it was great going out with the adults the gun/hatchet range I did not know that they existed but since Denise has a good collection of them I should have knew better."
"Me too there she got why she got her hatchet in her hand." I let down my window. "You knew what I was about to say."
"Come back her!"
"I didn't kiss her! I didn't kiss her!"
She tossed her hatchet. "Darn it I only shaved off the side of his hair my aim is off I did too much showing off Preston come here baby I just want to talk to you. Hey great hanging with you two tonight."
"You too." Sam stuck his head out the window. "He's running for his life, he's running for his life if anyone ask you Preston what's wrong with you, tell them you are trying to get away to make it another day Denise is on your track…"
"Sam, get your head back in this vehicle and park the car let Denise and Stevie handle this."
"Alright that song was on the tip of my tongue hope you can be on the tip of it later."
"Samuel Thaddeus Evans you really gonna tweak a song only to think about that. I can't stop right here by the entrance I'm going up to get TJ. Thank you. I'll see you in the room. Azimio come on."
"I'm right behind you Mercedes, you not going to wait for Sam?"
"No I'm not he did a little tweak of a gospel song then he said…." He gave me a knowing look. "Well you know. Nasty self."
"Yeah, I know he's not the only nasty one need I remind you S-A-M…" I slapped him on his arm. "I never heard anyone do that? Where did you come up with that?"
"This is where I came up with it I was watching Living Single it was the episode where Regine was dating the painter they were up on roof getting her laundry her mother had come with some cupcakes, her and what's the guy name Keith she told him to spell it and I thought if I ever get to be with the man of my dreams I was going to have him spell my name and there you have it, I had Sam spell my name in so many ways he even spelled it backwards."
"No way either way you guys are some freaks after you." He knocked on the door. "Ray open up the door I should have got the key from Stevie or Denise she flew right by me."
"Hold up." I covered with my blouse. "Sorry about the smell that Mexican food is…"
"Loudly talking back I'm not trying to inhale are the kids okay 'cause I'm not whew. Let me stay over here by the door, go get TJ and Conniehey."
"Conniehey is right here I got him Ray stay here until either Deja or Stevie gets back, thanks again for staying back."
"It was nothing. Night TJ."
"Night Ray, hi mommy, where is daddy?"
"Daddy is parking the car you had fun with all your cousins."
"Yup, we ate pizza, wings, they even sent us two free pizza cookies yummy to my little tummy, Preston showed up, he tried to get Deja to sit in his lap but I peeped game, I'm the lap blocker."
Arf [I'm the lap watcher.]
"I'm glad you did that you know how strict your Aunt Denise is thank you Azimio for walking us back to the room, go kick off your shoes get in bed, it is late. Way past your bed time." I sat on the edge of the bed kicking off my heels. "My feet are hurting."
"Mommy you need a massage, I want to massage your feet like daddy does scoot back, scoot back, does it feel better?"
"Yeah it does." I closed my eyes. "Sam is Denise still chasing after Preston."
"She is, she's on her second lap I handed her a bottle of water as I came in, hi son massaging mommy feet like me"
"Uh-huh her dogs were really barking." Sam sat beside me. "Daddy is your dogs barking too Conniehey can massage them."
"I'm good, Conniehey what is this on your face." I opened one eye. "Who do these belong to?"
Arf [Look I was up in that room suffering I got some I went into Denis bag pulling out her underwear as funk blocker. They smell good too, smell like Purex Naturals and snuggle dryer sheets she's not getting these back unless she pets me we all know she won't do that.]
"Oh my gosh! McConaughey! You got Aunt Denise underwear she not gonna like that give them here." TJ pulled them off his face Conniehey bit them. "Give them here! They for your booty not a chew for dogs! These for Uncle Stevie JT told me these are Uncle Stevie favorite underwear of Aunt Denise he knows he's going to get it in if he sees her in these numbers."
"Grrrrrr…."
I clapped my hands. "Conniehey Jupiter Evans! Let them go! You should know better than to go through clothing you have chew toys."
Arf [I'm sorry just that you don't know what I went through Ray lit up the whole place. I needed to survive I fainted and Lord Tubbington and Bailey broke out singing Conniehey we bark meow for you, you bark for us, we love you we need you to survive Ray won't harm you with the funk from his but we love you we need you to survive.]
"Conniehey! No you did not go through Denise clothes give me that." He laid his head in my lap whimpering. "I know Conniehey you are sorry. I still love you."
Arf [I love you too ooh a piece of chicken tasty.]
"Thank you TJ for my massage they feel better now come up here we have something to tell you."
"What is it? The doctors got it wrong and I'm really getting a brother."
"No, you are getting a sister that's confirmed." He pouted. "Sisters are a blessing just like the brother you will one day get but granny dropped a little bit of information on us."
"What?"
"She's moving out here."
He looked from Sam and me. "There is only one thing I can do." He fell back screaming. "Noooooooo! Granddaddy was supposed to keep his foot down does granny have the fire too. If so she needs it blown out! Just blow on it granddaddy change your mind douse her with some cold water! She needs to go home."
Alex J kicked. "Your sister agrees too. TJ, it won't be that bad I promise you if granny stresses you out we'll go have a mother son day out anything you want."
"Does that also includes us locking ourselves in the bedroom having pajama day all day knowing that grandma is lurking in the distance."
"Yes, it does, now go brush your teeth Sam, go in there to make sure he actually brushes his teeth. I'm going to charge my phone."
"Alright."
"Conniehey can you gonna stay in here with me, okay I'm just going to listen to my messages on my old phone you think Tank called me CJ?"
Arf [I'll say yes he can't keep you off his mind.]
"Let me listen to this. I now I'm going to regret it later."
"Mercedes fucking Jones or should I say Evans you know how many times I called your ass to only get your voicemail too many damn times look your buddy Lucky shot my boy Shane for him thankfully he was grazed so no damage done. Take his ass to a shooting rang so he can learn how to aim better. I called you for a reason why in the hell is Sam got damn Evans name on my son's birth certificate! You got some fucking explaining to do! I will see you face to face and I pray Sam ass is with you he don't want it with me. You better kiss your man goodbye I'll fuck him up tell my son that his real daddy loves him I see you brainwashing him to call him daddy that's how you gonna hurt me it's all cool. I'll see you real soon. Bye."
Sam smacked my ass. "I love the way it jiggles. What are you doing with that phone? I don't know you bought it with you."
"Y-Yeah, I did. I…" My phone began flashing. "He's calling you want me to answer you want me to answer."
"No I got it. What do you want demon?"
"Who the fuck you calling a demon? Is this Sam? What you got to say to my ass? I'm happy you answered the phone and all but I don't want your ass I want her ass, where she at?"
"Don't worry about her you called her phone, you are so stupid! I got something for you like to hear it, here it ago…" Sam turned off the phone. "I'm gonna see him face to face one day I got some choice words for him, TJ come out here, so mommy can get in there to get ready for bed."
"Okay mommy the bathroom is all yours. Jump over daddy! Whew! Daddy how as dinner?"
"Dinner as awesome it was a moment during the dinner when everyone pulled out their…" I cleared my throat. "Toys."
"Toys? Daddy don't you mean weapons Aunt Denise has whole shelf of hatchets, Uncle Puck got guns, Aunt Quinn has knives, Aunt Santana has matches, and granddaddy has granny."
"Baby he has a point, I'm sorry, let's say our prayers, hit it."
"Dear God make me the kind of man my daddy is."
"Dear God make me the kind of man my son thinks I am."
"Daddy I think you are the best man ever…"
"So do I." I rubbed my stomach. "Alex J does too."
Stevie's POV
"Did you catch him?"
"No, he got away from me, why didn't you help chase him down you know I had to slice him, where is Deja? DEJA! COME IN HERE!"
"This don't make any sense." She mumbled. "What?"
"I know you didn't just what me, what was Preston doing here? That was Preston right you told him to run away from me. Why?"
"Mom, you are the hatchet warrior princess! You are crazy! We were just sitting outside on the picnic table talking, Ray was in here…"
"Ray is TJ's bodyguard to keep him safe your job is to watch the kids, who invited him?"
"TJ, you can't get me there even you know this, you talked to Jenny last night over the phone you said this yourself. Am I right?"
"I can't believe Jay going to do me like this! Foolishness! What else did she say?"
"Yeah, Deja tell us what else did she say I wanna know."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know she hasn't typed it for me yet. Wait I do know that you lost it when Gabby and Jazzy had it out over that dildo and you didn't know what song she tweaked and daddy can't get the jets."
"Huh?! I can't get the jets! You joking! I can't get the jets oh I'm getting the jets, where are my favorite underwear you got them on."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH open up this door! Denise! Open up!" I opened the door. IT'S A LIZARD ON THE TELEVISON!" Denise and Mary jumped on the bed. "I ran I left Simon in there he's petting the damn thing calling it cute! He said he saw it last night and he just now telling me! He should have kept it a secret! My life was in danger."
"Yes your life was in danger Stevie! Go Save him! He's gonna get ate by that vicious animal."
"Alright, alright." I put on my on my shoes. "I'll go check Deja are you coming with me."
"No, daddy I have to get my beauty rest for church in the morning, tell the cute little lizard I said hi, oh and y'all lives are still in danger there is a lizard on top of this television too. Deuces!"
"Stevie!"
"What are they screaming about? Hey Preston." He stopped slowly turning around. "Don't run. Aw man. Preston!" I shouted running after him. "Wait up! Hold it. Stop running don't jump on the elevator don't worry about Denise she on the bed with Mary it's a lizard on the television. Why you run?"
He kissed his teeth. "You saw her with that hatchet I was running for my life! You see my hair she tossed it." He checked himself in the painting. "Look at this I'm going to have to this side off too to match it. I should be thankful it was my hair and not me."
"I saw that. I would apologize but the missus means business, so what were you two talking about? You can answer me while we go to Mary's room; it's gonna be the room with the door opened and a little kid inside playing with a lizard."
"Deja said she had a dream about me."
"Oh it must have been about the baby Denise thought that she and I had a kid she told me that Jay asked a simple question Deja or Preston they didn't know what the reason was for but it was to find out if the baby favored you or Deja, the answer is you ." He smiled. "Don't get too happy she went back in the dream she sliced you up that was after she and Deja returned from the hospital."
"Better dream me than real me this is close enough. The room is right there. What's the kid name?"
"Simon." I cupped my hands around my mouth. "Simon! Where are you? Simon your mother came screaming down to our room saying that there is a lizard on the television."
"Here lizard, lizard, lizard uh-oh I think I need a bigger box. Gotcha! Uncle Stevie look at what I got a lizard."
"Yeah we can see that where did it come from?"
"I don't I was up late watching TV and he crawled up on the television I didn't tell my mommy because I know how she is because Aunt Michelle told me about it back in the day how it happened, who knew it could happen twice. Where is she?"
"She's in our room in the bed with your Aunt Denise? You got a shoe box?"
"Yeah." He pointed to the closet. "It's one right there. What should I name you?"
"How about Scream? That's what your aunt and mother are going to do once they see him up close."
"I know. P-Preston what happened to your hair! Deja isn't going to like that."
"Er yeah I decided to try a new do, actually it was decided for me. Shall we get back to the room so I can answer Mrs. Evans questions I kinda gave her to slip she was gaining on me but I shouted a rat so that did it. Some people are saved by the bell, I was saved by the rat."
"That's funny it reminded me of Tank's mother funeral, some lady sang Amazing Grace didn't know the lyrics I wasn't in whew! It was hilarious maybe if you get on my baby's good side you may get the opportunity to see that video during movie night."
"Yeah, I heard about y'all movie nights."
"We're back." Denise and Mary were on bended knee praying. "They are praying for the lizard let's listen in."
"Lord where is my shoes please let a flip flop be near me. Lord y me u know I cannot deal with these critters crawling and sneaking around I'm trying to live and not die."
"Lord give me the courage of David, the zeal of Paul and the determination of Elijah that I will be able to rise up and kill this bug in your name!"
"Hi honey, Mary he's fine the lizard is very friendly."
"Yeah, mommy." He opened the box. "You wanna see?"
"No, I don't want to see it. I'm just glad you're okay and don't think about asking me to keep it you want me to be like your Aunt Denise."
"Actually yeah! I prefer if you ran around the block a few times I won't say when I'll leave my lizard out I want to catch you off guard I want to be on Ellen too and I'm gonna do it."
"You and that vicious thing go sit over there Stevie get his twin brother right there, JT was going to get it for us but I was so concerned that he might bite my baby draw some blood making him queasy causing me to faint he'd crawl over her climb up on the bed walk down my arm then eat me and I can't let that happen. You and I got to plan our wedding, get married have a couple more babies so they can spit up on their little shirts, I know I'm weird but I used to smell Deja all the time when she used to throw up as a baby, but the most important thing I have to do right now is have a talk to this young man right here." I helped her off the bed. "Stevie carry me over there I refuse to sat my feet down on this floor keep me elevated I'll grill him from right here, don't try any funny business either you still get no jets. Why did you scream rat? You know I'm an HCOer."
"Awkward but oh, you not talking to me."
Denise bucked at him. "Y-Yes, ma'am I only screamed that because you were gaining on me!"
"I was gaining on you because you and Deja were out there on the picnic table, yeah I know you weren't doing anything but I didn't like it."
"Mommy how did you know we weren't doing anything? The story is being written or did she update the fic in the fic with Cyan and Brooklyn I need to know how she handled this situation." Deja opened the box placing the lizard on her shirt. "Now how did I know she was going to place a lizard on her shirt! Oooh! What?! Tristan done dropped a bombshell see his brother Travis is Hank's son. This story is off the chain I thought that Tristan was Hank's son but techiebynature worked it out for Brooklyn I'd feel some kind of way."
"Tell me one reason why shouldn't I slice you."
She removed it from the case. "Baby not so close to my ear."
"It's fine Stevie." She kissed my ear. "Everything is good no cuts, yet tell me why I shouldn't slice you."
He gulped. "I-I stabbed Tank."
"Say what?! Stevie hold me right don't let my feet touch the floor I still want to get my dance in just hold me yup that's it. He cut him! WON'T HE DO IT! He did yeah! He did it! He gets brownie points. Let me shout my way to Monday. Hey!"
Monday….
Alex J's POV
*blows nose* I'm so distraught I can't believe mommy and daddy broke up they were so cute together! You remember the episode when at the beginning she was sad she didn't have a date to prom and all she wanted was a guy to tell her she was beautiful and ask her to dance so Aunt Rachel and she ask daddy to take them they were so cute and daddy told her she looked pretty and he asked her to dance.
Cinny – Yes, Alex we watched a bunch of times and you awed but your mommy and daddy are still together. Your daddy was talking Na'vi to you this morning but you were too slain to hear him.
It was for a good cause daddy knows that I don't like my Na'vi lessons he gonna slip up and catch a fat lip. *double kick* what day is it anyway?
Cinny – It's Monday!
Oh I was knocked out sleep again because Aunt Mary sang me more Sade songs her singing gives me the sweetest naps too….
"Alex J sweetest taboo…"
Not you to mom zzzzzz
Sam's POV
"I told you that song would work Mary is the baby whisperer! She speaks a language I don't know and my account hasn't had any strange purchases."
"Neither has mine!" I pulled her in a hug. "I know that you are happy about that."
"That I am I don't have to sit and think if I made a purchase from Kohls baby's department. Where is she getting this stuff shipped too?" A knock came to the door. "Let's think about that hello, baby did you order anything?"
"No, I didn't why?"
"I have some packages for an Alexandra J. Evans. Is she home?" I looked at Mercedes, Mercedes looked at her stomach. "Can you sign?"
"Y-Yeah, I'll sign but I want you to meet Alex J, baby come here, here you go leave the packages right there."
"You're pregnant congratulations."
"Thank you but this is Alexandra J., this bump is the one that made the purchases." His eyes jumped out his head. "I know."
"B-But it's a fetus! Are you pulling my leg?" I shook my head. "She buying stuff! I don't. What is this?"
"This is my credit card bill! The baby, my baby the one that flew out my left nut!"
"Sam, let him go forgive him, he has other packages to deliver, thank you get those boxes bring them in here let's see why she purchased. Alexandra you are too much." I sat the boxes on the table. "Why did you leave the door? Go close it."
"No, Stevie and Denise just pulled up that's why."
"Okay." She opened the box. "Oh my goodness look at these cute little outfits and shoes! A bag of chinchilla dust."
"Hey wassup family I see you've been shopping for Alexandra J I bought the remainder of the boxes in. Preston set them on the floor."
"No, we haven't been doing any shopping neither have Mama Jones or mommy this is all the fetus, we'll talk about that later, hey Preston I see you decided to align your hair properly after Denise assisted you while you ran away."
"Yes sir, I had no choice but I am alive." He chuckled. "I was saved by my words."
Arf [I knew we had guests oh it's the number 4 belly scratcher Hi Preston new hairdo you don't have to say anything she cut you with her hatchet.]
"Hey Conniehey, where is TJ?"
Arf [Beats me.]
"AHHHH…" Denise jumped on the counter. "Rubbed his fur against me he knows better after the lizard and this, are those my underwear?"
Arf [Yup you have to pet me to get them back.]
"Conniehey those are my mommy's underwear give 'em back!" Conniehey ran off JT made chase. "Give them back TJ help me get them back."
"Stevie help me down I don't know how I got up here in the first place that was a long jump. Thank you baby." They kissed. "Are you two holding hands? No, no, no. Deja stand next to me Preston stand over there I have to know that you two are a safe distance away from each other after that foolishness you know that's not approved we had it out in The Family DMs where you got out your frustrations Jenny up in there feeding you lines to slay me like now."
"I know I'm really good at being dramatic!"
Out the corner of my eye I saw a kid go into the game room. "Um…who is this kid? Hey! Kid come back here, what are you doing here?"
"It's okay little bro go ahead and tell them."
TJ ran into the kitchen. "Mommy where is the bacon? I'm about to bribe Conniehey to give me back Uncle Stevie's favorite underwear of Aunt Denise."
"I'll get you something to bribe Conniehey with, in a minute and it will not be bacon."
"B-B-B-B-BACON!" Deja stuffed the whole bacon in her mouth. "What? Go ahead tell them."
"Go ahead we won't hurt."
"Okay." He licked his lips. "My name is Parker Harley Mason and my father is Tank."
A/N: What just happened?! Until tomorrow iamJLS