The idea of failing didn't leave my head for the rest of the week and the first few days of the next. I was sitting in my bedroom window staring outside pondering over the things I have failed in so far. It's a shame it wasn't raining. That would have fit my mood better.
Let's see I've failed in getting one of my parents to love me, getting my boyfriend to love me, the relationship with earlier said boyfriend, being nice to Cat, a big part of my friendship with Jake, Ryder and Laura, again the relationship with the boyfriend. I really suck at social things, that's for sure. It's a good thing that I hate them, mostly. With a sigh I leaned my head against the window. Maybe it was all a sign, telling me to just give up and live with only me in my life.
"You little brat!"
The scream from downstairs surprised me so much I almost fell out of the windowsill. "How dare you break that vase?!"
"Dad!"
Without any further hesitation I ran out of my room and almost fell down the stairs. Dad would never hurt Jer, but didn't trust that stepbitch with him. The stairs seemed higher than they were.
"Dad, I was just playing and…"
Jeremiah didn't finish that sentence for two reasons; my father lifted his hand and I darted between them so that he wasn't the one who took the hit. The slap sounded awful in the silent living room and I was sure there would me a red mark on my cheek. At least my head didn't move an inch. I would NOT give him that.
"That's it." If looks could kill my father would be that. "You can slap, kick and scream at me all you want, but this is the first and last time that you tried laying one finger on my little brother. He's moving in with Mom."
"What about you then?" My father lifted is eyebrows, confident that he had me there. "Your mother will not take you in also and with Jeremiah gone I won't either, Jadelyn."
"I know. That's why I have a car. Mom only needs to take Jer in. I won't sleep there. And if you even try to get Jeremiah back threw court then I will tell everyone what happens between these walls. Some people already ask questions." Or at least they tried. I didn't give them the chance.
For a flash there was fear in his eyes but that disappeared quickly. "Whatever you want Jadelyn. If I find out that you are sleeping at your mothers I will take him back and only him. Is that understood?"
"Yes, it is." I straightened my back and grabbed Jer's small hand. "Come on, munchkin. We're gonna pack some of your stuff and then I'll drop you of at Mom's."
He was silent all the way up the stairs. Only in his room he opened his mouth. "Are you leaving me Jade?"
"No." I kneeled in front of him and looked straight into his eyes. "I'll never leave you. You'll only sleep at Mom's house and I will come by as often as I can. We can have breakfast together and I'll bring you to school and every Saturday we'll go to your soccer game. Not a lot is gonna change."
"Promise you won't forget me?"
"How could I ever?" To lighten up the mood I ruffled his hair a bit. "You are my annoying little brother. Mine only." I hugged him tight. "And I will love you as long as I live. Now pack everything you need and Mom can get the rest of your stuff as soon as possible."
"And you?"
"I'm going to pack a backpack with stuff and come back together with Mom to get as much as possible in my car."
"We can stay here. Then you don't have to sleep there."
"I don't mind, munchkin. It's one big adventure, okay?"
"Yeah." He looked so small and lonely. Standing in front of me with a pout and his hands crossed at his back. "I love you Jer. I can't even stop I would want that."
"I know." He hugged me again and then let go. "I'm gonna pack my stuff."
"Good job, munchkin."
At least I didn't fail at the big sister role.
The next few days I didn't show up at school. I just didn't have the time. First I had to make sure Jer was okay at my Mom's and after that I had to take all the most important things out of the house into my car. Which consisted out of make-up, clothing, school stuff, my scissors (of course), and some things Jer made for me when he was little. Mom surprised me by saying that I could store some of the stuff in her garage. She even didn't mind if I parked there at night. So some of the clothing and small other stuff were stored there now, and I just stuffed my locker at school full with everything I could ever need.
So when I parked at school no one could have guessed that I lived in the car most of the time. Except then for the fact that there was a blanket and a pillow in the trunk and almost all of the available space was full of scissors. At least no one could peak in the trunk and only stupid people would ask about the scissors.
"Hey Jade!"
Still walking I turned around and grinned at Beck. "Good morning to you too, Beckett. How may I help you on this wonderful day?"
Beck didn't even look surprised at my niceness. He was used to my quirkiness by now. "Everything is well with me today, my lady. And how do you do?"
"I am doing very fine, kind sir." Just to be sure I looked around before I let out a small giggle. I was remarkable happy today.
"What has gotten into you?"
"Nothing." Smiling I turned around again and walked into the school. Actually I had a real shower this morning at my mother's house. That was way better than the showers after Tango class.
"Hmhm." He slung his arm around my shoulders and I tensed for a moment before I leaned into him. It was nice that it seemed as if someone just wanted to take care of me.
"Are you sure?" His eyes were full of surprise but he didn't let go of me. "Is everything okay?"
For a moment I wanted to tell him everything. But I didn't trust him enough for that anymore. So I just turned into his embrace and snuggled up against him. "Just hold me."
"Okay."
He was the only person in this whole world who would listen to me. He was also the only person who knew this side of me. The vulnerable side that I would rather deny then acknowledge.
"Baby." His arms circled around me and he just held me close to him.
This was my only safe place in the whole wide world and it was ripped away from me in the break-up. How I missed this. The beating of his heart made me believe that everything would be okay. Just because he was here with me.
"I don't know what's wrong but knowing you it will turn out alright. You can fix everything and anything."
I need this. I really needed this. Before I pulled away I breathed in his earthy scent. "Thank you. You still know how to help me."
"I'll always know that, baby because I know you. I'll always know you."
I ignored all the people who were staring at us, that happened when you hugged your ex-boyfriend in the halls, and looked up at Beck. "I'll always know you too."
He smiled his beautiful smile. "I love you."
Those words warmed up a little bit of my heart like they always did. We weren't even halfway there but we could and would fix this. It only took some effort and patience.
"Love you too."