Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews! They are so sweet. Thank you all for the follows and favorites as well. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Game of Thrones or the books A song of Ice and Fire. I own Johanna. Lyrics from Fix a heart by Demi Lovato.

"I only want the best for you

and if I'm not the best for you than you're stuck

I tried to sever ties and I

ended with wounds to bind

like you're pouring salt in my cuts"

Chapter 7: Love isn't so fickle.

Johanna

"He promises to tell me of my mother the next time I see him."

Johanna enjoyed talking to Jon Snow on the road north, she found good company in him. It helped that her Uncle too enjoyed poking the wolf. Johanna's reason for enjoying his company were less about poking poor Jon and more about curiosity. She had truly never met a bastard, let alone one that lived with their Lord father. She also had a growing curiosity about her husband.

"Well I do indeed hope he tells you, Jon. As a woman who wants to be a mother I would hate to think of a child growing old without knowledge of who gave birth to them"

"I thank you, Princess."

She had not known whether to ask him to drop the Princess part, she felt odd calling him Jon while he had to refer to her as Princess, or Lady. She would not have minded if he called her Johanna, she was starting to grow attached to the black haired boy.

After three days they ended up in the wolfswood, farther north then she had ever been in though. It was cold even with a fire burning and Johanna had to keep her cloak pulled tight around her. Johanna was not built for the snow, she was built for the sun. Jon began to mock her as she sat frozen, but it was not long before he turned instead to mock her Uncle Tyrion. She found comfort in the fact he too froze.

"Uncle Tyrion, why did you have to bring guards with you? IsBenjen not enough protection, along with Jon and Ghost. Jon is quite the fighter I hear."

"Because I am a Lannister, my dear, and we must always have our guards. Also how could I bring a princess among thieves and not bring some protection for her."

Johanna smiled as her uncle ruffled her hair. She was sitting as close to him as possible, watching Jon Snow sit before them. He was eying his uncle, who had not even spoken since they had begun their journey. Johanna only knew he was a Stark because Jon had told her so, if she did not know she would have taken him for some common man. He seemed bitter and sour, Johanna did not much like his company. He held the same look in his eyes as Lord Stark had when he regarded her, like she was someone who did not belong in his sights.

"Who are they?" Johanna whispered to her uncle as three men joined their group.

"Well the man in all black would be a brother of the Night's Watch, my dear, and my guess the other two are recruits like the bastard here."

Johanna looked the man in black over, he looked horrifying. She quickly looked away, he was not a sight she wished to behold. The other two with him had rope tied around their wrists, and they eyed her with curiosity.

"I am Yoren, my Lady, if you wish to know."

Johanna was shocked when the man in black spoke to her.

"I did not mean any offense, sir, I just.."

"It is alright, Johanna, you do not need to apologize to him." Her uncle placed on his smaller hands upon hers. "You are much too polite, even for a princess."

She blushed at her uncle's words and turned her attention to Jon. She began a conversation with him while she heard the men with tied wrists begin speaking. She heard her name mentioned but she did not make a move to look in their direction. She had heard the man ,Yoren, mention the word rapers when speaking about them to her uncle, and the last thing Johanna wanted to do was give them her attention.

Even though she denied the two boys her attention it did not stop them from trying to give it to her. As they continued their travels north they did nothing but try to speak with her. Johanna just held her head high and ignored them, she would talk to Jon instead. She spent most of her time speaking with Jon, her uncle had grown cranky. She knew riding was uncomfortable for him, and even after a week Johanna had grown sore. She did not speak on it though, she was the only woman in the group and she did not wish to draw their attention to her weakness. It was bad enough that Benjen Stark seemed to be judging her ever move, her every word.

Johanna had grown ill by the eighteenth night, a small sickness having reached her that morning. By the time they made camp she wished to do nothing but sleep. She had no energy, her body felt like it would dissolve around her.

"Are you sure you are alright?" Jon took a seat beside her at camp, having his wolf curl up at her feet. Johanna forced a smile.

"I am well."

It was a lie, she felt horrid. Her body was screaming, and everything in her wanted to turn around. She knew she should, but she did not wish to leave her Uncle Tyrion.

"I can tell you are not." She had grown to hate his all knowing attitude. "Here, drink some water."

She gladly drank from his waterskin, the feeling of the water making her feel good. She laid against the tree her eyes slowly closing. Johanna was so tired, she wished she was back in bed.

"Why do you read so much?"

Johanna did not open her eyes, she just listened to Jon speak with Uncle. She enjoyed the banter between them as her mind drifted somewhere else. She could not fathom where her sickness had come from, no one in their party was sick. It was not bad food, or a summer flu. She was just ill. She kept to herself, until she heard her uncle mention dragons. Johanna knew very little of the creatures, her father had removed the skulls from the throne room, and she had been forbidden to learn of them. She had been forbidden to learn about a lot of things.

"I used to dream of watching my father burn or even my sister."

"Uncle." Johanna's eyes shot open and she looked to her uncle in horror.

"Sorry, Johanna, I forget you were much too sheltered. I would suggest you ignore the rest of our talk. Why not go for a walk, it shall clear the sickness."

Johanna looked to Jon before she found herself getting up on shaky feet. She would not sit there and listen to her uncle speak about burning her mother with dragon fire. She cursed as she walked from their small camp, finding a tree to sit and rest at. She hated sickness. She clutched her cloak tight to her body hoping the chill would soon pass.

"Well if it isn't the princess. Are you willing to speak to us now?"

Johanna did not have to look to know it was the boys who had joined their journey.

"Please, I am not feeling well."

She heard them whisper something to each other but Johanna still did not move. She knew she should have gone back but her body was aching. She had traveled a month to Winterfell and even then her body did not feel as sore.

"Come on, Princess, you talk to the bastard all the time. Why won't you talk to us?" One of the boys crouched down in front of her, she could smell his horrid breath. "Are you too good for us?"

"Please, just leave me be. I am sorry if my behavior has offended you, it was never my intention."

"Such a proper little Lady, you are." The man put his hand upon her knee, Johanna shifted away from his touch. "A proper Lady knows how to show a man a good time. Has your husband broken you in yet?"

Johanna snapped her eyes open and looked at the man before. She found him to be as vile in looks as he was in words.

"You are quite rude, now if you will excuse me I am going back to camp."

Johanna pushed herself off the ground and leaned back against the tree. She felt dizzy, and she just needed a moment to orientate to the growing darkness.

"I don't think so, love." His tone was sickening.

Johanna felt herself let out a scream as she was shoved back to the ground, the vile man climbing ontop of her. Johanna began to holler, screaming for anyone but the man quickly covered her mouth. His friend stood over her to the left. Johanna fought against the man as his free hand made its way across her breasts. She felt a tug on her dress and tears came to her eyes, she waited for the tear in her dress but I never came. Instead there was a loud sound and a flash of white knocked the man off of her. She heard yelling, and arguing. Johanna curled up until she heard a gentle voice speak.

"Princess, Princess, look at me." She did not look at him. "Johanna, please."

Johanna looked to see Jon holding out his hand to her. She took it with a shaking breath. She cursed herself for being so stupid, she should of stayed in camp. She was foolish to think that being alone was safe for her. When they made it back to camp Johanna saw her uncle speaking with his men in a hurried tone, his small hands making rushed motions.

"Johanna, you are alright." Johanna ran to her uncle and knelt down to hug him. She buried her head in his small neck. "Hush now, I am sorry I sent you away. Johanna I warned you this is no place for.."

"What were you thinking, Lady Johanna?" The voice that cut him off belonged to Benjen Stark. "How foolish must you be to go off in the dark, alone?"

"Uncle it wasn't her fault, she..."

"Jon you do not need to defend her." Johanna looked the older Stark. "Do you know what my nephew would think of me if I let that happen to you? I told him this was not a place for a woman, but he damn well insisted."

"Lord Stark, it was my fault, I am sorry. I went off on my own, and I didn't come back when I should have. I am sorry if I have caused you any trouble. I won't leave my uncle's guards again."

Johanna kept her eyes trained on her uncle as she spoke, she could not look at the Stark man. He did not say a word after her reply, he just let out a gruff sound and walked away. Johanna found her way to an area in which she felt safe sleeping, and she laid herself in the grass.

"Johanna, I believe it is best you go back to Winterfell." Her uncle found her in the grass.

"We are a few days from Castle Black, uncle. I will continue the journey, and leave the following morning of our arrival. It makes no difference if I leave now or later."

"Johanna.."

"Uncle, please I just wish to sleep."

She heard her uncle sigh and walk away, the leaves crunching under his tiny feet. It was not long before another set of footsteps came toward her, much louder than her uncles.

"Johanna, do you mind company?"

"Lay beside me, Jon."

"My Lady.."

"Please, its one night. I am not asking you to make love to me, or touch me. I don't want to close my eyes in fear."

She watched as the man sat down beside her, and soon his wolf too was laying down beside her. She found comfort in having someone close, and even for a moment she longed for Robb. But in honesty she wished of Joffrey, he would make he feel better, make her feel safe.

"Just don't tell Robb, he can be horridly jealous.'

"No he can't, he is not like that."

"You have much to learn, my Lady."

Johanna found herself smiling, she could not imagine that her husband was jealous. But she had not given the man reason to be jealous, her only affection was shown to her own brother. She knew he did not think they were having relations. She knew regardless she could handle any jealousy her husband threw her way.

The last days to Castle Black were the hardest for Johanna, the sickness had only served to make her weaker. She could not eat any of the food the men cooked, the smell of it brought her to a fit of nausea. Jon tried to help her, he would do his best to support her when she felt weak and he even allowed her to ride on his horse, holding her to him. She was thankful for Jon, she was sure she would have fallen from a horse if it had not been for him.

"I will see you before you leave, Johanna, I promise." Jon spoke as they entered the courtyard before he was directed to the armory. She smiled as he walked away, thankful for her time with him. She had learned many a thing from her brother by law.

Johanna stood with her Uncle and his men alone in the courtyard as a man came from inside the buildings before them. Johanna could tell he was tall from a distance, and as he grew closer she almost felt intimidated by the size of him. He reminder her of a great warrior. He carried a sword with a bear upon the hilt, and Johanna racked her brain for the sigil of a bear but found none in her mind.

"Lord of Lannister, Princess Johanna, it is a pleasure to have you visiting the Wall." His voice was strong. "I am Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, Jeor Mormont."

"It is a pleasure Lord Commander."

"Pleasure." Johanna had not meant to sound so cold, but her body was screaming at her.

Her Uncle began to speak with the Lord Commander while Johanna looked around the courtyard, it was like nothing she had expected. Jon spoke of the order as a high calling, a noble place, but to her it looked nothing of that. Castle Black seemed like nothing more than an abandoned broken down building. She wondered if it was all the young bastard had dreamed of.

"Princess, are you truly indeed of a Maester?"

Johanna pulled herself from her inspection when she heard the old man speak to her. She turned her gaze to him, feeling her body shiver.

"I fear I may be. Can you point me in the direction of one?"

Johanna was unsure if they even had a Maester in such a cold unforgiving place.

"One of the men will take you to your chambers for the night, and Maester Aemon will find you there."

The man set to escort her was none other than Benjen Stark, and Johanna had to catch herself from falling to a dizzy spell. She would not allow the man to see her weakness, though she knew had. The walk to the chambers was silent, and Johanna found not issue in the silence. It was not her fault the man did not like her, she had done nothing to wrong him. But as her Uncle Jaime had once told her it was not her they did not like, it was her family. And if they did not like her blood, well than it was their own fault.

"Here you go, Princess."

Johanna entered the chambers, the room filled with settled dust. She knew it must not have been often that the men of the Night's watch got company and she doubted they had servants. She made her way to the bed, moving the covers from it and sinking into it. She had not laid in a true bed in sometime, they had not been near an inn for days upon their travels and the ground was unforgiving. Just as Johanna found comfort there came a soft knock upon her door.

"Come in."

Johanna sat up in the bed as on old Maester entered the room. He had stark white hair, and dark eyes.. Johanna stood the bed and made her way over to him.

"Thank you for coming, Maester Aemon."

"Such a beautiful voice you hold Princess, I am sure you are as beautiful as the men whisper you to be. Sadly I have long since lost the sight it would take to behold you."

Johanna would not have known the man was blind if he had not told her. She took his head and lead him to a small sitting area.

"Would you care to sit, Maester?"

"I believe it you who should be sitting, Princess, I can hear the faint hint of fatigue in your voice."

Johanna smiled to herself, he may have lost his sight but it was quite evident his hearing was far from impaired. Johanna took a seat in the chair in which she had meant for the Maester, but it only took a moment to find a chair of his own.

"What seems to be ailing you, Princess, I was told you had fallen ill upon your travels."

Johanna began to fidget, she had grown sure in the passing days of what her sickness was. She was a woman, she was aware of what happened to her body but she did not want to say it aloud, did not want to believe it yet.

"I am seeking more of second opinion, Maester, I do believe I know what troubles me." Johanna played with the edges of her muddy cloak.

"It has been sometime since I was able to council a woman, Princess, but I will do my best. Speak and I will give you council."

Johanna took a breath, allowing all her worries to leave her. She knew if what she thought was true her whole life would change.

"As we traveled north I found my body had grown weaker, I have felt faint and the smell of food had grown to turn my stomach. My breasts have..grown slightly heavy and tender." Johanna did not truly wish to speak on her breasts, even with an old maester such as him. He was still a man.

"Princess, you do not need to continue I am aware of troubles you." A smile appeared upon the man's face. "Princess, it would appear from what you describe to me that you are with child."

Johanna had known when her last moonsblood had not come, she knew when her breasts grew tender. She needed someone else to tell her, she had feared she had gone mad. She thought she had imagined it. Johanna covered her mouth as a quiet sob left her mouth, and tears began to fall from her green eyes.

"I am sorry if the news is troubling to you, Princess." The old Maester reached a hand out and placed it upon the girl's leg.

"No, Maester, this is the best news I have heard in some time."

Johanna let her tears fall from her eyes, a feeling of warmth filling her body. Knowing for certain she was with child made her happy. She had wanted nothing more in life than to have a child. She knew there was a possibility it was Joffrey's, she knew it was more than just a chance. She knew in her heart that the child growing inside of her belonged to the man she loved, but it would never know such a life. Her child would be that of Lord Robb Stark of Winterfell.

"I am glad, Princess. I would like to congratulate you then, on your impending child and the recent marriage."

Johanna looked at the old man in confusion. How did he know she had recently married?

"Thank you, Maester."

"I am sure your husband will be greatly pleased with finding out he is going to be a father, Princess."

Johanna hoped so, they had never spoken of having children. What if he didn't want a child? What if he thought it was too soon for them to have a child?

"I am sure he will be as well." But her voice did not hold her confidence.

For a moment a silence fell between the two, and Johanna found comfort in the silence with the old man. He reminded her of Jon Arryn, the man had too once been kind to her. As they sat Johanna thought of the child growing inside of her, she did not doubt they would come from her with golden hair and green eyes. A true child of her and Joffrey, and she feared what her husband would think. She wondered if the reason her father never cared for her and her siblings was because of their resemblance to their mother. Not a single child born to her father looked of him. Would Robb resent their child as well?

"Maester I want to thank you for coming to see me. I may have known in my heart that I was with child, I just needed someone to say it."

"We all seek confirmation, Princess, in one way or another." He wore a smile as he spoke, a knock interrupting them. "I believe it is my time to go, Princess Johanna. Have a safe journey home."

Johanna watched the Maestr make his way to the door where her Uncle Tyrion and a man of the Night's watch waited outside. Only her Uncle entered the chamber, carrying a candle with him.

"It is much too dark in here." Johanna did not agree with him, torches were lit and light spilled in from outside.

"I suppose so."

"Have you discovered what ails you, my dear? I have been worried for you?"

Johanna watched her Uncle walk around the dusty chamber, she knew from the way he walked he was in pain himself. She felt bad for him, it was hard for him to travel so far and the cold did nothing for him.

"I did." Johanna kept her eyes trained on her Uncle. "I am with child."

Tyrion stopped in his tracks causing Johanna to panic. She saw the way her Uncle's body tensed, and for a moment she wondered if he would yell at her.

"And you are sure of this?"

"I am, I think I have known for a few days now, I just needed the Maester to confirm my thoughts."

Her Uncle still did not move and his back remained to her. Johanna wanted her Uncle to be happy, she wanted her family to be happy. She could only hope that when she sent word to Kings Landing that her mother would find peace in her daughter's child.

"I will send word back to Winterfell, I will have the guards left there for you meet you half way." His voice was almost none existent as he left her chambers. "Dinner is being held."

Johanna had barley heard her Uncle as he yelled from down the hall. Johanna was left alone in the room, tears falling from her eyes. She could not gauge her Uncle's feelings on her child and it worried her to no end.

Johanna waited a moment before she stood from the chair it was far more comfortable than a horse's saddle and she had found comfort in just sitting. She wiped the tears from her face and held her head high. She was a lioness and she would not break, she would not let the men of the Night's Watch see her stumble.

Johanna found the main eating hall with no help, and she had only been half frozen when she found it. When she entered the hall it was loud, but the instant she made her presence known it fell silent. Everyone in the hall was eying her and panic rushed over her. Johanna was a Princess but she was a princess used to being in her castle. She had not spent much time beyond the walls of the keep before she left for Winterfell.

"Johanna." A feeling of calm washed over her when Jon called her name.

She found him sitting alone at the end of the table, and extra plate of food set out in front of him. She found a seat in front of the plate, a smile upon her face.

"Thank you, Jon, I was quite nervous."

"I could tell."

Johanna picked at the food in front of her, mostly focusing on the bread. It had been sometime since she had truly eaten and her strength would be needed to return to Winterfell. She felt everyone staring at them as she picked at her food, the men of the Night's Watch were watching her and Jon.

"Are you feeling any better, Johanna? You seem to look better."

"I feel better knowing for certain what was making me ill, it brings a peace to my mind."

Johanna ate her food eying Jon, she was uncertain of how he would take the news. She would tell him, he deserved to know of course. She did not say a word about it though, and he did not ask. She would take him from the hall after their meal and share with him the impending news. She just hoped he took it better than her Uncle did.

It was not long for either to finish their meal and soon Johanna found herself staring up at the giant ice wall she had somehow missed when they arrived. She blamed it on her distracted nature. Johanna was in awe of it, the giant structure built by the hands of men and magic. Jon had to explain to her how the wall was formed, Johanna had actually believed it just appeared there one day.

"Do you wish to speak on what troubled you on our journey?" His voice was the only sound besides the wind.

Johanna looked into his dark grey eyes, searching for something. She truly did not know how he would take the news, but she would use it to gauge how her husband would soon take the news. They were brothers and Johanna had no doubt they spoke of wanting children.

"You are going to be an Uncle Jon Snow." Her voice was almost silent.

"Are you jesting?"

He reached out to take her arm, and Johanna did not move away as his hand found her wrist. His grip was not tight, but she was aware of it's presence.

"No, I am not. There is a child growing inside of me, your brother's child." My brother's child.

Johanna felt tears reach her eyes again, happy tears but even those she would not let fall. For a moment they stared into each others eyes, a mash of grey and green, before the boy pulled her in for a hug. Johanna stood for a moment unsure of her herself. Jon Snow had helped her, saved her and cared for her while sick but never once had he hugged her. She had never truly been hugged by anyone outside of her own blood.

"Congratulations, Johanna."

"Will he be happy?" It was the only thought that filled her mind.

Jon pulled back from her as if she had burned him. He once more looked into her eyes, and she saw nothing but worry in them.

"Johanna, Robb will be elated with the news and if you spoke to him you'd know he wants children."

His voice was soft, and calm but she heard the fire in his tone. She almost flinched, she knew the words were meant to hurt her.

"I shall try." Her eyes were trained on the wall, no longer looking at him.

A silence fell between them and Johanna knew it was fractured. She had gotten to know Jon, she had sated her curiosity of him but she had not spoke to him of Robb. She did not ask him the questions she had longed to on their journey north and she knew once she left she would never get the chance. They both stood beside the frozen wall, inches from one another.

"Jon, if you ever find someone in this Gods forsaken frozen place and you find you love them. Don't let a vow, or your honor get in the way of it. Love is special and you are someone who deserves a great love."

She felt his eyes on her but she did not turn to him. Her mind was on Joffrey, on the man who held her heart. He was no doubt almost home, almost to a place where they had shared everything. Now Johanna was married, and carrying a child inside of her belly, one she did not doubt belonged to her brother. Her life was a mess, but love would have been worth it.

"Who is he?" His hand fell upon her shoulder. "Who is the man you love, Johanna?"

"He is far from Winterfell, Jon, it matters not." Her voice sounded far off.

"Is he the reason you refuse to get to know Robb? If he is long gone, you must let him go for what is in front of you, Princess. You have a duty to your husband."

She knew she had a duty, Johanna was aware of duty. She would follow her duty, she would remain married to a man who lived in a place she could never call home, she would give him the heirs he would seek. He just would never hold her love.

"Until you feel love, until you feel that longing, you will never understand, Jon Snow. I will honor my commitment to your brother, and he alone will be the man I remain with but I can not love him."

Johanna took one look at Jon before she went to leave him standing at the cold wall. It was his home now, among the frozen winds and the dark men, it was his new place. She only hoped he would find a comfort in his new home that she could not find in her own.

"He wants to love you, and he thinks he can. He deserves to know why you won't try." His voice was almost as cold as the wind.

"I have tried, and for a moment I saw something in him, but love is not so fickle. I can not just let go of the man who holds my heart for a man who I know nothing of. One day,Jon Snow, you will meet someone who will capture every part of you and they will make you realize why I can't let go."

She found her chambers, and found her sleep. She slept soundly, her body finally joyed to get a sleep worth more than a moment. Her dreams were blank, there was nothing in them but gentle white snow falling around inside her mind.

Her departure was set for dawn, and a cart was set waiting for her in the courtyard. Her Uncle's men were seated in front. Johanna had not expected a cart, she was sure she would have to ride the whole journey home again.

"Take care, my dear, I will be in Winterfell again soon. Don't have too much fun without me." Tyrion kissed her upon the head as she found a seat in the rear of the cart.

Johanna searched the courtyard for Jon Snow but she could not find him. She had regretted the way their talk had ended, it was not his fault she held love in her heart. She wished she could love his brother, she wished she could love Robb but every time she tried she would see Joffrey in her mind. How could she let go of someone who had come into the world with her, who had shared everything with her?

Just as she heard the men begin to urge the horses forward Johanna caught sight of the dark haired boy. He came forward, his eyes searching for hers and when they met, Johanna called the cart to stop. Her Uncle watched her as she slid from the cart, meeting the bastard of Lord Stark in the middle of the courtyard.

"Send my regards to my family, Princess." His voice was formal. "I hope you can forgive me for my harsh words, we had found a friendship I wish to keep."

"I forgive you, Jon Snow, I must. My child will need to know their Uncle, they will need to know about their honorable blood that watches the Wall and protects them"

This time Johanna was the one to hug Jon, she felt a warmth between them. Jon Snow was the only person beyond her family who had connected with her,save the children. For a moment she had connected with his brother, for a moment when they met Robb Stark had begun the journey into her heart but she closed the gate before he could. Jon Snow made it into her heart, and she knew he was a friend she would never forget.

"You are going to have a boy, I can feel it." He sounded so certain.

"I think you may be right, but it is much too early to think such things. I will see you again, Jon Snow, but until then do your honor."

"Until we meet again, Johanna Stark."

No one had called her Stark, no one. She gave him a forced smile before she made her way back to the cart, willing the men to move. As she rode from the gates she watched her Uncle and Jon speak, both fading from sight before she knew it.

Jon Snow had called her a Stark, but she was not a Stark, she married a Stark. By law of course she could be referred to as such, but she felt as if it was something she did not deserve. Lady Stark was a Stark, she loved her husband even a fool could see that. Johanna did not love her husband, she was a Baratheon with a Baratheon love. She would forever be Johanna Baratheon, Princess.

The journey south was spent mostly in her dreams, she found comfort in sleeping. It seemed like before she could imagine she was being switched from one set of guards to the other. And soon after the switch she saw the looming grey walls of her new home. Johanna was back in Winterfell, with a baby in her belly and a longing in her heart to keep going south.

"'Cause you can bandage the damage

oh you never really can fix a heart"