Under My Nose

Edward Cullen sets a deadline of six months to find his true love, before he turns thirty. Leaving his successful restaurant to drive a mule-drawn carriage in the French Quarter of New Orleans, he searches for the meaning of true love, because he has yet to understand it. Will he know when he finds her or will she be right under his nose? Can bubbly, buxom Bella tantalize his taste buds with beignets and an abundant

booty?

A/N at end.

Chapter Three:

EPOV... LATE DECEMBER

I just sigh and slump in my chair. "You don't understand."

Emmett pleads, "Then, tell me, dammit. Make me understand why you want to leave your highly successful restaurant, take up with a mule and look like a homeless person."

I collect my thoughts, clear my throat and answer, "I want something real, Em. I get woman coming in here all the time, trying to hook up. Every fucking night I walk in, there's someone out to get me. I don't want them that way! I want to make the choice. I want to have more ... fuck ... but I don't even know what that more is."

Jasper and Emmett sneak a quick glance at one another. Emmett moans to Jasper, "Shall I take this or do you want to?" Jasper waves him off and stares at me.

"Edward, you don't have to overthink this. Let nature take its course. Sure, there are a lot of gold diggers out there, but equally there are nice girls who want what you want," Emmett voices his opinion with a sympathetic face.

Jasper adds, "You want a partner, an equal partner. But Edward, you are fabricating this dream relationship that does not exist. You have to keep this human and find your balance."

Emmett moans, "In one minute you want your 'one' and the next, you don't have a clue what that 'one' is."

"Look, Em, can we save this conversation for a later date? Jazz and I have to finish the scheduling for the New Year's Eve party night. I want to go through the times I will be in, and what we plan to do for Mardi Gras." I lean back into my chair and yawn. "This discussion about my choice is over. I'm not totally out of sight, and I do live upstairs."

Emmett points his finger toward me and threatens, "I'm not through with this, but I'll drop it for now. But so help me God, Edward, if you spend all your fucking time with that ass, I will kick yours!" He storms out of the room.

Jasper watches his exiting figure and continues to stare at the door while taking his last gulp of beer. He slowly juggles the bottle from hand to hand.

I sigh. "If you want to leave, Jazz, it's okay."

He keeps his head down, but carefully looks up at me. "Is that what you want me to do?"

"I really don't know anything, but I would appreciate you hanging around."

"Let me go grab us another beer." He gets up, walks to the door, hesitates and grabs the door frame. "He's worried about you, Edward. I know Em is a hardass, but he just doesn't get what you want to do and he doesn't know what to do for you." He taps the door a few times, shrugs and walks away.

Jazz sits at the bar. I tickle a few of the ivories at my piano, while he hums along. It's great to have a small baby grand for a little atmosphere. When I play, I bring people in with the music. Hey, the piano playing chef is a novelty. Usually women hang over me, as I take requests, and that part I would fucking like to avoid. Those handsy bitches think I'm a boy toy.

We have this slight buzz going.

The lights are low, and quite a few empty beer bottles sit in a line on the bar and the top of the piano. The place is vacant, except for our two, tipsy asses. We croon to 'Dream On', hitting the high, screechy, Steven Tyler note, while coughing uncontrollably. Both of us sound as though we hit puberty, cracking with multiple changes in our pitch. Jazz starts to laugh, and I join in.

"Man, that was sad," Jasper moans off.

"We're drunk!" I defend.

"We're not drunk, we stink," he protests. Our laughter dies down. and Jasper gets this serious look on his face. "Ah ... we're trying to have a baby." He scratches his head and sniffs.

I quickly look up at him in utter surprise. "What?"

He runs his hands through his hair, leans forward with his elbows on his thighs and clears his throat. He softly declares, "We're trying to have a baby."

"I get that part. That's great, man," I congratulate.

"Yeah well, it's not so fucking great, Edward. We have been at it for a long time and nothing's fucking happening."

I shake my head. "Look, Jasper, sometimes it doesn't happen right away."

"We've been at it for over a year, man. Doctor says we're fine, but I don't know. We're fucking like rabbits. We should have had our own football team already." He sighs and looks me dead in the eyes. "Alice is devastated."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I know how badly she wants kids," I mumble.

"She's been down for a while. Em came over the other night and had her going, though. He told her my swimmers were slow and had no sense of direction. So what did she expect? Then, she cried. I went to hold her, but Em stopped me and rubbed her back. He told her that she was too much of a fine woman, and she would get knocked up real soon. First time I saw her smile in a long time." He huffs, "Sometimes Em can surprise you."

"Yeah, he has such a fucking way with words," I sarcastically interject.

We both cool down our laughter. "I'm really sorry, Jazz. I've been going on and on about being alone and you never said anything. I feel like a selfish prick."

"No, man, Alice wants it that way. She's your biggest supporter, Edward. She's all for your romantic tours thing. If anyone wants you to find the right woman, it's Alice. Although, if she saw you right now, she would be pissed over the homeless look you've got going on." Jasper shifts on the stool and cringes.

I shake my head, half-smile and huff. "You all right, man?" I ask.

"Yeah, do you mind if I crash with you?" he pleads.

"Sure. Too drunk to drive?" I question.

"Too sore to fuck. She's killing Lil Jazz," he complains.

I roar with laughter. "Well, there's no action at my place."

"Exactly what I need." He coyly smiles and raises an eyebrow. "Maybe, you'll let me use your shower?"

Jasper walks out from my bathroom in a pair of my sleep pants,T-shirt and a towel around his neck. His dirty blonde hair is damp, clings to the sides of his jawline and down to his shoulders. He crawls into my bed on the right side, leaving me my left, a habit that goes back twenty-plus years. He pats the bed and chuckles, "Come to bed, dear?"

See, Jasper doesn't like to sleep alone. He likes a warm body next to him. Sleeping in one of my spare rooms is not an option. He's too afraid. Something about co-sleeping parents and a weird uncle. I don't recall the story, and I don't want him to repeat it.

The heater kicks in with a crackling sound and I hop into bed with only sleep pants. Usually, I'm naked, but Jazz would freak out if I lay next to him in my birthday suit. I glare at him. "Try to stay on your fucking side."

"Hey, don't start that again. I didn't realize I was hugging you, I thought you were Alice," he pouts, as he rubs his hair with the towel.

I snort, "Yeah. Yeah."

"Man, your shower is awesome. Between the heat and the massagers, Lil Jazz is feeling it." He cups himself.

I cringe. "Well, don't fucking feel anything with me. You hug or hump me, I'm kicking your fucking ass out," I warn.

We are silent.

I bring my arms up under my head and look at Jasper. "Oh, I called Alice for you. She was cool with us tying one on and you staying over. She said she was going to finally get some rest. That you were overly working her."

"Of course, she'd say that." He sighs. "She say anything else?"

"Just call her, when you get up. If you're hung over, she'll come get you, she said."

We are silent.

I announce, "I'm going to the stables early."

Jasper asks, "Want company?"

I turn to look at Jasper. "You really want to go?"

He smiles. "Yeah, I want to meet her."

"Cool." I smile back.

Silence.

I warn, "And remember to stay on your fucking side."

Jasper groans, "Damn, Edward, one lousy-ass, fucking time!"

I chuckle myself to sleep.

Jazz and I roll out of bed before eight am with cotton mouths, but thankfully no hangovers. My coffee maker dings and I head for the kitchen with Jasper close behind me.

Sitting on a stool at the island, Jasper raises his cell to his ear and calls Alice. "Good morning to you, Beautiful." He smiles.

I place a full mug of Joe in front of Jazz with milk and sugar, he nods a thank you and I exit the room with my mug in my hand.

I pull on a pair of jeans, throw on my old Tulane sweatshirt, roll on heavy socks and slide into my black leather, biker boots. As I stand from the bed, I push down the legs of my jeans over my boots.

Jazz enters with a huge smile on his face. "Thanks for last night, man."

"Hey, you stayed on your side of the bed."

He humphs, "Really?"

"You want a change of clothes?"

"You think I need to dress up to meet your ass?" he kids.

"Fuck you." I start to walk into my closet.

We laugh. I hand him jeans and a sweater. "Go into my top drawer and get a pair of boxers. So, Alice okay?"

"Yeah, I told her I wanted to go with you to the stables, and she was glad we were hanging out." Jazz pulls the sweater over his head. "She said she was going to stay in bed for a while."

I kid. "She's probably resting up for when you get home."

As Jazz pulls on a pair of boxers, he grabs his crotch and winces.

It's a brisk, sunny morning. The wind catches our faces, as we walk our bikes out of my side door. Jazz rides a black metallic Harley Wide Glide similar to mine. I have bronze and gold flames of fire on my black tank and back fender, while Jazz has metallic royal blue that outlines pale blue flames like ice. We always park them in the alcove between the restaurant and the stairway to my apartment, sparing them any other human contact other than us.

Side by side tying our bandanas tightly over our wind-blown hair, we both pull our helmets over our heads, snap them in place and start up our bikes. I adjust my sunglasses, while Jazz wears these fierce-looking goggles with the same flames as his bike. He likes to match. Then, we are off.

The stables are a little over four miles away. We ride through Uptown to the Quarter. It's a steady ride with the usual stop and go traffic.

We sit at a stoplight, as a group of young girls pull up next to us in a Mustang convertible. They ogle us, blowing kisses, and I feel like one of the old guys from 'Wild Hogs'. Jazz is on the same wavelength, because he gives me a nod and revs up his engine. I do the same and tip my head toward the girls. They go wild, shoving one another and giggling. The light turns green, our Harleys roar and we peel right out, leaving them in our dust. I look in my rearview to see their disappointed faces.

We manage to get to the stables without any other mishaps. Slowing down and quieting our engines, we park outside of the entrance.

I pull my helmet off, holding it by the strap in my hand and getting off of my bike. Jazz does the same and we walk through the stable door.

On the right is my girl. She stands with her head peeking out of her stall. She gives me a little bray and I pet her head. "Hey, Girl."

Jasper walks over, slowly raises his hand and rubs her ears. "Man, she's a beauty. She's soft." Julia nudges him closer.

She is a beauty with her light reddish brown fur and beige snout, ears, tail and mane. Her temperament is sweet and gentle, yet she's funny and bold.

I pull a small bag of peeled, baby carrots out of my pocket and hand it to Jasper. "Give her some of these, and you'll be her friend for life."

Jazz pulls a few carrots out and places them near Julia's mouth. She nips at Jasper's hand gently, takes the carrots and slowly chewing on them, making a whining noise, as Jazz runs his hands down her neck. "She's standard size, right?"

I nod my head. "Yeah."

"So what's her lineage?" Jasper questions, as he inspects Julia's long ears.

I stare at him. "You really want to know?"

"Yeah, I mean I find this all very fascinating." He clears his throat and mumbles, "I did some reading on mules."

"Why?" I lean against the wall and cross my arms over my chest, in shock. "What's your interest?"

"Well, with all the hoopla years ago over the mules in the Quarter, I wanted to know if they were abused. Then, I got into the breeding. It's really cool that they are bred for work, because of their strength and stamina."

With bug-eyes, I lean forward and stare at him. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you take a large, female horse, a mare, and breed her with a sturdy male donkey, a sire, you get one mammoth mule."

I smile at Jasper's findings. "Well, Julia comes from a long line of pretty impressive parentage. Her mother was a descendant of Andrew Jackson's, Olympus."

Jazz starts, "Isn't that ..."

I interrupt, "Yeah, the statue in the Square."

"Wow, Andrew Jackson. And the donkey?"

"A descendant of Marie Laveau's," I smirk.

"That gives me chills," Jasper spouts.

"Jazz, it's not as though Julia can do that VooDoo," I joke.

"What made you decide to do all of this?" He continues to stroke Julia's neck, as she moves closer to Jazz.

"One afternoon, I was playing the piano at the restaurant. You remember those three blonde sisters?" I roll my eyes.

"Awwww, the Amazon Queens with the bad nose jobs?" he chuckles.

I snort, "Yeah. They came in for a liquid lunch of margaritas and got very physical with me."

"Oh man, I remember the younger one straddling you on the bench."

"While the other two sisters hung off of me?"

"More like held you down," he says with disgust.

"That's when I had my first panic attack." I put my head down. "I couldn't breathe to tell them to get off of me."

"I know you would never hit a woman, but I was banking odds you were thinking about it," he admits. "They were squawking Harpies."

"And Alice pulled them off of me, screaming with her cell in her hand that she was calling the police." Shaking my head, I take a large breath. "I rushed out to go upstairs, but I hopped on my bike and drove to Jackson Square. I wandered around for a while, and one of the carriage drivers asked me if I wanted a tour."

Jasper nods his knowing head.

A voice from the hallway giggles, "You looked as if you needed a friend."

I smile. "Hey, Carolyn."

Julia protests with a loud bray.

"Okay. Okay, Julia. I'm not taking your man!" Carolyn boldly laughs. "Damnedest thing I've ever seen."

Large floppy hat, working gloves, overalls and heavy-duty, shit-kicking boots walk towards us. "Edward, who've you got here?" she asks and smiles at Jasper.

"Carolyn, this is my best friend, Jasper." I look at Jazz. "Jasper Whitlock meet Carolyn Spears, my mule mentor."

Jasper and Carolyn shake hands. Jasper bends down with all of his charm. "Nice to meet you, Mule Mentor!" He winks.

Carolyn pats his shoulder. "Same here, Best Friend!" Large toothy grin on her shining face, she squeezes his cheeks. "He's a cutie; I'd trade my husband in for this newer model." She winks back at Jasper. Did he blush?

"Oh, Edward, I signed for your carriage. It was delivered half an hour ago." She taunts me. " It's in the carriage house." I look at her. "Yes, Honey, it's really beautiful."

I grab Jazz's arm, as excitement runs through me. "C'mon, Jazz." I drag him out of the barn. "Thanks, Carolyn."

We drop our helmets near Julia's stall and head for the carriage house.

Jazz calls out, "It was nice to meet you, Mule Mentor Lady!"

We enter the carriage house, weaving through the maze of carriages and coaches. On the right-hand side, I see the new additions in the corner. I inspect each shipping label and find my two-seater in the back.

It's an elegant, lightweight, French carriage, which depicts the design from King George IV of England. Its frame is black iron with a collapsible cover over the two-passenger seat, which is lower in the frame than the driver's seat in front. The black, canopy seats and pleated seat skirts are waterproof and stain resistant. I'm no fool. I want little to clean.

Jasper stands with his mouth open, as his eyes scan the carriage. "Wow, Edward, this is serious. What did this baby set you back?" He reaches forward and smoothes his hands over the canopy.

"It wasn't all that bad, Jazz. With shipping, it was a little over eighty-three hundred."

He whistles. "Still pricey for finding love, man."

I disregard his comment. "I have a sign in a very scripted Porcelain font that says, "Intimate Tours for the Romantic Couple" that will go on the back of the carriage."

"Yeah, I know. Alice told me," he mumbles, as he moves his hands over the seats.

"Did she tell you that it was her idea?" I blurt out.

"No." He finally looks at me.

"She picked out the fucking carriage for me, Jazz."

"I told you she was all for this." He runs his hands down the frame. "It is pretty lightweight. You do that for Julia?"

"Yeah, I don't want to tire her out."

"So ... First tour is after New Year's?"

"That's the plan." I smile.

"We'll still see you?" he quietly asks.

"Jazz, man ... I'll still be at the restaurant, during the week. We'll figure it all out." I pat his shoulder. "You act as though I'm moving the fuck away."

He stands straight, placing his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. "I don't like change, Edward. You know that."

He's so pathetic, I have to hug him.

You have to feel for poor Jasper.

A/N: Thank you to my Beta, Sunflower Fran. I appreciate her time, her proper grammar and quick pen. Another great find by PAD!

To Robseve and Postapocalypticdepository (PAD), my pre-readers that give their unselfish time and creative input. Both of these ladies are inspirations and true friends.

Now, let me rec Postapocalypticdepository stories, since she so graciously rec'd mine.

Never Judge by the Cover: 9056924

Boys Will Be: 8868006

Rude Awakenings: 8876785

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Year: 8862243 (complete)

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