Here we go! Sorry this took longer than expected. I had 5 chapters already written, but I decided that I wanted to go a different direction, so I had to scrap those and go in this direction instead (well, this chapter doesn't advance the plot thatmuch.) This is another emotional chapter, so sorry. We will be getting back into the action soon, and we will be getting more Bex, Macey, and Liz action shortly! Sincerely, tickgrey

"You did what?" Zach spat, his disgust was audible.

"This isn't as bad as it sounds. I mean, it is, but it was a mistake. I wasn't thinking," I tried, but it was hopeless.

He shook his head, "No, you weren't. You seem to be doing a lot of that lately."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I spat indignantly.

"It means, all semester, all you've done is run off without considering the consequences. You haven't thought about anyone but yourself this whole semester," he lectured.

"I don't need this from you right now!" I shouted back. "Besides, I think I have a right to be a little erratic, or have you forgotten, my mom died!"

"Yeah, well, you're not the only one affected by that," he chided. "You see Abby running off and doing whatever she felt like? Or Mr. Solomon, who's known your mom forever? You're the only one who seems to think that skipping your mom's memorial service to go on some poorly planned excursion is a good idea!"

"I don't think it was a good idea! I don't even know what's a good idea anymore!" I panted. "I don't want anything to do with any of this anymore! I just want my parents back!"

I was in tears by this point. Even Zach was against me now, and I couldn't handle that fate.

He noticed I was breaking down, so he cooled off and pulled me into a hug. It wasn't the most romantic hug we've ever shared- I was crying over my dead parents and Zach was still infuriated. But being in his warm arms felt right and good. I didn't feel like I had to run for the first time in a while.

I pushed away for a second to say, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ran off, and I'm sorry I left you guys. I just wish more than anything I had my mom still."

He held me again and said, "I know the feeling. I'm here for you."

After a week of constant studying and making up work, Saturday was like a godsend. It was probably the most beautiful day of the year so far (granted I hadn't spent much of the year at school, so what did I know?) I had already turned in everything my teachers asked me to do, so I was looking forward to some much needed relaxing which my roommates all agreed would be best.

I had plenty of time to sleep in, so I felt unusually refreshed when I arrived in the dining hall for breakfast. I grabbed my normal chair next to Bex and across from Zach; things were finally starting to feel a bit normal again (except for the fact that nothing was actually normal.)

Things still felt normal when Professor Buckingham walked up to the podium to address us, which was anything but normal. "May I have your attention please?" Things ground to a halt. "Thank you. Due to the wonderful weather today, we are permitting students to spend the day in Roseville if desired. You must sign out with Madame Dabney near the front doors first. Have a great day!"

Tina and Eva were already buzzing with excitement with all the things they planned to do with their day, and even Macey and Liz were catching spring fever across from me. Bex, however, kept her typical disposition and asked, "You going to town, Cam?"

I shook my head, "I have a lot of makeup work to do." Lie.

"Are you sure?" Bex asked.

I vigorously shook my head to. She still looked uneasy, so I encouraged her, "Don't worry about me. Go to Roseville and have some fun. I've had plenty of excitement for one semester already."

Bex nodded. Zach, on the other hand, seemed to see right through me. "Come one, Gallagher girl. One afternoon off of studying isn't going to hurt?"

I sighed, "Sorry, I just want to get all of this stuff behind me, so I can focus on the things I'm supposed to be learning right now. I'll go to Roseville next time."

He nodded, a little sullen, and replied, "Alright, next time."

By ten o'clock, the school was practically empty. Even Mr. Smith and Professor Buckingham had gone to town for the day. Part of me wanted to be there with all of them, but it wouldn't have felt right. I was barely holding on to the cliff of sanity, so I wasn't about to add some weights to my feet.

I didn't know what I wanted to do for the day, but I did remember that spot by the lake. The one that Aunt Abby said my mom liked. I made my way to a tree next to the edge of the water and lay down with my head against the trunk. It was tempting to close my eyes and stay there forever, never having to face reality again, but this dream was halted by none other than Preston Winters.

"You look like a mess," his mischievous voice cooed above me.

I snorted, "Better than you."

"Is this seat taken?" he said nodding towards the ground next to me, which I shook my head to. He groaned like an old man as he sat down beside me.

"You okay?" I teased.

He smiled, "Just getting old, I suppose."

"It happens," I added. It felt weird joking with Preston again, like the first time we met on the presidential campaign, but in a way, it felt right. I liked feeling careless and nonchalant like that, like nothing in the world could hurt me.

"How are you holding up?" he asked, and I could tell he actually meant it.

"I could ask you the same thing," I replied.

He scoffed, "I spend all my time in the safest building in the world doing calculus and reading literature while everyone else trains to be a spy. If anything, I'm a little jealous."

"Don't be. It's not as great as it seems," This was becoming very evident to me.

"I guess you're right. At least I'm not getting shot at," he shrugged. "But anyways, I mean, how are you holding up with your mom and everything? You look really troubled all the time. You try to hide it, but I'm used to having to look through facades like that- I'm from a family of politicians."

I swallowed, "It's hard. I thought it would get better, but it doesn't. She's never coming back. How can I just sit here and accept that like everyone wants me to? Everyone just expects me to be 'better' now that I've seen some memorials for her. Well, it doesn't make anything better. I feel so alone."

"I won't pretend I know how it really feels to lose a parent, but I'm always here if you need me. You aren't alone. I care about you. Bex, Macey, Liz, and Zach definitely care about you. All your teachers care about you." Preston was surprisingly comforting. "We just don't always know what to do or say, but trust me, we want to help you feel better."

"Thanks," I smiled back. Even though I'd heard it a hundred times from Zach and Bex and well, everyone, it was nice hearing from Preston that they cared.

"Why aren't you two in town with everyone else?" Mr. Solomon's deep voice called from above us. It startled Preston, who jumped slightly.

I shrugged, "We're just enjoying a break."

Preston nodded in agreement, but he was still notably embarrassed about being so startled.

"I see," Mr. Solomon trailed off. "Well, Mr. Winters, I've been asked to let you know that you need to finish sending in your applications today, as per Professor Buckingham's orders."

"Okay," he nodded. He then turned to me, "I'll see you later, then?"

I nodded. He trotted off hastily, getting away as quick as possible. I'm pretty sure he had a fear of Mr. Solomon, but I decided to spare him from the embarrassment of asking.

"So, how are you feeling?" Mr. Solomon casually asked, but I knew better. He was probably apart of some monitoring system to make sure I wasn't going to lose it at any moment. I stood up to face him because this didn't seem like a good conversation to have while lying down.

"I'm fine," I said flatly. "Did you need anything from me?"

He shook his head, "I just want to make sure you're still okay."

"More like, you want to make sure I don't need to going to a mental institute," I breathed.

"Of course not, Cammie," he comforted (or, well, tried to comfort.) "I know you're going through a lot, and it's going to take time for your to be feeling like yourself again. I just don't want you to do something that you will regret while you're going through a rough time."

"Like?" I prodded.

He sighed, "Well, you haven't actually applied for anything to do after your graduate."

"Maybe I don't want to," I said coyly.

"I know that's not true. Before what happened, that's all you wanted," he reminded me.

"I just... I don't want to do this anymore," I burst.

He was taken aback, "Do what?"

"Any of this! School, spying, pretending to be okay when I'm not, having to watch the people responsible for her death live their lives, anything!" I practically screamed. "I want something normal and simple for once!"

"I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but there isn't anything anyone can tell you that will solve any of those problems," he started. "Nothing in your life ever has been or ever will be normal and simple as you put it. You're extraordinary, Cammie, and you'll do great things in whatever you decide to do, but you've got to get there. Things are bad now, but in a few years, you'll be living a great life. You just need to endure for a while."

"Easier said than done," I retorted. "I've seen you when you don't think anyone's looking. You're not taking this any better than I am; you're just better at hiding it."

He nodded, "You're right."

Then I saw something I never thought I'd see, Mr. Solomon crying. Not just a few tears, but flat out, flood gates-open crying. "You're completely right. I miss her every day. I loved her and your father. They were my closest friends. I swore I would protect her after your father died, and I let him down. I didn't protect her. I can barely even protect you any more. But you don't see me giving up, Cammie."

I couldn't help but tear up. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Promise me you won't either."

I nodded, "I promise."