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It didn't take long before a lifetime of training took over Isabelle. The Shadowhunter sprang to her feet as soon as Clary's door closed and she approached it, stele in hand, signalling Simon to be quiet. The boy looked at her, a question in his brown eyes, but he soon recognised what she was doing. He already saw many years ago the square Isabelle traced on Clary's door: it was maybe the first "magic" he ever witnessed—Jace tracing it on the back of a rosewood screen so they could listen to Valentine's lackeys while they interrogated Luke.
"It can't be—it can't. Not Clary." Isabelle was getting paler every second they were listening to Clary and Jiliel but when the fey attacked their friend she had to stop Simon from barging in. He was shaking, furious and incredulous but Isabelle knew better than just letting him go like that.
"Simon. Simon stop." She urged keeping a hand on his shoulder. "If they realise we've been listening, they'll attack us."
He turned to her, his eyes almost blazing, "Clary would never hurt us!"
"Maybe not voluntarily. But you heard her, she's playing spy right now. And apparently she's been forced into it or she'd use that fey as a punching bag until tomorrow. We can't risk it."
She let him go while deleting the square from the door and she straightened up. "Ok, now smile Simon. Smile until your jaw hurts and then keep smiling."
And she rang the doorbell.
She was scared Jiliel would try and prevent Clary from answering so when she heard her voice she sighed in relief. Now it was all about pretending they just came there and they didn't witness an almost rape; she could only hope Simon would be a good actor.
"Hey Clary!" She smiled when the door was opened. "We were in the neighbourhood and we thought—oh hi Jiliel!" She added as she just saw him there. The fey waved, a pleasant smile on his lips. Isabelle instantly pictured herself slowly strangling him with her whip—the thought made his presence just a little more bearable.
Simon was smiling beside her, his hands in his pockets in a relaxed stance, though Isabelle suspected they were closed in fists right now.
"I know it's been a long day for you, with the Council and all, so I thought maybe you could use a nice dinner out? Taki's?" He winked. Ok, so maybe he was a better actor than she thought.
"Well, why not!" Clary smiled grabbing her coat, thanking God someone rescued her just in time. Maybe it was just delayed, but at least it wasn't happening right now.
"Jiliel do you mind if we steal Clary for the night? I'm tired of listening to Isabelle's constant whining about not having a good all girls night since a while." Simon rolled his eyes looking annoyed just as Isabelle was punching him on the shoulder.
"Hey, I don't whine!"
"Yes you do. Loudly." The brown haired boy grinned.
If Simon hadn't know where to look, he would have missed it: that slight tightening of the lips that showed the fairy was definitely furious. Nothing but jealousy showed on his eyes though when he replied. "I don't know if I'm comfortable with Clary staying at the Institute knowing Jace is there. I know it's stupid, but I want my gorgeous girl nowhere near him. Call me crazy in love and jealousy." He winked at Clary and she giggled.
God, this is such an act, Isabelle thought. Four people dancing around each other telling lies after lies, trying to best the opponents.
"He's not home tonight," she answered. "He's out with Alec. Hunting duty." Take that fairy. No way I'm leaving you to hurt Clary tonight. Or ever again if I can do something about it.
"Do you want to go sweetheart?" He asked, his unspoken words very clear. He was daring Clary to displease him.
"Oh come on, Clary!" Isabelle gave her the best pleading smile she could. "Just like old times! We can watch a movie, we can talk all night and I can tell you all sorts of embarrassing things about Simon!"
Clary quickly weighted her options: she had to act natural but at the same time she knew there would be hell to pay when she got back. "I don't know—I'm a bit tired. It was a long day."
"Jiliel," Isabelle turned to the fairy, "tell your girlfriend that it's ok or next time instead of whining to Simon, I'll come directly after you!"
Again the twitch in his lips, Simon noticed. But this time he knew the fey had no choice. Isabelle's request was perfectly reasonable and there wasn't a good reason to turn it down.
As he was expecting, Jiliel started laughing, looking pretty amused. "Well, ok, just go Clary. God save me from Isabelle's wrath! I'll see you tomorrow."
He reached for her and quickly kissed her before waving goodbye, leaving them alone.
Clary was relaxed for the first time in months. Dinner had been nice, an endless chat about nothing important and knowing she didn't have to go back to Jiliel was wonderful. She knew there was something off, though. Isabelle and Simon were never "just in the neighbourhood", if they wanted to hang out they usually phoned her.
"So what's up with you and Simon?" She asked once they were back in the Institute. She was in Isabelle's room alone with her; when they got back Izzy just told Simon to leave and go to Magnus to spend the night.
"What do you mean?" Izzy replied slipping out of her dress to change into something more comfortable.
"Well, you literally told him to leave the Institute and spend the night elsewhere. Why? Couldn't he have slept in his room as usual?"
"And come crushing my all girls night?" Isabelle laughed. "You know how Simon is, he would never be able to resist the temptation to spend the night with you talking about Star Wars or something like that. You're all mine now." She grinned.
"Oh mighty Shadowhunter, I'm so scared." Clary smiled, sitting on the bed.
"You should be."
"Anyway, it's just weird finding you at my apartment. It's not that close to the Institute and you rarely come there." Clary crossed her legs and looked at Izzy. "So, what's up? Spill the beans Iz."
Isabelle hesitated; that was the perfect moment to tell her why she and Simon wanted to see her, but she knew she couldn't. If she had, Clary would have asked why they didn't tell her at dinner, while they were all together and she couldn't really answer that their mood was completely ruined by what they heard from her and Jiliel.
"Just what Simon said." She shrugged in the end. "We thought you could use the night out after the meeting. And I really wanted to spend time with you. I'm much more persuasive in person than on the phone."
She winked and Clary laughed even though she knew Isabelle was lying. After seven years of being as close as sisters, she knew every expression, every movement of the dark haired girl and now her whole body was telling Clary there was something off; her friends had come to her apartment for a reason but then they decided not to tell her.
"Izzy look at me." She asked, now serious, dropping every pretence of believing her. Why was she lying? It couldn't be anything about the Seelie Queen, right? "You're making me worry now. Is everything all right? Is Simon all right? Are you? Just tell me please."
"We're fine Clary." Isabelle sighed, knowing she wouldn't be off the hook unless she gave her something. Clary wasn't one to let go. She quickly thought about some excuses and then came up with a half truth; it was always the best lie. "There was something we wanted to tell you, yes. But I wasn't sure it was the best idea—Simon was waiting for me to break the ice at dinner but I never did, so he didn't as well. I guess he wanted me to feel comfortable with this."
"Wow, this sounds serious." Clary raised her eyebrows. "And you're still not comfortable enough I guess?"
"Not really." Isabelle admitted, now sincere. Even though Simon convinced her it was time to tell Clary and Jace she was never really at ease with it.
Clary took her hand in hers and gently smiled. She wanted to assure Isabelle that she could tell her anything, that she was always there for her, but she just couldn't. Being the first one to keep secrets, how could she encourage anybody to spill theirs? She couldn't be such a hypocrite.
"I'll be here when you are. I'll wait until you're ready." She said, squeezing Isabelle's hand.
Izzy smiled, even though she was aching inside. She wished she could tell Clary the real reason she was keeping quiet, she wished she could hug her and beg her to tell the truth: what was happening? Why would she betray the Clave? She had to find out something, anything that could give her a hint on why Clary was in such trouble before it became too serious. The Clave wasn't merciful with traitors. War hero or not she would be stripped of her Marks if they found out.
"So," she said, getting comfortable on the bed with Clary, "let's talk about you and Jiliel instead of me and Simon."
Clary slightly stiffened and even though she tried to conceal it, Isabelle noticed. "What about me and him?"
"Well, I'd like to know more about him." Izzy laid down on the side, looking at Clary. "You never talk about him, I don't even know how you met! All I know is that some months ago you just popped up the news you were dating him and that's it. It's quite intriguing actually—the mystery man."
"Oh. Well I guess you have a point. I never talked much about him." Clary tried to relax, thinking about the cover story she made up through the months. "I met him at Taki's. Not really a surprise, since his sister works there."
She tried to smile but thinking about Kaelie automatically led her to think about Jace. She swallowed back the tears that were starting to sting her eyes and took a deep breath. Damn it Clary, when did you become such a crybaby? Pull yourself together, you can't cry every time you think about Jace.
"He was charming and sweet, he offered me a hot chocolate saying it looked like I needed it. And then things just evolved."
Isabelle said nothing, looking at Clary with a neutral expression and Clary sighed, biting her lower lip. "Listen Izzy, this is why I never talked about him. It's hard for me, but I know it's hard for you as well. I was married to your brother and I get that—"
"Do you love him?" Isabelle cut her short, her dark eyes looking into Clary's green ones. She couldn't stand the lies anymore. She didn't want to ask more about her relationship with Jiliel because it was obvious Clary had a cover story ready to be told and she didn't need to hear it. But she had to ask her if she loved the fairy. She had to know how far Clary was willing to go, how much of her soul she sold to the enemy.
"No." Clary answered after a long silence. "I don't love him. I don't think I can love anymore Izzy. That part of my heart is forever taken from me and I'll never have it back." She took a deep breath and then let it go slowly. She didn't manage to lie again. She knew she was supposed to answer that yes, she did love Jiliel, yes, she wanted a future with him, but she just couldn't. The Seelie Queen wouldn't take that from her as well: her true feelings.
"That part of your heart belongs with Jace. Is that right?" Isabelle slowly replied. She was relieved Clary didn't lie, but it wasn't enough. Now she wanted the truth, all the truth she could get from her. The truth about Jace.
Clary sadly smiled, allowing herself to let go of any pretence, just for this once. There was no harm in that, it wasn't compromising her mission. Nothing could.
"Jace and I can no longer be together. That future was taken from us along with our son."
"But you still love him. Why are doing this to yourself Clary? Why are you doing this to him?"
"Because it's the way it has to be. It's the only way."
"I don't understand." Izzy tried to push it a little more, feeling she was getting somewhere. Was all this treason madness about Jace? Was the Seelie Queen threatening him? "Why does it have to be this way? What's stopping you to get him back?"
"William." Clary whispered, so soft that Isabelle almost didn't hear her. So was it true then? Clary couldn't go back to Jace because their son's death was still between them? Maybe Jace wasn't the reason she was spying for the fairies then. Or maybe Clary was just lying to her again.
"But you do love Jace." She said again. For some reasons she needed Clary to say it, to admit it, to show her another sign there was still hope.
Again, Clary smiled, a smile so sad it almost brought tears in Isabelle's eyes. She never saw a smile so heartbroken, so empty, lifeless, lacking any hope.
"Yes," Clary breathed, suddenly lost in the memory of a night in the City of Glass, many years ago, when Jace really confessed for the first time. "There is no pretending. I love him and I will love him until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love him then."