This Good-bye is for You, Ch 3
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Major Crimes; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.
A/N: When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.
A/N2: The illness is secondary; primary is their love and the way it changes them for the better.
A/N3: Enjoy! Leave a review if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. #TodayIsLife
~~~~~PT~~~~~
Sharon was nervous the day of her first treatment. Having no idea what to expect, she clenched her phone tightly in one hand and Emily's hand in the other. As they were welcomed into the room by the nurse and told to take their seats, she stood motionless looking for beds. She'd always imagined there would be beds. Finally willing her feet to move, she walked to the recliner chair the nurse stood by and sat down. Watching the expressions cross her daughter's face as the nurse spoke gave her something on which to focus.
Just by the way the woman spoke, it was obvious she'd given the spiel many times before. "You're here for intensive treatment per your doctor's orders so here's how it works. You'll remain an outpatient as long as you have no detrimental side effects to the treatment. Each time you come in, we'll start an intravenous. There's no need for a port because you're considered a short-term patient at this point." Looking at the chart, she noted the Manhattan address was a recent relocation from Los Angeles. Working at the clinic over a decade, she was accustomed to people moving for better treatment and then going back to their normal lives and routines. "I'm assuming you'll be returning home when the process is completed and have your follow-ups done there. As we told you when the appointment block was initially set up, the first two weeks require three visits, the following two reduce by one and the last two are only once a week. This is assuming all is going as expected. Midway you will have a consultation with the doctor and another at the end. You and he will make a decision as to how to move forward at that time. You can read, stream shows on your laptop or listen to music but headphones are required so as not to interfere with the other patients in the room."
For the first time Sharon noticed, as she looked around, that there were many patients in that one room. So many people, all there for the same treatment as her, regardless of what each of their diagnoses might be. Nodding at the nurse, she whispered, "Thank you," and the woman began looking for her best vein.
~~~~~# # #~~~~~
Andy checked their bank account online several times a day though he'd only admitted to Provenza to doing it once daily. She was leaving him breadcrumbs; as if she wanted him to know something. But know what? That she was okay? That she was in New York, for now anyway? That she was eating so he wouldn't worry about that? That she was living her life, going to the same place three times a week and taking a lot of cabs? But why did he have to know all that? What was she trying to tell him? He wrote down everything, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together. To what end, he didn't know. He just knew it gave him something to focus on and kept his hope alive that he'd see her again one day.
The initials three times that week didn't make sense to Andy at first when he saw them as credit card transactions charged to her bank debit card. Repeating the same pattern for a second week made him Google the initials and he discovered it was a clinic. 'Sharon is sick,' he thought to himself sadly then became angry at finding out the way he did.
Reaching for his phone, he called her daughter. "Emily, it's Andy, I know your mother and she wouldn't want you to lie to me."
Taking a deep breath, "No lies, Andy, but we can only let you know when you get something right."
"She's sick and, for whatever reason, she doesn't want me to know she's getting treated in New York City or that she moved there. I saw the check to the landlord. I know at least the area she's living in based on where she shops." He realized he was starting to speed talk. Slowing down, "I'm piecing her clues together, Emily, but what I don't know is why she's doing this alone."
"I don't really understand her reasoning, Andy," the girl answered honestly with a sigh.
A sob quietly escaped him but she heard it on the other end. "Whatever she might've told you about me, I love her and I miss her. I would've been there for her."
Emily felt her eyes tear up. "That's what Mom told all of us, Andy. She's never said anything negative about you."
He still felt the need to defend himself. "I wouldn't have walked away. I know she's used to that but I'm different from -." He let his thought drop; there was no sense insulting her father when she seemed to be willing to help.
"We know you would've stayed. Mom made sure that we all got that."
"How is she?" he asked hesitantly.
Emily thought long and hard about her answer. She was torn between doing as her mother requested and her sympathy for Andy's pain, so obvious even across the airwaves. "She is adjusting. I'm trying to help her as much as I can."
"I know you are. Sharon raised good kids." There was a moment of hesitation before he continued. "She paid three months' rent. Is that how long she plans to stay?"
"Take the clues as you get them, Andy."
"I got the hint," he chuckled sadly. "Listen, Emily, can you just tell Sharon that I love her and miss her?"
"I can do that, Andy," she agreed and hung up before she lost what little resolve she had left. She truly felt for that man. Loving a woman who learned the hard way that she had to take care of herself was not easy, especially for a man who wanted to do all the things her ex-husband taught her to do alone.
That night Sharon's sleep was restless. Emily had told her about the call from Andy and passed on his message. She had also included her opinion of her mother's decisions. When she did fall asleep deep enough to dream, they always included Andy. Their first work-related argument was a big one and took everyone by surprise. They all knew to expect it would happen one day but thought it'd be of a lower volume. Though the Captain and her Lieutenant were in her office, they could be ever-so-slightly overheard albeit not enough to really hear the actual words. Ten minutes later, however, they were argued out and back to normal. That evening they went out to dinner and assured each other their personal relationship was still intact. Smiling as she drank some of the tea she'd made upon waking, Sharon couldn't help but think fondly of the kisses they'd shared that night. Her body immediately reacted to the memory.
The next dream was of them making love for the first time. A creature of habit when it came to time-frames and sticking to schedules, when enough months had passed and she acknowledged feeling as close to him as possible without taking that next step, Sharon had told Andy that she was ready but added she didn't want it to be rushed or done secretly as if they were doing something wrong just because Rusty was still living at home. Smirking, he'd made reservations for the first weekend he could get at a place he'd always wanted to experience for the first time with her. Crossing his fingers, he'd given her the dates they'd be away. After that, it was far more difficult for them to say good night at the end of their dates knowing they were only waiting for privacy on a specific weekend. When they arrived at the hotel, Andy didn't want Sharon to feel like they were there for only one thing so he convinced her to pretend they were tourists as they explored the exquisite lobby and grounds. Finally going up to their room, they noticed the champagne and chocolate covered strawberries that were standard issue for each guest suite. Pouring the alcoholic beverage down the sink, she suggested saving the fruit for dessert. When he began reaching for the menu for room service, she husked that dinner could wait. Though he moved to her quickly and kissed her even more passionately than he had ever before, they slowly undressed, relishing in their private time together as they made their way to the king-sized bed. As their fingers moved over each other and they brought pleasure to one another in ways they'd never dared, she began wondering why she ever thought being with him intimately was something to put off for so long. They had long ago admitted their feelings for one another, so when he whispered, "I love you," as they became one, she immediately without doubt repeated the words back to him. Later, they lay under the covers debating between starving for the night or having to untangle themselves long enough to be decent when room service delivered their meals. Sharon lay awake a long time after that dream, thinking of all the times after that they were intimate and willing her body not to miss him, not to want him, anymore.
During the next week, Andy noticed the visits to the clinic went from three a week to two and the grocery bill amounts were reduced also. "She's losing her appetite," he grumbled to Provenza. "She's sick and she doesn't want me around. Guess that shows what she thinks of me," he muttered angrily.
"It's not about you, Flynn, it's about her thinking what she's doing is right."
"Right for who? I should be with her!" Slamming his hand into the desk was not the brightest idea he'd had but he needed the release. Dealing with injuries was quickly becoming his forte.
"Right for you," he shook his head, "she thinks this is best for you." Before his longtime friend could begin thinking aloud, he quickly added, "I've said too much already," and ended their conversation.
That night a discussion with Rusty garnered him no extra clues so he called Emily again. "Provenza says Sharon is doing this for me but it's not what I want," he told her after they greeted one another. "I respect your mother's decisions but I don't want this."
Emily let out a loud sigh before responding. "I know and I told her that but she insists this way is better for you. I'm not sure exactly what she means but she's being stubborn about it."
"That's one of the things I love about her," he said softly. "I know I shouldn't ask you this but does -?"
"Yes, Andy, she still loves you. I'm not supposed to give you information, I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Do what your mother says. Listen, just tell her I love her and to make sure she drinks some protein shakes or fully balanced liquid meals to keep her strength up or she'll get sick. Now isn't a good time for a cold but she is susceptible to one."
"She bought some this week to try," Emily reassured him with a smile in her voice. "Bye, Andy." She hung up without giving him a chance to say more.
By the end of the third week of treatment, nothing in the expenses had changed. He called Emily on what he thought might be a clinic day, knowing she'd be with Sharon and hoping that maybe he could hear her voice. She'd done nothing but send texts since she'd left him a month before. Emily didn't answer; he wasn't really surprised given that Sharon never answered any of his calls. He didn't know that mother and daughter were, at that very moment, discussing him.
As Emily helped Sharon from the bathroom to the bed, she felt her phone vibrate. Seeing who was calling, she hit decline after showing it to her mother. "You're hurting him, Mom," she murmured as she tucked the covers around her.
"It's for the best," Sharon whispered.
Sitting down next to her on the bed, she knew it was none of her business but she was being there for both of them and had to say something. "How is it for the best? You finally love a guy who actually wants to be there for you and you aren't letting him. I love Dad but he'd be gone. Andy is trying to be here. Why not let him?"
She was tired of fighting her daughter on the subject so she admitted the truth behind all her decisions, starting on that first day when she received her diagnosis. "If Andy is angry at me, the loss will hurt less," she said quietly, knowing her daughter would disagree.
Standing up, Emily counted to ten before speaking. "You're doing this in case you die? That makes no sense, Mom."
"He wants to die first, Emily, because I'm stronger. I am, we both agree on that, but I won't know if this is working until I get my results Friday." She swiped at a stray tear. "I want him here. I need him here, Emily, but if it isn't working then I want to lessen his pain as much as possible."
Sitting back down, she linked their hands together. "You're hurting him though. He thinks there's something he's done and that's why you left him," she hesitated but decided her mother needed to know, "or that you stopped loving him."
"But I told him it wasn't him. I told him this was something I had to take care of myself."
"He doesn't understand why you have to do it alone when he is willing to be with you." She kissed her mother's forehead. "And he doesn't understand why you won't even talk to him. Seriously, Mom, you're just texting him? You would never let any of us get away with treating someone who loved us like that."
Her energy to fight about this was officially gone. "Then explain it to him, Emily. Today only you can tell him three things he doesn't know."
"Why three?" Her mother was always a little weird about rules but three explanatory texts seemed odd even for her.
"I've been in treatment for three weeks. I will also answer his texts without trying to protect him."
"Deal, now go to sleep." Bending over, she kissed her mother's forehead again before getting up to lounge on the love seat.
"I'm going to text Andy first before I change my mind. Then I really need to sleep for a little while."
Andy had sent three texts that day; that's where she really got the idea of three. It had been four very long, lonely, sad weeks for them both. She answered each text separately to acknowledge his attempts at contacting her.
'Thank you, I needed the luck. Each treatment seems to drain more of my energy.'
'I'm drinking the shakes, both kinds, and they must be working because I'm not losing as much weight as they thought I would.'
'Emily is taking wonderful care of me but I miss you and I wish it was you. I love you, Andy, but as I said when I left, this good-bye is for you. That doesn't mean I don't want you here, I do.'
Putting her phone down next to her, she drifted off to a restless sleep. They were just as surprised as everyone else that he moved in with her only six months after they first made love, though no one else knew when exactly that happened. They had been discussing the desire to be together more often in their personal lives for close to two months already when one night it had slipped out of her mouth and before she had time to recall the invitation, he had accepted and kissed her the entire way down the foyer to her bedroom. Though he gave her time after that to rethink, she shook her head with determination and slowly over the course of the next month all of his belongings were finally moved in or placed in storage. It was at that point, they began discussing buying a larger place that accommodated both of their belongings. Even in her sleep, she wiped the tears threatening to fall.
While Sharon napped, Emily remained on the love seat thinking about what she should share with Andy.
She text him her mother's address, adding, 'Let me know in advance when you're getting here so I can meet you and give you my keys to let yourself in.'
The next text gave him her diagnosis. 'It's a good thing you kept getting on her about how tired she was. Mom and her doctor decided to go the intensive treatment route. There's only a small chance the treatments won't work so we're very hopeful. She'll know more Friday.' Her mother had said only on this day could she be completely forthcoming with Andy so she found a way around that. 'I promise you today though to let you know what the doctor says.'
The last one was the hardest. 'She thinks if you're angry at her when she dies, it'll hurt you less. She really believes she's doing this for you; that it'll be better for you not to see her like this, not to lose her when you're together.' That didn't seem quite satisfactory enough in terms of full-disclosure so she explained it. 'We know it hurt her whenever Dad left so maybe she's trying to spare you the pain she already knows. She loves you, Andy, and she misses you.'
Putting the phone on her lap, she watched her mother sleep and wiped her eyes.
Andy couldn't believe it when he saw the texts from both Sharon and Emily. Unfortunately he'd been knee-deep in an intricate case and couldn't answer them right away nor even really read them. He did catch that they both seemed to be telling him things he hadn't figured out for himself yet. 'That's odd but I'll take it,' he thought with a small smile.
As it turned out, the team put in long hours and only went home to shower and change clothes before heading back to the Murder Room. He didn't have the chance to answer either of them until the next day. By then, Sharon was wondering if she'd succeeded in losing him.
[TBC]