Rewritten 2018

Make You Feel My Love ~Book II~

Disclaimer: I do not own The Winter Soldier movie! All rights go to Marvel. All I own is my own characters and their stories.

~Chapter 3~
Insecurities

96 hours earlier

~Steve's POV~

His eyes fluttered open slowly, the sleepy state he was in slowly drifting away. Just as every morning, a minute of confusion passed over him as he saw the strange ceiling above him along with the different air and sounds coming from outside. He was no longer in Brooklyn, that much was clear, and he was no longer in the house he had grown up in nor was he in some place with the army.

And then, just like always, the memories came flooding to him. Painful memories of Bucky falling – leaving him forever – and of the ice-cold water gushing in, making him shiver uncontrollably, choke, until darkness overtook him.

However, those memories weren't the only ones that came to him that morning. Darkness seemed to pass him by as memories of Maria flashed by his eyes. Memories of her smile, her scent and her way of swaying her hips as she walked. It was an innocent sway of her hips, an unconscious one that simply looked perfect on her. Those memories made him smile, something he usually didn't do during the mornings.

That morning, Steve realized that he had slept through the entire night. In this new age, this was a rare accomplishment. Usually, he'd toss and turn, maybe get two or three hours of sleep drenched in nightmares, or he gave up and went for a run in the middle of the night. But not this time. This time, he slept through the entire night and even dreamt a peaceful dream about him going out fishing with Tony. The memory of the dream felt odd to Steve as he sat up, both because he wasn't used to dreaming about nice things and because he would never even think about doing something like that with Tony. Not because it was Tony, but because he knew that Tony would get bored after five minutes.

As he stretched his back, a delicious smell entered his nose, making him scrunch up his face in confusion as he wondered where the smell came from. Quickly, he glanced over his shoulder as he sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the other side of the bed and realizing that Maria wasn't there. It had been the first time that he'd ever slept in the same bed as a woman and it had done him good, apparently. After all, he'd slept the entire night and he'd even felt somewhat at peace when he woke up.

The smell was a sweet one mixed with the smell of melted butter, and he immediately recognized it. It was almost the exact same smell as his mother's pancakes had had, and he found himself drawn to it as he stood up, walking towards the bedroom door.

When he opened it, sticking his head out, he was met with the sight of something that almost melted his heart. It was a beautiful sight to him and he couldn't help but smile cheekily as his eyes adored the woman standing in his kitchen, a silken dressing gown wrapped around her, showing off her curves while she walked around on bare feet, hair still tousled from the long night's sleep.

She stood in front of the stove, spatula in her right hand while she held a cup of tea in her other hand. On the countertop next to the stove was a plate with finished pancakes, along with a bowl of batter.

"Morning," she said, surprising Steve as he thought he'd been quiet.

"Morning," he said as he walked out of the bedroom, leaving the door open, and walking towards Maria. "Breakfast?"

"Well…" said Maria, glancing at him before biting her bottom lip as she smirked. "Brunch."

"Huh?" asked Steve before looking over at the clock that was hanging on the kitchen wall, raising his eyebrows as he saw the time. "Eleven o'clock?"

"Yes, sleepy head," said Maria, giggling at his surprised look. "You looked like you needed it. Didn't even stir when I accidentally knocked a vase over. Don't worry, it didn't break."

"Yeah… I've had some trouble sleeping lately." Steve awkwardly itched the back of his head, looking away from the concerned look Maria gave him. It both warmed his heart and made him feel guilty, not wanting to burden her with his own worries.

"Why?" she asked, flipping over the current pancake that was on the plate to its other side with a graceful twirl of the spatula.

"I don't know," shrugged Steve, being honest with her although he had his suspicions. "Maybe because of what I've been through… The moment I close my eyes, I'm back in Brooklyn with Bucky. I'm just me again and all that's happened was just an odd dream. I'm still the third wheel on each double date Bucky wants to set me up with. I'm still a scrawny kid. I'm still just… Steve."

She looked at him as he spoke, her eyes showing that she was listening intently to what he was saying which relieved him as it did feel good to talk about it.

"Not Captain America. Not the one that's out of time…"

"Steve," began Maria, placing the pancake on top of the rest of the finished pancakes before placing a new portion of batter on the hot plate. She looked over at him as he leaned against the counter close to the stove. Though, everything in the small kitchen he owned was close to the stove. "You may have these super soldier powers now but that doesn't change who you are inside. It's strange to suddenly have these powers, yes, and it's even stranger to have them make you survive something like that so that you'd end up here in the 21st century. I understand that. I wouldn't have adapted as well as you have already, Steve. You're so strong. And it's understandable that you're still in the process of adapting and with that, sleepless nights do come."

"A lot of sleepless nights," added Steve as Maria flipped another pancake over to its other side before she walked with the now empty bowl to the sink, filling it with water and placing it in the sink with the rest of the dishes. "What do I do?"

Maria turned to him, her eyes staring straight at him, her eyebrows crinkled up in the same worried way that they always seemed to do whenever Steve talked to her about this.

"Honestly… I don't know. Keep fighting." Maria walked over to him, stopping in front of him, her toes touching Steve's as he stood there, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. He wouldn't usually wear something like that to bed, but since he had Maria with him now, it didn't seem appropriate to wear what he'd normally wear, meaning almost nothing as most men do. "Keep adapting and just try to find your place in this world. I'll help you, in any way I can… But it's going to be hard… which is something you're going to have to be prepared for."

"I don't have much of a choice. I doubt Stark can make a time-machine." It was supposed to come out as a joke, but Steve did not miss how Maria's smile faltered, and something flashed past her eyes.

"Would you?"

He remained silent, staring at her.

"Would you go back if you had the chance?"

Steve remained monotonous, placing his hands on her hips, feeling the smooth fabric of her dressing gown. "The answer would have been a definite yes six months ago."

"And now?"

She was fishing for something. Stability, maybe, or maybe a reason to not give her all in this relationship. Either way, Steve was not about to let her overthink this. He put on a sheepish smile, lifting one hand up from her hips towards her cheek before gently nudging her even closer to him. As he had seen on movies, Steve let his lips linger close to hers. He felt her breathing deeply, stirring something inside of himself.

"Now… Now I have you."

The trance he had put Maria in by that past move lifted, and Maria smiled widely at his words.

"Thank you for that. You keep me grounded."

"Anything for you," she said placing her arms around Steve's neck before placing a kiss to his nose, earning a smile from Steve.

~Maria's POV~

For some odd reason, her mind was on the night of the shooting that happened six months ago. The thing that almost ruined their first date. She was still wondering who the man that had tried to kill them was and she also wondered if anyone ever investigated the case any further. Fury had said he'd take care of it; put his best men on the case. But… Wasn't Steve one of his best men? Why was he not on the case? Did that mean Fury had let it go?

This was the reason for her being so quiet as she ate the pancakes with Steve, the sound of one of Steve's records playing in the background being the only other sound in the apartment at the moment. Her eyes were fixated on her plate, having eaten only two pancakes over the course of half an hour while Steve had eaten at least twenty.

"Maria?" he asked, making her look at him as he sat on the other end of the small, wooden table that was placed in the kitchen area of Steve's apartment. The paper lying next to his plate was folded again which meant that he had already read it. She wondered how long he'd been looking at her staring down at the small piece of pancake that was still on her plate.

"Mm?" she asked, quickly putting the piece in her mouth and realizing it had turned cold.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Steve. "You've been in your own world for nearly fifteen minutes now."

He smiled softly at her as she felt conflicted about whether or not she wanted to tell him about what was on her mind or not. After all, this was their first day together and she did not want to ruin it by asking questions about something he might not feel comfortable to talk about just yet. At least not when he wasn't Captain America. The conversation they'd had that morning showed to her that he missed being only Steve Rogers from time to time and she didn't want to bring up work now. Not yet anyway.

So, she did the only reasonable thing – lie.

"Yesterday, I met a woman outside of your apartment… I think she lives two doors down the hallway… Who is she?" asked Maria.

"You mean Sharon?" asked Steve, surprising Maria that Steve called her by her first name already… though she hadn't said a last name to Maria so maybe she kept it to herself. "She's my neighbor, a nurse I think."

"A nurse?" asked Maria to which Steve furrowed his brow.

"Yes… a nurse," replied Steve, his voice showing that he was wondering why she was asking. "Why?"

"Oh… Just thinking. I mean, she seemed nice…"

"I've spoken to her two or three times… but yeah, she seems nice," said Steve, being distracted by the record ending, to which he stood up to put the record back where it belonged on the shelves.

"I'll clean this up," said Maria, realizing that the pancakes were all eaten and that her tea was cold and undrinkable by now. "Do you want more coffee? There's still some left."

"No, thanks," said Steve as he watched her pile the plates on top of each other before balancing them to the sink, placing them in there before letting the water run over them. "You know, I can do that if you want."

"No, it's okay," said Maria. "I made the mess so I'll clean up."

Although it was true that she had made the pancakes and felt obliged to clean up after herself, there was also a hint of something else inside of her that made her feel obliged to do the dishes herself instead of letting Steve do them. Most likely, it was a mental scar from her past…

"I'll take a shower then. Maybe I can show you around a little here in Washington. Unless you've been here before?" asked Steve, making Maria look back at him with a smile.

"No. I'd like that," said Maria with a nod of her head to which Steve smiled as well.

72 hours earlier

The next day, her eyes fluttered open as she lay in bed. She had had a nice dream and therefore, she felt at piece when she woke up and did therefore ignore the painful fact that she had to attend a meeting at SHIELD headquarters. She hoped that it was not a meeting that would end in her having a new mission. She had enjoyed staying with Steve for a little while.

When she looked straight forwards, she could see the ceiling of Steve's apartment and she couldn't help but smile at the fact that they hadn't moved since last night. Maria was still lying on her back while one of Steve's arms was draped over her lower stomach. His head rested on her stomach, right underneath her bust and as he lay there, holding her close to him, he reminded her of a young boy clinging onto his mother because he was afraid of the dark. In a way, it was the truth. Steve still had problems with sleeping since after the war and everything he had been through. For some reason, her being there helped him sleep better.

The memories of their past day together made Maria smile slightly. The way he had opened up about everything had only strengthened their relationship and their love for each other. Maria herself had told about some of the worst things she had done under the influence of her past employee and although those things were dark, Steve hadn't showed any sign of disgust towards her afterwards. In fact, he had only held her closer to him.

Softly, she let her hand brush through Steve's hair, causing him to stir in his sleep. At first, his entire body tensed. Though as he realized where he was, he relaxed again and simply stretched his body slightly, sighing a delightful sigh before looking up at Maria. Although the angle was rather awkward since her bust was in the way, the look Steve gave her filled her entire heart with warmth.

"Good morning," said Maria with a smile, continuing to brush her fingers through his hair. "Did you sleep well?"

Steve grinned, lifting his head up and shifting so that his head was on the pillow next to Maria. "I did."

"Two nights in a row now," praised Maria with a smile as she shifted so she lay on her side again.

"Yeah… thanks to you," said Steve, glancing to the side with a soft smile playing on his lips.

Maria placed a hand on his chest, tracing imaginary circles on his chest with her index finger while they both simply stared into each other's eyes for a while.

Until the moment was ruined by Maria's stomach rumbling quite loudly. A blush appeared on her cheeks when this happened though Steve simply chuckled.

"I'll make some breakfast," said Steve, earning a groan from Maria.

"Can't we stay in bed a little longer?" she asked as Steve sat up, looking down at her with amused eyes.

"You can't stay in bed all day. You have a meeting today," said Steve, rubbing a hand over her arm once before standing up and moving out to where the kitchen was.

With a deep sigh, Maria sat up as well, her hair falling into her face as she did before she looked around at the room. The sight of the red folder placed underneath of multiple files caught her eye. She knew that she was going to forget that the folder was placed there if she simply let it be, and she needed to bring it with her to deliver it to SHIELD; it was her report of her previous mission after all.

Therefore, she stood up, stretching her back once before doing so. With slow and tired steps, she walked towards the desk on which the files were stacked and clumsily started to pick the files up into her arms in order to get to her folder. Though, in her sleepy state, she didn't really have a good grip on the files and all of the files ended up on the floor. With a roll of her eyes, she crouched down and started to pick them all up again. Placing them next to her folder. When she picked up the last file, a picture fell out of it and she hastily grabbed it. She was about to put it back when the person of which the picture was caught her eye.

This was not one of her files that she had had to use during her missions because this picture was of Peggy Carter.

Carefully, she looked outside of the door only to see Steve frying a few eggs with his back turned towards her. With a curious and slightly saddened heart, she sat down on the bed and opened the file from which the picture had fallen. It was indeed a file dedicated to Peggy, one of the founders of SHIELD. There were multiple pages of information about her life, her work for SHIELD and her work with Stark along with multiple pictures of her before the time of SHIELD, and after. Some things were circled with a red pen, such as Peggy's name and some of the things she did for SHIELD. Though the thing that caught Maria's eyes was the fact that Steve had circled her current address with the red pen at least three times.

With her smile from her nice dream and morning cuddle with Steve gone, she placed the file on top of the others, the picture back where it belonged. For a moment, she simply stood there, her eyes plastered on the file while thoughts swiveled around in her head. Of course Steve wasn't just going to get over Peggy like that and of course Maria shouldn't be angry with him for wanting to visit her now that he finally could, but there was something about this that still made her sad.

Peggy was a million times more beautiful than Maria was and she had done so many better things than Maria had ever done in her entire life. She knew that she could never measure up with the standards of Peggy and she was afraid that Steve might realize this someday when he didn't need Maria to fall asleep anymore, when he didn't need her to be by his side in order to smile a genuine smile again. After all, Steve was strong. He'd adapt to this world. But would he keep Maria by his side after he had adapted?

Grabbing the red folder, she made her way out into the living room. When Steve turned around to look at her, smiling at her, she was confused as to what to do. After all, she wasn't happy anymore nor was she sad. It felt more like anger than anything though she didn't want to be angry. Not with Steve.

Instead of returning the smile, she walked over to her bag and placed the red folder in it.

"You okay?" asked Steve as he watched her prepare her bag for the meeting that was going to happen later that day.

"I hope I have enough space for my clothes in here along with that folder," said Maria quietly as she avoided to look at Steve and simply entered the bedroom again, grabbing the few clothes she owned from the closet before brushing past Steve who had followed her, pressing the clothes into her bag.

"Maria, what are you doing? You can keep your clothes here." Steve continued to follow Maria as she walked all over the apartment, grabbing the few things she owned before pushing them into her bag.

The anger she felt inside of her turned into fear. She couldn't go through losing Steve. The last time she lost someone she loved in a romantic way, she lost that person because she realized he was a douche. But Steve, Steve was perfect. He had never done anything wrong and all she wanted was to stay with him. What if she couldn't do that after Steve had adapted to the new world? What if she couldn't do that when he realized that she was nothing more but a rotten egg amongst the millions of other people that Steve could spend his life with… what if he realized that all she did was make the wrong decisions?

It wasn't until Steve placed a hand on her arm that she stopped walking and simply froze on the spot. "Maria, talk to me. What is going on?" Her gaze lingered on the wooden floor as Steve moved to stand in front of her. "Tell me. You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Quickly, her eyes looked up at Steve and the moment she saw his blue eyes, his worried eyes, tears welled up in her eyes. A look of confusion appeared on Steve's face before he embraced her quickly.

"Don't leave me…" she managed to say in between sobs.

"What?" asked Steve, breaking the embrace and holding her steady by keeping a firm grip on both of her upper arms. "I'm not leaving you. I'm never leaving you."

Softly, Steve placed his hands on her cheeks, brushing away tears that had managed to slip past her eyelashes. He looked her deep in the eyes and as she stared back into the amazingly blue eyes of his, she felt even more torn and confused. The love she saw in his eyes were no lies. She had seen fake love before and this was not it. This was real.

"Just… don't leave me…" was all Maria could say before a sob escaped her. She couldn't tell him about the file. Something hindered her from doing so.

"O-Okay," said Steve as Maria pressed her face against his chest, holding a tight grip on him. "I promise," he said as he let his arms embrace her, holding her tightly and letting his chin rest on the top of her head.