Ok, sorry for the wait! I write this in my university library at 03.49am because my laptop is broken :( However, never let it be said I abandon you all, I wrote it out by hand and typed it up! The guy behind me seems engrossed, maybe I should tell him to read from the beginning...
He just read that and blushed massively, LOL.
Anyway, here you go! Again, may be ages before next one, SORRY!
Special thanks to weeeell for just being darned fabulous, crazyocelot for saying nice things from an informed standpoint (still feels mad, thank you!) and the guest who read it in 10-12 hours... fast reading dude!
Disclaimer: Je ne suis pas le owner. French.
He heard the patter of her feet as she jogged downstairs, then the murmurs of a short exchange with Musichetta and the bell as she left the building. He sat rigidly still through the whole thing, angry at himself.
What now?
She's mad at you, you're mad at you, nobody's saying ANYTHING…
What do I do?
With an exasperated groan, he dropped his head into his hands, elbows propped on the table.
'Oh dear. This doesn't look good' said a calm voice from the doorway.
Enjolras looked up to see Combeferre crossing the room to sit opposite him.
'Anything I can help with?' his friend asked.
'I don't think so, Ferre. This one's all on me.'
'Well… a problem shared…'
Enjolras considered this for a second. It WOULD be handy to get another perspective. I mean, one where the person has a modicum of knowledge about the appropriate course of action.
'You don't have to tell me if you don't want' Ferre continued 'but it might help.'
Enjolras liked talking to Combeferre. There were no confusing hidden meanings: he said what he meant, calmly and simply. It would be a lot easier if everyone talked like that, in his opinion.
'It's kind of embarrassing'
'It can't be THAT bad'
'If you tell anyone, I'll…'
'Enjolras, it's ME.'
'Right. Sorry.'
'That's ok. Now, what's up?'
'I kissed Éponine.'
'I know.'
'What? How?!'
'I saw you. When she was asleep?'
'Oh.' Enjolras was mortified.
'Enjolras, she was asleep. She probably doesn't even know about it.'
'Well, the thing is… I'm not actually talking about those times –'
'more than once?'
'Well… yes.'
'Ok. What…?'
'I mean I kissed her. On the face. Awake face. Mouth, specifically.'
Combeferre couldn't hide his surprise. 'Really?'
'Yes.'
'What did she do?'
Enjolras just blushed, heat spreading up his neck and across his cheeks as he looked down at his lap.
'Oh, FANTASTIC!' Ferre exclaimed. Surprised at his friend's enthusiasm, Enjolras looked up. He was smiling – no, beaming! 'What's the matter then?'
'I've ruined everything!'
'Really?'
'Yes! She barely spoke to me afterwards!'
'Did you speak to her?'
'I – well –'
'Thought not. Look, mate, this isn't a crisis.'
'It isn't?'
'Do you like her?'
'How do you mean?'
'Well, you're friends. Do you want her to be your girlfriend?'
'I don't have TIME for a girlfriend.'
'That's really not what I asked.'
He thought about it for a second. Really THINKING.
'I don't know.' You are an INTELLECTUAL GIANT, Enjolras.
'I think you do. Maybe you should think about it. Really, properly think. Decide what you want and then TALK TO HER.'
'But… won't she be mad?'
'I doubt it very much.'
'Has she –'
'She didn't have to. I have eyes. And I LIVE WITH YOU.'
'Oh. Ok.'
'So that's my advice.'
'Thanks'
'any time.'
They sat in silence for a minute, contemplating. Then Combeferre spoke up. 'Are you going to run after her then, or what?'
'Oh! Yes! We… I'll… Ok. Bye!'
Éponine was wandering the streets around the café, lost in thought. What do I do now? He's mad at you, you're mad at you… you've mucked everything up. When did this get so complicated?!'
A clock chimed in the distance and she snapped back to reality. GAVROCHE. SCHOOL. Turning on her heel, she started in the direction of the school, only to bump straight into the chest of -
'Marius?'
'Éponine! Wonderful! Really, I was – well I was just about to come and find you, you'll never guess!'
'What is it?'
'WE'RE ENGAGED! SHE SAID YES! WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!'
'You… you and Cosette?!'
'Of course, who else?!'
'Right, sorry… that's amazing, M, congratulations!' She jumped up and hugged him, standing on her tiptoes to reach.
'Thanks, 'Ponine! I have to go to tell the others – see you later!'
'Yeah… bye!'
He ran off, looking what she imagined a little kid would look like in Disneyland. If he'd DANCED down the street he couldn't have looked happier.
She watched him go, smiling to herself. That's lovely, he's so happy. Cosette'll be over the moon as well. There's literally nothing in the world either of them want for now… they're going to get married, have kids, and grow old together… Her smile faded as a sad reality hit her straight in the gut. I'm never going to have that.
The realisation initially floored her, and her heart began to ache as she thought about it more. She thought about her life: her underfed, scarred body; the fact that she lived with two single guys; her weird, mother-like relationship with Les Amis, not to mention Gavroche and Jacques; her criminal family; her prostituting past; her lack of any career prospects and slightly illegal political activities… what sane guy would want to take that on? Her life was MAD.
But it was worse than that, because even if she DID find someone crazy enough to look past that stuff, she'd just muck it up, like always. Her romantic history wasn't exactly long: a cringey infatuation with Marius, an unhealthy, sex-filled few weeks with her childhood friend/rapist… and today. That kiss. With Enjolras. Who now wouldn't even look at her.
She couldn't blame him. She had nothing to offer a guy like Enjolras. He was rich, clever, handsome and respected, where she was dirt poor – worse, surviving on his kindness – streetwise but otherwise average at best, scarred and boyish in figure, and nobody. Worse than nobody: a Thénardier. Not exactly a girl Enjolras could take home to his mother, even if she wanted him to… which she didn't even know she did. Her head wasn't wrapped around the whole thing yet.
Suddenly, it started to rain. Éponine looked around, spotting a back street to her left she could go and hide in. Firing a text off to Courfeyrac about Gav, she wandered over, sliding down the wall to the damp floor, just out of sight of the street.
If Marius had taught her anything, it was that it was best not to hope for the fairy-tale. The fairy-tale ending was for girls like Cosette, not Éponine. She was too broken, too damaged for the white wedding, kids, dog and a picket fence. It just wasn't on the cards for her. The best she could hope for was a whirlwind fling or two with some dickheads like Montparnasse: I'm the girl they screw around with until they meet their wife.
She thought back to the kiss earlier: the way her heart stopped when he first pressed his lips against hers, then pumped out a mambo as it deepened. The beautiful, frantic rightness she had felt with her back against the café wall. The way his eyes were almost midnight blue when their panicking eyes met… the familiar mask of indifference back in place just moments later. Who was she kidding? He regretted it already.
Strictly business from now on, then. She could even move out… if she had anywhere to go. Which she didn't.
No, she'd stay. And she'd help him with his plans to save the world. She'd watch him fall in love with some gold haired, bourgeois Cosette-a-like one day. She'd smile on his wedding day as he stood up straight in an expensive suit in a church full of people, all eyes on the beautiful bride, smiling prettily through a tasteful veil. She'd babysit their kids, teach them how to swear. Cool Aunty Éponine.
She tried to picture that life with her in it, but couldn't. No matter which way she approached it, she got to the wedding day, as he turned around to look down the aisle at his bride… but it wasn't her.
Couldn't be her.
Would never be her.
The raindrops fell unchecked down her face as reality set in. I'm just not that girl.
Enjolras pushed his way through the crowded streets around the café, craning his neck for a glimpse of bouncing brown curls in the melee ahead. He still didn't know what he was going to say to her when he found her, but he knew, somehow, in his gut, that he'd know when he saw her. Something would click, and he'd finally be able to express how he had never felt like this, never taken a risk like this, never let anyone past his carefully constructed walls. How he couldn't concentrate on anything if she was around, but couldn't think straight without her. How he knew, in his heart, that the campaign needed her. That HE needed her. In whatever capacity, even just as a friend.
But what if it wasn't just as a friend? He couldn't suppress the hope: she had kissed him back, right? And she told him things, secret things… and listened to his advice, sort of. Christ, she'd agreed to LIVE with him, for crying out loud. That had to count for SOMETHING.
Images flashed across his eyes: Éponine, fiery-eyed and wild after he'd kissed her; messy-haired and beautiful first thing in the morning. A church full of people, all eyes on a bride walking slowly towards him, smiling brilliantly through a lacy veil. Éponine, with a brown-eyed, blonde baby in her arms.
If you'd asked him about this last week – this morning, even! – he'd have panicked, pushed it away. That just wasn't him, wasn't on the cards for him. But now, suddenly, he knew what he was looking for, and it had been right there for six months. It started to rain, but he didn't care.
Then, out of nowhere, he heard someone shout his name. A male someone. Marius, of all people!
'Enjolras! Enjolras, fantastic news! I'm getting married! She said yes!'
Must be something in the air today… 'That's brilliant, Marius! I'm very happy for you!'
Marius blinked. 'Really?'
'Of course!' he beamed, clapping his friend on the shoulder.
'I expected you be… well, less enthusiastic. Well… thanks! This is so exciting! I can't wait to tell the guys, if they're HALF as excited as you and Éponine, I-'
His stomach dropped. 'You've seen Éponine?!'
'Yeah, she went that way, I just told her. Do you –'
'I've got to go, sorry Marius… I'll catch you later. Congratulations!'
'Oh, ok… thanks!'
Enjolras ran as fast as his legs could carry him in the direction Pontmercy had pointed, eyes peeled for Éponine. The streets emptied as the rain fell harder, but she was nowhere to be found.
Then he heard it.
Her voice.
She was close.
Hands touch
Eyes meet
He followed the sound he loved so much, heading towards an alley off the street.
Sudden silence
Sudden heat.
His heart filled with joy as he spotted her. Did these words mean…?
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
Enjolras stayed out of sight, not wanting to disturb her. But… why did she look so sad?
He could be that boy,
but I'm not that girl
What?
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy,
I'm not that girl
He almost laughed with relief. Is… is she worried she's not… good enough or something? God, it's the other way around, doesn't she realize?!
Every so often we long to steal,
to the land of what might have been,
but that doesn't soften the ache we feel
when reality sets back in...
He couldn't honestly claim he was surprised by her downward outlook on this: he HAD been a dick after he'd kissed her. I'm so sorry, 'Ponine. I didn't mean it. I was just scared, because I –
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome,
She wins him,
Gold hair with a gentle curl,
That's the girl he chose
And heaven knows,
I'm not that girl
And then it hit him like a ton of bricks, and his stomach fell through the floor.
She didn't mean him.
She was still in love with Marius. This was about him and Cosette.
She didn't like him that way. He was just an outlet for built-up energy.
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart,
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
He looked at her, curled up against a wall in a rain alleyway, singing to her knees. More than anything, he wanted to go and comfort her, make her feel better.
There's a girl I know,
He loves her so,
I'm not that girl.
But as the song finished, he felt his heart harden and the mask he'd worn for so long slipping back into place. She didn't want him. He was just being stupid, anyway: Patria was what was important to him, not a girl. He'd given that up long ago, right?
No, it was for the best. He'd only let her down: he was nothing like Pontmercy. Not even slightly. And if it was Pontmercy she wanted… he'd never shape up. So with one last look, he turned and walked away.
Back to the way we were, I suppose.
booooo!
CrazyJulz16 I lied about Pierre, this was too long... next one! Promise! Well... next one or two :L
DaydreamingSlytherin I have NOT forgotten you, I swear! As soon as I have a spare second and a half!
Please review, I love to hear from you all - we need a catch up after all this time! :)