It was hard not to feel as light as a balloon while Ali skipped down the hall, her new scarf tied proudly around her neck. She received several looks from the slender elves as she passed, but she was used to looks. Good looks, bad looks, didn't matter because she ignored their looks. Ali was a woman on a mission, a mission that needed a theme song.
Dun dun dun dunn duuuun…no too Star Warsy. Dun…..dun…DUNN…. too dramatic. Waaa dun nnnn waaa waaaaaaaa, Ali stopped herself there, way too much like the terrible seagull from The Little Mermaid.
"Ooooooo, too much spice ya dunce! Tryin ta kill us all is what yer doin!" Ali stopped mid skip, leaning back to peer through the doorway she was about to pass. Now she wasn't going to claim to know much about elves or anything for that matter, but if she knew anything at all, that was not what one would sound like.
Tip toeing in revealed her suspicions to be true. Standing in the kitchen around a boiling pot was none other than Bombur, Gloin, and Oin. Bombur was stirring the pot with what looked like a paddle as it hung in the fireplace, mumbling something that she couldn't catch.
"Bet if you threw in some bat wings and eye of newt it would help balance that flavor," Ali suggested as she walked up behind them. They really did look like a bunch of witches around a caldron.
Gloin and Bombur turned to look at her, eyes as big as saucers. "Ya really eat that lassie?" Gloin asked.
"What, no, it was a joke, cause of how you three look," Ali tried to explain.
"Recipe book?" Oin turned to her eyebrows knitted together, "no we dwarves cook from our family's recipes, nothing is written. Not our fault Bombur's family has no sense ah'taste."
"See you do better!" Bombur protested and shoved the paddle in Gloin's hands.
"I started the fire," Gloin shoved the paddle back.
"Ya haven't done a thing, why are you tired?" Oin shoved his brother who growled.
"Not tired, ya blithering fool, where's ya blasted listening horn?" Gloin grumbled.
"Yes, could use some corn," Oin nodded leaning on his staff.
Bombur's face lit up at the idea, and he tottered off. Meanwhile Gloin was trying to explain to his brother what he was saying while Oin was yelling over him about not understanding. It was frankly surprising that they had actually gotten that much in the pot at all.
"Lassie, over here," Ali turned at the sound of Bombur's calling. He was standing in the pantry waving for her to come over, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. He had found the corn all right, it was all the way on the top shelf, out of reach of any their stature.
"Blasted elves and their shelving," Gloin mumbled coming to stand next to the both of them. As the four of them stood looking up at the corn Ali couldn't help but feel a bit comical.
"I don't like shellfish," Oin muttered next to her.
"Shelving," she corrected grabbing a hold of the lowest shelf, it shouldn't be that difficult to climb up there. It really wasn't hard at all, she thought as she grabbed the corn.
"We can see up ya skirt lassie," Oin bellowed.
Ali had entirely forgotten that she was wearing a skirt! "Well don't look!" She gasped grabbing her skirt and pulling it against her legs, letting go of the shelf. "Oh shoot," she reached out for the shelf again as she began to fall but her hand slipped off the smooth wood.
Thankfully she landed softly in Bombur's arms, resting on his huge stomach. He bellowed out a laugh as she rolled out of his arms.
"I got the corn at least," Ali handed over her prize.
"I got ma horn right here," Oin smiled at them finally lifting his hearing horn to his ear as Gloin rolled his eyes.
"The lassie said corn!" Gloin yelled into the horn before storming back into the kitchen.
They continued arguing about the food as Ali climbed up onto a stool and grabbed an end of bread from the counter. As she nibbled away at it she watched them argue back and forth about nutmeg. Bombur insisted he should add more, Gloin insisted it was meant only for pie, Oin yelled about tent pegs. She didn't even need to say anything as she grabbed another chunk of bread and slipped to the door.
It was Bombur who noticed she was gone first, looking around the counter as Gloin stuffed the nutmeg in his pocket so Bombur wouldn't add more.
"Suppose tourists really eat bat wings?" Bombur queried as he went back to stirring the pot.
"What?" Gloin asked as he threw bay leaves in while Bombur was looking at the door, accidently upturning the whole jar in his rush. "Suppose they might, funny bunch those tourists, helpful as all hell."
Oin just nodded not actually hearing a word they were saying, "bit hot for scarves don't ya think?"
It was not hard to find the next bunch, they were making about as much noise as the others where in the kitchen. Ali found her way to what she could only assume was some sort of training ground. Fili and Kili stood in the middle of the small clearing facing one another, sword in hand. A sheen of sweat covering their bare chests, or maybe bare wasn't the right word since each had an impressive amount of chest hair. Not too much though, Ali thought as she leaned against the railing of the staircase she had stopped on.
"What are ya doin?" Dwalin bellowed making Ali jump a foot in the air, "this is ah fight, not ah dance." Dwalin strutted his way over to the brothers wielding his duel axes, as if he were about to take them both on at once. "Ah, looks like we got ourselves a little audience," Dwalin boomed when he saw her, the other two turned to look as well.
Ali's face heated up immediately when she realized how potentially creepy she was watching a group of shirtless men. The brothers waved her over but she shook her head.
"Come on then, we don't bite," Fili yelled waving his sword around, "it's strictly against the rules."
"Lassie if yer gonna be travelin with us, ya can't be afraid of a sword," Dwalin bumped Kili lightly on the shoulder. As if it was some sort of sign Kili dropped his sword and jogged over to the stairs.
"No!" Ali yelled, and moved down the stairs, she was the one who wanted to actually meet everyone, it was her job to go over to them. "I'm coming."
As she walked up she definitely felt out of place. These three men were built like bricks, she wasn't even sure if they had a lick of fat on them. Then there was her, soft and squishy, barely squeezed into this dress.
"Weapon of choice lass?" Dwalin asked looking down at her, possibly more intimidating without a shirt than in full armor. She must have taken too long in answering though because he held up his axes. "This here be Grasper and this be Keeper."
Ali nodded, she didn't have a weapon, didn't know the first thing about swords. Instead she held up her fists, "this is lefty and this is righty." The three just stared at her, as if assessing whether or not she was being serious. Kili doubled over laughing followed closely by Fili.
"Yer joking ya?" Dwalin glared down at her.
"No, righty here is my main man, deadly as they come. Lefty on the other hand well he's a loose cannon, gotta watch that one." Ali waved her fist under Dwalin's nose shifting from one foot to the other as if she was ready to fight. Achieving another roar of laughter from the brothers, Dwalin looked less than impressed.
"Ya expect ta intimidate me with yer tiny fists," Dwalin scoffed.
"Well no, not exactly," Ali shrugged, "if I had a sword would you be intimidated?"
Kili breathed out a sigh and wiped a tear from his eye, "oh Mahal no, might just make me laugh even harder, could you even lift one?" That was a good question.
"So what is yer plan for self defense?" Dwalin growled.
Self defense, that was a difficult one, Ali didn't actually think she had ever defended herself against anything. She had taken some Tae Kwon Do back in the day but only managed a green belt. "Well I suppose I would use Jazz Hands." The three men looked at one another then back at her confused. "It's a basic distraction technique, simply wave your hands as such, then strike." Ali shook her hands open palmed then lightly kicked Fili in the shin.
His eye widened with surprise, but that was the best she had. "That's it, distract them?" Fili looked at his brother, then back down to her.
"What would your suggestion be?" Ali put her hands on her hips and watched each of them in turn. Kili opened his mouth and then shut it again, Fili tilted his head to the side and let out a breath, eyebrows knitting together. Even Dwalin scratched his head with Grasper, obviously thinking this through.
"Why are ya so tiny?" Dwalin finally groaned.
"I'm not that much shorter than you guys," it was true in a way, she stood the same height as Bilbo.
"S'not so much yer height lass, as yer size," Dwalin shook his head. It was true, even Kili, the lightest of them had forearms the size of her neck if not more.
"Tell you what, if it comes to a fight, just get behind us, we will watch out for you." Fili smiled at her and laid a giant hand on her shoulder. It was comforting, yet heavy, both his hand and his comment. In the end she was supposed to be in front of them, if not only for a second. Shaking her head Ali pushed the thought aside, there was no use getting all sentimental already.
"Now run along and bother some other dwarf, we best be git'in back ta trainin'. Believe Bofur en them wandered off that'a way," Dwalin pointed with Keeper.
"Thanks," Ali waved as she wandered off yet again, happy that she wasn't actually roped into sparring.
"Think there's much fighting where Ali's from?" Kili said when she was out of hearing.
"Na, that's ah soft place if anything," Dwalin growled.
"Hey Kili," Fili shook one hand in front of Kili's face like she had showed them then brought another hard into his gut. Kili doubled over coughing. "Can't argue with the results though."
They had been right about her finding Bofur off this way. He sat on a small hill smoking and whittling away with his brother Bifur as Ali moseyed up. Bofur smiled from ear to ear as he caught sight of her, dipping his head in a small greeting. Bifur muttered something but continued without looking up.
"Ah, what brings the little lassie to our neck of the woods?" Bofur pulled his pipe from his mouth and tapped it out, "come now grab some turf."
"Just wandering around talking to everyone, I acted badly yesterday and it made me realize I didn't properly know you guys." Ali sighed as she plopped down next to him. "What are you guys making?"
"Well I'm jus carvin a doll, Bifur here is makin a bird of sorts," Bofur leaned in and whispered the rest, "though I believe it was suppose ta be a teapot."
Bifur roar in frustration hurling the block of wood across the clearing, then folded his arms across his chest muttering as he turned away. As Bofur turned to his brother and laid a hand on his shoulder trying to reassure him that it was an excellent bird indeed, Ali got up to look for the toy.
Finally toy in hand Ali walked back over to them, turning the small block of wood over in her hands. It really did look like a bird so she didn't know why he was so upset. This time she took a seat next to the injured dwarf and offered the block back to him. Bifur snorted and made no move to take it from her. She looked to Bofur for advice but he just shrugged.
"Can be a bit temperamental at times, as a woman I suspect you'd understand," Bofur turned his piece over and smoothed out part of the skirt. That was sexist, but with her behavior the other day not totally uncalled for so she let it slide.
Instead she nudged the block into Bifur's hand though he still refused to take it. This time she grabbed his hand and turned it over, placing the block in his palm and wrapping his hand around it. "Bifur I think it looks like a very beautiful bird, it would make me sad if you didn't try and finish it."
Slowly Bifur curled his fingers around the bird, looking sad enough to break her heart. Then he did a 180 and sat up strait, eyes wide, he started talking so fast that she was sure she wouldn't be able to understand even if they weren't in Khuzdul.
"What just happened?" Ali asked as she sat back and looked over to Bofur.
Bofur just smiled and shook his head at his own work.
"From the sound of it, you made a new friend," a new voice cut in and startled her. Turning around she saw Nori strutting out of the bushes and flopped down next to Bofur. "Beautiful day isn't it?"
There was a shift in the air around them, some sort of tension crackled around them. Confused Ali did her best to not make it too obvious that she noticed. Bifur was now humming along swaying back and forth as little pieces of wood fell from his hands. Nori laid out lazily with his eyes closed, propped up on one elbow watching his friends work. It was Bofur that was off. Still he chipped away at his project, still he sat smiling ear to ear, but he didn't seem nearly as relaxed as before.
If she hadn't been trying to figure out what had changed she might not have seen it. Fast as a snake Nori had reached into Bofur's jacket pocket and withdrawn something.
"Put it back," Ali chastised before she could stop herself.
The three of them turned to her, Bifur and Bofur both with a confused look, Nori with shocked eyes.
"You saw that?" Nori asked but didn't move to replace the item.
"Yes I did, now give it back to Bofur," Ali said again.
He didn't give it back, instead he bolted upright and took off down the path sending grass and dirt flying into the air, laughing.
"Don't worry lassie, he always gives it back," Bofur tried to interject but Ali was already running after.
The two brothers watched them until they were out of sight and then went back to work. Bofur would get his pipe back, he always did. Beside him Bifur began to ramble in Khuzdul and Bofur nodded.
"Yea, tourists got a weird way 'bout them, never know what ta suspect," Bofur gently blew some wood chips from the doll. "Got a keen eye on 'er though."
Ahhh, another light hearted lovely chapter for everyone :)
Not to despair though, Thorin will be back in the next chapter!
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