Hi, guys! Thanks for reading! Here's chapter 17, wooooo! I'm hoping this chapter clears up some questions you guys have been asking. Also, don't worry, this is pretty much the only real "depressed Cammie" chapter. We're about to get to the good stuff. It's all about the build though. I'll probably be back with another update on Thursday or Friday but definitely soon. Thanks for the lovely reviews! I love hearing feedback from you guys. And thanks for the follows and favorites. It means so much to me! Yours cordially, Tickgrey

I didn't want to open my eyes. I couldn't. But I knew that eventually I would have to face the room of people. Abby's hand started to shake a little in mine. I knew she was feeling the same way that I was right now: a weird mix between fear, anger, and pain that I'd only felt once before when my dad died. I finally gathered the courage to open my eyes to see a few tear drops racing down Abby's cheeks. I wanted to cry too, but I just couldn't somehow. My tear drops were done. But I desperately wanted to cry; it would have made me feel better.

I looked at Abby for a second before mumbling, "Excuse me."

Mr. Solomon stood up and called, "Wait!"

But I was already gone. As soon as I got out of the room, I took off running towards the elevator. Finally the tears came and there was no closing the flood gates now. The elevator took me up to the main hall which seemed strangely serene at this hour. I hesitated for a second unsure of where to run to. There were a dozen passageways I could sneak into from here, but no place seemed better than the P&E barn right now.

When I finally got to the barn, I stood outside for a minute and looked up at the stars. My mom would never see them again. I cherished every second I had to glance at the stars even more now. When I walked into the barn, I realized that I wasn't alone. I wanted to say something to announce my presence, but my voice just didn't seem to work right now, so I just nodded when a voice said, "Cammie?"

And there sitting in the barn against the wall was Bex. Dear, dear, Bex. Just hours ago I was mad at her for stupid, petty reasons. But not, I just walked up and hugged her. "Cammie, what's wrong?"

I still couldn't speak. I just let my tears fall onto my best friend's shoulder. She gulped, "The operation? It was tonight, wasn't it?"

I nodded. She couldn't see my nod, but I knew she felt it on her shoulder. "Oh, no, Cammie! She wasn't there? Did the op go bad?"

I cleared my throat and pulled away from the warm hug. I looked her in the eye and muttered, "She's gone, Bex. She's gone."

Bex's eyes opened wide. Hers were beginning to water as well. "What? How? I don't understand. Did the op go wrong?"

I shook my head. "She had been dead for hours when they showed up. They shot her in the head."

I was disgusted to hear the sentences roll out of my mouth. How could someone do this to her? Finally, my legs couldn't support me anymore, so I fell back against the wall and slid to the ground. Bex quickly joined me. After a few silent minutes she said, "I really thought it would work. I thought for sure your mom would be back here tomorrow or at least by the end of the week."

"I did too," I admitted. "I didn't think there was any way she'd just be gone. I mean, I knew there was a chance this op wouldn't work, but I thought we'd get a second shot." I cringed at my word choice. I didn't want to trivialize my mom's death. My beautiful, fantastic, perfect mom.

Neither of us said anything else. At some point we both must have fallen asleep there, because when I woke up, Bex was fast asleep next to me. I nearly jumped when I heard a leaf crackle.

"It's okay!" I heard the soothing voice of Mr. Solomon say. "I'm just here to make sure you're okay."

I sighed. I didn't quite know what to say, but thankfully, Bex woke up before I had to reply. "Mr. Solomon?" she asked groggily.

Mr. Solomon just nodded. Bex look around, "Where am I?" After a few seconds of confusion, she gaped, "Oh, my gosh…"

She gave my an apologetic glance as if to beg forgiveness for forgetting, but my mind was elsewhere. She said, "I'm going to head to the room."

Bex turned back to make sure I was okay before leaving. I started to get up too, but Mr. Solomon said, "No, no, don't get up."

He groaned in pain as he said down next to me, "The wounds haven't healed quite as well as I would have liked."

I still didn't say anything. He sighed before continuing, "This probably isn't what you want to hear right now, but they've gotten some tests back, and they have made a positive identification." He left it intentionally vague which I appreciated. "Cammie, she was a really great person."

I nodded, "I just- I mean, how? How did this happen?" For once I was hoping that I was out of the loop. That there would be some simple explanation that would make everything seem worth it.

But Mr. Solomon just shook his head, "I don't know. We don't know why she was killed before any exchange was planned or before any ultimatum was issued, or anything."

It wasn't really a comforting thought to know that no one knew why my mom was being brought back home in a coffin rather than on a airplane. I suddenly remembered, "What about that, uh, Agent Conners? The guy who got shot?"

"Lieutenant Conners is in the hospital, but the bullet when straight through his arm. He'll make a full and speedy recovery," Mr. Solomon explained. After some silence he asked, "You hungry?"

I shook my head. I was hungry, but it wasn't a hunger for food. My stomach tumbled and turned, but the thought of food disgusted me. Mr. Solomon began to get up. When he looked back down at me, his eyes were laden with sorrow, "I really am sorry."

For awhile, I just sat there. I didn't want to leave, but I realized that classes would soon be filing in to train. Gallagher girls never skip classes. Everything we learn is crucial to our success and possibly survival. But today, I walked next to the lake staring at my reflection when I should have been studying CoveOps or COW or something.

I barely even noticed that a few hours had passed until Aunt Abby strode up and said, "Hey, Squirt. How many classes were you planning on skipping?"

I shrugged. "All of them."

Abby nodded. She pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't want to let go. It just felt so good to be in her arms. She was now the closest family I had. "How are you holding up?"

I sighed and then said, "I don't know. I guess I sort of knew that the odds of her coming back were slim."

"It's still tough," Abby admitted. She looked more vulnerable now that I'd ever seen her before. "No one should have to lose both parents to something as awful as this."

I looked around at the lake and said, "This was Mom's favorite place on campus. She told me that."

Abby smiled, "I know. We used to come here together back in the stone age. She'd bring homework, and I'd bring candy."

For the first time in a while, I laughed. It was a short snort, but to me, it was like laughing for hours until your stomach aches. I looked back up at Abby, and asked, "Are you going to make me go back to class?"

She shook her head and said, "Believe it or not, I played a fair bit of hooky back in school. And besides, you need some time."

I continued my slow stroll around the lake, and Aunt Abby followed walking slowly as well. She looked deep in memories, but I couldn't bring myself to be nostalgic now. I didn't want to think about happy times.