Hand in hand Fitz and Olivia made their way down to the Rose Garden in companionable silence. Fitz knew that Olivia had a lot on her mind. From the moment she had jumped on board to run his campaign, she was all in. Completely transparent, fully disclosed, and entirely invested in making them work. He sometimes worried that she pushed herself too hard. Aside from her own duties in the White House, he relied on her as an advisor. He and Cyrus had come leaps and bounds but it was Liv he trusted implicitly. It was trust that she had earned well. She had also stepped in the gap of where Mellie should have been. Karen, Gerry and Teddy were all attached to her. She brought a sense of family, comfort and solidarity in their household. She grounded them, all of them.

Olivia bit her lower lip as they walked trying to find the words she needed to convey what she needed to tell him. The last thing she wanted was for him to take what she had to say the wrong way. She loved him. She always had. Even after everything that happened between them, and him almost breaking her heart she never stopped. Loving him was never the problem, at least not in the normal sense. Truth was their love scared her. Olivia stopped walking and turned to face him holding both his hands in hers.

"For a moment there I thought I was pregnant." It was hard to miss the sparkle in his eyes at the thought that they could have been expecting

"But the tests were negative." She added quickly.

"As happy as I would be to have a child with you Fitz, I realize that I'm not ready." Fitz placed a gentle hand on her cheek,

"And that's okay sweetheart, we can take as much as you need. We d don't have to start planning for that right away." he assured her,

"I also realized that one of the reasons why I'm not ready is because," she paused and took a deep breath,

"Because a part of me is worried that something will go wrong. That in the end it still won't be enough. I love you Fitz...immeasurably. It overwhelms me just how much I do. What I feel for you is the one thing I have never had any control over. Which was fine when you had a wife because it was always my safety net. It was the one thing that kept me grounded. The thought that you were never mine that you were never going to be mine. I could almost live with that. And then you declared it was possible. And the hopes I never dared allowed myself to have suddenly appeared. For once I thought it was possible and then..."

"I took it back. I called you a mistress." He completed and tears began to well up in Olivia's eyes. She dropped her gaze unable to meet his gaze knowing the torture that would be etched in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Fitz. I thought I had gotten past it and I guess I really haven't because the fear in me is so palpable. I know you love me. I know you didn't mean it. I know that you hate that you uttered those words. I know that I do. It wouldn't be fair of me to marry you when I am still scared of the things I'm scared of. I owe it to you to be completely honest and I'm sorry."

"Liv, you have nothing to be sorry for." Fitz said lifting her chin to meet his gaze.

"I get it. I do. I am all in Liv. There's no turning back from here. It's you and me forever. I have no doubts about that. I don't doubt that you love me. I know you know that I love you, but I also know that there are some things that only time can heal and Livi sweetheart we have all the time in the world. I would wait forever for you if I had to." Liv wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close.

"Sometimes I get these nightmares, and it's that day of Verna's funeral and you're there telling me that you changed your mind. It's so real and it just makes my heart stop."

"That's what those dreams are?" He asked pulling back a little to see her face. Olivia nodded. Wordlessly he pulled her back into his eyes and held her tightly. He had woken up every time she has had the nightmare and he has held her close feeling her heart race against his.

"Oh sweetheart."

"The fixer who can't fix herself. You gotta love the irony." Olivia said dryly into his chest.

"Well we have given ourselves plenty of challenges along the way." He replied making them both chuckle.

"Would you consider talking to someone about it. On your own or together?"

"You'd go with me? You'd do that for me?"

"Of course sweetheart. We're in this together."