Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

Happy New Year! I hope January kicked off your 2016 right, and if not, today is a good day to begin again.

Longest one so far! Let's see how that first course is going.

Halloween, 1997

Much to my relief, I survived the first course with my emotional sanity intact. Edward steered us away from prickly topics like our past or the future and told me about his life in Chicago, which was mostly about Esme.

"It's crazy to watch her grow up and become this…person." He shook his head. "It seems like yesterday she came home from the hospital."

"What was that like for you, having a little sister all of a sudden?"

"I wish I could say I was happy from the beginning, but I was just so angry."

"Why?"

He stared at me so long I thought he wasn't going to answer. "I couldn't believe my mom would betray my dad like that, deceive us like that. We hadn't seen her in five years and couldn't wait to be with her again. But to lure us home without telling us the whole story? What kind of person does that?"

I chose not to answer that. "Did she ever say anything about Esme's father?"

"Not to me." He pushed the remaining salad greens around his plate. "And my dad…after a while, he didn't care about that."

"What do you mean?"

"He barely spoke to her when we first got back to Chicago. Ignored her and the pregnancy as if that would change things. Then he worried his indifference would run her off again, so he doted on her, cared for her every need, and promised to stand by her no matter what. Whenever she tried to talk about Esme's father, my dad insisted she leave the past in the past. Guess he didn't know she saw us as her past too."

"Okay, your entrees will be out in a few minutes," Alec clapped his hands as he arrived then noticed Edward's expression. "Was something wrong with your salad?"

"Oh, no. It's fine." I smiled for both of us. "But if you could clear these, that would be great."

"Certainly. I'll be back with your main course soon."

I nodded at Alec and returned my attention to Edward. "We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

"No, it's good. It's amazing, actually." He attempted a smile. "I…I could never talk to anyone about this, so I…I like having you here to listen."

"Even though outsiders shouldn't know your family's business."

He winced. "I shouldn't have said that to you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." He dragged a hand down his face. "That night, I was so…I just couldn't believe my mom was back, and I said things I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

I waved him off. "Okay."

"It wasn't only that, you know," he said after a moment. "The reason I didn't have anyone to talk to."

"Wait. Don't you have friends in Chicago?"

He shrugged. "Dad had moved us into a new neighborhood, and though I went to a good school, it was the middle of junior year. No one was interested in getting to know the new kid."

"Not even your teammates?"

"There was no team to speak of. It's not like I went back to Chicago to play varsity soccer. I went back because I thought my mother wanted to be a family again. When I got there and found out she was pregnant, I just…I didn't care about anything for a while."

"I can't imagine."

"In the end, I realized she was our first priority, but we weren't hers." He met my gentle gaze. "Made me wish I hadn't forsaken my second."

I frowned and looked away. I didn't know why he liked reminding me I would always be second, a part of his conciliation life, but this moment wasn't about me, so I let it go.

Or tried to.

"So you had no friends at all? No neighbor, no classmates, no uh…" I swallowed hard. "No—no girlfriend? Nobody?"

"I worked on a few group projects in school," he said. "But those never blossomed into friendships. And the block we lived on was full of young, childless couples who had no interest in a displaced, discontent teenager. College was better, but I had other priorities and couldn't relate to anyone."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And…what about the other thing?"

He wiped his mouth with the napkin. "What other thing?"

"Edward, you know what I'm asking."

He set down the napkin and leaned forward. "Actually I don't know what you're asking because I'm hoping you don't really think that would have ever been possible for me, let alone so soon after leaving you. So I'm going to pretend I don't know what you're asking in hopes that you'll stop asking because you'll realize that question never needs asking."

I swallowed hard. "Never?"

"Never."

I reached for some water to cool my warming cheeks.

"What about you?" he asked.

"What?"

"Is there…" He cleared his throat. "I mean, I don't really have the right, but is there…"

"A question you need to ask?"

"Yes." He waited, his eyes never leaving mine. "And if there is, I understand. I mean, what did I expect? For you to just…"

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"No."

"No?"

"No." I smiled slowly. "You can ask me whatever you want, but um, there's no need to ask me that."

"Never?"

"Here we are!" Alec returned with our identical plates on a large tray. He probably described the entrees and verified our satisfaction, but I didn't hear a single word.

All I could hear was the hope in Edward's last question.

It would be so easy to tell him the truth: that there had never been anyone else for me and never would be. That I'd thought about no one but him since the day he left and I would never want him to leave me again.

But there were other truths too, other things I needed to know first. And it would be unfair to let him think we could sail off into the sunset when I still carried so much trepidation about it.

The trepidation of knowing I was second to the life he wanted.

"Can I get you anything else?" Alec asked me.

"This looks great, thanks."

He bowed and approached the next table of patrons, starting his opening spiel once more.

"Leah?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to answer." Edward was focused on salting his asparagus. "You're here now, and that's…that's more than enough. I can be content with that."

"You keep saying that. Are you surprised I'd stay this long?"

"To hear Katherine tell it? Yes."

I set down my forkful of potatoes. "What does that mean?"

"What does what mean?"

"You just said Kate said something."

He paused. "I did?"

"Yes."

"Please forget I mentioned her. She's going to kill me."

"At this rate, she'd have to get through me first. Now spill it."

He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Okay. When I finally talked to Katherine, she…"

"How?"

"How what?"

"How did you speak to her? She never mentioned being in touch with you." He looked away, and I folded my arms. "Edward, come on."

"It wasn't her at first. It was her mother."

"Irina? Why?"

"Because after I left town, I kept tabs on her bakery. As long as it was open, I knew I'd be able to find you when I was ready."

I had no sensible reply to that, so I kept silent.

"I had no idea where you were or what you were up to, but I was determined to see you this year, having chickened out in the past. So I called the bakery early last month, and Irina answered. When I told her who I was…" He shook his head. "I thought my ears were going to bleed out from all the yelling."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "She loves me."

"Yes. Which is why she refused to mention your name until she knew I was serious."

"How did you convince her?"

"I don't know if I ever did," he admitted. "But she must have grown tired of me calling all day every day and finally said she gave my number to Katherine. And if she didn't get back to me, then I should move on."

"Why are you calling her Katherine?"

"She said I had to earn the right to her nickname."

I suppressed a chuckle at that. "When did she finally call you?"

"At 5:30 this morning. It has been the longest three weeks of my life! I had no idea where you lived, what you were doing, or if she would help me. But our special day was coming, and I was determined to see you this year. And I held on to that hope."

Another sip of water was in order. "What did she say?"

"She was kinder than Irina, but most of what she said wasn't for your ears."

"I think I have a right to know."

"I don't think you want to know."

I folded my arms. "Tell me."

He sighed and looked away. "She told me…she said she waited until the last minute because she wanted me to know what it felt like to want someone so much I'd chase after them without being sure I would catch them. She said it was my turn to be humiliated."

My heart stopped. "Your turn?"

He met my gaze. "I didn't know you came after me, that you ran to my house that night and..."

"No." I buried my face in my hands. "Tell me she didn't…"

"Please don't hide." I felt his fingers pulling mine away one by one. "Not from me."

"I cannot believe she told you that."

"I'm glad she did."

"Why? So you'd know just how pathetic I was?"

"Don't you ever call yourself pathetic, especially not for doing something so beautiful."

"Beautiful? My public embarrassment was beautiful to you?"

"No, that's…" He dropped his hands with a groan. "This isn't coming out right."

"Then maybe we should talk about something else."

"Leah, I…"

"No, Edward. You're here. So am I. Let's not sully the night with unpleasant memories."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I cut into my steak. "Tell me more about Esme. What was she like as a child?"

With somewhat less enthusiasm, Edward painted a picture of a precocious, intelligent little girl who asked a million questions a minute and was never satisfied with the answers given. I smiled and nodded in the right places, but the mood was different.

Ruined, even.

He warned me not to ask about Kate, and I should have listened. But she should not have told him about me running after him. What could possibly have prompted her to betray my confidence and to him of all people? The more I thought about it, the more aggravated I became.

"Is something wrong with your steak?" Edward asked, interrupting my private tirade.

"No. Why?"

He glanced at my plate. "No reason."

I looked down to find my gourmet-caliber meat butchered to angry bits.

"Do you want mine?" he asked.

"I couldn't take it."

"Why not?"

"Because it's yours."

"Leah?"

"Yes?"

"I'm not here for the steak."

With a small smile, he moved the centerpiece aside and slid his plate across the table to me, accepting mine in exchange. From the look of things, he hadn't touched his food at all.

"Aren't you hungry?" I asked.

"As I said." His gaze traveled over me, searing me with its heat. "I'm not here for the food. So bon appetit."

I picked up my utensils and cut my food like a civilized person this time. "How is your father?"

"The same, I guess." He speared a piece of my mutilated meat. "I don't see him much anymore, but I hear he's well."

"You don't see him? Why not?"

"After my mother left, he became withdrawn, threw himself completely into his work. He practically sleeps at the hospital and seldom comes to see us."

"You and Esme are living on your own?"

He nodded, holding my gaze. "I'm her legal guardian."

"You're her…wow. Since when?"

"For years now, but it became official this year. That's why I could finally come see you. With that issue settled, I could tell you whatever you wanted to know without any major details left to chance."

I kept my head down as I nodded, hopefully hiding whatever reaction my face might have displayed.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

"I'm sorry. I've been trying to figure out when and how to tell you, but I didn't want to make you nervous."

I laughed shortly. "You make me much more than nervous, Edward, so that was guaranteed either way."

"Fair enough." I felt him smile. "Well I don't think there are words for what you make me, Leah. But no matter what else is going on, I want to figure out what those sacred words might be, if you'd let me."

"See, right there." I set down my fork. "You come in here after all this time and say things like that, and I…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know what to think."

"Am I being unclear?" He leaned forward. "Shall I just spell it out for you?"

"How is everything over here?" Alec asked as Edward swore under his breath.

"We're fine," he said tightly.

"So why the…" Alec looked at Edward who glanced at me then back at Alec who finally seemed to get the point. "Oh, gotcha. This is a 'don't call us—we'll call you' situation."

"If you don't mind," Edward said.

"Say no more." Alec offered a pert bow. "Enjoy it, whatever it is."

"I'm sorry I snapped at him," Edward said after our server left. "I just…I've been waiting for this moment for so long, and I don't want him or anything else messing up my second chance."

The word brought a sour lump to my throat. "Please don't call it that."

"But it is. And it's perfect. My second chance with my precious second." He looked at our plates. "And a confession during the second course!"

"All right, I get it." I rested my hands on the table. "I am never first, always second."

"Yes. And I'm so glad. Because if you were first, we wouldn't be here."

"What?"

He reached for my hands, and I was too slow to move them. "Do you remember the last thing I said before my dad disconnected the line?"

Dejection filled my heart. "Yes, I do."

"Good." He actually smiled. "Then you know what it means for you to be the second, and…"

"Yes, I do. And if you think that's a good place for us to start, then you don't know me at all."

I snatched my hands back, and he frowned. "What?"

"You know what? This was a mistake. A nice idea, but a mistake. Because no matter what you say, no matter how many questions I don't need to ask, I will always be second! And I deserve better than that, Edward. I need better than that, and you will never understand."

"Leah, wait. I don't think you…"

"No, Edward. Let's just be done with this, okay?" I gathered my things and hastily rose from the table. "Thank you for dinner, but I need to go."

"Leah, no."

"Goodbye, Edward."

He reached for my arm, and I spun in the other direction, causing him to crash into the table. I heard the clatter of dishes behind me and saw other diners turn toward the commotion, but I kept going.

I had to make it out of the restaurant.

"Leah! Leah, please. Leah, WAIT!"

Edward bellowed so loudly it startled me to a complete stop. I felt the attention of everyone in the dining room, but it was Tanya's face as she turned the corner with an armful of menus that got my attention.

"Ms. Clearwater?" Her bright blue eyes widened. "I think you'd better turn around."

With an awkward smile and no idea what to expect, I slowly turned around to face Edward.

And clamped my hands over my gaping mouth.

Mashed potatoes were splattered on Edward's face and chest, and steak-based stains dotted the sleeves of his shirt. He had an asparagus stalk in his hand and water dripping from his cheeks and running down the leg of his perfectly creased slacks.

He was a glorious mess.

But none of that distracted from the look in his eyes as he approached me, the ferocious, focused look that pinned me in place and made my heart race in my chest.

"Do you remember what I said that night?" he said when he reached me. "About my mother?"

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, I really don't want to talk about her right now."

"Humor me." He tossed the asparagus aside. "Do you remember what I said?"

I adjusted my bag and coat in my arms, and Alec took them. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he mouthed.

"What did I say, Leah?" Edward repeated.

"Fine. You said she was back, that you missed her, and had to leave town to go back to her."

"Yes. What else?"

"You said she had problems with drugs and left you a lot as a child and had been gone five years."

"What else?"

"I don't know, Edward!" I threw up my hands. "What else could possibly matter now?"

He exhaled through his nose, emerald eyes blazing, and I held my breath.

"I said she needed me and I had to go back because she was my mom," he said slowly. "The first woman who ever loved me. The first woman I ever loved." He stepped closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Now…do you remember what I said before the line disconnected?"

I closed my eyes with a gasp as the familiar words filled my mind, this time in an entirely different way.

"I have to go, baby. I'm sorry. I just… you're the second, Leah, okay? Just never forget that."

You're the second, Leah.

The second.

"The second." I opened my teary eyes to find him watching me intently. "That's what you meant. That you…that I was the second…."

"The second woman I ever loved." He took my hands, a tenuous smile on his lips. "The second woman who ever loved me. That's why hearing about you running after me was so beautiful, Leah. Why it gave me hope even as it pained me to imagine it. Because it proved I was right—that you did love me. Despite my leaving and not knowing if I'd come back, you came after me."

"All this time." I shook my head, causing the tears to roll down my face. "All these years, I thought you meant I would always be second to your mother or your past or your…"

"You are second to no one." He cupped my cheek, brushing aside the moisture with a tender thumb. "But you are the second woman I ever loved. And I hope to someday earn your trust enough to ensure that you will be the last."

"Edward." I bit my lip, determined to stop the floodgates. "Do you mean that?"

"I do. I would. If you'd let me try."

"I would like nothing more than to let you try." I smiled. "If that's cool."

"Yeah." His crooked grin was blinding. "That's cool."

"Kiss her, you food-covered fool!" someone called out.

"I was getting to that!" Edward yelled back.

"Not so fast." I stood on tiptoe with a smile. "I might beat you to it."

He laughed. "Not a chance."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and dipped me back. When our lips finally met, the restaurant erupted in cheers and applause. Edward kissed me in earnest, his strong grip holding me close as his gentle kisses proved how much he missed me. And with each sensuous pass of his lips, my every apprehension faded away.

"I will never let you go again," he murmured as he brought me upright. "I swear on a year's supply of candy corn."

"And I will never regret being the second." I swiped a dollop of mashed potatoes from his chin. "Happy Halloween, Mr. Masen."

"Happy Halloween, Ms. Clearwater." He nipped the mush from my finger with a grin. "And many, many more."

FINALLY! I was starting to worry they would never get things straightened out.

So that's the last proper chapter. Epilogue to follow soon. Thanks for reading! XO