I'm sorry, yet again!
Disclaimer: I still don't own Les Miserables, or any of the characters or lyrics. Sadly.
Éponine gazed up at the front of the cathedral; the imposing gothic front towered above her into the sky and the lights that once seemed friendly, instead giving her the same feeling as when someone holds a torch under their chin to tell a ghost story. Holding the jumpers loosely in her left hand, she took a deep breath. The initial euphoria at finally telling her father what she had always wanted to say had worn off and the realisation that for the second time in her life, she had absolutely nowhere to go had set in. So she had headed to a quiet place to think. To cut through the noise in her head, and work out what to do.
Staring through the railing blocking her way, she tried desperately to clear her head long enough to think of another plan. Biting back frustrated tears, she laughed to herself, muttering "of COURSE there's a railing, of fucking COURSE there is…"
"Are you all right?" a voice replied, and her heart momentarily leapt, until she realised it came from behind her. She turned suddenly around to see a raggedly-dressed woman looking at her with curiosity and concern.
"I'm… fine" Éponine replied awkwardly. "I was just sort of hoping I could go into the cathedral."
"It's… it's one in the morning, dear" the woman said gently, as though talking to a child. Éponine took her appearance in, and realised the woman was incredibly thin, her eyes seeming to bulge out of her skeletal face. With a start, and a wrench in her heart, she realised the woman was also pregnant.
"Right, yeah. I thought there'd be someone there, anyway. A priest or something. Like in…" she was going to follow up with "like in the Hunchback of Notre Dame" but suddenly felt like a complete idiot. "I was going to do the sanctuary thing" she instead finished, somewhat lamely.
"I don't think you can do that anymore…"
"No, no… course not. I… it doesn't matter. Thank you." Éponine turned away, awkwardly.
"Are you sure you're ok?" the woman called out, clearly worried. "Fine, really" Éponine turned briefly back to flash the smallest of smiles. "Thanks, again." Even a pregnant homeless woman is worried about me…. I must look a right state.
She realised how selfish that thought was and remembered her rant at Enjolras the other night. I am the worst human being alive she thought to herself with an internal groan.
As Éponine pondered the pregnant woman, her thoughts inevitably turned to her sister, and suddenly wondered if she could do something to help her. She turned to ask, but the woman had disappeared. Éponine realised it had been a while since she'd seen someone seem melt back into the Paris streets like that, and considered how far she'd come. Or… had gone. And now…
Where to now, then, Thénardier? She wondered as she walked slowly away. For lack of a better plan, she descended the steps to walk along the waterside. She pulled on the t-shirt and jumper, folding her arms against the chilly night air, and just kept walking.
The Seine had always been the place Éponine went to think. She'd sneak out of the house at all hours of the day and night just to watch the water quietly flow by, and it had always helped her take stock of what was going on in her endlessly frazzled mind. Sighing to herself, she sat down on a bench and waited for the blurry lights reflected in the water to work their magic, and tell her what she should do.
Part of her thought it was obvious: go back to Enjolras. After all, she had never had it so good in her life – she was loved, she was safe (ish), she was comfortable. She was among friends. She was home. Wasn't she?
Or was she?
For the first time in her life, she was free to just walk away. To walk straight out of Paris, if she wanted. And maybe she did.
By now everyone would know what happened with Grantaire. He'd probably told the guys the whole story, so they might even all hate her. And who knew what Enjolras was thinking and feeling; she might not have a home to go back to.
There was Gav to think of, of course. And Jacques. She could hardly abandon them after everything they'd been through.
But… they would be looked after, wouldn't they?
The boys would take care of them. And even if not, Gav had always taken pretty good care of himself…
There was the budding revolution to think of: she believed in Les Amis, and she wanted to help. She looked around the city and she sensed the stirring of change – or at least, a growing desire for it. The day could come any time, and she wanted to be a part of it.
But… the problem wasn't just in Paris, was it? She could go to the country, and get the rural population involved, or to another city and build up the fighting spirit there.
She stared at the slow, measured flow of the river and she knew it was time for her to decide who she was: a runner, or a fighter.
And for a while, she honestly wasn't sure. The river stared back, cold and unfeeling. Tonight, it was just a river.
Without him, the world around me changes… she thought to herself with a wry smile.
She shook her head, laughing humourlessly at her situation.
Then, as if by magic, she looked down the river to find that the very last person she expected was walking towards her.
Enjolras was a 6 feet tall bundle of nerves. It had been 20 minutes since Montparnasse had told him to have the car ready, and he was losing his mind at the inactivity. Shouldn't I be out looking? I should be doing SOMETHING, this is torture…
He wrung his hands together so hard it hurt, and his leg involuntarily jiggled so that his knee knocked against the steering wheel. His alabaster skin meant that bruises were inevitable, but his mind was too strung out to even notice. Where would she go?!
He refused to entertain the notion that she had run away from Paris: the city she swore she'd never leave. She wouldn't leave Gavroche, or Jacques, and she wouldn't leave m–
His stomach twisted uncomfortably.
…she wouldn't leave Les Amis, not now. Not when we're finally getting somewhere.
Would she?
He started the car, pulled a little recklessly out into the road and set off for… well, somewhere. She had to be SOMEWHERE, didn't she?
Somewhere where nobody she knew would go, he thought.
Somewhere safe.
Somewhere safe…
OH he thought all of a sudden, his heart jumping with sudden hope. Somewhere SAFE!
A QUIET PLACE
He hardly dared to hope for it, but as he sped through the dark streets of Paris, Enjolras started to believe for the first time in days that he was about to see his love again. And soon!
Montparnasse had had a bad feeling as soon as Enjolras had called, but it was nothing on the feeling he got when he got to the inn. He skulked around for a minute, trying to gauge what was going on in the dilapidated old inn and decide what the best course of action would be, but came up with nothing.
The place looked deserted. And that made no sense at all.
He decided to make his second reckless decision of the day and opened the door, making sure to stay as quiet as possible. A quick scan of the familiar room told him what he already knew: there was nobody here. Nobody at all.
His feet didn't make a single sound as he walked past the stage, through the seating area, and up to the bar. He knew the boards that creaked, and he knew how to avoid them. Before he could question the wisdom of the decision, he had pushed open the door into the back room.
It had clearly been recently occupied – his stomach griped at the implications of this – but the room was empty.
Up the stairs, then.
But there was nobody there. And while he hadn't ever spent a lot of time in Thénardier's rooms, he knew what a hastily emptied apartment looked like.
The old bastard's gone Montparnasse realised.
But where?
And where's Éponine?
And… why?!
And what do I tell Blondie now?!
"Éponine?"
The years of bourgeois upbringing kept his voice level, but Éponine could hear the surprise in his simple exclamation of her name. Smiling sheepishly up at him, she said what she always used to say when she accidentally-on-purpose happened across him in the street.
"Hey there, Monsieur, what's new with you? Plotting to overthrow the state?"
Her old friend smiled back, the goofy, crooked grin that was too big for his face warming her heart. Marius had been so easy to be in love with. Or at least to pretend to be.
"Hey Éponine, what's up today? I haven't seen you much about?"
The familiar greeting made her chuckle under her breath. "I guess that's really true this time."
Marius let out a laugh at that, too. "I guess it is. Are you all right, 'Ponine? We were all so worried, Cosette's going spare…"
"I will be" she sighed. Bracing herself for the reply, she added "I suppose you've heard by now?"
"I have" he admitted, shifting a little uncomfortably where he stood and looking around awkwardly.
"And?" Éponine asked, fear adding a harsh edge to her voice.
"….And what?" he asked, making eye contact again, evidently nonplussed.
"And what do you think? Same as Enjolras, that it's all my fault, I suppose?"
"I… wait, what? We are talking about the same thing, aren't we?"
"Grantaire?"
"I thought so… in which case, I don't think Enjolras – or anyone at all, actually – thinks it's entirely your fault. Honestly, I think everyone's a little relieved the whole R thing is finally out in the open; when they aren't worrying about the bloody disappearing act the lot of you have pulled, at least."
Cautious relief was quickly followed by confusion. "The lot of us? What do you mean?"
"Well, nobody knew where the hell you or Grant went, and neither Pierre nor Enjolras has come to the Musain for days –"
"WHAT?"
"I know, we were all a bit unsure what to do, really."
Éponine stood up, knotting her hands in the hair above her face as she stared dumbfounded at the typically oblivious Marius. "He's not come to the café at all? And R's completely missing? Are they ok?!"
"R…. no idea. But I can't imagine he's having a great time of it now he's totally heartbroken."
Éponine felt her face fall, and Marius – for once – noticed, too. "Oh bollocks, sorry – I didn't mean to… it's not your fault, 'Ponine, really – I mean, you could have handled it – but that's not the point. It's not your fault. Really. I'm doing this all wrong, as usual, I know. I'm sorry."
He sighed and placed his hands on her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "You are allowed to be happy with someone you… love?" he asked.
"Love" she confirmed with a sad nod.
He pulled back and looked at her as though she'd suddenly shape-shifted into a completely different and very confusing person. "Love. Blimey… you and Enjolras."
"I was surprised too" she deadpanned, and the tension broke. Seconds later, they were both laughing.
"You didn't even tell me!" Marius accused when they'd both caught their breath. "I thought I was your best friend!"
"Some best friend, you didn't even ask!" she countered.
"Why would I ask that?!" he spluttered, cracking her up.
"Because we've not even really been that subtle!"
"I never noticed!" he exclaimed.
"Marius, we could have started shagging on the table at the Musain on a Saturday night and you wouldn't notice!"
"FIRST OF ALL, gross" he replied defensively, setting Éponine off laughing again "and SECOND OF ALL, how dare you"
"I'm sorry, but it's true!"
"Well… maybe." he admitted with a laugh. He smiled warmly at her, his tone suddenly sincere. "You know, you could have told us. We're all so happy you two have each other. Surprised…" he admitted, and they shared another laugh. "But happy."
"Thanks, Pontmercy." she smiled at him, pushing her hands somewhat awkwardly into her pockets. Then she looked down to the floor to hide her face. "Well… we had each other, at least…"
"Éponine, I don't know much" Marius declared with his trademark affable confidence. "Much of anything at all. But I do know Enjolras, and I have for a long time. And I know he hasn't once skipped a meeting at the Musain. Not even the time Joly convinced him he had Spanish Flu. But he thinks he's lost you, and he's missed DAYS IN A ROW" he laughed, somewhat exasperatedly. "He wouldn't do that if he didn't really, really want you to come back."
Éponine felt the light of hope in her chest re-ignite. "Do you really think?" she asked, hardly daring to believe the answer.
"I really think." Marius replied. The two old friends shared a smile, and Éponine felt the familiar warmth that came from a real chat with Marius. She'd thought it was love once – and in a way, it was. Marius was a rare thing, she realised: a true friend. A brother from another mother. When he takes his blinkers off and actually sees something other than Cosette, anyway… she amended in her head.
Overcome with affection for her ridiculous – but wonderful – friend, she leaned forward and hugged him tightly around the waist, catching him by surprise. He soon relaxed into the hug, and she mumbled into his chest with a smile, "we don't hang out enough anymore, Pontmercy."
"Agreed." he whispered into her hair, planting a soft, chaste kiss on the top of her head.
They pulled back after a minute, and Éponine raised a hand to push her hair back from her face.
"Well" she started, nervously. "I suppose I'd best be getting back, really."
"I think that's a great idea" Marius smiled. Gesturing in the other direction, he added "I'm going to finish my walk, if you're ok to go back on your own?"
She grinned. "You know me, I know my way about."
He laughed. "I don't know why I even asked. See you soon, then."
"Yeah, see you. And… thanks, Marius. Really."
"No problem."
They turned and walked in opposite directions: Éponine back towards the cathedral, and Marius off along the river.
Before she had even taken 5 steps, Marius' voice rang out again. "Hey, Éponine!"
She whirled around on her heel. "Yeah?"
"R'll come around eventually. You'll see."
I hope so she thought. I really really hope so.
On the off chance any of you are still out there - please do review! I realise it doesn't flow very well and it needs a good polish, but it's been waaay too long since I actually wrote any fiction so I thought just getting it down was best. Feel free to rip me apart in reviews!
I won't make any more promises I can't keep about uploads, but I sincerely hope (!) it won't be this long again! Sorry, again!