Rewritten 2018

Make You Feel My Love ~Book II~

Disclaimer: I do not own The Winter Soldier movie! All rights go to Marvel. All I own is my own characters and their stories.

~Chapter 5~
I Don't Like It

Call me!
- Stark

With a sigh, Maria dialed Tony's number before pressing her phone to her ear. At the same time, she made her way down the busy streets of Washington during lunchtime. She was determined to get a cab though so far, both cabs she had managed to get to see her had been stolen by some other person who rudely had pushed her away and entered the cab before her. It was during moments like this that she, although she felt ashamed over it, wished she was still in her old life and that she could simply pull out a knife and tell the person to go away or else! Though, all she could do now was to curse and try again with another taxi cab.

Admittedly it did feel better to keep her cool.

When the familiar sound of Stark's voice vibrated against her ear, she pressed a finger to her other ear in order to try and hear Tony's voice better over the surrounding sounds. Cars were honking at each other, people were walking past her either talking loudly or bumping into her, dogs barked and, to top it all, there was a piece of the road that needed to be renewed which meant that the sound of drills could be heard as well.

"Yes?" she nearly shouted, glaring at someone who bumped into her.

"I need you to come to Stark Tower."

"What? Why?" asked Maria, wrinkling her forehead in confusion and sighing a frustrated sigh as someone else managed to get a cab as if it was as easy as one two three.

"Banner and I had been doing some research, as you asked, and we think that maybe, just maybe, your blood could have something to do with your – uh – condition."

"My condition?" asked Maria at the same time as someone, again, bumped into her.

"You know, the entire healing-yourself-thing?"

"Is that what we're calling it now? A condition?" asked Maria with a sarcastic tone to her voice before she sighed again. "Alright, so what, you want me to give you a blood sample or something?"

It wasn't all that far to walk all the way to Steve's apartment though the people around her bothered her quite a lot and she couldn't deal with walking through such a massive amount of people for longer than five minutes. However, it looked as though she'd have to walk anyway. Getting a cab was a no-go.

"Yes, exactly. It would be very nice if you could give it about… now. Banner's nodding his head in agreement. Yes you are."

"Look, Tony," said Maria with yet another sigh. "I can't. I'm in Washington at the moment-"

"Oh, I know. I tracked your phone."

She froze slightly as he said this before she shook her head and pressed two fingers to the bridge of her nose, stopping in front of a small shop that sold a little bit of everything. Though, it looked like they mostly sold DVD:s.

"Whatever," she said. "But I can't-"

"I can send a jet to your location and it can be there in about, thirty minutes… if we push it to its limits."

"No, Tony, I can't. I have a mission tomorrow and I can't just go away like that the day before."

"I promise you'll be back before ten?"

"No," said Maria sternly, entering the little shop as a thought struck her.

This was the last night she would have with Steve before the mission and who knew what would happen afterwards. The least she could do was do something nice with Steve and she would not let her plan be ruined by a Stark.

"This evening does not work. How about… I come to you after my mission? I'll be in Hell's Kitchen then so, it could work," suggested Maria, quickly glancing over the DVD:s though already knowing which one she wanted to buy for their evening together.

"So, in two days then?"

Grabbing the DVD she wanted, she walked over to the counter and handed it to the owner of the little shop.

"Ye- Did you know that or did you guess?" asked Maria, searching her pockets for some money that she could buy the DVD with.

"I may or may not have listened in on some of your conversations through the phone."

"Conversations outside of the phone as well?" asked Maria with a raised eyebrow as she handed the money to the cashier with a smile gracing her lips. "You can actually do that?"

"You're not mad?"

"You're my teammate," said Maria, ignoring the strange look the cashier gave her and instead simply smiling at the man and grabbing the tiny plastic bag that the owner had placed the DVD in. "I'd rather want you to listen in on my conversations than the government… or some terrorist group."

"Glad you see it like that. Most people would just scream at me."

"So…" hummed Maria, exiting the shop and reentering the crowd of people. "I'll see you and Bruce in two days?"

"Yup."

With a smile on her face, she placed the spare key that Steve had given her in the keyhole, turning it before hearing the familiar click of the door opening. Although her upcoming mission was caused her some minor panic, she was not going to let that ruin her last evening with Steve.

As she entered, the apartment was dimly lit which caused her to furrow her brow. Quickly, she turned on a few lights before taking off her coat and hanging it next to Steve's. With the small bag clutched in her hand, she walked into the living room, finding Steve positioned on the armchair next to the gramophone. She immediately noticed that the drapes were still halfway down which was the reason for the dim light in the apartment.

Something was wrong. That she could tell. Steve was simply sat there, staring out in the nothingness in front of him while seeming to be deep in thought about something, his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched together tightly.

"Hey, Steve," said Maria hesitantly, causing him to look up at her.

"How'd the briefing go?" asked Steve, leaning back in the chair, seeming to relax slightly which caused Maria to relax as well.

"Good. I have a mission tomorrow though. So, I thought we could have a nice, relaxing night where we watch a movie and eat some popcorn - I assume you have that in house," said Maria as she walked over to the kitchen, opening up some cupboards and finding the popcorn almost immediately; "Good! It's a really interesting movie, I think you'll like it. It's about th-"

"Good?" asked Steve, causing Maria to turn around, seeing him standing by the counters a few meters away from her, his brow furrowed. "The briefing was… good?"

"Yeah…" she said, his tone causing her to take a step back.

Steve took a deep breath, looking away from Maria. "I just got a call from Fury. He wants me to be on the second team."

"Oh yeah… I think he mentioned that," said Maria, clutching the bag she was still holding tightly in her hand.

She wondered what was actually bothering Steve. Surely, it couldn't be the mission, could it? There was nothing with the mission that could make Steve feel bothered.

Well… that was an understatement. Her previous employer slash ex-boyfriend was the one they were going to catch, SHIELD finally being done with his and his crew's antics. It was starting to dawn on her why he was feeling bothered.

"You also know who we're going to catch?" asked Steve, looking over at Maria again. His tone was not stern, but it wasn't kind either.

"Yeah, I was at the briefing, remember?" asked Maria, trying to use a lighter tone, though Steve didn't seem to even have heard it.

"I don't like it," said Steve, shaking his head. "You know what this man has done to you."

This angered Maria though she swallowed her anger and simply answered; "I know what he did, yes."

"And you still want to go after him?" asked Steve.

She let her gaze stay on the floor for a while before she placed a smile on her lips, avoiding to look over at Steve. "Movie night. Do you wanna order pizza before we start?" she asked, pushing past him to place the small bag of popcorn on the counter close to the microwave, taking in a deep breath as she continuously fought against the anger inside of her. Of course, she was no Hulk, but she also knew what anger could do to her and she did not want that to happen to her right now. Besides, it scared her.

"Don't tell me that this doesn't bother you at all," said Steve.

"Will you stop it?" asked Maria quietly.

"That's Artur, the man who lured you into becoming one of his men. The man who lured you into the life of a murderer," pressed Steve. "He ruined your life and I don't think you should come in proximity of him."

"I won't be close to him," reassured Maria, spinning around to face Steve. "I'll just help them to find the place where Artur is hiding out. That's all."

"I still don't like it," said Steve.

"Well then don't!" exclaimed Maria, thrusting her hand against the counter in an angry motion before she widened her eyes, realizing that she had lost the tight control she had had on her emotions. "I'm sorry…"

Steve simply watched her, his eyes not betraying him of what he was thinking. With a sigh, she closed her eyes and looked down at her feet.

"You think I'm safe here, don't you? You think that just because I'm not in Hell's Kitchen, I'm safe. But I'm not. I've been sent to Asia because I had to finish off a man who wouldn't pay his debt to Artur. You think that just because I'm not in New York or just because I'm part of SHIELD, I'll be safe? No, I won't be. They're everywhere. And the moment he realizes that you're after him, he'll come after us all. And then no one will be safe. Taking him down and being a part of this will at least give me some kind of satisfaction and some kind of peace. Steve, I need to do this. And, I'm sorry, but you can't stop me from going either."

When Steve didn't reply, Maria looked up at him again, finally seeing some emotions in his eyes. Mostly, they were guilty ones but she also detected some sadness in there.

"Do you understand?" asked Maria calmly, grasping his hands and placing herself in front of him, looking up into his eyes.

For a while, Maria simply watched as Steve searched her eyes for some kind of emotion that he could use to make her change her mind. Though, he never said anything, whether he found something or not.

"I need to get him. I would've gladly agreed to stay here and let someone else take him in. But he's already trapped me with one future and to trap him with one future as well, a future where he's locked up in a cell all alone… that's what I want," said Maria.

"One future?" he asked quietly, looking down at her with confused eyes.

Softly, she placed his hands on her stomach, lifting up her shirt slightly and showing him the scar that she had. It stretched over almost her entire right hip and stopped just a little bit above the hipbone. The skin around the scar was slightly deformed and Maria couldn't describe the hollow feeling inside of her chest as she showed the top of the scar to Steve. It was a part of her that she hadn't showed him yet and she couldn't help the tears that appeared in her eyes.

His cold fingertips traced the top of the scar softly and she closed her eyes, wishing that none of that had ever happened.

Clearing her throat of the lump that had appeared in it, she looked back up at Steve who still looked rather confused; "A childless future…"

The confused look immediately disappeared from Steve and as he didn't say anything, Maria took a step away from him and pulled her shirt down again. She turned around just in time for her to hide the tear that fell down her cheek which she immediately wiped away with her sleeve.

"What movie?" asked Steve, clearing his throat slightly as well.

"Saw," she said, her steady voice surprising her. "It's a horror movie."

"Sounds great," said Steve, placing a hand on her back as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He let his hand wander down slightly before it slipped around her waist, his body pressing softly against her back. "I'll order the pizza."

Maria smiled, placing her hand on Steve's and hindering him from walking away. She turned her face to him, leaning back against him.

"Thank you," she said quietly, Steve's other hand cupping her cheek, understanding that she was not just only thanking him for ordering the pizza, but also for understanding her and letting her go on the mission even though he didn't like it.

It was one of those nights again. It had only happened once before and for some reason, she thought it might have been triggered by the horror movie she and Steve had watched together though she doubted that idea. He was tossing and turning in the bed next to her, waking her up. A soft murmur came from his lips and that was what had made Maria sit up in bed and look over at him.

Quickly, Maria turned the lights on which made it visibly clear that he was having a very vivid nightmare. He was sweaty all over and his face was scrunched up into what looked like fear.

"Steve," said Maria, carefully placing a hand on his arm.

The moment she did, though, he seemed to jump from the touch, causing her to retract her hand from him.

"Steve!" she called a little louder this time. "Wake up!"

His breathing was rapid and it started to look more and more like he was in pain rather than scared. Maria couldn't help but feel frightened. Mostly at the fact that he wasn't awakening since he'd usually wake up if only Maria turned slightly or if a neighbor downstairs closed a door.

Taking a deep breath, Maria prepared herself to the possibility that she might get hit as she placed two hands on his chest before starting to shake him. "Steve, wake up!"

It wasn't working. Instead, he continued to sleep on. It wasn't until Steve cried out a loud; "No!" that Maria decided on a different method to wake him up.

Quickly and efficiently, she slapped him on the cheek quite harshly. It worked, though, and Steve's eyes opened. He looked panicked, his eyes darting all over the room before landing on Maria's worried face.

"You were having a nightmare," explained Maria quietly, placing a hand on his cheek. "It's okay now though. You're awake. None of it was real."

Maria's heart hurt at the look Steve gave her. It was filled with both regret and pure fear. For some reason, it reminded her a lot of a frightened young boy and the look only made her place her other hand on his other cheek, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones. When his eyes slowly filled with tears, causing him to look away probably in shame, Maria positioned herself so that his head was resting on her lap, a pillow underneath his head to make it a little more comfortable for him. Although it wasn't a very flattering angle that he was looking up at of her, Maria didn't care. At the moment, all she cared about was to make him feel alright again. To make him realize that he was safe and not out there in the war anymore.

With slow movements, she brushed her fingers through his hair, ignoring the sweat. She didn't stop until Steve once again looked up at her. She smiled at him, a sympathetic smile and a smile that she hoped would show to him that she was there for him; that she understood him.

"It was real…" said Steve quietly. "It happened… once."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," soothed Maria. She removed her fingers from his hair and placed one hand against his cheek again, while she let the other one rest on his shoulder.

"I woke you up," said Steve, clearing his throat slightly. "I think I owe you an explanation."

"You had a nightmare. It happens. Especially after everything you've been through," said Maria.

"The last time… The last time it was – um – Bucky," said Steve, earning a nod from Maria.

She remembered that night very clearly. It had been awful to see Steve go through that nightmare and no matter what Maria did, she could not wake him up back then either. She hadn't thought of the slap-idea then and so, she had to let him go through it until he woke up himself. It had been awful and he hadn't talked about it until the very next morning.

"This time it was a different memory… One that I hadn't thought much about for quite some time," said Steve, looking up into the ceiling. "It was during the winter of 1944. Me and my team were going through a large forest, trying to find some German soldiers who we suspected were working for Hydra. It was out in the woods near the eastern border of the Soviet Union. There was snow everywhere… on the trees and on the ground… made it almost impossible to walk there but we pushed through. We had to find those soldiers since they could've been responsible for a lot of deaths… we found this… lodge out there. There were clear signs that a fight had ocurred… A Soviet tank was there though it was coated in a thick layer of snow. So, the fight had happened a couple days ago before the previous snow had fallen. There were these… heaps of snow in front of the lodge. I didn't really think twice of it before Dugan placed a hand on my shoulder, hindering me from walking over one of these heaps. He pushed away the snow and revealed bo- bodies. Five of them. Two of which were Russian soldiers who probably had come with the tank. Those soldiers had been stabbed while the civilians had been… well brutally murdered. We never found out whether it was the Russians or the Germans that had killed that family. Either way, it was horrible.

"Inside, there was clear evidence of someone having stayed there. The fireplace had been lit only a few hours ago and we thought that maybe the German soldiers we were after were the people that had lit the fire. Our thoughts were true but… we never thought that we'd ever have to see..." Steve stopped talking at this point, a tear having rolled down his cheek which Maria quickly wiped away.

She shushed him, almost fearing what else there was that Steve had gone through that day. After all, he didn't seem to have come to the worst part of the story yet.

"The family had had two children, Maria," said Steve, looking into her eyes. "They were just sitting there, propped up against the wall, holding each other. They looked too pale for any child… and they didn't move-"

"Steve, don't… you don't have to go through this again," said Maria, caressing his cheek slowly.

He simply stared into her eyes before he slowly raised his hand. Maria quickly grabbed it and squeezed it, bending down to his forehead and placing a light kiss to it.

"It's okay," said Maria. "It's never going to happen again. You're never going to have to see that again."

"I love you," said Steve, the words making Maria freeze slightly. She smiled warmly down at him as the words sunk down and he slowly mirrored the smile although it was hard for him to do so at the moment.

"I love you too," said Maria, leaning back against the wall. "Now; sleep."