Chapter Fifteen
The rest of the day was spent in a state of shock. They went about creating a makeshift cross that consisted of two sticks tied together and placed over an empty grave, that someone, she believed it to be Glenn, dug up. Then a short memorial where Glenn recited how he originally met T-Dog and the others going over some of their own memories with the man. Beth smiled as she vaguely remembered sitting at the kitchen table with Patricia the first time she met T-Dog, and Patricia saying, "Merle's clap is the best thing that ever happened to you."
Placing the flowers on the grave, she brushed up against Daryl. His face grim as he stared down at the pile of dirt, giving it a brief nod. Beth reached out to place a hand on his shoulder in comfort. Trying to find something to say before he passed her a quick glance and turned away. Her gaze followed him, watching as he trailed off around the house, his head hanging low as he disappeared around the corner.
"Come on," Maggie said, nudging her shoulder. Beth nodded, giving the spot where Daryl disappeared one more glance before following her sister inside. Knowing following him wasn't going to be an option at the moment. There were other things to do. Supplies that needed to be sorted and a few water pipes that needed to be banged into place. The ones that Glenn and Hershel were attempting to figure out before everyone returned and they found things had gone to crap.
Beth followed them now, noting Hershel and Glenn, heading off back to the basement with Rick in tow. Maggie pulled her into the living room where a few bags sat needing to be sorted out and distributed to the others.
"They didn't find a whole lot," she said, kneeling in front of the first pile of clothes.
"We'll take what we can get." Maggie pulled at the dingy shirt she was currently wearing and grimacing at it's stained and splattered state. They needed new clothes, that was for sure. Beth's own shirt was starting to feel thin, having been worn so much, and it was her best shirt.
Shuffling through the pile, she started by pulling them into separate piles of men and women, the task taking only a short while before the bag was empty and she was able to pull the clothes closer. Mindlessly throwing shirts into other piles repeating, Carol, Maggie, Lori, me. Carol, Maggie, Lori, me. And again. Almost lulling her into a state of half sleep before her sister let out a quick, "oh" and Beth looked over to see a bright pink bra and panties set, with lace trimmings.
"Damn, it's in your size," Maggie said, tossing the pairing toward her little sister. Beth caught it, examining it real quick before furrowing her brows. She wasn't going to lie and say she didn't like it. It was exactly what she liked. What she and Maggie fought over whenever one of them would buy a new pair. One of those stupid sibling quarrels that never really died. Shrugging, she shoved the pair into a pile of clothes already built up for her and moved to pass out the rest of the clothing. Standing at the same time Maggie did with an arm full of the other half of the clothes.
Heading up the stairs, she stopped in the room where Carl, Carol and her father kept their bags and dropped their clothing off, and headed further down the hall toward Rick and Lori's room. Pausing when she heard whispered voice just inside the room, and she stopped to listen. Hearing the butt end of the conversation.
"Who did it?" That was Lori, and Beth could only assume they were talking about what went down in the town. Who ended T-Dog. Beth swallowed, not knowing if she wanted to know who held that burden. She had a pretty good idea with the way Daryl insisted on keeping busy. Keeping his mind off of everything going on around him.
"Daryl did..." Rick answered, almost whispered it to the point Beth couldn't make it out. "Daryl took the final shot."
Beth fell against the wall, doing her best to remain silent as her head fell back and she stood there. Closing her eyes for a moment to keep the fresh wave of tears from falling down her face. It wasn't her burden. Shouldn't bother her so much that Daryl carried so many of the scars, but it did and she almost wanted to weep for him.
She didn't catch whatever it was that Lori said, some whispered words that weren't meant for her ears, but she heard Rick's reply. "He shouldn't always be the one that..." The words were lost when the sound of footsteps caught her attention and she jumped up. Looking to find that it was Daryl coming up the stairs, pausing just at the end. His gaze moving from the door that she stood so close to and then her.
Shaking, she crept closer to him. Still scared to disturb the couple inside the room as she rushed forward with the pile of clothes still in her hand "I was just handing these out," she said, doing her best to remain quiet. She held a few shirts out for him to see, and he remained silent while motioning toward the room that stored their things.
Beth nodded, watching his gaze as she backed into the room. Shuffling their clothes away and looking behind her to see that Daryl stood just outside the doorway. His head leaning toward the whispered conversation, and she wondered what he heard. If they were still discussing him. When he shook his head, and glanced at her, Beth attempted a reassuring smile that only sent him in the other direction. Not a word spoken, and Beth stepped out of the room to find Rick standing in the doorway with Lori hovering just in front of him.
Beth didn't bother looking for him the rest of the day after that. Realizing that he needed time alone, and while she didn't agree with it, she would respect it because that was Daryl's way. As dinner time drew closer, Beth found herself in the kitchen looking for that nights meal when the back door came open and the sound of heavy footfalls filled the space. She looked over in time to see Daryl place two skinned rabbits on to the counter and stare up at her. Looking ready to apologize for whatever it was, but Beth smiled at him. Jumping to the counter to pull the carcass toward her and say, "this is great. Rabbit stew with some rice thrown in. It's gonna be good."
The smile forced on her face must have been brighter than she thought because Daryl's own lips twitched at her words. Though there was still a sadness in his eyes, and Beth recounted what she overheard while passing out the clothes. Fidgeting with the bracelets on her wrists, she attempted to find the words to help relieve his pain. Remembering how all the apologizes in the world didn't make her feel any better when her friend died. How it all sounded useless, and almost meaningless and Beth sighed, looking up at Daryl again with a loss for words. The two of them just stared at each other as the silence grew longer. Finally, Daryl shifted and nodded at the rabbit. "I'll get Carol to help you with that stew."
Beth shook her head. "No need. I think we've cooked it enough I could do it with my eyes closed." She tried to chuckle, the sound coming out forced and awkward and she let it die as he continued staring at her for a moment longer before he nodded and headed out the door. Leaving Beth with a bad taste in her mouth as she realized she should have said something. Anything, but really, what was there to say. "Sorry you had to shoot another friend."
Yeah, that was going to go over well with Daryl.
With a sigh, she got to work on the food, finding it so much easier to cook in the kitchen now that the guys figured out what was wrong with the water. Running water in the house was definitely going to be a plus, and as the smell of cooked rabbit permeated the air, the others found their way into the kitchen. Gathering around the counter, the lot of them talked about the day, somewhat solemnly. Especially when the topic of their lost friend came up, and what Beth overheard earlier between Rick and Lori was confirmed.
Leaving all of them to look around the space and, not for the first time, noting another absence among the group. The only one good news being that they had showers now, and Lori was the first to head up the stairs and take advantage of it.
An hour later, Beth came bounding down the stairs, her hair still damp from the shower she just emerged from. It felt great while under the shower head, having the hot water pouring over her body, and cleaning her in a way that hadn't been possible for some time. She was thrilled that they managed to get that much done. That it was starting to feel more and more like a home here, she let the smile flit across her face as the water pounded on her sore muscles.
Now she took the last step at the bottom of the stairs, nearly shivering as she heard her sister's say, "my turn." Beth smiled at her, handing over the towel that she used to finish dry her hair over before wrapping her arms around herself and taking a look around.
Mostly everyone sat in the living room, surrounded by the fire that was just starting to burn bright as Merle poked at it. Her father, Carol, Rick and all of them gathered there around the warmth, though there were two faces distinctly missing from the group. One of them, she knew, was never going to join them again. He would forever be in their memories, and maybe a part of him would still join them, but not physically.
Looking out the front door, she noticed the other missing face sitting on the porch. An unlit cigarette hanging between his lips. The rest of him seemed to be relaxed, his legs stretched out before him, hands tucked between his legs as he stared out at nothing. Beth could assume he was on watch, making sure the lot of them were safe, but she knew better. Knew he was taking the moment to escape from the others, and she was half tempted to join him.
Okay, she was fully tempted. Knowing that he didn't need to be alone anymore. Not after the day they had. Not after what he had to do. Rick confirmed it. Telling them how it was Daryl that made the last shot before they escaped, taking their friend down so that he wouldn't have to suffer the walker's wrath. With a heavy breath, she looked into the living room, catching Carol's eyes as she gave her a small smile and motioned toward the door.
Silently letting her know she needed to head out there. With a nod, she stepped outside, noting how Daryl didn't even look to see who it was coming outside. Maybe he knew and maybe he didn't care. Not in this moment anyways. She didn't know what to say earlier as she tried to force words out of her mouth, and that just left her gaping. Maybe that'd been the issue, she was trying to put words to feelings, and that wasn't something that needed to be done.
So silently, she slid down the wall to sit, keeping her gaze on him as he continued looking out at the woods. If she had to guess, he was avoiding her gaze. Hoping to keep to himself, but Beth didn't believe he needed to be by himself. Not tonight. Not for this. Gingerly, she slipped her arm under his, reaching to pull his hand out from between his legs. His arm went limp, allowing her to slide her fingers into his, linking them together as his eyes closed, head falling back to rest against the side of the house. She watched him for a moment, waiting for something, she couldn't tell what. Just something.
After a second that felt like a minute, could have even been longer, Daryl removed the smoke from his mouth at the same time his other hand tightened around her and he let out a slow exhale of breath. Taking that as her cue, she wrapped her other hand around his bicep and leaned forward, lightly pressing her lips there before resting her head on his arm. Allowing him whatever time he needed to get through this, but also letting him know she was there. If he needed her, she was there.
There's no telling how long they sat there, listening to the calm of the night. What animals dared to venture out into the night before the cold gathered around Beth. Freezing her still damp hair, and making her shiver and curl closer to Daryl. Using his body heat to keep her warm until he shifted and looked down at her.
Pulling her closer, he untangled their hands to wrap an arm around her shoulder to press her closer. Her shivering stopping for a moment before her teeth started chattering. "Why don't you head inside, where it's warm," he said, when he realized his own body heat wasn't going to get her warm.
Being the stubborn one, Beth shook her head. "I'm fine." The shiver that ran up her spine when the wind blew showed her lie, and she looked up at Daryl through her lashes. "Promise. I wanna be on watch with you."
Daryl flinched, a mere inch of movement, but being so close to him Beth felt it all the same and she held her breath. Unsure of what that meant for her. "It'd better if you were inside. Where you could sleep."
"I wouldn't sleep," she said, biting her lips the moment the words were out. No matter how true the words were. The fact was she got her best sleep when she was curled up next to Daryl. The nightmares didn't plague her so much, and the nights seemed shorter. So she stood her ground. Chewing on her lower lip, worried that she may have stepped over some invisible barrier and said something that would ruin this.
He let out a slow exhale, slowly removing his arm as he let out a slow, "Beth-"
She trembled at the sound of her name. Hating the tone he used with it, and hating the way his hands were going to that unlit cigarette and his lighter. Ready to light another one up as he got ready to do something hard. Say something that she didn't want to hear, and Beth shifted to her knees, hands resting on his arm to stop him from speaking anymore as she interrupted him. "Don't," she said, almost shouted.
When he turned to her, her mouth gaped open with something she didn't know how to say, so she pulled back, resting on her heels as she wrung her fingers together. His eyes burning into her skin as he waited for whatever it was she wanted to say. And there sure as hell was a lot that she wanted to tell him, but knowing where to begin was the hard part. Especially when she didn't know how to explain it to herself.
"I know that you look at me as some annoying child that just clings to you and follows you around, and I'm sorry, I-" Daryl's gaze narrowed, the cigarette once again resting in his hand as he cocked his head to the side, trying to understand what she was saying and Beth looked away. Knowing that if she kept staring at him she wouldn't get her reasons for wanting to be near him out. "I just. I want to be strong like you and when I'm with you I feel stronger. Like I could take on the world," she said, glancing up only long enough to see his lips turning into a thin line before she closed her eyes and hung her head. "And I know that if you let me stay by your side just a little longer, let me learn just a little more from you. I could do that on my own. I could be strong like that without..." Her words died out as she met his gaze, seeing the sorrow in them for a fleeting second before they turned to steel and Daryl shook his head.
"Girl, you got it all wrong," he said, letting out a heavy breath as he placed his cigarette back while turning to look at her. Beth shook her head, ready to argue some more when Daryl stopped her. A hand resting on her chin to stop her movement. "Beth, you could handle this world without me."
She gaped at him, closing her eyes to take a breath. "No, I couldn't."
"Yes, you could. You can," he repeated, moving his other hand to brush a stray hair from her face. "You're stronger than you think. It's me that needs you... People like you to keep going. To find a reason to fight for this." he motioned toward the cabin. Nodding at their family sitting warm inside as the two of them stared each other down in the cold. Licking his lips, Daryl pulled her closer so that he could rest his forehead on hers. "Beth, it's-" His voice faded as he took another deep breath and Beth opened her eyes. Seeing the pained look on his face before he opened his eyes to meet her blue ones. "Don't underestimate yourself."
His gaze grew hard as he pulled away, both his hands coming to rest on either side of her face so he could keep her from looking away. "Promise me, you won't do that."
"I promise," Beth repeated, confused about his change of words, and the expression on his face. He cupped her cheek for a moment longer, his thumb running across her skin, causing goose bumps to rise across her flesh and Daryl pulled away.
"Head inside before you get sick," he said, mistaking her shiver for being cold. She was cold, it was getting colder by the minute, but she wasn't about to admit that as she shook her head. Ready to argue again when Daryl stood, interrupting her yet again. "Go on, I'll be in there in a minute, after I do a perimeter check."
"Alone?" she asked, her voice shaky now that it's dawning on her that she may have just said a little too much and scared him away. Her suspicions confirmed when he nodded his head.
"I just need a smoke before I head in." He pulled out his crushed pack to emphasize the point as he gave her a half of a smile. Beth returned it, eyeing him up and down as he shifted his stance.
Lighting up his cigarette, he nodded toward the screen door that was opening beside her and she looked up to see Maggie smiling down at her. "See, relief's here."
Beth smiled at her sister for a moment before flicking her gaze to Daryl. The weight in her stomach growing larger as she stood up. Crossing her arms as he stepped off the porch and into the night. Her insides squirming with the fear that she did scare him away with her admission. Wondering if she should have just kept her mouth shut, and did as she was told. Like the good little girl that her father and sister pegged her to be.
Beth stepped inside, heading toward the fire to grab up the thickest blanket. Knowing that it was going to be a long night, alone. In the cold, and after one of the longest days out there.
'Should have kept my mouth shut.' Wrapping the blanket around herself, she curled up next to the fire as Lori and Rick headed upstairs with Carol and her father following along soon after. Beth eyed them as they disappeared, curious if she should keep a closer eye on that friendship or not, but deciding to leave it alone. They were both two grown, widowed, adults after all.
As she curled on the floor, she spotted Merle lay back on the couch, one arm over his eyes, much like Daryl did sometimes. Something small that the brother' shared and it brought a smile on her lips as she closed her eyes. Falling into a half sleep until a large body of heat pressed against her side, causing her to roll over and rest her head against it the heat, allowing her to unravel from the blanket's a bit, and relax with a smile spreading across her face as sleep consumed her. Her mind barely able to make out the feeling of a large arm resting against her side, pulling her closer while he whispered the words, "I'm completely screwed, you know that girl?" being breathed out between them.
Thanks everyone for commenting and following on the previous chapters. I love hearing what you all have to say.
That being said, I finally have an ending in mind for this story. Don't mean it's going to get there any time soon but it's there where as before I was just kind of mindlessly following along with a vague idea. I know, fifteen chapters in and it's a mindless, vague idea. But anyways, thanks for sticking with me on this one.