ACTUALLY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE
(I know most of these are rubbish, but PLEASE read this one.)
I know I've been gone ages (sorry), and there are a lot of reasons for that - one of which relates to a review on my last chapter. It was a guest review, so I've been unable to explain to that person personally, but I think it's an important message for me to send all of you wonderful readers anyway.
As you will have realised by now, this story contains some homosexual themes and sub-plots, and while I personally don't see these as any different to the heterosexual storylines, I was reminded last chapter that some people are uncomfortable with this as part of their personal belief system. While I personally do not share these beliefs, anyone who has them is 100% entitled to them, and I don't hate anyone for them, or want to force anyone to change their mind about them.
I also want to say that I am so unbelievably grateful for anyone who takes the time to read this story, and therefore absolutely hate to think I have made any of you uncomfortable. Any content I thought needed a trigger warning, I gave one, and I am always happy to listen to anyone who feels I have missed something that needs a warning (seriously, please tell me). I'm aware that I have covered some controversial, very serious and horrible topics in this story, and people's beliefs on many of them will vary widely, and won't necessarily align with mine. At the end of the day, we don't have to agree though - I just write fanfiction. It's one person's interpretation of a text and characters here for you to enjoy (or not) and if you're uncomfortable with a storyline or plot, I'm really sorry. That being said, I'm not going to remove the homosexual plots from this story; partly because I'm too far in now for it to make sense, partly because I rather selfishly see this story as something I've created, so I don't really feel bad about putting my own spin on the characters in it, and partly because I personally (you don't have to agree) don't see anything different or wrong about love between two members of the same gender as opposed to two different ones. I'm incredibly grateful for the support I've received from you all, and will be very sorry to lose you (if I do) over this, but if anything, the homosexual elements in this story are only going to increase, so I completely understand if you feel unable to continue reading.
So, to summarise: I'm really sorry if you're uncomfortable, I have nothing against you whatever your beliefs, and the gay stuff isn't going, I'm afraid.
If anyone has any questions about any of this, my inbox is always open. I'm nice, I swear!
PS I'm not taking the piss posting this chapter next, it's been planned for ages, I'm really sorry! TERRIBLE timing.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Les Miserables.
Thénardier was a man of few words, and even fewer friends. He'd learned a long time ago that you live longer without them in his world; in any world, he reckoned. Friends were a liability, a vulnerability that he couldn't afford. Why set yourself up for a betrayal? He'd be basically asking to be screwed over. And Thénardier was NEVER screwed over, so he chose his friends carefully, waiting until he was certain he was in control of the relationship before he let anyone in. He could count his living friends on one hand, and as far as he was concerned, Montparnasse was the thumb. The first one he'd think of in any situation, now Aileen was gone. The boy was like a son to him; not even like a real son, a son he actually liked!
So when he realised what the boy had done, how he'd betrayed him, Thénardier was beyond angry. Beyond furious, even.
Thénardier was murderous.
When Éponine padded through to Enjolras' bedroom, she didn't know why she was surprised to see her boyfriend bent over a huge book, his pen tapping frantically against his temple as his brain whirred frantically. She could almost see the steam coming out of his ears, he was working so hard.
"Hey you" she called from the doorway. "What'cha working on?"
"Exam prep. Falling behind. Can't fail." he replied, his mind clearly elsewhere
"Enjolras, your exams aren't for a month" she pointed out with a soft, fond laugh. He didn't reply, so she moved over to lean against his desk, watching him as he read with a slight frown playing at his eyebrows. "Oi, Gabriel. It's late. Come to bed."
"Can't. Still early."
"Enj, it's nearly 2am and you've got an early class."
"But –"
She changed tactic, and placed a hand on his to stop the pen-flicking. He looked at her with tired eyes and she smiled at his daft, over-worked, exhausted, adorable face. "Bed" she instructed gently.
He smiled back gratefully before turning to turn off his desk lamp and standing up with a stretch. He dropped a soft kiss on the top of her head, then wandered over to the bed to retrieve his pyjama pants as she yawned, rubbing her eye with the sleeve of the oversized jumper she stole from Grantaire ages ago.
Five minutes later, after a quick wash and teeth-brushing, they were climbing into bed, with Éponine curled into Enjolras' warm chest with a sleepy smile.
"I should be working" he murmured into her hair. She knew from experience he was only half-joking and decided to nip this one in the bud.
"If you so much as move before 7.30, I'll have a bonfire with those bloody books" she replied firmly. She felt him smile, and knew she'd won this one. Then she let herself fall quickly asleep.
By the time he got to Enjolras' apartment building, Grantaire's blazing fury had mostly faded away, leaving only a steadily bubbling anger, just below the surface. Despite the late hour, he felt more awake than he had in years as the buzzer button stared at him, daring him to press it down and finally confront his feelings head on. One way or another (and he was pretty sure he knew which way), he'd know where he stood by the next time he stood on that doorstep.
Taking a deep breath, he raised his thumb to press the button.
Combeferre wandered home from Courfeyrac's with a small smile on his face that he couldn't seem to shake, although he couldn't say why. His best friend's unfailing enthusiasm for life never failed to cheer him up, and he found himself unable to shake a lot of smiles lately; Courfeyrac's grins had always been contagious, but Combeferre could swear they'd got stronger in recent months. Or maybe he was just more open to them – Éponine was always encouraging him to come out of his shell, maybe this was it working.
He was just thinking about how different he felt compared to a year ago when he reached the door to their building and found –
"Grantaire?"
Grantaire whirled around, startled, to face him. He smiled and replied "Hey, Ferre. Are you just getting home?"
"Yeah, I went to Courf's for a bit. Are you wanting to come up? Do you need somewhere to stay or something?"
"Yeah – not staying, just quick visit."
"At 2am? Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." His tone was clipped and forced, indicating that he really wasn't fine, but Combeferre decided not to push it until they were inside. Without comment, he opened the door and climbed the stairs.
Grantaire followed Combeferre up the stairs nervously, his stomach churning in anticipation of finally getting to say what he'd felt for what felt like forever. He ran through it in his head Enjolras, I know this is probably a bit of a shock… or maybe it isn't, I'm not very subtle. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is: I love you. I have for a long time and I probably always will; you're my reason for getting up in the morning, for dragging my sorry arse to uni and the café, the one shining light in my pointless, depressing life. And I know you've never shown anything but disdain for me and I know you think I'm useless, but if you'll permit it, I think I could make you really happy.
"R… are you coming in?"
Grantaire became suddenly aware that he was standing on the doorstep just outside the flat, as though frozen. He felt Combeferre's confused and worried eyes on him and avoided meeting their gaze, instead taking a deep breath and stepping into the living room.
"I was erm… hoping to speak to Enjolras? Is he in?" he turned to Combeferre, asking just a little too brightly.
"Are… are you sure this is a good idea Grantaire?" His tone was full of worry and… sympathy? What?
"I think I should have done it a long time ago." Grantaire replied firmly. "And before you say it, I'm more sober than I've been in months."
Combeferre pulled his jumper sleeves down over his hands and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, like he always did when he was nervous. But why is HE nervous – I'm not even nervous now!?
"Please don't do this, Grantaire" Combeferre pleaded, his eyes full of what seemed like… sadness? Life won't change that much Combeferre, Jesus. You'll just be seeing more of me, is that SO terrible?
Before Grantaire could even open his mouth to reply, the door to Enjolras' room opened. This is it… Grantaire felt his pulse quickening, his spirit almost physically lifting him up so that he stood straighter; he started to smile, wringing his hands to get rid of the nervous energy, and then finally out of the darkness of the bedroom door emerged…
"R… what are you doing here? Are you ok?" Éponine asked groggily, rubbing her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper – his jumper, actually – with a worried look on her face.
The smile dropped off his face like a stone, and Grantaire found he was completely unable to form any words at all. He breathed slowly and deeply, his head swimming in a sea of potential explanations, unintelligible screaming and the word no over and over again until there was nothing but white noise.
He could feel the sympathy and sadness radiating from Combeferre's every word as he broke the silence. "Grantaire is here to see Enjolras" he said, sadly.
Grantaire saw the realisation hit Éponine; her eyebrows raised slightly and her mouth dropped open in the most sympathetic look he'd ever seen on her expressive face. Worst of all, the look in her eyes changed to one of worry and regret and pity.
"R…" she started, but before either of them could say anything else, a sleepy figure with dishevelled blonde curls, a bare chest and the most beautiful tired face he'd ever seen emerged from the room behind her, clad only in a pair of blue check pyjama bottoms. His piercing blue eyes searched the room for some explanation of what was going on, resting on Grantaire with a confused expression. Éponine closed her eyes and mouth, frowning slightly at the horrible, horrible awkwardness of the situation.
"Grantaire? What are you doing here? Are you ok?" Enjolras asked.
Maybe it was that they'd clearly been sleeping together. Maybe it was that Combeferre had clearly known about it. Maybe it was how beautiful he looked without even trying, or how shiny and bright and happy the glow was – because Grantaire knew now that that was what was different. He was happy – or the easy way the two of them stood next to each other like they'd been together forever. Or maybe it was that he asked exactly the same questions as her, or that she clearly knew what this would do to him: whatever it was, Grantaire suddenly felt all his defences falling away. He stood alone by the sofa, feeling utterly exposed and furious and more full of suppressed emotion than he'd ever felt before bubbling up under the surface.
"Enj, maybe you should put on a shirt" he heard her mumble, turning her head of mussed curls slightly towards him as she did so.
The emotion bubbled over. Grantaire snapped. "No." he said firmly, determined to keep his voice steady. "That won't be necessary."
He looked at the two of them; his heavy gaze switching from Enjolras' clear, confused eyes, to Éponine's shining dark ones. "Are you two….together?" he asked, shakily.
They shared a look; Éponine's face sad and pleading, Enjolras' full of… well. Enjolras' exactly what Grantaire had been hoping to see on his way up the stairs, just pointed in the wrong direction. At the wrong person.
"Yes. We are." Enjolras said finally, pride filling every syllable.
"R, it's not what you think –" Éponine started
"ISN'T IT?!" he bit out with a bark of a laugh, and he saw her flinch. "Come on then, Éponine! What exactly is it? I for one am just dying to know!"
"I was going to tell you, I swear, it just sort of happened and I didn't understand it either, and I didn't want you to get hurt if –"
"OH, well if you didn't want me to get hurt" Grantaire snarled, "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" he called out sarcastically, waving his arms out.
"Grantaire…" Combeferre started.
Éponine spoke over him, "R, please, just…"
"Just WHAT, Éponine? Just listen? Just try to understand? Try to understand why my BEST FRIEND in the world has pulled THIS one, of all the sly, underhanded, betraying shit she could've pulled?"
"I didn't mean to hurt you" she pleaded, her voice thick with emotion.
"Well, tough shit!" He laughed humourlessly. "Because you have."
A thick silence hung in the air for a few seconds as Grantaire looked over to the window, his breath heavy with anger and pain, Éponine stared tearfully at the floor, Combeferre looked sympathetically over at Grantaire and Enjolras looked between all three of them, thoroughly confused.
"Sorry, have I missed something?" he asked, confused.
Combeferre opened his mouth to answer but Grantaire cut in. "Missed something?!" he burst out. "MISSED SOMETHING?!"
"Enjolras, for the last two years, I have been there by your side through everything – I was there the very first time we met up in the Musain, the first night of Fresher's week in first year, the first rally, the first time you wrote a speech for the public and I have never ONCE left you hanging or let you down or missed a meeting. I have busted my arse for you, day in day out, despite not giving a shit about this suicidal revolution idea of yours, and all you have EVER given me in return is 'you're good for nothing, Grantaire', 'put the bottle down, Grantaire', 'go back to sleep, Grantaire', 'Grantaire, you're useless, you're stupid, you're lazy, you're drunk, you're a fool'.
Did you ever ONCE stop and consider how much I've done for you? Do you have even the slightest idea what I would do for you?!"
Enjolras looked a little shell-shocked, but his voice was equal parts surprise and embarrassed awkwardness when he replied to the outburst with "Grantaire… I had no idea… I know I'm hard on you and I'm sorry, I just… I never realised you were this passionate before."
"Oh, I'm passionate alright." Grantaire bit back with another humourless laugh.
"I… I'm truly sorry. I never got the impression the cause meant that much to you…"
"The CAUSE?" Grantaire was flabbergasted. He can't be serious. "I don't give a shit about the cause, Enjolras, I'm passionate about YOU."
Enjolras' eyebrows shot up and his mouth dropped open, leaving him with an almost comically surprised expression. Éponine watched Grantaire with worry and sadness splashed all over her face.
"You can't seriously say you haven't noticed? I hang on your every word like you're spouting the fucking gospel. I can't take my eyes off you from the minute you walk into a room to the minute you walk out, and I have to physically restrain myself from reaching out to touch you when you're all fired up – didn't you ever wonder why I wind you up so much, Enj? It's because then you're not only fired up, you're fired up at me – and I barely even have to try because I know you so fucking well I know EXACTLY how to piss you off. I know every curl of your ridiculous hair; the way your eyebrows knit together when you're annoyed or thinking or tired; the precise shades of blue in your eyes; every contour of your face… hell, I've drawn your face more times than I've had a hot dinner in the past few years! I probably know it better than my own, and not just because I can stand to look at yours!
I turn up to every meeting on the off-chance you'll talk to me that day, or at least notice me. I bust my arse on the banners and posters just in case I get a thank you. You know I can count on one hand the number of times I've been truly happy in the past year, and almost all of them involve you talking to me, or smiling at me, or just treating me like a fucking human being!" he finished angrily, the tears that had been building since Éponine appeared finally spilling out onto his cheeks.
"And you didn't even know, you didn't even care" he concluded. "And now you've gone and fallen in love, like you always said you would never do, and it's with Éponine of all people, my one close friend who I'd trust with anything…"
She couldn't even look at him; she just stared at the floor as tears ran down her face.
"Grantaire…" Enjolras said softly, all concern and surprise and sadness. "I never knew…"
"Well now you do." Grantaire cut him off harshly, his voice thick with tears. "I fucking love you, Enjolras."
"I can't, I… I don't know what to say" he replied. "I'm… I'm flattered, really, and… and really, truly…sorry." He tried to meet Grantaire's eyes apologetically, but Grantaire didn't dare. When he didn't say anything, Enjolras kept talking. "As for me and Ép…I don't think either of us knew until it was happening and then we didn't know how to stop and… I'm really sorry Grantaire, but I… I always said I didn't date because I'd never really, really liked someone but now… I've never felt this way about anyone, Grantaire, I… I love her." He looked down at her tearful eyes, now shining up at him with a small smile playing at her lips. "I love you" he repeated more surely, looking into her eyes with a matching, barely-there smile. Every word stabbed Grantaire in the gut like a knife; the smiles may have been barely there, but the look in Enjolras' eyes told Grantaire all he needed to know.
Grantaire closed his eyes and nodded silently. Taking a deep breath to steady himself he said tonelessly "well I guess that's all there is to it then." He turned and walked slowly towards the door, his head down, his shoulders slumped. They all called after him, pleading with him to stay, but he ignored them. Combeferre, who was by the door, held out a hand to grasp his shoulder and Grantaire temporarily stopped, internally fighting with himself about whether to turn around and try and work it out or whether to walk out of there and never look back.
It was a short war. Setting his jaw, he shrugged Combeferre's supportive hand off his shoulder and swept out of the flat without even glance back in their direction.
It had been so easy, he was almost offended, but he was finally stood across the street, the scrap of paper in his hand with the address on held up to check against the number on the door. The light was still on in the first-floor window, and he smiled viciously. A plan started to form in his head, and the more he thought about it, the surer he became: he had her.
Ready or not, Éponine.
Here I come.
THIS WAS ACTUALLY SO HARD TO WRITE! I think because it's been building for so long... gah! Please, please let me know what you think, I've missed you all!
I know updates have been shit lately, I've been SO BUSY - I'll do my best to update again soon, but I can't put a date on it I'm afraid. I hope I haven't lost too many of you, and thank you again for all your incredible support!
Again, please review if you can, dying to know your thoughts! :D