Ruin's POV

Ruin had been having the same dream now for weeks. He and [Y/N] together, no problems, no more missions, no more Gideon.

He spat on the ground when he thought of that name.

The last time he and [y/n] were together, over a year ago now, he had realized that she was in love with Gideon. No matter how many times they had sex, she would never feel that way about him.

Ruin told himself that he was fine with it, that he completely understood, but did he? He didn't want to admit that he was jealous of Gideon, but goddamn it, he was. Why did you tell her it was okay? Why didn't you fight for her?

He sighs and puts his hands on his temple as he walks. When he looks up again, there she was. He freezes. What the fuck is wrong with you?! That smile on her face, the way she was walking...God, she is beautiful.

"Ruin!" she shouts running over to him, "Long time no see." She smiles and hugs him.

"We're still friends, you know. You can call me Donnie."

"Of course, I'm sorry. How have you been?"

Ruin shrugs, "Can't complain." Yes you can. You feel like shit, tell her. Tell her how you really feel. Ruin shakes his head, focusing on her again. "And you, how are you?"

"I'm great." She smiles brightly and it makes him smile. The smile didn't last long when he thought of the reason why she was doing "great."

"Donnie, you okay? That frown is scaring me. What are you thinking about..and don't say nothing because I know it's something." She folds her arms across her chest.

How the hell does she figure stuff out like that? Ruin was ready to confess everything to her. "I...I'm just tired, ain't been sleeping too well," he answers still feeling as though she would know he wasn't being completely honest. She squints her eyes at him and nods, "I understand. I also know there's more that you're not telling me, but I'll let you tell me when you're ready." [Y/N] smiles that beautiful smile and...

Man, I love her he thinks.

Ruin is busy staring at her, daydreaming, when her phone rings snapping him from his reverie. She apologizes and answers her phone, walking away a bit. "Hey hun." Ruin tries to give her some privacy. When she laughs he can't help but look at how her face lights up.

"Gideeeeoooon," she says, blushing furiously. Ruin clenches his jaw and looks down at the ground. "See you soon. Bye," she hangs up. "Sorry about that."

He gives her a forced smile. "Don't worry about it." Part of him wanted to ask about Gideon, but he knew he wouldn't like the answer. He folds his arms, "How's Gideon?" What the fuck, Donnie? Even [y/n] looks up at him, shocked. "He's...fine. You knew it was him on the phone?"

Ruin scoffs, "You said his name and called him hun, who else would it be?" He knew it sounded a little aggressive, but he was in a bad mood now. She looked away then down. Ruin groans, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that."

[Y/N] shakes her head, "It's fine really." She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

He was ready to explode, ready to tell her everything. Don't do it, Donnie.

"What does he have that I don't?" Shit...

Her head pops up, eyes wide. "Donnie..." He can hear the sadness in her voice. "Do you really want to talk about this right now?"

Ruin shakes his head. "The only thing, the only person I know I want right now is you."

"But you said...you told me.."

He cuts her off, "I know what I fucking said and I wish I never said it now! You should be with me..."

She looks around then back at him. "You let me go, Donnie. This isn't fair. Men just always want what they can't have and it isn't fair. You had your chance..." She looks as if she has more to say, but turns to walk away instead. Ruin grabs her hand and when she turns to him there are tears running down her cheeks. "Let me go," she says quietly, "Now." He loosens his grip and she snatches her arm away. "Goodbye Donnie."

He wants to go after her, but thinks better of it.

What have you done now, you idiot...

Your POV

You wipe the tears from your face quickly. You're pissed, livid. How dare he do something like that? Did he expect you to just run into his arms? You shake your head and scoff, "Idiot."

Gideon would be here in a little while, you had to get yourself together. That man could always tell when something was wrong, it was impressive but also worrisome. If you so much as mentioned the name Ruin around him, who knew what could happen? You nod to yourself. It was best to just keep this little episode to yourself.

You had to tell someone though. It was no good keeping this bottled up.

Ilona you think and you call her. "Hello?" she answers.

"I need to talk to you," you say without preamble. "Um okay..come to the range."

You hang up without saying goodbye and walk quickly to the shooting range. When you get there Ilona is talking to someone you don't recognize. You catch her eye and give her a look that says 'it's urgent'. She excuses herself from the other conversation and walks over to you. "What's going on?" You start to tell her but realize that you'd rather not talk about this here. Besides, you were starving. "Are you hungry? I'm hungry. Let's go." You walk off towards the mess hall and Ilona follows.

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?" She asks.

"Just wait until we're sitting, please."

Ilona is silent for the rest of the walk. You feel kind of bad, but you needed to be comfortable.

The both of you get food quickly and find an empty table. Ilona stares as you start eating quietly, avoiding eye contact. [Y/N], what the fuck?" she says angrily just above a whisper. You stop eating and look up at her, tears filling your eyes again. "Shit, did Gideon do something?" You shake your head. "Are..are you pregnant?"

"No!" You say a little too loudly.

"Well, come on then, spit it out!" Ilona nudges you.

"It's Ruin. I saw him today."

"Okay? You saw him today. Are you telling me you slept with him?" Ilona raises her eyebrows.

"No, nothing like that."

"Well?"

You go on to tell her every detail of your awkward meeting with Ruin. She doesn't say anything, but shakes her head here and there. "I guess you just have that effect on men," Ilona says when you finish.

"I don't need this complication right now. I don't need Ruin confessing his love for me while I'm happy with Gideon."

"Ruin what?!" You and Ilona both turn to the angry voice at the same time, shocked. Gideon was standing behind you two and you didn't even realize it.

Standing quickly, you hold your hands out, "Gideon, its nothing really. Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about...don't fucking worry about it?!"

"Stop shouting, please. Calm down." You try to grab his hand, but he moves it away. "Where is he?"

"I-I don't know. I haven't seen him since..." Your sentence is cut short hen you notice that Gideon's focus is no longer on you, but something behind you. His jaw clenches and your heart drops. You turn slowly to see that Ruin has just walked into the mess hell. "No..." you say in a whisper. "Gideon, please...its not worth it."

"You're worth it, trust me."

"No, not again please!" You can only stand and watch as he walks away and Ilona grabs your arm to hold you back. "I can't let this happen again, Ilona!"

"Well, I'm not letting you get hurt again," she says grabbing your arm tighter.

The last thing you see is Ruin putting his tray down as Gideon approached him as Ilona pulled you out of the mess hall through the side door.

This is all my fault, you think as Ilona wraps her arm around you and ushers you away quickly...