AN: Okay, so I shouldn't be doing this but...what can I say? I can't help myself. I have no self control, after all.
So this story is basically a reinvention of the Lila Bray 'verse and it goes along with my story 'i would travel so far to get back to where you are' which is in the 'a million little stars spelling out your name' collection. That story is basically a prequel to that one. After I wrote it I just couldn't get the idea of Ruby and Bray traveling the world together out of my mind so this was born.
Just to warn you, there will be a crossover with The Vampire Diaries in part two. The reason I'm not putting this in the crossover section is because the crossover isn't the main storyline. This story is mainly about Ruby. This story was also supposed to be a oneshot, but I divided it into two parts for a couple of reasons. Reason number one: The pacing works better if part one and two are separated. Reason number two: I really wanted to be able to post it today, on December 10th because December 10th is Lila Bray's birthday. She turns two today. And yes, I am aware she is fictional, but I've spent so long writing her that her fictional birthday feels like an actual family member's birthday. So happy birthday, Lila Bray!
Title: your words in my memory (are like music to me)
Summary: ''I had to make a life for myself, Dean. Away from hunting and hunters and anything supernatural. I had to do it for her.'' Twoshot. A reinvention of the Lila Bray 'verse.
Pairing: Dean/Ruby, minor Damon Salvatore/Ruby in part two.
Genre: Romance/Family.
Rating: T for language.
Timeline: Starts in the summer after season three and goes until the summer after season five.
Spoilers: Spoilers for seasons three, four and five.
Warnings: Very brief mentions of pregnancy, a buttload of references to things Katie Cassidy has done since being on SPN (Harper's Island is a very noticeable one), crossover with The Vampire Diaries in part two and heavy AU.
Notes: Main title and chapter titles are from the song Set Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
your words in my memory (are like music to me)
Written by Becks Rylynn
Part One; pray that something picks me up
Lila Bray Winchester is her mother's daughter, through and through. That has never been a question. With her mother's patented flair for the dramatics, she comes into the world screaming at the top of her lungs while a blizzard rages outside in the cold December night.
Ruby gives birth alone in a cold hospital room with only two nurses and a doctor on December 10th, 2008 at 10:43 pm. There is no Dean to kiss her forehead and cry with her in astonishment at the life they've created. There is no Sam to hold her hand and tell her she's doing great. There's just her, gripping the hospital sheets so tightly she fears they will disintegrate under her hold. The strange thing is, she doesn't mind. She doesn't mind that she's all alone without a Winchester in sight. When that baby girl comes screaming into the world, she stops caring about anything but her daughter.
In the moment, she doesn't mind that she's alone. (She will.)
(She found out she was pregnant a month after Dean died, when she was nearly three months along. At first there was only crushing fear and panic. But then she decided she needed to grow the fuck up and take charge of her life. She settled in a small town in Missouri, got a normal everyday job and focused on getting her life together so she could give her baby everything.
She found out Dean was alive on September 15th from a contact who claimed to have come face to face with him. (The same contact would come back to haunt her later.) He was alive again. He was alive because of angels. She wasn't really sure what to make of that. She wasn't as terrified of angels as her contact was, but she was still pretty wary of them. Because angels? Really? That was some pretty serious mojo. Then again, she always did know Dean Winchester was special.
She remembers the day because it was the same day she learned she was having a girl. Her first thought was that she had to find him and tell him about the baby. Ultimately, she decided her daughter couldn't have that life filled with demons and apocalypses and a father who could die at any given moment.
And that was the end of that.)
Motherhood is the hardest thing she has ever done but she wouldn't trade it for the world.
Bray is two weeks old when Christmas comes around and Ruby knows she won't remember it but she does the tree and the bows and the gifts anyway because Bray should have everything. It makes her feel like she's doing a good job.
On Christmas night, she calls Dean just to hear his voice (she did this while she was in labor too, but when she heard his voice she hurled the phone at the wall because it was his fault she was in so much pain).
When he says, ''Hello?'' she gives up and throws the phone at the Christmas tree.
Bray starts to cry.
On New Year's Eve, she comes home and finds the contact who informed her Dean was alive standing in her apartment, watching the snow fall out the window.
''Kristy.'' Ruby blinks and her grip on her daughter tightens. ''What are you doing here?''
The other demon eyes Bray and her eyes thrill with something Ruby is not at all comfortable with. ''Is that her? She's pretty. She looks a lot like her parents.'' She takes a step forwards to examine the baby. Ruby takes a step back. Kristy frowns thoughtfully. ''She's got a lot of her dad in her, doesn't she?''
Ruby stiffens. Bray's dad is the last person she wants to talk about. ''What do you want?''
Kristy shrugs. ''To talk.''
Ruby hesitates and eventually sighs. ''Give me a minute.'' She edges around the other woman to escape down the hallway in order to put Bray to bed and keep her safe. She's not exactly sure where this is going, but most likely it's not going anywhere good. Kristy has never been the nicest demon. Never really been patient either. She's a bitter, jealous demon chick who tires of humans much too easily. Ruby has kept her on a leash for awhile now because despite her flaws, Kristy is good at getting information and she is the one tie to Ruby's former human life that remains. But since she had Bray, keeping her demonic associates in check has become less of a priority. That's going to be a problem, isn't it?
When Ruby gets back, Kristy is in the kitchen, perched on the counter as she flips through a magazine and waits for the coffee to brew. ''What do you want to talk about?'' Ruby asks carefully, crossing her arms. She strategically places herself in front of the kitchen door in order to prevent Kristy from getting to Bray.
Kristy drops to the ground and flicks the magazine away. ''I want to talk about the Winchesters.''
Something that has lain dormant for a very long time rears its ugly head and Ruby grins like a Cheshire cat, showing off her teeth. ''Oh,'' she tilts her head to the side. ''I was hoping you'd say that.'' She moves fast; faster than Kristy and before Kristy can even gasp, Ruby has darted forwards, grabbed a steak knife and slammed her old 'friend' face down against the counter, twisting her arm behind her back and holding the knife against the back of her neck. ''I'd like the truth now please. What kind of game are you playing at? Hmm?''
''What...'' Kristy gasps for air she doesn't need, squirming under Ruby's hold. ''What are you talking about?''
''You know what I'm talking about. You're forgetting we were in the same coven, Kris. I have literally known you for hundreds of years. I know your poker face. I know when you're playing at something. So tell me...what are you really doing here?''
Kristy says nothing.
Ruby shrugs. ''Okay dokie then. Just remember you asked for it, babe.'' She gives up the knife, twisting Kristy's arm back until she hears the distinct sound of a bone snapping. Kristy doesn't scream, but she gasps and whimpers pathetically, sounding vaguely reminiscent of a wounded animal. Ruby steps back and watches the brunette slump to the ground. ''One more time,'' Ruby says carefully. ''What are you doing here?''
Kristy turns and glares up at her briefly before she snaps her arm back into place and rises to her feet. ''I'm here because I want you to join me.''
''Fat chance, Drusilla. Get out of my kitchen.''
Kristy sighs and shakes her head. ''Ruby,'' she says patiently. ''You're on the wrong side.''
''No,'' Ruby counters calmly. ''That'd be you, sweetie. It doesn't matter which way you slice it, you know. Good will always win out over evil. That's just the way the world works.''
''Not this time,'' Kristy says with a devilish gleam in her eyes.
''Don't get cocky,'' Ruby mutters. ''It doesn't suit you. Why are you even asking me this?''
''Believe it or not,'' Kristy says softly. ''I care about you.''
''You have never cared about anyone besides yourself,'' Ruby retorts. ''Even when we were human, all you cared about was yourself.''
''If you come over to our side,'' Kristy continues flawlessly. ''I can make sure you and your daughter are safe.''
Ruby snorts. ''Whether or not I go over to your side, Bray will never be safe. She's a Winchester. Evil can smell it in her blood. Even worse, they can smell me in her blood. I'm not well received among the demon community in case you've forgotten that little fact. She'd be cannon fodder if I willingly walked over to the darkside just because you guys have cookies.''
Kristy smiles and pours herself a cup of freshly brewed coffee. She leans back against the counter, takes a sip and stares intently at Ruby. After a moment of her tapping her un-manicured nails against the counter, she shrugs and meets Ruby's eyes. ''Well, so what? You're a demon. You're fucking Ruby. Before this kid, you were only looking out for number one.''
Ruby purses her lips and narrows her eyes. ''Yeah.'' She reacts on pure instinct, grasping her discarded knife and slamming it down. The knife pierces through both Kristy's hand and the counter top, pinning her briefly as she shrieks in shock and pain. Ruby sneers. ''But then I became a mom. Now, kindly get out of my life and don't come back.'' She turns away for half a second to catch her breath. There's a noise behind her and she whirls around just in time to catch the knife when it's inches away from her eye.
''What are you gonna do, tubbers?'' Kristy bites out. ''You can't kill me. You don't have your knife. You can't exorcise me unless you want a one way ticket to Hell too. You're pretty much helpless here.''
''You know, you're right,'' Ruby nods. ''I can't kill you.'' She smirks and reaches out, grabbing a fistful of Kristy's hair and yanking her head backwards. She trails the knife over Kristy's exposed throat and gets a sick sense of satisfaction when the other woman swallows hard. ''But what I can do is carve you up until you're nothing but an unrecognizable pile of blood and flesh and bones on my kitchen floor. I can cut off your tongue so you don't talk back, slice through your throat, peel your skin off piece by piece, break every one of your fingers and you'll still be alive. Feeling it all. It'll be just like what you did to me in Hell. Remember that? But to be honest, there are a few problems with that scenario. A: It's messy. B: Your screams would be an endless source of annoyance to me. And C: I don't have that kind of time because sometime very soon I'm going to need to feed my daughter.'' She shoves Kristy away from her and points the knife at her. ''Your choice. Leave or face me. What's it gonna be?''
For a second, Kristy looks like she wants to fight back. Then she leaves. Unsurprising. Ruby is well aware of how scary she can be sometimes. She stands in the doorway, watches the brunette stalk down the hall and can't help but add, ''And by the way, just because I haven't lost the baby weight yet doesn't mean I'm fat. It means I'm curvy!'' She thinks about slamming the door, but Bray's sleeping so she settles for shutting it quietly and stomping her foot in frustration instead.
She leans back against the door heavily and closes her eyes. That? Is going to come back to bite her in the ass. She can feel it.
(Wounded and pouting, Kristy goes back to the bed of lies she has made for herself. With the Winchesters. As the new and improved, soft and manipulative Ruby 2.0 who makes Sam drink her blood and Dean feel like what they had meant nothing to her. The real Ruby will learn eventually that Kristy does not like to be put on a leash.)
She won't say she gets the hang of being a single parent because can anyone ever really get the hang of that? But she does her best and Bray generally seems to be a happy baby so she figures she must be doing something right.
On January 24th, she seriously considers calling Dean and telling him everything. She's not sure if it's because she's just in a good mood today or if his birthday is getting her sentimental. Either way, it's the first time since she learned he was alive that she has seriously considered telling him he has a family out there in the big, scary world.
''It's Daddy's birthday today, baby girl,'' she coos softly to her daughter as she's dressing her. ''He's 30. You be sure and tell him if you ever see him, that he is officially a cranky old man now.''
Eventually, she calls. This time, she vows, she's going to say something. She's going to tell him everything. All of it. Every little secret she has kept. She's going to tell him that she's alive and that they have the most beautiful daughter in the world and that she misses him. But then this happens:
''Hello?'' The voice is groggy, breathy, light and decidedly female. Ruby's pretty sure she's probably a bar tramp. ''Are you calling for...Hey...'' There's a pause. ''What's your name again?''
Ruby flips the phone shut, rolls her eyes and pretends that didn't sting. ''Well, that's fine,'' she says confidently and isn't sure if she's talking to Bray or herself. ''We don't need him, do we, Bray?''
Bray seems to sigh, looking up at her mother as if to say yes, we do.
February. March. April. The months fly by much too quickly and May 2nd hits her like a ton of bricks. Not only is it Sam's birthday but it's the day Dean died. It's the day that changed everything. At night, Bray lays beside her on the bed, kicking her feet and giggling at nothing while tears slip out of her mother's eyes.
It doesn't really matter what she says; she does miss him.
That's just the way it goes.
On her first Mother's Day, she forgets. She has never celebrated Mother's Day before so to her it's just another day. Nothing special. Other people, however, remember.
She's at the supermarket with Bray on her hip when a little boy with floppy brown hair, puppy dog eyes and a shy smile approaches her. He reminds her of Sam and she has to swallow. He gives her a single red carnation and says, ''Happy Mother's Day.''
It makes her remember why she so badly wants the humans to win this war.
She smiles at the boy with watery eyes, kisses his cheek and watches him run back to his surprised mother who looks like she's so proud she wants to cry. She tells Bray, ''Don't be like me and don't be like your dad. Be like that.''
Red carnations mean my heart aches for you.
When she remembers that, she looks over at her daughter who has Dean's smile.
On Father's Day, she makes the first move.
Holding her breath, she sends a picture of Bray to Dean's phone. That's it.
His move now.
In July, the life she has built for herself shifts under her feet and leaves her scrambling to hang on. In the summer, Dean finds her.
It's unbearably hot and humid and she almost can't take it. It's a nightmare to get Bray to sleep these days and Ruby herself has taken to sleeping in nothing but her bra and underwear. It's a sticky, sweaty kind of heat that reminds her of Hell.
Even worse, the heat makes her dream. She can take a lot but the dreams she starts to have leave her aching and gasping for breath. She dreams of Dean and the life they could have and it hurts her more than she'll ever admit.
One night, on a Friday in the middle of the night, she is torn out of her feverish slumber by the sound of knocking. It pulls her out of her dream about Dean and Bray and a picket fence and she groans in displeasure. She all but tumbles out of bed, slips on her thin silk robe and staggers down the hallway towards the front door, praying Bray will stay sleeping.
And then she opens the door and thinks she might die. His eyes widen and he takes a step backwards, looking more shocked than she does. ''It's you,'' he whispers.
''Dean,'' she rasps. ''...Dean.'' She tries to come up with something intelligent to say but her past is standing in front of her looking tired and beaten down and she is currently five second away from overheating (which his surprise appearance is not exactly helping with, by the way because beaten down or not, he still looks really good and she hasn't gotten laid in a very long time, okay?). She stands there for a moment, clutching the door and trying to calm her racing heart and then he decides to make the first move.
He moves impossibly fast and before she can say a word, he's stepping over the threshold and pulling her into his arms. She tenses momentarily but when he sighs and buries his face in her hair, she melts into his embrace and closes her eyes. It's been a very long time, after all, and she's tired of pretending she doesn't miss him. Most of all, she's tired of being without him. ''I thought I'd lost you,'' he whispers gruffly and the emotion in his voice surprises her because she's never heard him talk like that. Not to her anyway.
She pulls away and tries to smirk. It shakes and she winds up biting her lip nervously and peering at him through her eyelashes. ''Well,'' she starts. ''You found me.''
His hand trails down her arm until he's gripping her wrist lightly and a slow chuckle escapes his lips. She shivers even though she's not at all cold. He lets go of her wrist and takes a step back. ''I found you.''
''Why didn't you tell me?''
She throws a look over her shoulder briefly before turning away. ''When I found out I was pregnant, you were dead.''
''But then I came back,'' he states evenly. ''And since you don't seem surprised to see me, I'm going to assume you knew about that.''
She shakes her head tiredly and moves over to him, sliding a cup of coffee across the table towards him. He's staring at her with his arms crossed and his unwavering gaze is starting to make her uncomfortable. She sits down across from him and grips her own coffee mug perhaps a bit too tightly. ''I had to make a life for myself, Dean. Away from hunting and hunters and anything supernatural. I had to do it for her. I owe it to that little girl to give her a better life.''
His eyes flash and he leans forwards. ''But she's my little girl too,'' he hisses in frustration. ''She is my daughter too, Ruby, and I had a right to know she existed!''
''I know that!'' She looks away from him and scrubs at her tired eyes as her breathing speeds up. ''I know that she's yours and I know that you have just as much right to her as I do, but...'' She closes her eyes. ''Dean...''
''You should have told someone,'' he says firmly. ''If not me then Sam or Bobby. There is no reason why you had to do it all alone. I would have come when you were pregnant. You know that. I could've been there for you.''
''Dean,'' she cuts in, lips drawn into a tight line. ''In case you're forgetting this key piece of information, there is a fucking war going on right now. Do you want our daughter to be a part of that? Do you want her to end up as collateral damage? 'Cause I sure don't.'' She swallows whatever is rising in her throat (it's not cries; she doesn't cry) and tries to slow her breathing. ''She needs to come first. She needs to be safe. I need to keep her safe, Dean. You have no idea,'' her eyes burn and her voice breaks and that she doesn't cry thing is looking more and more like a bitter lie. ''How much I needed you when I was pregnant or how much I wish things could be different. But...everything I do has to be for her now. Not you. Not...'' She gestures in between them with a frown. ''...Whatever we were or weren't.''
''Ruby.'' He lets out a breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. ''I just...I needed to know you were alive. You don't understand what went on, all right? There's so much you don't know. If you had just told us you were here so many things could have been avoided. She wouldn't have gotten to us like she did. She wouldn't have had the chance to lie.''
''What are you talking about? She who?''
Dean suddenly sucks in a breath and presses his lips together as if realizing he has said too much. His chair scrapes back against the floor and he stands, running a hand through his hair. He doesn't say anything and that familiar feeling of alarm sinks into her stomach. ''Dean, what's going on?'' She stands and takes a hesitant step towards him. ''What happened? I need you to talk to me.''
''Ruby...'' He looks ashamed, staring into her eyes like he's begging for forgiveness. She really doesn't like where this is going. ''All you need to know is that I'm sorry.''
''No.'' She closes the distance between them and grasps his shirt. ''That's not all I need to know. I need to know what the hell you're talking about. What are you sorry for?''
He avoids her eyes, looking down at the grip she has on his shirt. His fingers move over hers for a second and then he sighs. ''There was...There was this woman...''
She tenses and resists the urge to roll her eyes because what he does with his sex life is none of her business anymore. She's well aware he's hardly been celibate. Remember the birthday phone call? Yeah, that was all the proof she needed. ''Dean, I - ''
''She told us...We thought she was you.''
She freezes and her body goes rigid. ''What?''
''She got to Sam first,'' he explains quietly. ''While I was dead, she got to him. Made him think she was you. She...She was there for him when I wasn't and when I came back I knew - I knew something was off. You...She was so different.''
''And...'' She clears her throat. ''And you knew right away that it wasn't me, right?''
He doesn't answer.
She clenches her teeth. ''When did you realize it wasn't me?''
He shifts from foot to foot and can't look her in the eye. That's a bad sign. ''When you sent me that picture, I had Bobby trace the call and then I had a...friend check out the town. When they told me they saw you - ''
''It took you that long?''
''I'm sorry, okay? But I saw what Lilith did to you and I wanted so badly to think that you were alive. I had to choose between believing she was you or accepting you were dead and I'd...much rather hate you than accept your death. Ruby, why are you shaking your head? Ruby - ''
When she lets go of him and tries to move away from him, he grasps her hand. She slaps his hand away and glowers at him. ''Let me take a wild guess,'' she sneers. ''She turned on you. Am I right? She was lying all alone?''
He flinches and looks at the ground like a child being scolded. ''Yes.''
''And you were just...so ready to believe that was me?'' She smirks bitterly. ''That I would lie to you? That I would betray you? What kind of fucking moron are you, Dean? I thought you knew me better than that! Do you even know me at all? I told you things I never even...'' She scoffs in disgust and turns away from him to swipe a hand over her cheeks.
''She was convincing,'' he says quietly, like that's some sort of excuse.
''Yeah?'' She whirls around to face him. ''What'd she do? Fuck you into believing she was me?''
He grimaces at that. ''Actually, I wasn't the one she was fucking.''
It takes her a minute to figure out what that means. And then horror crashes down and her eyes widen in terror. ''Oh, god. Sam? You actually thought I would...Dean, how many times did I tell you he was like a brother to me? How could you ever think I would...?'' She trails off and swallows thickly. ''You believed she was me because you didn't want me to be dead? You think hating me is so much easier than grieving for me? God, are you that afraid of - ''
''Of losing you?'' He snaps. ''Yes, you idiot! I am that afraid of losing you!''
''Don't shout at me!''
''Don't question my feelings for you.''
''Stop trying to turn this around on me.''
He rolls his eyes and throws his hands up in the air, turning away from her. She sits down, crossing one leg over the other. She stares down into her untouched coffee and absently tugs her robe closer to avoid flashing Dean her cleavage. (Not that he hasn't seen it before.) She takes a few deep breaths to calm herself down and licks her lips. ''This woman,'' she begins slowly. ''What did she look like?''
It doesn't take her long to realize who it is. Halfway through Dean's description of this mysterious identity thief, she is practically shaking in rage and is this close to pulling her own hair out of her head because she's so frustrated. Her throat literally aches with screams of anger. She should have known. She should have known Kristy would try something like this. Kristy never handled rejection well. ''Her name is Kristy,'' she says lowly. ''She...I knew her a long time ago. When I was human. She was a sister witch. She taught me everything I know. She died a few years before I did and when I got downstairs...'' She clears her throat. ''Well, you of all people should know what happens down there.''
He doesn't say anything, but she thinks she might see his jaw clench for a fraction of a second.
''We got out at the same time,'' she goes on. ''She was this...heartless demon and I was different. I tried to keep her under control, but after Bray was born, I just didn't have the time. She came to me in January and asked me to join her. I said no and I haven't seen her since. I kept waiting for her to retaliate but she never did. I guess...I know why now.''
''Why didn't you kill her?''
''With what?'' She snaps. ''You took my knife, remember?''
''Why didn't you kill her before?''
''Because she was the last thing I had to tie myself to my human life and I wanted to hang onto that. Besides, she was useful.'' Ruby shrugs and leans back against her chair. ''How do you think I always knew where you boys were? You think I spent all my time stalking you?'' She snorts. ''That's pathetic. I made her do it. That way I could know where you were and if you needed help and she stayed out of trouble.'' She bites the inside of her cheek and picks at her cuticles for a minute before she allows herself to speak. ''She...'' She looks up to meet his gaze. ''She's dead, right? You killed her? She won't come back?''
''She's dead,'' he confirms. ''I killed her.''
She lets out a breath. She can't even begin to describe the feeling of relief that is currently sinking into her bones. The last bit of her past life is gone and all she can feel is relief. ''Good,'' she eventually whispers.
They sit in silence for a moment and just when he's finally managed to catch her eye, a familiar sound echoes through the room. She jumps at the sound of her daughter crying. Dean, however, stills completely. His eyes widen and she sees him swallow hard. She hesitates and then stands, moving towards the hallway. ''Ruby,'' he calls after her. ''Can I...Can I meet her?''
She nods. ''Yeah. ...Yeah, of course.''
And then before she makes her getaway down the hall, she turns, scowls and punches him in the face. Hey, he believed Kristy was her. She figures the least he deserves is a punch in the face. ''The next time you want to believe someone else is me, I want you to take a step back and ask yourself 'would an idiot believe this bitch's story?' And then, you know, don't believe the bitch's story. Okay, idiot?''
When he starts to chuckle around the blood in his mouth, she decides to escape.
There is no hesitation at all when Ruby hands Bray over to Dean. He's her dad and he deserves to hold her at least once. He accepts the baby with open arms and if there's a moment of discomfort or a second where he's unsure about what he's doing it's not noticeable. Dean looks at Bray like she's the most precious thing in the world (which she is) and Ruby knows she is always going to wish things could be different. She wishes this stupid war could all be avoided so she could have it all with her daughter and Dean.
(But that's not going to happen, is it?)
''She has your smile, you know,'' she whispers, keeping her eyes on Bray when Dean looks up at her. The baby is curled up in her daddy's lap, half asleep as her tiny fist opens and closes around Dean's shirt. It would be so perfect if there wasn't a black cloud hanging over their head.
''She has your eyes,'' he counters.
She smiles when Bray opens her sleepy eyes.
''When's her birthday?'' He asks softly.
''December 10th.''
''...Ruby,'' his voice is hoarse and rough and she lifts her eyes to his green eyes. ''I don't think I have much time left.''
''What?''
''This war,'' he clarifies. ''I don't expect to make it out alive. And I wish I could promise you...'' He looks down at his daughter and Ruby pretends she doesn't notice the way his eyes mist over for about a half a second before his walls go up. ''I wish I could promise her everything. I wish I could...come back to you. But I can't. You know I can't.''
She stands, smiles sadly and grazes her fingers over his cheek. ''I know.'' She leans down to press a lingering kiss to the side of his mouth because he just looks so sad. ''Just enjoy holding your daughter,'' she pleads. ''Just for this one moment.''
He catches her hand before it falls away and squeezes, holding her gaze. ''She really is the most beautiful girl in the world.''
She smirks and picks up the forgotten coffee cups. ''Of course she is.''
''She must get that from you.''
She stops in her tracks and throws a look over her shoulder. This time, when he meets her eyes, she shudders even though it's downright stifling in this room. Dean looks away from her, back to Bray and Ruby has to catch her breath.
She's heard this song before.
It's not hard to remember how it ends.
Eventually, she reluctantly tears Bray away from Dean, who is now officially enthralled in everything the baby girl does. It's necessary because Bray needs her sleep...
...But that leaves Mom and Dad alone with all that lies between them and the hot, sweaty summer heat that sinks into their skin.
It ends...pretty much like you'd think it would.
It's unflinchingly easy to fall back into old familiar patterns and habits like maps she has read over and over again. Before she can comprehend what's happening, she's on her table with her legs around Dean's waist and his tongue in her mouth. Her skin feels like it's on fire, her blond hair gets in her eyes and Dean's fingers scratch at her bare legs as he breathes out a, ''God, I've missed you'' into her mouth.
She knows that this is so wrong and she knows that it can only end in heartache because he will have to leave, but at the moment she doesn't care. Like, at all. When his lips move to her neck and she tilts her head back to allow him access, she knows she's in trouble. When his calloused fingers push away her robe, leaving her only in her bra and underwear and her fingers scrape off his shirt, her breath catches and her heart races. But when his fingers snake towards her underwear and begin to slide them off, she stops thinking altogether and reaches for the buckle on his jeans.
(Yes, it's bad. But it's so good.)
She wakes up alone.
It's unsurprising, but it still somehow manages to sting and itch like a fresh, bleeding wound. She closes her eyes and rakes a hand through her hair and that's when the smell of pancakes wafts through the air. For a second, she thinks she's hallucinating. But then she hears his low voice followed by high pitched giggles that undoubtedly belong to her daughter and she knows this is real. She slips out of bed and into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top that already feel too warm before making her way down the hallway and into the kitchen.
As soon as she sees them, a wide smile breaks out on her face and she leans against the doorframe, crossing her arms over her chest.
Dean has Bray on his hip as he flips pancakes and the baby plays with the amulet around his neck. It's a picture perfect moment and Ruby will forever be upset that she doesn't have a camera handy. Two years ago, domestication was so far down on the list of things she wanted in her life that she couldn't even see it. Now...
Now that stereotypical picket fence is all she can think about with Dean Winchester standing in her kitchen trying to play Nathan Scott to her Haley James. (Don't judge her. That is a very popular TV show.)
''Take a picture, sweetheart,'' Dean drawls. ''It'll last longer.''
(She's sure he hadn't meant for those words to sound as bittersweet as they do.)
With a smile, she pushes off the doorframe and moves into the kitchen. ''I'm just a little surprised,'' she says, taking Bray into her arms. ''I kind of expected you to do the walk of shame.''
He laughs. ''I feel no shame about last night. Seriously, you - '' He stops short and slides his gaze to Bray, who's looking up at him with wide eyes as she toys with Ruby's hair. ''Well, I'd say something really crude but there's an infant present. Let's just say the label MILF suits you.''
She giggles (and doesn't even care that she just giggled) and touches his face lightly. ''Thanks...I think.'' She brushes past him gently to get Bray into her high chair while Dean moves around her effortlessly. When Ruby makes a move to get Bray some breakfast, Dean is already sliding a bowl of dry cheerios towards her. Ruby blinks, takes the bowl and when he notices her dumbfounded expression, he smirks and she looks away, adamantly refusing to believe she's blushing. ''Dean,'' she tears her eyes away from Bray briefly. ''What are you doing here?''
''Making breakfast,'' he deadpans. ''You didn't get that?''
''Dean.''
He sighs and slides a pancake onto a plate before turning to face her. ''I'm just...not ready to leave yet.''
''Dean - ''
''Ruby, I want to spend the day with my girls. Is that such a bad thing?''
She whips her head around to face him. It could be a slip of the tongue or just an endearment that isn't meant to mean anything. It's something very simple but when Dean calls her and Bray his girls, everything freezes. And when he looks at her with those twinkling eyes...
...When he looks at her, the bottom drops out.
Holy crap.
She's in love with him.
She doesn't just miss him and she doesn't just need him in her life because they have a child together. She is one hundred percent, totally and completely ass backwards can't-see-straight-when-I- think-about-you-I-touch-myself-we'll-always-have-Paris-I-wanna-grow-old-with-you in love with Dean Winchester. Of all the people in the world she could have -
...Nah. She can't even act surprised.
She practically leaps to her feet, grabbing his face and planting a kiss on his lips. He pulls her closer with one hand and tangles the other in her hair. ''Okay,'' she whispers breathlessly when she pulls away. ''Spend some time with us.''
He smiles gratefully and then covers it with a smirk. ''And maybe later we can do dirty things with the syrup.''
She rolls her eyes and punches him on the shoulder.
Its summer and the days last so long it's gotten to the point where Ruby can't wait for winter because then the days will be short and the heat will be replaced with cold. But this day passes by too quickly and she misses the sun when it goes down. Dean has spent the day treating Bray (he calls her by her full name, Lila Bray, and refuses to call her anything else) like a princess and it's clear Bray utterly adores her daddy.
Dean spends money he doesn't really have on gifts that aren't necessary like he's trying to make up for the fact that he's going to be leaving soon and he looks at Ruby like he used to and the blissful day is everything she didn't want to admit she was waiting for. It's going to make everything ten times harder when he inevitably leaves her feeling empty and alone.
Bray is already asleep when the sun goes down and instead of putting her in her crib Ruby places the sleeping child on her bed and lies down beside her. She studies the girl and lightly traces her hand over Bray's head. She closes her eyes and listens to the sound of Dean puttering around in the kitchen.
This is the way it's supposed to be. This is the way it should work and it's not fair that it's going to end so soon. It's not fair that she has to lose Dean after she just got him back. (She thinks she should be used to it by now. She never gets what she wants and her life is always unfair.)
When she opens her eyes, Dean is standing in the doorway watching them with his arms crossed over his chest. There's this look in his eyes that makes her want to cry and his lips are pinched together tightly. ''We could do it,'' he whispers, voice low and gravelly. ''This whole...relationship and parenting thing. We could do it.''
She can't help but laugh lightly at his wording, sitting up. ''Are you asking me to wait for you?''
He frowns thoughtfully and takes a seat next to Bray. ''Would you?''
She watches his fingers brush Bray's cheek. ''I don't know. Do you really think...Do you really think it would work?''
He shrugs. ''Why not? People do long distance relationships all the time. I can visit on her birthday and stay for Christmas and...and you can send me pictures and call me if either of you ever need anything and neither of us will have to be alone anymore. I can come back to you when all of this is over, Ruby. And...And then we can have it all. Please...''
She's quite certain he's about to break and quite frankly, it scares her so she does her best to stop it. ''Dean...'' She leans across her sleeping daughter to touch his cheek. He takes it a step further by kissing her gently. ''Dean, this...'' She whispers it against his lips and draws in a strangled breath when he tangles his hand in her hair. ''...It would be so hard.''
''Everything in life is hard, Ruby. But I can't just forget about you two. Not after today. I need to be in her life.''
''I get that,'' she murmurs. ''I do. But...''
''No. No buts,'' he pleads. ''Just say you'll do this with me. Just say we can try.''
She knows she shouldn't say it (she is not as strong as she likes to pretend she is and she's not sure she can handle this) but she loves him and he's looking at her like she's the sun and the moon and he is all she sees when she closes her eyes so she swallows, blinks away the tears and nods. ''Okay,'' she mumbles out. ''Okay, we can try.''
His eyes light up and she thinks it's beautiful. She lets out a choked laugh and kisses him again. (In the back of her mind, she knows this won't last long. She can already hear the ticking of an unseen clock counting down the time until it all ends.)
She falls asleep curled into Dean's side, feeling sated and happier than she has felt in a long time. Sometime near dawn, she feels the mattress shift as Dean crawls out of bed. She swears she hears a male voice saying his name for a second before she easily drifts back into slumber. Right before she falls asleep, she feels a paralyzing jolt of fear race through her body.
She wakes up as the sun is rising to an empty bed. Panicked, she bolts upright only to let out a breath of relief when she sees him standing at the foot of the bed. ''Dean...'' He doesn't react to the sound of her voice, standing there with his back to her and his hands on his hips. She's pretty sure this is it. She slides out of bed and puts her robe on. ''Dean...'' She hesitantly places a hand on his shoulder and he whirls around to face her. The look in his eyes scares her and when he grabs her by the arms, she gasps and jumps.
''You need to leave,'' he all but snarls at her and her eyes widen in shock.
She probably shouldn't be shocked, but she is. She hates that. ''W-What? This is my room.'' It's a weak argument. She hates that too. Normally, she'd punch him for snarling at her and grabbing her like that.
''I'm not just talking about the room or the apartment, Ruby. I'm talking about this town. You need to leave. Pack whatever you can, take Bray and just get the hell out.''
''But I don't understand. I thought - ''
''You thought wrong.''
''You're the one that begged me to - ''
''Then I was wrong!''
''Let go of me.'' She wriggles out of his grasp and backs away from him. ''And lower your voice,'' she adds in a hiss. ''Don't wake Bray.''
''Ruby - ''
''What the hell happened, Dean?'' She pleads. This time, she's the one who grabs his arm and he's the one who jerks out of her grip. ''You were fine when I went to sleep. You were happy. We were happy. And now you're freaking out.'' She remembers the voice she thought she dreamed and a frown comes to rest on her lips. ''Dean, was...was someone here? Was someone in my home? What did they say to you?''
''Ruby, I don't have time for this!'' He grasps her wrists again and even when she struggles, she can't get free. ''You need to do this. Take her and leave. And stay the hell away from me. I mean it. Don't contact me. Don't wait for me. Just forget. Do you understand me? Forget.''
''But you said - ''
''I know what I said!'' He pulls her closer to him almost painfully and smirks down at her. It's something ugly and sinister and not at all the Dean she knows. All at once she realizes what's happening. What he's doing. (Oh, he is such a dumbass sometimes.) ''But you were stupid to believe me.'' He laughs cruelly and shoves her away from him. ''The only reason I even said those things is because of the kid. Ruby, you're a demon. Don't you think I have a little more self respect?''
She sighs patiently and looks up at him with a humorless smirk. ''So, this is your plan, huh? Get me to hate you so Bray and I are safe? And you think this will make it easier?'' She shakes her head. ''This is never going to be easy. You think I can't see right through you?'' The smirk drops off her lips and she puckers her lips into a half hearted pout. ''You don't have to do this, you know.''
''I don't love you,'' he says quietly. ''I don't even care about you. And Lila Bray? You really think I'm father material?'' He snorts. ''Please. You want to continue your, let's face it, kind of pathetic life? Stay away from me.''
''Dean, just because you're scared,'' she brings a hand to his face. ''Doesn't mean you have to act like this.''
''Ruby,'' he takes her hand and squeezes too tightly. ''You mean nothing to me. Now, take your daughter and stay far, far away from me and anyone close to me. Don't tell anyone she's mine. Don't even think about me.''
She folds her arms. ''You really mean that?''
He hesitates (which totally gives him away) and blinks slowly. ''If I say yes, will you hate me?''
''Yes.''
''Then yes. I mean it. I mean...all of it. You're nothing and I...I don't want you.''
Bray starts to cry as if on cue and after meeting his eyes briefly, Ruby reluctantly allows herself to leave the room even though she knows what will happen.
Sure enough, when she emerges from Bray's room with her daughter on her hip, she is just able to catch sight of him slipping out the front door. Somehow, in the two minutes she was gone, Dean has managed to both exit her life apparently for good and contradict everything he has just said by dropping his silver ring onto the coffee table. (Say what you want, that ring means something.)
The ring is still spinning on the table and Bray, with her flushed rosy cheeks is still sniffling. Ruby sighs and picks up the ring. She knew it would end this way. That's what makes it so hard. She lied, by the way. When he asked her if she would hate him? She lied. He could stomp on her and break her down into nothing but she's never going to hate him like both of them wish she would.
(Two days later, she packs up her daughter and does exactly what Dean told her to do.)
end part one
AN: Next up is their exciting travels around the world! Although I gotta say that I feel really sorry for Ruby. Traveling with a baby is not fun. Traveling with children is not fun. Trust me. Okay now a few things; Kristy? Aka the Fake Ruby? In the season four premiere when Dean and Sam reunitied, she was there and she actually said her name was Kristy. So I took that brief little scene and turned it into this. Also, I totally explained where Dean's silver ring went. I really miss that thing. I would like an actual explaination as to where it went. Unless I missed that.
Like I said, part two will be all about Ruby and Bray's exciting adventures and The Vampire Diaries will come into play. Yay, who's excited?