Chapter Nine
Beth stood just outside the door of Rick's room. She could see the man lying on the bed, just as pale and motionless as when they dragged him inside, only now he was sweating profusely. A rag lay across his head that Lorie placed there thirty minutes ago to keep the fever at bay, and now Daryl was the one placing one hand into a cuff and the other cuff around the bed posts. A muffled sob came from Lorie, and even Carl stood next to her with tears streaming down his face. Things weren't looking good for the old sheriff and Beth could feel that itching starting again as a nagging voice inside her head mumbled, 'this is your fault.'
'No it's not,' she mentally hollered back, her lips going into a thin line as she thought the words.
'It is,' the voice continued, growing stronger as Lorie dipped another wash cloth into the cold water sitting on the bedside to lay replace the other one. 'If you hadn't been out there in the woods, those men wouldn't have known. Wouldn't have read your pretty little face as easily as they read a book. Hell, if you hadn't killed those men. Rick wouldn't be lying in that bed now.'
Beth shook her head, her backside stiffening as she did her best to ignore the words being whispered inside her head. 'His blood is just as much on your hands as those men by the water.'
Beth could feel her nails digging into her palm, piercing her flesh as she attempted to calm herself down. To school her features into something calmer, relaxed even, until Carl stepped into the room. He rested a hand on his mother's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze as the woman covered his hand with her own.
When the woman gazed into the hallway, Beth could have sworn she noticed a slight glare in her direction. One that was quickly covered up as Lorie turned back to her too still husband. Another wave of guilt washed over Beth and she moved down the hallway. To the bathroom, where she could examine the red spot where her nails cut into her skin, looking at the way the skin flared red and irritated just like the feelings inside of her.
Logically, she knew it wasn't her fault. That she needed to protect herself and Carl, and those men chasing them were being unreasonable, but there was that damn nagging voice in the back of her head. Constantly whispering at her, arguing with her, and making her feel inadequate. The same voice that told her it was her fault that Natalie died. That she should have been lying next to her.
Staring into the glass mirror, it was like deja vu all over again. The sight of the glass giving her a sense of relief as she brought her fist up to beat it down. Break it apart, and bring a sharp edge to her skin. This time she would be careful. Wouldn't cut as deep, and maybe that would help. That would remind her why she didn't want to leave this world. Just like the last time.
"Don't do it," someone said behind her, causing her to jump and turn to find Daryl standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and hard eyes boring into her own as she shook her head.
"I wasn't-" she stared, already feeling the excuse on her lips as he stepped forward to grab her arm, pulling it toward him so that he could view the number of scratches across her skin. The number of times she sat there just scraping her nails across her skin in hopes to feel some kind of relief.
"Like I said." he shoved her arm back, that disappointed look entering his gaze and Beth sucked in a deep breath. The tears already forming in her eyes even as she fought them down. He couldn't be disappointed in her. Couldn't be giving up on her. Not yet.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, her head falling down to look at the floor. The weight in her chest weighing down on her even more. "It's just seeing Rick like that, seeing the incrimination in Lorie's eyes. She hates me, I know she does."
"Lorie doesn't hate you, she-" his voice trailed off as he thought about his next words. "She hates the whole situation is all. We all do."
"And I'm the reason this whole situation started!"
"You are not!" Daryl hollered back, taking a step closer into the room. Beth nodded as a lump formed in her throat. Turning away from the man, and his burning gaze. Deep down, she knew he was right. That he was the logical reasoning arguing with her illogical brain, and wasn't that something to see. The day Daryl Dixon became the logical one.
Resting her head on the counter, she could feel the coolness seeping into her skin even as her fingers curled in on themselves. Fist so tight that her nails were once again cutting into her skin as she banged on the counter. Slowly at first, a small beat that steadily sped up and became harder until two rough hands wrapped around her wrists and pulled them close to her chest. Stopping their insistent movements, and effectively moving to unfurl her fingers as he whispered, "stop that. Don't need to do that."
Tears streaked down Beth's face as she turned her head to the side, her cheek now resting on the counter as she looked at the empty door frame. "It is my fault, ya know."
With a heavy sigh, Daryl brought her in front of her, pulling her up until he could turn her to face him. There was a hint of resignation in his voice as he said, "alright, fine. This is your fault. That man's blood is on your hands." Beth felt the weight in her stomach growing with each word, even as she shook her head to ignore the words that Daryl was echoing from inside her head. "But who's blood would be on your hands if you didn't fight back? Who would have suffered then?"
Beth swallowed, her blue eyes meeting his as she felt the weight growing even. "Carl," she managed to choke out. Her head hanging until it was almost resting on Daryl's chest.
"So who's blood would you rather have on your hands, those piece of shits? Or Carl's?"
Beth shook her head, the question not even needing to be asked as she swallowed her answer. Daryl didn't even need an answer, he just shook her, making her meet his gaze again. "Not even a question is it?"
Beth shook her head.
"Rick is lying on that bed because he was protecting his family," he said, grabbing her chin so that she would hold his gaze. "Those men died, because you were protecting your family. Got it?" Beth nodded, bringing an hand up to wipe at the tears that managed to leak out of her eyes. "There's no shame in that," he said, pushing some stray strands of hair behind her ears. "There's nothing wrong with that at all."
Beth nodded her head, her gaze moving to his chest and it was then that Daryl took a step back. Giving her a chance to breath as she let his words sunk it. "I'm sorry," she muttered again, running her hands over her hair as she turned. "That scared me out there, and I-" she said, her voice trailing off to find the words only to notice Daryl waving her off. "That was some scary shit. No need to apologize."
Beth nodded, already heading out the door before she paused, biting her lip as she kept her gaze on the ground thinking about what she was going to say before blurting out, "thanks." catching Daryl's attention as she continued, "for this. For not giving up on me."
He shook his head, his gaze almost softening as he said, "no one in their right mind would give up on you, girl."
Beth glanced at the far wall, remembering the number of people that stopped calling, told her parents 'there was nothing more they could do.' "Doctor's did," she said, looking into his eyes one more time. "My friends, my family almost did."
"Like I said, no one in their right mind." He gave her a half smile, barely noticeable but there all the same and Beth rushed forward, wrapping her arms around his waist as she mumbled another quick, "thank you."
Daryl gave her a quick squeeze before peeling her off, nodding toward the door. "Alright go on. I think Maggie's cookin tonight."
"Mmm, burnt canned soup. My favorite," Beth mumbled as she stepped away from Daryl.
"My point exactly, now go help her before none of us eat til tomorrow."
Beth let out another giggle, shaking her head as she looked up at Daryl's amused gaze before heading out of the bathroom. Feeling somewhat better about the whole situation. Even walking by the room that Rick was lying in, and seeing Lorie still sitting next to the bed, exhausted beyond belief. Beth didn't hear that voice inside telling her this was her fault. Instead she heard a gruff, red-neck sayin, "he's there because he protected his family."
Quietly, she made her way down stairs, not wanting to disturb either one of them, and turned into the kitchen to find Maggie opening up several cans of soup.
"Think six will be enough?" she asked, looking up at her sister with a hint of worry in her eyes.
Beth shrugged, "don't know. How many are we feedin tonight?"
Maggie peered at through her eyelashes with a glare that would have been scary except it was coming from her sister as she mumbled, "don't get smart with me."
Smiling, she walked over to peer into the pot, getting a good look at how much was in there before reaching into the pantry and grabbing two more. "Just to be safe," she said, placing them on the counter and grabbing the spoon so she could start stirring what was already in there before it burnt to the bottom.
Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Maggie staring, her eyes roaming up and down like she was trying to come to some sort of conclusion. Before Beth could actually snap at her sister, she said, "should you be down here? Thought you were restin?"
Beth shrugged, her brows coming together in a hint of confusion. "I'm fine." When she looked over to see Maggie's disbelieving look spread across her face, she added, "really."
"Didn't you get shot in the arm? Doesn't it hurt?" Maggie asked, forgetting the cans as she moved to pull Beth's sleeve up. She got a good glimpse of Daryl's handy work before Beth pulled her arm out of her grasp and stepped away from her. "It was nothin more then a graze. I'm fine, really. Just hungry, so can we please get back to the food."
She gave her older sister a pleading look, hoping she would drop the issue and just let them cook the evening meal. When Maggie turned back to opening the cans of soup, Beth stepped back next to her to continue stirring what soup was in there.
When all the cans were in there, they both found themselves leaning against the counter, waiting for the soup to heat up. "Sorry, I just worry about is all," Maggie admitted, giving her sister that apologetic stare. "Just keep forgettin that your havin to survive in this world to, and you're changin along with it."
Beth smiled. "For the better, I hope."
Maggie nodded, "definitely." She wrapped her arms around Beth's shoulders, giving her a side way hug that only allowed Beth to reach up and wrap an hand around her arm in return. "Good," Beth whispered, a smile gracing her lips as they stood there for a moment longer. When the food started boiling, they turned it off and scooped it into bows. Maggie offering to take one to their Daddy, and leaving Beth to take two upstairs to Lorie and Carl.
When she reached the room, she looked on at a sleeping Lorie. The woman some how managed to curl up on the bed next to her husband, her head resting on the pillow next to him and her arm draped over his side, careful not to rest on his wound. Beth smiled as she moved quietly into the room and left the bowl of soup to rest on the bedside table. Knowing Lorie needed her sleep just as much as she needed to eat before heading into the library- turned bedroom- to find Carl to the back flipping through a book.
"Hey," she whispered, holding a bowl up for him.
He gave her a grateful smile, taking the bowl before peering over at her. "Where's yours?"
"Down stairs. Was bringin you're mom and you some first."
Carl nodded, his gaze going to his bowl where he was steadily stirring it up. "Thanks," he mumbled.
"How is you're Dad doin?" she asked, unsure if she should really bringing this up with him, but feeling like he needed to talk too.
"Fine, I guess," he replied, still not looking at her. "I mean they have him cuffed, but your Dad says its a precaution and he should be fine."
"Well if my Daddy says that he'll be fine, well then, he'll be fine." Beth gave him a reassuring smile, moving to squeeze his arm to help reassure him. Carl nodded, his own grateful smiling growing as he glanced at her for second before turning back to the bowl.
"They still have him cuffed," he mumbled, sounding a bit unsure about that. Beth shrugged, unsure where to go with that and so they sat there in silence. "You think those men are still out there?" Carl asked after a while, still spinning his spoon through his soup as he looked up at Beth.
She shrugged, again, unsure of how to answer him. "I guess, I mean, they didn't look like they were going to give up any time soon."
Carl nodded, swallowing as something passed through his eyes. Memories, would she have to venture to guess, thinking about her own experience in that jaunt through the woods. How her heart raced the entire time, and she could feel them getting closer. Even as she looked to mimic Daryl's self control, she could feel it slipping and even now the memory had her taking a deep breath.
"Mean's we'll have to move again," Carl said, swallowing his own lump. The defeat in the boy's eyes was almost to much and Beth swallowed down her own fears to try and come up with something to reassure him.
Beth looked at him, her gaze hardening as she stared at him to say, "no, their out numbered here. We can take them here if we have to." She gave him another reassuring smile, patting his shoulder again. A figure stepped into the room, the tall form of a woman with her arms crossed causing them both to look up, and again Beth could see that disdain in Lorie's eyes before it was covered up with a half of a smile.
"Thanks for the soup," she said, giving Beth a half nod. Feeling a little like she was being dismissed, Beth nodded her head, giving her own form of a smile, first to Carl and then Lorie, before stepping out of the room and joining her family for her own dinner.
The day passed on even slower after that, the setting sun steadily gliding behind the clouds until there was nothing left to see but inky blackness that consumed the night sky. Not even the moon came out this night, and Beth stood there staring up at the sky. Wondering what time of year it was and what she would be doing had the world not changed so drastically, so fast.
"Ever wonder what you would be doing right now had the world not changed?" she asked, forgetting her present company at the moment. When there was no answer from either of them, she looked first to Carol, who shook her head as a response and then Daryl, who shrugged his answer.
Beth bit her lip, remembering that neither of them had the best life before all this and so let the silence settle over her. Once again turning her focus back on the sky, even though she was supposed to be watching the woods. They all agreed that there needed to be at least three people on watch tonight, giving the present circumstances, though she agreed with Daryl that those men- the claimers as they were calling them- wouldn't be attacking tonight.
"Maybe you should be focusin on what you're doin now," Daryl said, tearing her away from her thoughts as he pointed toward the woods. Beth gave him a half smile, already admitting that he was right, though she wouldn't say it out loud.
"Was just thinkin, is all," she mumbled, pushing herself onto the railing so that she could bring one leg up, and rest her back on the post. She didn't get another response from the man, and when she looked over, she noted that he was chewing on his lower lip with his gaze fixed on a point just past her. "Tryin not to go to sleep to be honest," she said, picking at the hole on her jeans. She heard a gruff grunt from next to her and looked over to see Daryl walking off around the building. When she raised an eyebrow at Carol for an explanation the woman just shrugged.
"Probably just as tired," she said, and Beth nodded. Knowing that he ran just as far and as hard as she did today. Not to mention he did most of the fighting. Which was part of the reason for her volunteering to come out here when he did. There was no way she was going to allow him to exhaust himself past capability all alone.
When he returned several minutes later, it was with a set of ropes that they used for their traps in the woods. When he dropped them to the floor, he followed along with them and nodded to the spot next to him. "C'mon," he grunted, looking up at her. Beth hesitated for just a moment, peering over at Carol who had her own eyebrows raised in question before Beth did as he said.
"What are we doin?" she asked, picking up an end of rope and twirling it in her hands.
"Keepin your head out of the clouds, and down here on earth," he muttered, pulling a long piece of rope towards him. "Besides, I told ya I would teach ya to hunt and this is part of it."
"Hmm," Beth muttered, her lip going up on one side as she mused over his words. Still, she sat through the next hour watching him twist one knot after another into different traps in nothing short of five minute flat, and then spent the next fifteen attempting to copy his arrangement. When she finally got one knot down, he had her place it on the ground and then throw a stick at it to see if it was effective. The first time she tried, the rope did nothing. Just lay there on the ground as she threw another stick and looked frustrating over at Daryl who came over to inspect her work.
From there, he explained what she did wrong and told her how to fix it so that when his own trap was setup, the stick was flung out of it the moment the trap was set off.
"So, the animal's supposed to fly away," Beth asked, smirking as she returned from retrieving the stick.
"Ha ha, Greene," Daryl grumbled, grabbing the stick and replacing it with the rope that was now untied. "Don't get smart."
Beth narrowed her gaze at him, almost smiling as she said, "you know you're the second person to tell me that, today."
He narrowed his own gaze at her. "Maybe there's a reason for that."
"Yeah, maybe I should stop hangin out with you." Daryl's eyes turned to slits, and Beth did her best not to laugh even as a snort came from the porch. Daryl whirled, his piercing gaze going to Carol as he asked, "you got somethin to say up there?"
"Nope," she replied, shaking her head even as her eyes held a hint of amusement. "Just watchin the woods."
Daryl glared at her for a moment more before turning back to Beth. "Traps, until you get right, Greene."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Beth mumbled, settling down on the porch steps so that she could begin fiddling with the knots. Still smiling as Daryl flicked his gaze from her to Carol and muttered, "damn women" under his breath.
Okay, I realize this is slightly unedited but I'm working on a different computer at the moment and this one don't have an editing program. Hopefully soon I can get back on my old one and go back and edit this better. But for now, I hope you enjoyed it and sorry it's so short with not a whole lot going on.