This Good-bye is for You, Ch 4
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Major Crimes; James Duff, et al, has that lovely distinction.
A/N: When Sharon gets bad news, she decides to handle it alone leaving Andy hurt, angry and confused. Putting his detective skills to good use, he pieces together the long-distance clues she leaves him.
A/N2: The illness is secondary; primary is their love and the way it changes them for the better.
A/N3: Enjoy! Leave a review if y'all's feel so inclined; they are ever so lovely to read. #TodayIsLife
~~~~~PT~~~~~
Andy answered Emily first; she was easier.
'When this case is over, I want to go to NYC to see your mother. I want to be there when she finds out if the treatments are working. If I can't make it in time, I want to be there as soon as I can.' Worried about space, he separated his texts. 'Thanks for the information. I really appreciate it because there are some things I wouldn't have been able to figure out on my own.'
He put a great deal of thought into his response to Sharon.
'Don't protect what doesn't need protecting. I can take care of myself, Sharon. I've been doing it for a very long time.' He'd deliberately thrown her own words back at her, then continued in a new text. 'I'm angry at missing a month with you when you could be dying. We should be spending as much time together as possible. It'll still hurt to lose you. You aren't changing anything.'
After he hit send, he thought it sounded too harsh.
'I love you and I want to be with you. I've got leave banked that I can use to be there for you. I miss you.'
'There, that sounds better,' he thought as he hit send.
When Sharon read his messages, a smile spread across her face. "He's getting riled up. His fighter is coming out," she told Emily.
"Rusty was right when he said you're both weird and made for each other. You both like the stubbornness, the fighter, and the intensity you each have." She smiled at her mother. "Let him come. Tell him to come, Mom."
Shaking her head, she held her phone close to her heart. "No, that would be selfish of me."
"He wants to be here. How is that selfish of you?"
"After I find out if the treatments are working, I'll make a decision about Andy."
Feeling stuck in the middle, Emily was losing patience. She understood Andy's pain. She wanted to follow her mother's request. She couldn't help but remember her father leaving time and again. She knew her brothers were both at a loss as to what to do, how they could help. All she wanted to do was ease everyone's sadness. "Fine, be stubborn and alone to the end. I'm going to the coffee shoppe. I'll bring you back your favorite."
While her daughter was gone, Sharon had time to think about what she said, time to think about the last day she actually spoke to Andy. Stubborn and alone wasn't how she wanted her end to be, if this was the end.
~~~~~# # #~~~~~
A month before
Andy came in as Sharon was wheeling her suitcase down the hall to leave.
The hurt was instantly apparent in his eyes. "You weren't even gonna say good-bye?"
"Good-byes are overrated, especially when they'll only hurt you," she had answered with what she hoped was a strong voice. It wasn't.
"Coming home to a letter would've hurt like hell too. You know that, Sharon. Jack did it to you enough times," he said with a tinge of anger seeping through the sadness.
"I have something to take care of," she placed a hand on his chest, "alone, so I'm going. This good-bye is for you, Andy, because I love you. I don't want to hurt you." She kissed his lips softly. "I want you to be happy, to move on with your life."
He stopped her as she reached for the door handle. "You really think I'm just gonna let you walk out then turn around and screw somebody?" He knew the wording was harsh and not the kind of language she would approve hearing but, in that moment, he didn't care. She was literally walking out of his life and telling him to move on as if what they had together meant nothing.
Pulling her roughly to him, he kissed her hard. She responded immediately, just as hard.
By the time they moved apart, she had lost most of the walls she had raised upon seeing him. "I love you, Andy, and I don't want you to be alone," she explained, not bothering to hide the tears brimming in her eyes. "It's best for you to just let me go."
Because he was so hurt and so angry, he stepped aside and opened the door for her. "Just for the record, I wouldn't be alone if you stayed."
"Please renew the insurance on my car when it's due and," she hesitated, trying to put her emotions in check, "please don't move out of the condo," she whispered through her tears.
His first instinct was to yell at her but he held his temper firmly. "I won't," he promised and closed the door behind her.
~~~~~# # #~~~~~
Present day
Picking up her phone, Sharon texted Andy. 'I want you here with me but Lt Provenza needs you there. Please don't leave him short-handed.'
'The Captain is on leave,' was his immediate reply.
Smiling, she typed, 'The Captain is retired.'
'Taylor put through your leave first. He doesn't want his Captain to retire if she doesn't have to.'
'You'd still leave Lt Provenza down a man.'
'Taylor will approve my leave because it might get him his Captain back.'
'But it might not.' Her intention was not to be difficult. She had yet to have her midway consultation with the doctor and not knowing whether her treatment was working kept her feet firmly planted in reality.
'Either way, if I want to go, I can.'
She didn't answer him. A month had passed, he used the word if, and she wanted him with her.
Lying back down on her pillow, she let the tears fall and thought of the voicemails he'd left her after reading her letter. He'd actually had to leave a few in order to get everything out that he'd wanted to say to her.
~~~~~# # #~~~~~
A month before
Andy knew by the number of rings that she had sent his call to voicemail manually. "Damnit, Sharon, have the guts to answer your damn phone and talk to me."
He tried again and the same thing happened. "Fine, hide, that's fine with me. I found your letter. I guess after all the times Jack did it to you, you decided he was on to something and should do it to me." Dear Andy, by the time you read this I will probably be where I'm going for the next stage of my life. I love you and this good-bye is for you. It's not meant to hurt you but rather to bring you peace and to give you permission to move on in your life without me. I need to do this for the both of us. In time you will come to understand this better. I will always love and miss you, Sharon. The sound of crumpling paper could be heard in the background. "So I don't get to know what happened or where you are. I don't get to know what I did or what you did. I just get to start dating again, is that about right, Sharon? I guess that means you do too."
"Whatever my reputation was before, I'm in love with you and I'm not just gonna turn around and sleep with someone else. I would hope you aren't doing that either. Is that why you left me? You found someone else? You could've just asked me to leave, you know. Hell, any kind of information would've been better than nothing at all. I guess that's what you think I deserve. Nothing. Good-bye, Sharon."
Though his words were harsh and he was trying to sound cold, she knew he was crying. It broke her heart to hear him softly sob as he spoke and she cried for an hour after listening. But she didn't call him back and she didn't text just then. It took her two more days before she could hit send after typing a message to him.
~~~~~# # #~~~~~
Present day
With shaking fingers, Sharon picked up her phone. Hitting Andy's name in her contacts, listening to the rings and hearing him softly say her name made a tear drop onto her cheek before she could even speak.
"Hi," she whispered with a sniffle.
"Hi," he rasped back.
"I'm following up on your use of if in the last text you sent me," she said with great hesitation.
She heard the tiny sob escape followed by a nose snort. "I do want to be there with you but I don't want to be out on my ass in the City."
"You wouldn't be," she tried to reassure him. "This place isn't much; it's just a studio but it's only a sublet. Home is in Los Angeles."
"So you'd be okay with me going there?" he asked hopefully.
"If Lt Provenza doesn't mind and Chief Taylor will grant your leave." Her mind was made up. She'd wasted an entire month trying to protect him and it hadn't worked out as she'd planned.
"Sharon, I want to get on a plane as soon as we wrap this case. Do you want me to do that?" He was challenging her to say the words. They both knew it.
"Yes," she breathed out, "I miss you."
He took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to control the sudden influx of mixed emotions. "I miss you too."
"I love you, Andy," she yawned, "but I can't stay on the phone. I'm about to fall asleep on you. I just really wanted to hear your voice."
"I love you too, Sharon, go to sleep. I'll be there as soon as I can."
Sharon knew that Emily would walk off her feelings about everything so she got herself comfortable and, for the first time in a month, looked forward to dreaming of her fiancé. The proposal was sort of an accident in how it happened. With the date forever etched in his mind from the previous year, Andy had made reservations at the same hotel they had gone to make love that first time with the intention of proposing but then he'd lost his nerve and hid the ring in the bedside table drawer. Somehow after making love, they got on the subject of marriage; they both thought it was he who first mentioned it as a way to test the waters but neither was completely sure. Over the course of their conversation, they each stated their pros and cons and when he decided there were enough pros and not enough cons for the both of them combined, it came out as a declaration that she should marry him. Because it wasn't a question, she went along with the new direction their discussion had taken and agreed that yes, she should. When he announced that it was settled and reached over to the bedside table, she realized what happened. Despite her initial hesitation, however, she found herself smiling happily as he placed the ring on her finger. It was only after they ended their kiss that he officially asked her to marry him and she whispered her acceptance.
Waking up at the sound of the door being unlocked, Sharon let Emily know she had phoned Andy and that they agreed he should come to the City. As they enjoyed their coffee and dessert, Emily told her mother what three things she'd decided to share with her future stepfather. There were no longer any unanswered questions hanging in the air. The young woman realized happily that there was also no longer any reason to disagree with her mother; she was letting go of the past and the lessons her marriage had taught her.
~~~~~# # #~~~~~
Andy told Provenza he was leaving once the case was closed as they walked to the Murder Room from Interview Room One. The guy had just confessed and they were waiting on DDA Hobbs to offer him a deal. Provenza had Flynn start on his report while they waited; anything to get those two idiots back together where they belonged – even if it meant being down a Lieutenant for a while. 'Ye Gods, I hate being in charge,' he grumbled to himself.
[TBC]